I don't get it

[Luna_Wolf72]

Hey hon!
I am hopeless.
And thanks to everyone that has replied.

Ok. What is it? What is teh BDSM?

I get out quite a bit and know a few people, you know what I'm saying Luna? I have yet to come across ONE person (in RL) who gets into it. I am curious!

I read things and see pics and hear how some of the BDSM crowd gas on here and I just think, 'For real?' or, 'Holy shit!'

So many questions. Can you help me understand what it is?
I can't be the only one who wonders about this stuff.

Everyone. Please.
Feel free to add what you think BDSM is so that some little lesbian from down under can have some sort of understanding.

My take~YMMV~

I am a Top Daddi dominant type. NOT a Domme nor Dom. What all of that shit means (really) is I enjoy doing to my s/o. I require that my s/o enjoy having things done to her. TOPPING is only about the bedroom. The daddi part isn't (or at least not in my chosen lifestyle).

The toys, the sensation play, the ass smacking, hair pulling, yes daddi, no daddi, please daddi. Bedroom only. It has NO bearing on what I require the rest of the time in my relationship because ultimately what I require the rest of the time is a woman strong enough to stand up to me, to listen to me and to correct me when (on the rare occasion) I am wrong.

When I did live BDSM 24-7, it was as a maso bottom....(submissive never fit me...and I did try, because I loved my Ma'am.) and the most important parts of the relationship were the conversations, the honesty and the connection I felt with her before, during, after. The kinky pain thing was an awesome ripe strawberry on a totally luscious cake.

Even now, as the Top, I still require the trust and honesty. I still NEED those two things to feel complete in or out of the bedroom.

Love you, chickie!


I personally think that REAL BDSM Dom/Sub relationships are EXTREMELY rare in the RL world, I do know two real ones from Lit. - one chick even used to be in a long term lesbian relationship till she met Sir. LOL! ( She's a sweety. I'll intro you if you'd like).

For me in RL the most I can dig is some hair pulling, bit of wrestling and maybe some fingers hooked in the mouth. I used to leave some bruises pm my Suzy every once in a while but that was just from being "over exuberent".

I will say that I would SERIOUSLY hurts somebody if they even dreamed of trying to tie me down or whip my ass.

*dreams of the above ALL the time but would NEVER tell Amy*

I am not a big fan of the dom/sub thing. It's incredibly rare and it's incredibly popular to claim it. Among the hetero crowd, I see boyfriend girlfriend dynamics where dude pouts and stomps, and gal flatters and manages him-- like the fifties all over again.

I am a REAL big fan of giving and getting strong sensations in pursuit of sexual pleasure and mutual ecstasy. And of tying people up and maybe throwing on a blindfold and then making them holler and shout for a while while I come a couple times-- and then making them holler and shout for a while while they come a couple times.

Stuff like that.

And cages, man, I LOVE cages.

And the above...the way Stella described it...is TOPPING...pure and simple.

 

[shy slave]

Thanks SS!

The pain. The pain stuff I see/read about makes me
I mean... Sometimes I feel like hitting girls with sticks because it would make me happy, but then I don't think I'd like to be on the receiving end.

UK eh?
Might have to stop over for some erm.... mushy peas. Or summat.

Come over, you would be always be welcome, I can serve up mushy peas (Yanks are strange people!), if that is what you really want..... lol

Can also find you bottoms to practise on with a big stick.

Not normally my thing to be on the handle end of a stick, but it can be suprisingly theraputic.

 

[girlsmiley]

Come over, you would be always be welcome, I can serve up mushy peas (Yanks are strange people!), if that is what you really want..... lol

Can also find you bottoms to practise on with a big stick.

Not normally my thing to be on the handle end of a stick, but it can be suprisingly theraputic.

Haha! First of all, I'm not a Yank - I'm a True Blue Aussie! I don't think it's strange to know that you poms eat mushy peas lol.
I would never intentionally hit a girl with a stick! I'm not saying I haven't, I am competitive and have played a few games of hockey. *cough poor loser cough*
I have on the occasion bitten (and then slobbered) and grabbed on her a little harder than other times, (it can get pretty rough around here) but it's more like what Amy said about being over exuberant (aka being a total horn dog)

I imagine hearing someone cry "ouch" might make me smile for a second, but the whole crying and redness and blood and all the rest of the stuff... I couldn't do it. I would probably cry.

 

[girlsmiley]

My take~YMMV~

I am a Top Daddi dominant type. NOT a Domme nor Dom. What all of that shit means (really) is I enjoy doing to my s/o. I require that my s/o enjoy having things done to her. TOPPING is only about the bedroom. The daddi part isn't (or at least not in my chosen lifestyle).

The toys, the sensation play, the ass smacking, hair pulling, yes daddi, no daddi, please daddi. Bedroom only. It has NO bearing on what I require the rest of the time in my relationship because ultimately what I require the rest of the time is a woman strong enough to stand up to me, to listen to me and to correct me when (on the rare occasion) I am wrong.

When I did live BDSM 24-7, it was as a maso bottom....(submissive never fit me...and I did try, because I loved my Ma'am.) and the most important parts of the relationship were the conversations, the honesty and the connection I felt with her before, during, after. The kinky pain thing was an awesome ripe strawberry on a totally luscious cake.

Even now, as the Top, I still require the trust and honesty. I still NEED those two things to feel complete in or out of the bedroom.



*dreams of the above ALL the time but would NEVER tell Amy*



And the above...the way Stella described it...is TOPPING...pure and simple.

Thanks Luna. This has all been very interesting.
I especially liked the way sadangel explained how she wasn't trying to be submissive, how she just is.
I'd imagine there are many people out there who are naturals.


Anyone else have anything to add?
Don't be shy!

 

[shy slave]

Haha! First of all, I'm not a Yank - I'm a True Blue Aussie! I don't think it's strange to know that you poms eat mushy peas lol.
I would never intentionally hit a girl with a stick! I'm not saying I haven't, I am competitive and have played a few games of hockey. *cough poor loser cough*
I have on the occasion bitten (and then slobbered) and grabbed on her a little harder than other times, (it can get pretty rough around here) but it's more like what Amy said about being over exuberant (aka being a total horn dog)

I imagine hearing someone cry "ouch" might make me smile for a second, but the whole crying and redness and blood and all the rest of the stuff... I couldn't do it. I would probably cry.

Aussies are also welcome in Brit land lol

I can just imagine the situation of a newbie Dom using a crop/cane/stick on a girl and then crying.

I think it could be a whole new genre

But, not every encounter ends with hitting, redness or blood.
I have been in situations where it is just about control. Standing where they want you to stand, sitting when they want you to sit etc.
Others find humiliation/degradation works for them, although for me, that takes a great deal of trust and knoweldge on both sides.

When someone I respect, like and admire uses their voice to control me, the level of pre-orgasm reaches a point where the rest of the world vanishes. I am completely in that spilt second of time, there is no previous moment, nor one after. Everything is very intense, each aspect hghly illuminated, and yet anything in the background ceases to exist.

There is a book called 'The Quiet Mind' it is teachings related to a more Spiritual life. It explains how we should try and live each second to its fullest extent.
Ds takes me to that point, in a way that meditation has never been able to.

 

[rgraham666]

Hello all. This is angel's Sir. I figured I'd throw my point of view as a dominant into the ring.

What really turns me on about being a dominant is the power and the mind fuck. All the accoutrements; floggers, bondage equipment, toys etc.; are just methods of expressing that power and playing with my sub's mind. I've found I can do very nicely without them but they add a lot of flavour.

As my angel said, I prefer and encourage her to be her own person. Mostly because I prefer a strong woman but also because it adds so much to the feeling of power when she submits. Anyone can dominate a doormat as my lovely wife put it, but dominating a strong woman, having her honestly submit to me, makes the sense of power much stronger. It's delicious.

At the same time I respect her limits and mine. I've long believed that power must be matched with responsibility. I'm responsible for her well being even when she's bound to the bed and I use a variety of implements to cause her pain and pleasure. A good dominant, in my opinion, is careful and restrained.

So, that's what I like about domination. The power and control is an enormous turn on. To know I can use a person just so and have them love every second of it is a sensation like no other.

I hope that helps you understand.

 

[CandiCame]

Hello all. This is angel's Sir. I figured I'd throw my point of view as a dominant into the ring.

What really turns me on about being a dominant is the power and the mind fuck. All the accoutrements; floggers, bondage equipment, toys etc.; are just methods of expressing that power and playing with my sub's mind. I've found I can do very nicely without them but they add a lot of flavour.

As my angel said, I prefer and encourage her to be her own person. Mostly because I prefer a strong woman but also because it adds so much to the feeling of power when she submits. Anyone can dominate a doormat as my lovely wife put it, but dominating a strong woman, having her honestly submit to me, makes the sense of power much stronger. It's delicious.

At the same time I respect her limits and mine. I've long believed that power must be matched with responsibility. I'm responsible for her well being even when she's bound to the bed and I use a variety of implements to cause her pain and pleasure. A good dominant, in my opinion, is careful and restrained.

So, that's what I like about domination. The power and control is an enormous turn on. To know I can use a person just so and have them love every second of it is a sensation like no other.

I hope that helps you understand.

 

[girlsmiley]

Aussies are also welcome in Brit land lol

I can just imagine the situation of a newbie Dom using a crop/cane/stick on a girl and then crying.

I think it could be a whole new genre

But, not every encounter ends with hitting, redness or blood.
I have been in situations where it is just about control. Standing where they want you to stand, sitting when they want you to sit etc.
Others find humiliation/degradation works for them, although for me, that takes a great deal of trust and knoweldge on both sides.

When someone I respect, like and admire uses their voice to control me, the level of pre-orgasm reaches a point where the rest of the world vanishes. I am completely in that spilt second of time, there is no previous moment, nor one after. Everything is very intense, each aspect hghly illuminated, and yet anything in the background ceases to exist.
There is a book called 'The Quiet Mind' it is teachings related to a more Spiritual life. It explains how we should try and live each second to its fullest extent.
Ds takes me to that point, in a way that meditation has never been able to.

A whole new genre, eh? Haha! I'm starting to see the way you tick.
I like!

And wow. It all sounds amazing. And hot!

Thank you for your post. I definitely do try to live life to the fullest.
I'm a doer type, for sure.

Hello all. This is angel's Sir. I figured I'd throw my point of view as a dominant into the ring.

What really turns me on about being a dominant is the power and the mind fuck. All the accoutrements; floggers, bondage equipment, toys etc.; are just methods of expressing that power and playing with my sub's mind. I've found I can do very nicely without them but they add a lot of flavour.

As my angel said, I prefer and encourage her to be her own person. Mostly because I prefer a strong woman but also because it adds so much to the feeling of power when she submits. Anyone can dominate a doormat as my lovely wife put it, but dominating a strong woman, having her honestly submit to me, makes the sense of power much stronger. It's delicious.

At the same time I respect her limits and mine. I've long believed that power must be matched with responsibility. I'm responsible for her well being even when she's bound to the bed and I use a variety of implements to cause her pain and pleasure. A good dominant, in my opinion, is careful and restrained.

So, that's what I like about domination. The power and control is an enormous turn on. To know I can use a person just so and have them love every second of it is a sensation like no other.

I hope that helps you understand.

That's...wow. It sounds like you two are great for one another.
That's awesome mate.
Both you and your wife seem like really nice people.
I have learnt a lot from you guys.

Thank you

 

[Etoile]

Pffft! You've got a big 'ol "L" tattooed on your bum, woman! Don't lie!

*giggles*

This reminds me of when k.d. used to say in concerts: "Yes it's true...I'm a L...L...L...Lawrence Welk fan!!"