I got a sex problem.

[SangreDemonio]

Tried posting this in general not sure where to go, got some pretty interesting responses, none of them kind or helpful. Great community... though one person did say try here. Oh well, here it goes.

Alright, I got a little issue I don't like dealing with. I want advice but not sure where to go. Figure someone here might have had or has the same thing. Lets start with a bit of info. I am healthy, 5'11 215. I work out, I eat right, I stay in shape. My sexual experiences aren't varried. primarly with three diffrent people, though numerous times with each. Each of them experienced their first time with me. So most of the girls I have been with are new to sex, at least with guys. They ARE clean as am I, no VD or anything.

to the point, ehre is my problem. I don't cum during sex. I get hard with proper stimulation, and sometimes without stimulation. I cum during masturbation, and even a few times one of those girls who I had been with a while was able to get me off with a hand job. But actual sex, you know.... penis, vagina, yea that stuff. I have never cummed, i don't stay rock hard but I stay mostly hard during sex. Reciving ehad it is about the same thing.

Now I know it isn't an ejacluatory (spelling?0 problem or masturbation wouldn't work. It could be a stimulation thing, maybe those three girls just didn't know enoguh or maybe my body is use to a certain way to being brought to that point. (mainly being the way I do it heh) When i masturbate i isn't anything freaky or fancy, just a hand.

So, if i havn't made anybody burst out laughing yet, i would appricate some advice. it bothers me only to one degree, the girl I am currently with wants me to cum, she enjoys getting me off. I am happy as hell making her cum, I could enjoy that all night long, but this bothers her, and that bothers me. I could try taking erection stimulants to keep rigid and perhaps that would help stiumlation. but I am still young (only 18) so i can't imagen it being ED. Someone toss me some words here, anything will help. Well.. not anything, but you get the idea. Thanks.
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[cloudy]

there is a huge difference between stimulation from your hand, and PIV sex.

For one thing, you know exactly what feels best to you.

Another thing...you're probably right about the experience level of the girls you've been with. There's a lot of difference between a girl and a woman, and it's not just age.

Maybe try going without masturbating for awhile before you have PIV sex, see if that helps. I don't have much other advice to offer - maybe some of the guys will chime in soon.

 

[SkAoUt]

Yeah, I'm not following you to laugh or anything mean but, uh, the uh, GB is kinda like shark infested waters.

There were a few helpful answers though. Here's one

I got nothing for you but you def posted in the right place now. These folks here are top drawer when it comes to questions of any nature really.

*edit* doh, you could always try a cock ring. Remember not to keep it on too long or you could risk rupturing some blood vessels. However a cock ring probably is not a long term solution.

 

[bareman]

You didn't go into anything in your post as to how frequently you masturbate, but if it is one or more times a day, I suspect that may be part of your problem. Other than that, is your level of excitement as high with a partner as it is when you are alone? If you masturbate to porn frequently, sometimes real life can't measure up to the fantasies.

Just my 2 cents' worth...

 

[SangreDemonio]

Myabe three times a week never more than ocne a day. i don't do it frequently but i do do it to porn. Excitment isn't always that high during alone time, but during sex it is.

 

[thirty]

Just like Cloudy said, there is huge difference between stimulation from your hands and PIV sex.

During masturbation, you hands can hold and stimulate your penis very hard, but vaginas, even a virgin's vagina can not work that hard on yours. I guess maybe there is the reason.

Yes, you may try not to masturbate for a while to see if it helps.

You may also try a hot bath before the sex.

 

[Phirefly]

What about trying to emulate a vagina while masturbating? Do you currently use lube when you do masturbate? Maybe that can just help get you more used to the feeling of something slick as opposed to something solid.

I dated a man for three years who loved hand jobs, but as soon as his cock hit something slick (my pussy, my mouth) it went soft. Strangely enough, he had no problem with anal though. Anyways, all I needed was some patience with him, like adding a hand while giving head and whatnot. It sounds like you have a longer-term situation here, but perhaps just acknowledging that it may take time will help you - if you get frustrated and hung up on it (or if your girlfriend does!) it will just make it harder (haha, no pun intended!)

Good Luck!

 

[SangreDemonio]

no lube, never have used any real lotion or anything, im a bare hand man. I dunno, maybe it is all just a head case, or just my body being use to my hand life phire said....

 

[Andraste]

it's all in the mind, hon.

and the more pressure, from yourself or from your girl, the less likely it is you'll get there.

you could try light bondage & blindfold...sometimes not being able to see/move helps you concentrate on the feeling.

i've been with guys who had orgasm issues {pun} and my not giving a damn won out in the end.

 

[tribbles]

I've met guys who had trouble cumming. Some discovered certain positions worked best.

Look at it as an adventure to discover your body and what feels best.

Do enjoy it all.

Don't get hung up on it.

 

[weazzell]

Like others have suggested, don't masturbate for awhile and see if that helps. If you watch porn when you masturbate you could always see if your chickie is down for maybe throwing a porn on during y'alls alone time. Like Andraste said, the more pressure you or your girl put on this whole thing may cause more problems... Try experimenting different positions/ environments. If she is not very vocal a gal ask if she can try to be. If there is something that really got you hot in a porn maybe try it...
Good luck...

 

[Shayol]

Hey!

One I was with had same problem, and we found those things that seemed to trigger him more then others. Firstly we did focus on what did turn him on with the porn, like clothing, vocal, enviroment, positions etc.
So I ended up in a japanese school uniform, riding him on the livingrom table ignoring what those nextdoor might think of my loud moaning. Slowly we changed thigns and he got off in other ways too.

I think it is important to not focus too much on final, but on what you really like and what turn you on. And when you break the evil circle do not despair if you fall back. Daily mood affect men as much as women, stress at school/work etc.

Blindfold like some said is great way to enchant the feeling of touch.. Play around, look into yourself what you turn on, nothing is silly here.

Have fun

 

[weazzell]

So I ended up in a japanese school uniform, riding him on the livingrom table ignoring what those nextdoor might think of my loud moaning.

Ha ha... nice...

 

[Virgin_Whore_Baby]

I can't believe no one else brought this up: WHAT ABOUT BLOWJOBS?

 

[prototypepariah]

he did said it didn't work....


I sometimes have a hard time finishing off if i've whacked off a couple times to many. Suggestions woud be try to limit the masterbation like it's been mentioned it trains your penis to get used to that sort of stimulation which clearly isn't possible from sex.

most importantly try different positions, especially doggie style as that for me anyway is much more stimulating than missionary or her on top(i still find that very hard to cum from, from most girls. and just go crazy try to have sex at as close to the same speed as you do when you manually stimulate yourself. try to recreate that experience as much as possible. do some other stuff as well try to watch some porn with the ladies once in a while(limit that or you'll become depended on that as well) try increasing your foreplay don't just strip and try to fuck. as hard as it is to make out and fondle try building yourself up more.


In the end I would say it's all on you to make it better. either that or the government put a hit out on your sexual pleasure!

 

[moonoversoho]

the best thing to do would be to experiment. also, try not to worry! it isn't as if you've never cum before!

try masturbating in front of your girlfriend. she'll pick up on what techniques get you off, and can try and imitate them. how about a blow job?

maybe play around with some different fetishes. a bit of light bondage, spanking, dressing up etc could be exactly what you need.

don't go messing about with any pills or anything. just try and relax, have fun...good luck - you'll get there!

 

[BlueSugar]

I echo the calls for masturbate with lube, try one of those masturbation jelly sleeves - my boyfriend loves his. It isn't the same ... but it is something quite different than using your hand.
Change up sensations, and your penis will get used to it.

If you're using condoms (I wont judge if you aren't...) and I trust that you are, as smart careful people do who don't want to get pregnant .... put a few drops of lube in the condom tip before rolling it on -- it will change your entire condom experience. I promise.


I also echo the call for do something different, and don't concentrate on coming... then you'll freeze up and it wont happen. Just do things that turn you on
Also, theres nothing wrong with having sex for less then one or two hours - maybe your brain is concerned with lasting long enough and you can't focus on just having fun.

don't forget to laugh though... they dont call it bumping uglys for nothing... have a sense of humor, and you'd be surprise what you can do in the bedroom!

Try talking dirty, maybe it'll help your brain focus on something else. Or that blindfold idea.

 

[midwestscribe]

but I am still young (only 18) so i can't imagen it being ED.

Well, you've got that right. You say you can stay hard for a long enough time to satisfy your g/f. There sure are a lot of guys my age who'd love to be able to do that with pills, etc. Just to be safe, though, do you stay hard for really long periods of time (three or four hours)? If so, you might want to see a physician. You could have priapism (overextended erection) and that could cause you problems later on. See wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Priapism

I'm no doctor but here's what I suspect:

You've been masturbating for a few years, right? And, you say previous g/fs have had to jack you off to get you to cum, right?

So, I'm guessing those girls and you have had to put considerable pressure on your shaft to get you off. And, maybe a rather fast and furious stroke is required, as well.

However, you're not likely to find a vagina capable of putting the same pressure on your penis as you or a girl can with a hand. And, if you did, it might wind up being less than pleasurable.

So, here's something for you to try. And, don't hesitate to enlist your g/f's assistance as she'll probably enjoy helping you as part of your sexual fun and games.

It's simple: You'll use masturbation as the solution. The difference, though, is you'll change the way you and your g/f do it. Start gradually and train your penis to respond to less pressure and, if appropriate, less stroke length and speed.

If you find you're slowing down and easing off and just can't cum, vary the technique a bit more: put a good dose of hand lotion in your palm, then rub the lotion along your shaft but keep some in your palm. Work your way up to your helmet, then cup it with your palm and stroke and knead only the helmet. While you're doing so, have your g/f use her fingernails to stimulate your balls and the base of your shaft. Once you've orgasmed a few times in that manner, have your g/f back off using her nails. You don't want to become addicted to her nails since that might not be convenient during intercourse.

All us guys have nerve receptors from the base all the way up to the head. But, they return sensations of different qualities. So, if you can train the nerves in your helmet to take over more, you won't need the strong pressure and friction it sounds like you need now.

If the problem persists, you might want to consider talking to your primary care doctor or a urologist.

Finally, it would help if you stop fretting and worrying. Our brains can be our own worst enemies sometimes. As Blue Sugar pointed out, concentrating on cumming is not good at all. Just lay back and enjoy what you and your g/f are doing. And, don't be afraid to experiment - Blue Sugar sure made some good suggestions along those lines.

 

[midwestscribe]

I can't believe no one else brought this up: WHAT ABOUT BLOWJOBS?

That's easy. He said blow jobs don't get him off.

His problem probably stems from having learned to cum with really strong pressure and fast, long strokes with his or a girl's hand. And, now, he can't get off without that intense pressure - not really all that rare a situation.

Most people's blow jobs just can't duplicate that sort of hand job. And, no guy should expect that of his partner, either.

I posted some suggested "therapies" he can use, if he wants. (See below.) I'm certainly no doctor or registered therapist. But, with about 20 years of swinging behind me and having seriously read about sex since Masters and Johnson's first book was published, I've learned a few things and don't mind passing them along. Of course, free advice is only worth as much as one pays for it.