I need some female advice!! I want to get a brilliant but reserved girl

[TBOZ]

Easy With The Hate Speech!!!

Sorry so many of you got so upset about this post!

I'm not as positive as you all are that people have 100% of control over who they like. Who hasn't been attracted to someone aside from their significant other?

Is it really that black & white? That if you are in one relationship you have to slam all others shut forever (even outside of marraige...)? I agree that I can't have both in any meaningful way, but geeeeze ya'll!

 

[Goey]

"Window shopping" and "Trying something on" are 2 different things...

 

[LadyVer]

I think the issue is communication. Do you have the abs of steel or cojones to communicate to your GF that you are interested in other women and that you're not satisfied with the relationship you have with her?

Again, you asked for opinions. I don't think too many care what you do. It's your life. But, you asked and I may be wrong, but it seemed like from what you've said that you're just going to coast along and see how things go instead of communicating directly both to your GF and the other woman.

You asked for female advice and you got it, but it appears you didn't like ...

 

[lazyhobo]

Wow... that's really low. So you're going to keep your current G.F. hanging while you see if you can get something "better"? There's a reason your prospective lady friend would think you're scum if you try to get together with her while you're in a relationship. It's because guys who do that ARE scum. Both your prospective lady friend and your g.f. deserve a heck of a lot better than half your attention, or really ANY of your attention if you're really a guy that would do that.

Guys like you are what give men a bad name.

While a good point as it sounds, your point requires one thing to actually have value, That the girls he is involved with, his GF and prospect are similar to most of you, in which you would care, whereas not all people do.

Towards the topic, I'd just say "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" Just because you had a Single good time doesnt mean that they will continue, for all you know, its nice and fun because its someone different. I would seriously consider how much you actually like the girl you're going out with, and how much you enjoy the time you spend. And compare That to the new girl, Not her body.

 

[bailadora]

Who hasn't been attracted to someone aside from their significant other?

We're human, so yeah, attraction to others doesn't die just because you're in a committed relationship. But...what you do with that attraction is something else entirely. Those with integrity will either do what they can to keep it from interfering with their commitment to their SO or, if they find the attraction to the other is too compelling, they'll at least be upfront and honest about it with their SO and allow him or her to make an informed choice as to whether or not he or she wants to be the fall back person.

Is it really that black & white? That if you are in one relationship you have to slam all others shut forever (even outside of marriage...)?

Depends. What did you and your partner agree to? If you agreed upon sexual/emotional exclusivity and you're finding it no longer fits you, you owe her the chance to either get out entirely or renegotiate the agreement.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Sorry so many of you got so upset about this post!

Tip: "sorry you got upset" is generally not an effective way to cool things down. http://www.mamasworldview.com/2012/06/saying-im-sorry.html

I'm not as positive as you all are that people have 100% of control over who they like. Who hasn't been attracted to someone aside from their significant other?

Me? I have, lots of times. But I have control over what I DO about it. I'd like money to pay off my mortgage, too, but that doesn't compel me to go steal anybody else's.

Is it really that black & white? That if you are in one relationship you have to slam all others shut forever (even outside of marraige...)?

I don't think anybody here said that. Hell, I've been in a nonmonogamous relationship for over ten years now, but I've never had to lie to anybody about it or go sneaking around behind their back (and I've turned down offers when they would've involved cheating). If you're finding the existing relationship isn't working for you, by all means end it. But stringing her out until you know whether you can trade her up for the new model is low. If you don't value her, don't pretend that you do; you're just wasting your time and setting her up for a hurtful surprise.

OTOH, if New Girl finds out what you're up to, you might be the one who gets the painful surprise.

 

[LadyVer]

Tip: "sorry you got upset" is generally not an effective way to cool things down. http://www.mamasworldview.com/2012/06/saying-im-sorry.html



Me? I have, lots of times. But I have control over what I DO about it. I'd like money to pay off my mortgage, too, but that doesn't compel me to go steal anybody else's.



I don't think anybody here said that. Hell, I've been in a nonmonogamous relationship for over ten years now, but I've never had to lie to anybody about it or go sneaking around behind their back (and I've turned down offers when they would've involved cheating). If you're finding the existing relationship isn't working for you, by all means end it. But stringing her out until you know whether you can trade her up for the new model is low. If you don't value her, don't pretend that you do; you're just wasting your time and setting her up for a hurtful surprise.

OTOH, if New Girl finds out what you're up to, you might be the one who gets the painful
surprise.

Well said. Nice resource link for apologies.

 

[Eilan]

Gotta love how the OP asks for "brutal honesty" and then gets all butthurt when he doesn't get the validation he's looking for.

PS: "Hate speech" does not mean what you think it means.

 

[Goldeniangel]

Sure, I am constantly attracted to other men. However, the second I realize I'm attracted to them, I make sure to put the brakes on any flirting I'm doing with them and make sure not to do anything that passes acquaintance boundaries. Why? Because I'm faithful. Being attracted to someone and enjoying their company does not mean that it's okay to try and get with them while you're still in a relationship. Period.

 

[LaSalia]

Don't Cheat

Your bombshell is likely to respect you less if you make a move while still attached to the other girl. If you really think you'll strike out, consider trying to break it off gently with the current gf. She may take you back if you don't actually sleep around. You're going to have some major ass kissing to do to earn her back though.

As for the other girl, if she's flirting with you knowing you have a girl friend, she may think you're "safe" to flirt with 'cause you're committed, thinking it's just in fun, and not serious. You should let her know when you break up with your gf to see what her reaction is before making any moves. Don't surprise her with, BY THE WAY! She might feel guilty after you do the deed and letting her know after might piss her off, since she felt guilty for no reason.

Unless of course that turns her on... A little bit of dialogue between the two of you might let you know which way to play it.

JUST DON'T CHEAT! Or you're a looser, seriously!

 

[LaSalia]

So Not True

If you're looking then you're not happy with your current situation. Man up and do what's right by your current GF. Spend your time and energy making her happy. Or tell her it's not working and take your chances elsewhere.

I could almost guarantee if you have this fling your current GF will find out. Hopefully it won't be by going to the doctor and finding out you have given her something. Although it would serve you right.

Looking doesn't constitute unsatisfied. As already said, "The grass is always greener," and "Window shopping is not the same as trying something on" (that was an awesome quote btw Goey!). Most people are always drawn towards the forbidden.

Personally, the idea of cheating makes me feel a little ill... I wouldn't feel as bad about my husband cheating on me as I would about cheating on him. But I'm weird like that.

 

[LaSalia]

Oh, These Ladies Took It Easy On You!

Sorry so many of you got so upset about this post!

I'm not as positive as you all are that people have 100% of control over who they like. Who hasn't been attracted to someone aside from their significant other?

Is it really that black & white? That if you are in one relationship you have to slam all others shut forever (even outside of marraige...)? I agree that I can't have both in any meaningful way, but geeeeze ya'll!

This was not hate speech, my friend. Here's a real example:

WTF?????? You're such a loser! Any guy who fucks around on his girlfriend simply doesn't have the balls to break it off. You don't deserve a girlfriend. Guys like you are pariah, sulking around bars hoping to get laid and crushing the dreams of women everywhere who expect some human decency out of their lovers. Someone needs to brand "manwhore" on your forehead and save the rest of woman kind from your lying ass. When the "bombshell" finds out who you really are, you'll be the one tossed in the gutter. Justice, thank god!

See the difference? Everyone gave you honest answers, instead of attacking your motivations and manhood, trying to genuinely help you out. Of course we expressed some concern that you would be messing things up for both yourself, your current gf, and the other girl. It's all part of the love triangle package!

If you'd said you loved your gf and just felt attracted to the other girl, the other guy's threesome idea wouldn't be too bad. But the fact that the attraction is based in part on her personality means you would be cheating emotionally too, which is BAD BAD BAD. It won't end well.

Hopefully your update will show that you took everyone's advice and either ditched the idea of the other girl totally or broke up with your gf before trying anything. That's what a good man does and what most girls expect. I have faith since you asked for advice you want to do the right thing instead of following your baser urges.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I don't think anyone really gives a donkey's dick what you do. But you asked for the opinions of females. About you cheating. On another female. What did you expect? That they'd say it was totally awesome you wanted to double dip? You can't be that daft.

I don't even think that you see what the beef is that the ladies have with you. It's not because you've fallen for someone else. But it's that you're seeing where it goes and deciding what to do from there. That's the douchebaggery about which they are pissed, mate.

This situation should do one of two things:

1. Make you realize that things with your current girl aren't perfect and that you should maybe consider the relationship's value. Don't string her along. Cut her loose.

2. You should realize that yeah, you'll be attracted to others. But that doesn't mean that you have to have sex with them. I want to have sex with lots of girls. But I don't. When you're in a relationship you give up certain "rights".

 

[TBOZ]

Thanks LaSalia & GoldenAngel

This was not hate speech, my friend. Here's a real example:

WTF?????? You're such a loser! Any guy who fucks around on his girlfriend simply doesn't have the balls to break it off. You don't deserve a girlfriend. Guys like you are pariah, sulking around bars hoping to get laid and crushing the dreams of women everywhere who expect some human decency out of their lovers. Someone needs to brand "manwhore" on your forehead and save the rest of woman kind from your lying ass. When the "bombshell" finds out who you really are, you'll be the one tossed in the gutter. Justice, thank god!

See the difference? Everyone gave you honest answers, instead of attacking your motivations and manhood, trying to genuinely help you out. Of course we expressed some concern that you would be messing things up for both yourself, your current gf, and the other girl. It's all part of the love triangle package!

If you'd said you loved your gf and just felt attracted to the other girl, the other guy's threesome idea wouldn't be too bad. But the fact that the attraction is based in part on her personality means you would be cheating emotionally too, which is BAD BAD BAD. It won't end well.

Hopefully your update will show that you took everyone's advice and either ditched the idea of the other girl totally or broke up with your gf before trying anything. That's what a good man does and what most girls expect. I have faith since you asked for advice you want to do the right thing instead of following your baser urges.

Thanks for all the advice. After reflecting on your posts I realized a few things (mostly that just because I can do something doesn't mean I have to). I originally posed with the idea of getting a different girl, but the advice has really reinforced the idea that a relationship is an awesome thing not to be taken lightly.

First - I talked to the existing girlfriend and decided to talk on a deeper level which has been absent for a long-while. I certainly didn't tell her I was getting advice on Lit - but did open up as to what I liked and didn't like instead of just leaving her in the cold on things.

Second - I've cut things off with the new girl. I told her she was hot and smart - but had terrible timing - so we are to remain buds and that's it. I agree with the majority of the posts..in that..If I wanted to bail on a girl that adores me I should be straight up about it, and things wouldn't work w/ girl #2 if I weren't legit from the start anyway. I appreciate it!

 

[LadyVer]

@TBOZ You're a hot, real man. Thanks for the status update.

 

[Goldeniangel]

Glad to hear you've stepped away from the dark side =) I don't think you'll regret it.

 

[PhilGarlic]

hope you

hope you have learned a lesson, don't ask for girl advice, they look after girls!!!

What you could be doing is banging two chicks, maybe at the same time. When No 2 moves away a possible out of town fuck buddy, but what have you got, serious in depth chats with No 1 girl.

Next time ask for advice from the guys.

good luck mate.

 

[Thefamiliar]

Lol!

What he would have gotten had he kept them both, is one looong dryspell and a harsh lesson about how not to treat women.

I have never seen that scenario work out well in the end for a guy.

I would have advised the same as the others, but not for the sake of the women involved. Contrary to popular belief men have feelings too...and yes I have given my daughter the exact same advice in regards to two guys..its about being able to look yourself in the mirror and like what you see.

The one that gets cheated on rarely ever forgives and never forgets.