I Told a Friend

[CJontherocks]

For the first time in my entire life I told a friend, face-to-face, I am bisexual. This is a huge step for me. A month ago, I denied my sexuality, thinking just because I had sex with men (yes, plural) in the past, it was only sex and not necessarily bisexuality. The truth is, I liked it a lot and I'd do it again. In fact, what I had with men previously wasn't enough... just monkey sex, I mean... and I'd like a little more intimacy and touching and... well, you know.

And tonight, I told a woman who has been my friend for years that I am bisexual. I feel really great about that. One less person to hide from, to feel dishonest with. One more person with whom I can totally be myself.

I don't really expect any response... I am trying to overcome my need for acceptance from others, after all. And I'm not all proud of myself and jumping for joy thinking this is a true "coming out" story because the fact is, I'm still not ready to tell a whole lot of people. For now, I'm coming out one person at a time.

I just needed to express this. Such a great feeling!

 

[sudoenim]

"That's one small step for man..."

Good for you, friend. It must feel great. The only acceptance you need is your own.

 

[Volz]

That's awesome!

I'm still trying to overcome this myself. My husband knows I'm bisexual, and I once told a friend in high school (I think she thought I was joking!) but I'm really not sure that I can tell anyone else right now.

My sister and I are very close and I've come close to telling her. I've also dropped subtle(?) hints, like saying other females are hot.


Anyway, maybe someday I'll work up the courage to it.


And congratulations! It's a big, scary thing and it must feel awesome to be able to tell a friend and be honest with them.

 

[Regis2001]

Yo, CJ!

Good for you, mate. It does feel good, doesn't it? I remember when I told my parents; I was nervous beforehand, but afterwards it felt so much better. Plus they ended up being extra-specially (but subtly) supportive. When my mother taped 'The Birdcage' off the television for me, I could have hugged her. It's the little gestures, letting you know it's alright, that always got me.

Sorry, rambling on and hijacking someone else's thread, as usual. But it is usually best to take it one person at a time, and not make any really big gestures. Make big gestures, and sometime people expect you to live up to them. And that's never good.

 

[CJontherocks]

Thanks to you all for the kind words. Yes, I'm on top of the world today.

Now... Mom, on the other hand... something different entirely. The thing is, I know she would be entirely supportive. So would my sisters. So why am I afraid to tell them? Should they know?

 

[Regis2001]

*Shrugs.* No idea why anyone should be afraid, but I know I was bloody terrified of telling my family. But as I said, they were and are great.

Trust me, dude, just get it over and done with. You think it feels good after having told one close friend? Imagine that times 100 after telling your parents. It's a great feeling.

 

[Queersetti]

Thanks to you all for the kind words. Yes, I'm on top of the world today.

Now... Mom, on the other hand... something different entirely. The thing is, I know she would be entirely supportive. So would my sisters. So why am I afraid to tell them? Should they know?

I don't believe there is any sort of "one size fits all" answer. If you feel you should tell them, tell them.

Perhaps your reluctance has less to do with concern over their reaction than with your own self image. You might lose a friend by coming out to them, and that would be regrettable, but after all, friends come and go. Telling family is a much greater step, as it is more irrevocable. You can't unring that bell. Once you have told them, you have committed yourself to a self identification that will be with you the rest of your life.

 

[CJontherocks]

Perhaps your reluctance has less to do with concern over their reaction than with your own self image. ... Once you have told them, you have committed yourself to a self identification that will be with you the rest of your life.

Wow. That struck a nerve, I believe. I'll have to turn that one over in my mind for a while. Thank you, friend.

 

[aarons_goddess2003]

He lost me at perhaps ...damn what did he say?

 

[GreenEyeBiChick]

I think that's great, Cj... I wish I had the balls to do that too! Good for you.

 

[Queersetti]

Wow. That struck a nerve, I believe. I'll have to turn that one over in my mind for a while. Thank you, friend.

I'm glad you found my advice helpful. Best of luck to you.

 

[Queersetti]

He lost me at perhaps ...damn what did he say?

Bottom line: You can tell a friend you are bi, and if you get cold feet later, you can avoid that person. But once you tell your family, you are out for good, come hell or high water.

 

[CJontherocks]

BiChick: Sweetie, if you had balls you wouldn't be so jacked up about digging girls, now would you? But seriously, I completely trust the girl I told this truth to. So there was, in my mind, little risk. It didn't hurt that, although we've never discussed it at length, I've known she's gay for several years. So honestly, it didn't take a lot of balls. Just the release of admitting my sexuality out loud to another soul was exhilarating. I was so nervous... she commented several times that I was fidgeting and acting nervous.

Queersetti: Yeah, you and Etoile both have a way of reaching into the meatgrinder and pulling out the purity of truth. I can see why you two collaborate so well on this forum. I don't doubt my sexuality, though. I'm sure I am bisexual. But you're right about the irrevocability issue. Until I make the ultimate commitment, I'll always be able to push the truth down and deny again. I can log off this site, avoid any further discussion with the friends I've told, et cetera. But just because the possibility is there doesn't mean I can't be true to my sexuality without bothering the poor old woman with it. The commitment to truth comes from within me. This is the way I'm going to approach it for now. And if I start to get cold feet, I may look for strength from my mother. Thanks again for stimulating me to think that through. (Heh heh... he said... stimulating.) And thanks for being a beacon, brother.

 

[aarons_goddess2003]

Bottom line: You can tell a friend you are bi, and if you get cold feet later, you can avoid that person. But once you tell your family, you are out for good, come hell or high water.

*phew* thanks ...I'm an airhead with dark hair

 

[chromefreak]

And tonight, I told a woman who has been my friend for years that I am bisexual. I feel really great about that. One less person to hide from, to feel dishonest with. One more person with whom I can totally be myself.

I don't really expect any response... I am trying to overcome my need for acceptance from others, after all. And I'm not all proud of myself and jumping for joy thinking this is a true "coming out" story because the fact is, I'm still not ready to tell a whole lot of people. For now, I'm coming out one person at a time.

I just needed to express this. Such a great feeling!

A few months ago I finally started expressing my bi fantasies to amy girlfriend (Been together 2 years, been great friends for 5)

Felt great to open up and share with her, and I was surprised that she A) didn't freak out and B) told me to keep going, keep talking to her about 'em.

Of course, she wasn't shocked by it after all, she DOES see my underwear collection every day and I do like having my butt played with just as much as I like playing with hers.

 

[jayded]

parents

hmmm parents are a tough one. My dad didnt give me the chance to come out to him he kinda tricked me into outing myself. We were sitting in the kitchen talking about my mom walking out and then out of nowhere he's just like you're bi, right? Not even thinking i was like "YA ----oh shit! I didnt mean to say that " but he said that him and my mom knew for awhile so it was nothing new.... but i still havent had the guts to talk to my mom about it. I guess my advice is just drop SUBTLE hints and see maybe if they'll figure it out for themselves.

 

[CJontherocks]

That's actually kinda funny, Jayded. When I was a teenager, I was sure I had my Mom snowed. I got caught at all the little things... swearing at my sister, playing with firecrackers, the little tiny hole in the wall when I was skateboarding in the house. But I was sure I had her hoodwinked on the big stuff.

Then one night, I was helping her make dinner, and she turned to me and said, "So, when's the last time you smoked a joint?" All I could say was "duuuuuuuhhhhh... ummmmm... it's been a while."

So I wouldn't be surprised at all if she actually knows or at least suspects. While I was contemplating my recent split with my wife, I sought her counsel a lot. And one thing she kept telling me was that no matter what I do or who I am, she'll be there to support me. Hmmmmm...

 

[aarons_goddess2003]

That's actually kinda funny, Jayded. When I was a teenager, I was sure I had my Mom snowed. I got caught at all the little things... swearing at my sister, playing with firecrackers, the little tiny hole in the wall when I was skateboarding in the house. But I was sure I had her hoodwinked on the big stuff.

Then one night, I was helping her make dinner, and she turned to me and said, "So, when's the last time you smoked a joint?" All I could say was "duuuuuuuhhhhh... ummmmm... it's been a while."

So I wouldn't be surprised at all if she actually knows or at least suspects. While I was contemplating my recent split with my wife, I sought her counsel a lot. And one thing she kept telling me was that no matter what I do or who I am, she'll be there to support me. Hmmmmm...

Damn my parents know now that I have smoked weed in the past, but they were clueless when I would smoke the stuff in the house, in my bedroom! I mean my room reaked of the stuff and no word at all...man either they wouldnt say nothin or they were nieve ....

but getting back to the matter here...*ahem*
I really think you should tell your mom...she will love you no matter what, you are her son and will always be her son...just think of the load it will lift off of your chest? You will feel better and wont feel like you have to hide anything from her.

 

[ravenmx]

Congratulations, even telling a friend your bi is a big step. It makes us happy to know that people like us for who we are and not because we fit the sterotype of our gender or society.

As for telling your mom and sisters. If you feel comfortable then tell them, if not it won't hurt to wait. Family is always the scariest even though they love us unconditionaly.

On the other hand most family's are not going to care who you sleep with as long as you are happy.

I remember when I told my grandmother, she kind of grasped it and then spent 5 years asking me when I was going to find a good man and settle down. Finally she just gave up and and realized that I wasn't going to settle down with a man and now everytime I call the first things she asks is how my girlfriend is.

 

["angel" eve]

Some people will be accepting, some will come on to you and try to tell you about their brief and often insincere bisexual activities, some will tell you you're a horrible person, some won't say anything, some will admit they knew all along to try to hide their shock, others will say they suspected it and let you say whatever you need to say in your own time. some will hear your words, and never say anything about it at all - ever. some will accept you because they've always loved you - even though they find your interest in the same sex discusting. some will tell you to go to hell and there's no repairing it.

That last case, is pretty rare. Best of luck.

 

[CJontherocks]

Some people will be accepting, some will come on to you and try to tell you about their brief and often insincere bisexual activities, some will tell you you're a horrible person, some won't say anything, some will admit they knew all along to try to hide their shock, others will say they suspected it and let you say whatever you need to say in your own time. some will hear your words, and never say anything about it at all - ever. some will accept you because they've always loved you - even though they find your interest in the same sex discusting. some will tell you to go to hell and there's no repairing it.

That last case, is pretty rare. Best of luck.

Yeah, sounds like the garden variety of opinions and personalities of people in general... on any topic from politics to religion to sexuality to what's your favorite ice cream. I'm not worried. I'll get there. Thanks for your insight and good wishes.

And now that I've doubled my potential for partners... what's two times zero again?

 

[Ebola]

Congratulations on the first step hun! I know for certain it's a doozy.
Parents can be very very perceptive. My dad always knew things I thought he had no clue about. While I've never told him "Hey Dad, I'm bi" I think he knows, he just doesn't want to admit it, or perhaps is waiting for me to just say something. Either way, I don't hide how I act, and we get along fine.
Heck...I was raised like the son he never had. So my mannuerisms kinda point that out anyways. Now my stepmom, she knows, and she's okay with it.
But whatever their knowledge and views... I know my parents love me, and want me to be happy most of all.

Best wishes and just do what feels right, when it feels right *hugs*

 

[RadicalFlower]

For the first time in my entire life I told a friend, face-to-face, I am bisexual. This is a huge step for me. A month ago, I denied my sexuality, thinking just because I had sex with men (yes, plural) in the past, it was only sex and not necessarily bisexuality. The truth is, I liked it a lot and I'd do it again. In fact, what I had with men previously wasn't enough... just monkey sex, I mean... and I'd like a little more intimacy and touching and... well, you know.

And tonight, I told a woman who has been my friend for years that I am bisexual. I feel really great about that. One less person to hide from, to feel dishonest with. One more person with whom I can totally be myself.

I don't really expect any response... I am trying to overcome my need for acceptance from others, after all. And I'm not all proud of myself and jumping for joy thinking this is a true "coming out" story because the fact is, I'm still not ready to tell a whole lot of people. For now, I'm coming out one person at a time.

I just needed to express this. Such a great feeling!

Good for you I wish you the best and all
...i am married and my husband know i have had these feeling and i am glad i told him..but none of my friends know ...

 

[aarons_goddess2003]

Just wanted to pop in and say hi to everyone and hoping that CJ is doin well

 

[CJontherocks]

Just wanted to pop in and say hi to everyone and hoping that CJ is doin well

CJ's doing great... had a blast this weekend. Hope you all did too.