If you are lurking

[Etoile]

been lurking on this board quite a bit, just getting my feet wet in the whole bdsm thing. Haven't figured out where i fit in yet.

Welcome to the boards and to BDSM. Feel free to ask questions, we're always happy to help!

 

[Etoile]

I still enjoy noting that I registered long before most of you! I guess it just looks like I've been lurking, but really I was away for a while...sort of forgot, I guess. Glad to be back.

 

[morninggirl5]

I lurk because i know it is quite possible that my words will be twisted and used against me later.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I lurk because i know it is quite possible that my words will be twisted and used against me later.

And is that a bad thing? Doesn't it depend on who is going the twisting and using?

 

[serijules]

I've been here awhile, but don't have a lot of posts. I try to make the posts I DO make thoughtful and worth reading, so unless I have something I think is productive to share, I usually don't comment much.

I go through posting spurts, really. I'll post a lot for a few days, then lose interest. I stopped posting and reading for quite awhile because I got discouraged...it is hard to be a newbie in a place because what you say isn't always recognized as often as someone who is well-known. I'm not complaining mind you, I am NOT a newbie on many boards and I see the same cycle and habits, including myself. Just the way things are...but it is still discouraging sometimes, you go through stages of "why do I bother?" and whatnot. Sometimes I get over it and just post anyhow, sometimes I don't. Depends on my mood LOL.

For awhile this place was hugely cliquish...mostly when I first joined. It has gotten a lot better, and that is encouraging. I don't think I'll ever really feel a part of things though...I've only found one group in my life that I really felt completely comfortable in.

 

[Kain]

I lurk because I have no real life experience with BDSM. The idea of it interests and excites me tremendously. However being single I have no way to experiement or indulge. So I read and store alot of what gets posted here, hoping to put it to use later.

 

[FungiUg]

I lurk because I have no real life experience with BDSM. The idea of it interests and excites me tremendously. However being single I have no way to experiement or indulge. So I read and store alot of what gets posted here, hoping to put it to use later.

Well, we will all hope along with ya! I think it's one of those things that when you finally get to try it, the feeling is incredibly liberating. Like you can finally really be yourself!

Don't feel afraid at all of asking questions.

 

[Kain]

Well, we will all hope along with ya! I think it's one of those things that when you finally get to try it, the feeling is incredibly liberating. Like you can finally really be yourself!

Don't feel afraid at all of asking questions.

I have alot of questions, just not sure how to ask. It's nice to know though, that there are people who are experienced I can talk to.

 

[FungiUg]

I have alot of questions, just not sure how to ask. It's nice to know though, that there are people who are experienced I can talk to.

How to ask:

1. Start a thread named "general questions", and post some of them. Start a discussion. Get different viewpoints.

2. Pick someone you know, and whose opinion you think looks sensible, and ask them if you can send them some questions. PM is a good way. Or e-mail or IM.

3. Lurk in the board, and hope someone else asks your questions for you, then read the results. While this is the common way of doing it, it can take a long time, and your questions may never get asked.

 

[AnonymousSlave]

I go through posting spurts, really. I'll post a lot for a few days, then lose interest. I stopped posting and reading for quite awhile because I got discouraged...it is hard to be a newbie in a place because what you say isn't always recognized as often as someone who is well-known. I'm not complaining mind you, I am NOT a newbie on many boards and I see the same cycle and habits, including myself. Just the way things are...but it is still discouraging sometimes, you go through stages of "why do I bother?" and whatnot. Sometimes I get over it and just post anyhow, sometimes I don't. Depends on my mood LOL.

serijules, don't get discouraged. Stand up for what you believe in, say what you have to say. Everyone has opinions and everyone has choices. If others choose not to reply to your post, then maybe just maybe, shame on them for not acknowledging your opinion.
I post every now and then and I'm not always right. But I'm not here to always be right.
Then again... lol.. I am anonymous.

 

[curious2c]

I lurk here to learn. I have been learning many things as of late and not just BDSM. I feel that sometimes I talk too soon and say...well...what end up being naive or blind stupid things to say.

I need to learn more before I feel I can...converse the subjects at hand.

Besides...lurking is not all a bad thing.

 

[Shadowsdream]

I lurk far more than I post...like the regular lurkers I post when I feel I can add value or have a question/comment that I am curious to see responses to.
I believe that lurking is a good thing as it gives one time to understand the complexities of the forum and to get an honest feel for the people involved.

 

[MissTaken]

Thank you , everyone!

I was away for the weekend and am glad to see this thread appears to have remained active.

I realize now, that generally, I do more lurking than posting. Sometimes, I read and learn, but don't post...like so many of you, I may not feel I have anything to add to the discussion.

I think that for all of you who feel your posts are ignored, that too, is a feeling I am familiar with. Perhaps not on this forum, but on others, my calm, common sensical posting generally does not draw a response. I have reconciled this by thinking that for every hundred views to a thread, probably at least 50 of them read my post.

I think to resolve some of those unsettled feelings on the part of some of the posters, again, I encourage you all to drop onto a thread to post, " I agree.", " Good post," or something like that. Anything you say to let those who post that they are appreciated is a good thing. If posting isn't comfortable for you, feel free to write the poster a private message. These are things, I, too, need to do more of.

As for the ugly stuff...cliques, flame wars and the like:
I don't like that stuff either. While this forum has circles of friends, there is no one group that is controlling the interraction as I have noticed happens elsewhere. To that end, that is good stuff. However, like that diner scenario, there are small tables ...some with lively, raucous conversation, others who are groups that sit quietly and talk. By and large, I dont' feel there are many, if any posters who aren't open to making new friends and hearing from new people. If you aren't comfortable breaking into what appears to be a group, pm whomever interestes you with their writing. Private messages are always welcome!

Flame wars and bullying: Some dont' agree with me, but the site is based on free speech. As such, anything goes. You have an ignore option or can simply chose not to engage in such wars. Others enjoy that sort of "altercation." Personally, the most recent "flame" war involved me. While it is understood that if you start a thread and would like it removed, I can do that for you, I chose not to do so in this situation as I felt it would be irresponsible as a moderator. I do apologize for subjecting you to what happened, but for me, would not make a different decision in the future.

So, chose what you enjoy and leave the rest for someone else

 

[Bachlum Chaam]

Good post Miss T I liked the last one very much

 

[Etoile]

I lurk because i know it is quite possible that my words will be twisted and used against me later.

By whom? (Can ten posts/day over two years be considered lurking?)

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Thank you , everyone!

Flame wars and bullying: Some dont' agree with me, but the site is based on free speech. As such, anything goes. You have an ignore option or can simply chose not to engage in such wars. Others enjoy that sort of "altercation." Personally, the most recent "flame" war involved me. While it is understood that if you start a thread and would like it removed, I can do that for you, I chose not to do so in this situation as I felt it would be irresponsible as a moderator. I do apologize for subjecting you to what happened, but for me, would not make a different decision in the future.


Good post, MissT.

I always say this if you can't take the heat, then stay out of the kitchen.

Since there is a big chance that most folks here will never meet, it should not be soul withering to have someone disagree with you.

Personal attacks are a bore, but I always say consider the source. It is really easy to pick fights when hiding behind the computer.

Post when you can, and take everything with a grain of salt. That is what I do. Many of us here live what we talk about to the best of our ability. If others disagree fine, they can.

But one thing is true, disagreement from a stranger cannot make one iota of difference in your personal life, unless you choose to let it do so.

 

[Richard49]

Re: Thank you , everyone!

I was away for the weekend and am glad to see this thread appears to have remained active.


Flame wars and bullying: Some dont' agree with me, but the site is based on free speech. As such, anything goes. You have an ignore option or can simply chose not to engage in such wars. Others enjoy that sort of "altercation." Personally, the most recent "flame" war involved me. While it is understood that if you start a thread and would like it removed, I can do that for you, I chose not to do so in this situation as I felt it would be irresponsible as a moderator. I do apologize for subjecting you to what happened, but for me, would not make a different decision in the future.

So, chose what you enjoy and leave the rest for someone else

I am glad to see that so much honest has come forth
without it being denied or attacked

Free speech is only promised in the consitutation as something the government can not interfer with it ... it is not promised anywhere else by or for anyone else ......

IMHO just as I do not have the right to yell fire in a crowded building so to I don ot have a right to be a bully here online or in real life

IMHO to many people leave good manners and ethic behind when they get online ....

We can hurt someone here as easly as we can hurt them with words in real life

 

[MissTaken]

Thank you, EB and Richard.

This website also promises free speech as defined by the webmasters and is based in part upon the first ammendment.

No, I am never a proponent of bad manners, although there have been moments on the GB when my manners were forgotten sometimes in an effort to be funny, other times in an effort to shut down some of the dead wood that may post drivel there.

But again, I will not insist on good manners any more here than I would at my local grocery store. That is to say, I will not edit or remove tasteless posts. There have been times when I have private messaged a poster in an effort to help to make posts more clear or clear up any misconceptions that may have caused a specific explosion or attack on a poster.

Unfortunately, the latter seldom works. Preconceived notions on the lifestyle based on this one dimensional atmosphere and very little real life info have a way of making people keep their feet in concrete.


And posters only have as much control over your feelings as you allow them to. There, I agree.

 

[Richard49]

Thank you, EB and Richard.

This website also promises free speech as defined by the webmasters and is based in part upon the first ammendment.

No, I am never a proponent of bad manners, although there have been moments on the GB when my manners were forgotten sometimes in an effort to be funny, other times in an effort to shut down some of the dead wood that may post drivel there.

But again, I will not insist on good manners any more here than I would at my local grocery store. That is to say, I will not edit or remove tasteless posts. There have been times when I have private messaged a poster in an effort to help to make posts more clear or clear up any misconceptions that may have caused a specific explosion or attack on a poster.

Unfortunately, the latter seldom works. Preconceived notions on the lifestyle based on this one dimensional atmosphere and very little real life info have a way of making people keep their feet in concrete.


And posters only have as much control over your feelings as you allow them to. There, I agree.

nothing like giving public premission to bullies

Shacking head here

BTW if someone was being a bully in my local grocery store
and I was there
I would say/do something ....

 

[Mr. Bootie]

If you have looked look in my poly thread.......

You know very well that I am lurking for another reason. ( Or was that I am now searching???............ *weg* )



I tend to lurk far more than I post. However, once I find threads that interest me, I post to them. I also like to send PM's. So If I'm not posting, I may be PM'ing

kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

 

[enigma nocturne]

I lurked for a long time because I am unsure of myself and a little bit shy. Then I lurked because of problems with the board. I have signed up three times so far and this is the first time that I have been able to post. I hope. We will see if this works this time. If it works I will be around more but I do not know how much I will post.

mariposa sent me over, I have known her for sometime now. She is a real sweetheart person.

Please do not call me bet for a short name; I prefer ysa or ysabet.

 

[Goddess Helena]

*waves at MissT*

I used to lurk and post.
I realized that my brand of BDSM is not like most people's. That doesn't bother me. It just keeps me from sharing. So does the occasional outbreak of drama. I check in once in a while. I miss a few people who used to post regularly.
Perhaps in time, I will return to posting.

You are doing a wonderful job here, MissT.
I think having a mod that one can talk to is always helpful for a board.


Helena

 

[lady-kat]

*waiving hi to all...*

i lurked here for maybe a year or so... i have no experience in any way shape or form, so i never posted.

i think i registered originally so i could thank Eb for a link she had provided, that pointed me to a local BDSM group to my area...

i seldom post, even know.... i have little to say..... but i do luv to read, and soak up the comments... it is so diverse here... and so much to be learned

 

[Ebonyfire]

*waiving hi to all...*

i lurked here for maybe a year or so... i have no experience in any way shape or form, so i never posted.

i think i registered originally so i could thank Eb for a link she had provided, that pointed me to a local BDSM group to my area...

i seldom post, even know.... i have little to say..... but i do luv to read, and soak up the comments... it is so diverse here... and so much to be learned

Well now that you are here, I am please to see you participating!

 

[D's mariposa]

I lurked for a long time because I am unsure of myself and a little bit shy. Then I lurked because of problems with the board. I have signed up three times so far and this is the first time that I have been able to post. I hope. We will see if this works this time. If it works I will be around more but I do not know how much I will post.

mariposa sent me over, I have known her for sometime now. She is a real sweetheart person.

Please do not call me bet for a short name; I prefer ysa or ysabet.

runs over screaming YYYYYyyyyssssaaaaaaaa!!! Glad you finally made it! Now, get off the computer and call me!! I have LOADS to tell you..

OOps, sorry, for the hijack, Miss T.