I'm highly disappointed

[feeeriek]

for Vana
for Vella

 

[MagicaPractica]

I'm angry and I'm sad, but mostly I'm disappointed.

I thought you cared. I hoped you did. I thought you understood and that I could expect a little support from you. But it's obvious that you don't.

I don't even want to start thinking about why you don't care and why you're not supporting me. Is it too much to ask? Why are other things so much more important to you?

Don't you see where I am? Do you have any idea how I feel or what is going on inside my soul? I have " agony" written accross my body for all the world to see. But you're more concerned about appearances to the outside world than you are with how I am hurting.

Do what you have to do to live in your little perfect world. Have fun in there. I'm sure all is just peachy.

*Great big hugs*

 

[damppanties]

when i was married to a man, i had this acronym: ABD.
Another Big Disappointment.

I never brought that out much until recently and it was about my inner self.
every time i find myself running out of a contracting job, i freak and go into that...you knew that this was coming, rage.
its chills out over time and becomes...ABD.


right now, im disappointed in my ability to carry through with a promise i made to lucky...wait...a condition on me moving to texas. i was to bring home the money so she wouldnt have to worry about anything but school. several times already, i have failed with this promise. Most of the time its been fine but upcoming days promise to be financially tense. im disappointed in this though i vow i will find another second job asap.

You're an exceptional woman. You know that, right? The fact that you care so much and love so much doesn't mean that life will remove all obstacles from your path. It means that you will overcome those obstacles. It will happen.

 

[colddiesel]

In anticipation

It's noticable that most of the disappointed people here are women. Women seem to me to be better at anticipation and developing expectations than men, maybe it has something to do with their nurturing biology? The downside though is that because of that capacity they are destined to be disappointed more often. Men, I think tend to be much more inclined to live in the present (their present) and sometimes show an amazing insensitivity to the disappointments they cause.

I have also noticed that many women who suffer serial disappointments with their male partners often redirect their energy to their children and their female friends and it is only after the men been disposed of or set aside that they realise their dependance on the feminine capacity to create - in every sense and including the anticipation and creation of future expectations.

 

[MagicaPractica]

It's noticable that most of the disappointed people here are women. Women seem to me to be better at anticipation and developing expectations than men, maybe it has something to do with their nurturing biology? The downside though is that because of that capacity they are destined to be disappointed more often. Men, I think tend to be much more inclined to live in the present (their present) and sometimes show an amazing insensitivity to the disappointments they cause.

I have also noticed that many women who suffer serial disappointments with their male partners often redirect their energy to their children and their female friends and it is only after the men been disposed of or set aside that they realise their dependance on the feminine capacity to create - in every sense and including the anticipation and creation of future expectations.

Overall, I would say it's true that women anticipate more and get their hopes up then are dissapointed. I have read things that say to try not to anticipate but I wonder if that is realistic? Perhaps it's hard-wired.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

It's noticable that most of the disappointed people here are women. Women seem to me to be better at anticipation and developing expectations than men, maybe it has something to do with their nurturing biology? The downside though is that because of that capacity they are destined to be disappointed more often. Men, I think tend to be much more inclined to live in the present (their present) and sometimes show an amazing insensitivity to the disappointments they cause.

I have also noticed that many women who suffer serial disappointments with their male partners often redirect their energy to their children and their female friends and it is only after the men been disposed of or set aside that they realise their dependance on the feminine capacity to create - in every sense and including the anticipation and creation of future expectations.

Interestingly, happiness studies show that women are equally or very slightly more happy than men.

"Psychologist David Lykken concludes, based on studies he cites, that “there is no appreciable difference between happiness, on the one hand, and . . . gender . . . on the other” (2000, 17). Based on his own studies of twins, Lykken states that “married twins were slightly happier than the single ones, but the difference was not enough to sneeze at. The mean difference between men and women was even smaller, with the women slightly higher” (18). Layard, on the basis of research he cites, finds that “in nearly every country men and women are roughly equally happy” (2005, 62)."
from a footnote in "Who Says Money Can’t Buy Happiness?" by Dwight R. Lee, Independent Review, Winter 2006. http://www.independent.org/pdf/tir/tir_10_3_05_lee.pdf

 

[Huckleman2000]

I'm highly disappointed because I still don't have heat or power in my house after a windstorm last Thursday night. I'm sitting in a hotel parking lot, surreptitiously logged onto their wireless access. (shhh!)

So, into my sixth day, and it's way past ggotten old. See you all whenever.

 

[Misty_Morning]

.....

 

[jushorny]

I'm disappointed and do not know why...not even sure if I'm disappointed in myself or others

 

[slyc_willie]

Well, I try to expect nothing and enjoy whatever comes my way. This weekend however I broke from that routine and hoped for a little miracle of sorts, that of course did not materialise. Took me a while to appreciate what else I got riding on the back of that disappointment, but it carries me now nevertheless.

I'm always looking for that miracle among the people I work with. How hard can it be just to take one extra step and do more than what's required of you? Can't you just help out a little, without expecting something in return?

Honestly, doesn't altruism count for anything anymore?

 

[Trinique_Fire]

not feeling much of anything right now.

i guess i'm just disappointed in general. i'm disappointed i expected so much more than what i should have. i'm disappointed in myself for thinking in fairytale terms. i'm disappointed for creating such a fantasy in my head.

 

[slyc_willie]

i guess i'm just disappointed in general. i'm disappointed i expected so much more than what i should have. i'm disappointed in myself for thinking in fairytale terms. i'm disappointed for creating such a fantasy in my head.

Seriously . . . .

Hang onto that, Trini.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

Seriously . . . .

Hang onto that, Trini.

Ditto. Take a few minutes to read my "Happiness is a serious problem" thread.

 

[MagicaPractica]

i guess i'm just disappointed in general. i'm disappointed i expected so much more than what i should have. i'm disappointed in myself for thinking in fairytale terms. i'm disappointed for creating such a fantasy in my head.

Don't think I need to re-write the same words. I'm feeling them.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

Families disappoint.

 

[MagicaPractica]

...

I won't quote in case you want to delete but I just wanted to say that it can get better. It may not seem like it. But you can learn how to deal with it differently. It takes time and work but I can honestly say that how I deal with what my family does is no where near where I was ten years ago. It's not perfect but I am far more capable of handling it now than I was then.

 

[kendo1]

You know we love you, vana.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

I won't quote in case you want to delete but I just wanted to say that it can get better. It may not seem like it. But you can learn how to deal with it differently. It takes time and work but I can honestly say that how I deal with what my family does is no where near where I was ten years ago. It's not perfect but I am far more capable of handling it now than I was then.

I wish, I hope, I just don't know anymore. No one deals with it - that's part of the problem, methinks . . .

Thanks, Sweet. And you, Ken

 

[English Lady]

Much love and many hugs vana

 

[Nirvanadragones]

Much love and many hugs vana

You know, you're just about the only sunshine left in the UK

 

[MagicaPractica]

I wish, I hope, I just don't know anymore. No one deals with it - that's part of the problem, methinks . . .

Thanks, Sweet. And you, Ken

My family hasn't changed much... but I have changed how I think about it and let it affect me.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

My family hasn't changed much... but I have changed how I think about it and let it affect me.

I've done that, too. But days like today, it feels like I have made no progress.

I know that tomorrow, or the day after, I will feel differently. (or I hope)

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

Hugs, dear friend.

Let me tell you a little story. When I was around your age I was venting about my dad to friend, something along the lines of "How can I make him feel X, so that he will do Y?"

My friend gave this sage counsel: "The feeling that you are trying to generate does not exist in him. It's just not there."

As soon as my friend said those words I realized they were exacly correct. Right there, my thinking changed. The "y" that I wanted to come from my dad never did, but I stopped wasting energy angsting about it. From then on I was able to just shrug and get on with my life.

My extended family is also very dysfunctional. Like you, and unlike my siblings, I left the area, and left behind the social circle they all inhabited. Like you, I created a generally satisfactory life for myself in a distant place (setting aside for the moment the tragedies you have experienced.)

When I visit the family (as I did for four days last week) I generally can't wait to get away and get home, despite many enjoyable experiences while I'm there. Mostly I count my blessings that I created an independent life in a different place that I can look forward to getting back to. Visiting family adds to my happiness, because it reminds me of what I avoided, and how much I like what I have. That makes me much more relaxed than you appear to be, dear friend. Having your daughter there undoubtedly is a big difference in this regard.

Do I "love" my father? Frankly, the word seems meaningless in this context. Like your father he is completely self-centered. He's quite elderly now, and in many ways he is like a child who never grew up. He was always very distant from his children, and when he could have done so much to help them, he did nothing. But ever since that conversation with a friend described above, I have wasted no energy on the matter. He is what he is, and made the choices he made. I have my own life to live, and have made my own choices. I am more than content with that.



PS. This is rather in the way of an "open PM." I post it because maybe others might find a useful tidbit or two in this.

 

[MagicaPractica]

I've done that, too. But days like today, it feels like I have made no progress.

I know that tomorrow, or the day after, I will feel differently. (or I hope)

I hope so too. Some days are just harder than others. {{{{{hugs}}}}}

 

[scheherazade_79]

I'm highly disappointed that after knowing me all my life, you bought me a fucking handbag for Christmas. What the hell am I supposed to do with that? It's too big to go in any of my pockets.