In the beginning...the importance of a strong start to a story

[hoo_hoo_boo]

Second paragraphs

When I finish a story I always look at the second paragraph. Its normally better than the first. I simply delete the first. Any necessary imformation in it can be transferred to some other part of the story where it normally fits better anyway. I suspect that the second paragraph is a lot less self conscious than the first and the style of the story will be more or less settled by then. I suspect that the second is the paragraph we write to make up for the first.

I don't like a racy start. I think its cheating brcause the reader probably wants to know how it got to be so racy. The reader is being deprived.

 

[MiriamL]

Any sentence that doesnt include a name is good start.

 

[Mandala40]

I liked this one, “They’re out there.” It is evocative and mysterious. I will read at least a few more paragraphs to find out who "they" are, and where "there" is. Also, there is an implication of menace. I suspect that "they" are enemy soldiers, criminals, or ghosts.

 

[Mandala40]

“Reverend Billy Washburn sat at his desk, one hand gently rubbing the erection growing down his long, muscular thigh, the other hand thumbing through the concordance in the back of his bible.”

This is my least favorite. Having said that, I would appreciate a candid look into the mind of a pedophile priest, because that mentality is alien and mysterious to me.

 

[D_K_Moon]

I liked this one, “They’re out there.” It is evocative and mysterious. I will read at least a few more paragraphs to find out who "they" are, and where "there" is. Also, there is an implication of menace. I suspect that "they" are enemy soldiers, criminals, or ghosts.

It's my favorite as well, and for the same reasons. I can almost see a campy 1950's monster flick, the ominous voice, "They're out there." I'm a sucker for stuff like that.

The first few paragraphs of a story are so important, especially for fledgling writers. A reader may be more inclined to give Tom Clancy, Stephen King etc a few pages to pique their interest, but amateur writers, they may only get a few seconds to lure the reader into the tale.

 

[Penelope Street]

When I finish a story I always look at the second paragraph. It's normally better than the first. I simply delete the first. Any necessary information in it can be transferred to some other part of the story where it normally fits better anyway. I suspect that the second paragraph is a lot less self conscious than the first and the style of the story will be more or less settled by then. I suspect that the second is the paragraph we write to make up for the first.

Zoot presented a similar theory some time ago, except I believe he was in favor of starting with the third paragraph. Either way, it's certainly something to keep in mind when giving stories a final edit.

Any sentence that doesn't include a name is good start.

Ok, that's interesting. Dare I ask why?

I liked this one, “They’re out there.” It is evocative and mysterious. I will read at least a few more paragraphs to find out who "they" are, and where "there" is. Also, there is an implication of menace. I suspect that "they" are enemy soldiers, criminals, or ghosts.

It's my favorite as well, and for the same reasons. I can almost see a campy 1950's monster flick, the ominous voice, "They're out there." I'm a sucker for stuff like that.

Did either of you read the second line? (see post #23)

 

[D_K_Moon]

Did either of you read the second line? (see post #23)

Actually, yes, but I didn't read any of the replies before making my selection. I didn't want my initial reaction to be possibly swayed by the comments of others.

Personally, I think that's where I'm the weakest as a writer, I really don't pay any attention to my opening sentence or first couple of paragraphs.

I find the second paragraph theory interesting; Here's the first two paragraphs of a piece that I've pulled from Lit and am currently reworking.

He sat at a booth, the only customer in the diner, nursing his cup of coffee. He had just spent the week playing at some run down honky-tonk joint. After paying for his hotel, meals, and other expenses he had cleared forty-seven dollars. ‘Fuck,’ he thought. ‘I could make more money flipping burgers.’

His throat felt raw, like it was on fire. Pushing hard for too many high notes, for too many songs, for too many nights, and too many cigarettes. Six sets a night, nine songs a set for six nights a week. That was three hundred and twenty-four songs for a whole forty-seven dollars. He looked at the jukebox. ‘Hell, even the fucking jukebox made more money than me. What did I make? Fifteen cents a song, and the jukebox charges twenty-five.’

 

[Penelope Street]

I find the second paragraph theory interesting; Here's the first two paragraphs of a piece that I've pulled from Lit and am currently reworking.

What's the third paragraph?

 

[D_K_Moon]

What's the third paragraph?

Here it is;

He was thirty-five, and had spent more than half his life this way. Playing six or seven nights a week in any honky-tonk, juke-joint, or dive that his agent could book him into. He looked at the café he was sitting in and cracked a wry smile. ‘This place is like me, it’s seen better days.’

 

[GrumpyGamby]

This was great!

As a newbie, untrained and complete amateur, I have to chime in and thank you all for this great thread. I've learned a lot. I began reading this thread because I remain so disgusted with the beginning of my story. It's flat out horrible! But I simply haven't been able to come up with anything better and every time I tried I ended up rewriting nearly the whole chapter!

You've given me some excellent guidelines. Thanks!

 

[D_K_Moon]

As a newbie, untrained and complete amateur, I have to chime in and thank you all for this great thread. I've learned a lot. I began reading this thread because I remain so disgusted with the beginning of my story. It's flat out horrible! But I simply haven't been able to come up with anything better and every time I tried I ended up rewriting nearly the whole chapter!

You've given me some excellent guidelines. Thanks!

In all honesty, I don't worry about the beginning until after I've finished the story. And even then, I don't think I pay too much attention to my beginnings.

 

[GrumpyGamby]

beginnings

In all honesty, I don't worry about the beginning until after I've finished the story. And even then, I don't think I pay too much attention to my beginnings.

And I don't pay too much attention to my diet or amount of exercise. It seems no matter what I do, I remain in perfect condition and proportion. I have an enviable figure born from pasta and chocolate bars!

The opening paragraphs you submitted were excellent, I thought. If you were able to bang those out skipping any purposeful attention to drawing the reader in, well, that's an example of inequitable distribution of talent?

 

[Penelope Street]

So the opening three paragraphs of 'Notes of the Heart' are:

He sat at a booth, the only customer in the diner, nursing his cup of coffee. He had just spent the week playing at some run down honky-tonk joint. After paying for his hotel, meals, and other expenses he had cleared forty-seven dollars. ‘Fuck,’ he thought. ‘I could make more money flipping burgers.’

His throat felt raw, like it was on fire. Pushing hard for too many high notes, for too many songs, for too many nights, and too many cigarettes. Six sets a night, nine songs a set for six nights a week. That was three hundred and twenty-four songs for a whole forty-seven dollars. He looked at the jukebox. ‘Hell, even the fucking jukebox made more money than me. What did I make? Fifteen cents a song, and the jukebox charges twenty-five.’

He was thirty-five, and had spent more than half his life this way. Playing six or seven nights a week in any honky-tonk, juke-joint, or dive that his agent could book him into. He looked at the café he was sitting in and cracked a wry smile. ‘This place is like me, it’s seen better days.’

In my opinion, the essential ingredient in a good opening is a person with a problem the reader can relate to, so this opening certainly works. There appears to be a bit of redundancy, which may be why it also works starting with the second paragraph.


Anyone else think we should have a thread about the first few hundred words instead of just the opening line?

 

[D_K_Moon]

Anyone else think we should have a thread about the first few hundred words instead of just the opening line?

I think that may be an interesting idea.

 

[Ender_Hollow]

“They’re out there.”

I like this one. It's vague, interesting, and makes you wonder about why someone would be out to get the narrator.

“First the colors.”

This seem dull to me. It could make you think, sure, as in what would the colors be needed for? But it doesn't have a sense of mystery about it that I personally crave in a good book.

“Physicist Leonardo Vetra smelled burning flesh and knew it was his own.”

This was the one I choose. Why was his flesh burning? Why didn't he know it until he smelled it? Was he drugged, in shock, or was the limb totally separate from his body so that he couldn't feel it, only smell?

“My name was Salmon, like the fish; first name Susie.”

This intrigues me. Why was? Is she dead, talking in her point of view from beyond the grave? A spy, maybe, forced to change her name after a mission went wrong?

“On the morning of the eclipse, Doreen McCloud hurried from Starbucks with the Chronicle tucked under her arm.”

Too mundane. Eclipses are interesting, sure, but not enough to really draw someone in. Why was he hurrying? Probably late to work, nothing big.

“Reverend Billy Washburn sat at his desk, one hand gently rubbing the erection growing down his long, muscular thigh, the other hand thumbing through the concordance in the back of his bible.”

This is a little interesting. What was he reading that turned him on? Did he have a fetish with people from the bible? Was there something in his child hood to make him this way?

I though that quite a few of those were interesting. I put my comments in the quote. Also, I am new here, and this is my first post. Nice to meet everyone.

 

[Penelope Street]

In all honesty, I don't worry about the beginning until after I've finished the story. And even then, I don't think I pay too much attention to my beginnings.

Does this mean you write your beginnings last, or just don't focus much on them until the editing process? I focus on the beginning right away, when my energy and interest in a story is at its peak.

 

[D_K_Moon]

Does this mean you write your beginnings last, or just don't focus much on them until the editing process? I focus on the beginning right away, when my energy and interest in a story is at its peak.

I don't focus on it until after the story fully written or at least well underway. Here's an example, I just started this story yesterday, and hopefully, once finished, a candidate for this forum. The few paragraphs of Wild Horses...

There's not much left of the nineteenth century in our world. On the free range in the west, one example still exists. Here and there bands of wild horses still roam. To see them in motion is to see freedom.

From 30,000 feet, it looked like what her vision of an apocalyptic wasteland was. Mountains of gray-blue rock with bands of orange, brown and red here and there. A complete lack of green. She sighed and knocked back a double scotch on the rocks. The fourth so far on the flight from New York. At least she'd have a buzz by the time she landed.

---

“No – fucking – way!” She stomped her foot with each word as she looked at Trevor Clark. “I'm an artist, I don't take fucking pony pictures.”

“Maybe around Soho you're an artist. But, here, you're a staff photographer, and that's what pays your bills. I need you to go out there and get the shots. We need them to keep this project on time.” Trevor Clark didn't raise his voice. His eyes told her the unsaid portion of the sentence.

 

[squarejohn]

I like this beginning:

When Gregor Samsa awoke from a night of uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect.-----Franz Kafka

 

[Sebastian32]

Hey there. I also picked "susie" not because of the "was" but because it made me smile. I think some context of humor is a good way to open up in a story. It could be simple humor or slightly dark too -- either way, humor sticks with us. We remember the times we smiled or laughed and that's where the money shot is. I think, anyways.