Interesting article on polyamory

[Bramblethorn]

Polyamory is usually defined as *ethical* non-monogamy, which excludes a lot of historical polygamy, harems etc, because of the lack of freedom of many of the people involved.

Some swingers would exclude themselves from polyamory because they insist emotions are reserved for their spouse/partner alone. Most seem to accept that they are friendly at least with sexual partners, and fucking a friend on a regular basis could be called a relationship in a different social circle.

This, and I think also one of those social dynamics where people feel the need to break into tribes and get really loud about the difference between My Tribe and Other Tribe even when, perhaps especially when, the differences between those two groups might not be very significant to outsiders.

(See also: goth vs. emo, bisexual vs. pansexual, Judean People's Front vs. People's Front of Judea, or the two rival Socialist Parties in my neck of the woods.)

 

[AchtungNight]

Don’t forget about the elves of the Green Deep Forest and those of the Deep Green Forest!

Seriously, I honestly think one sexual partner would be enough for me and more would be an ongoing challenge. Not sure I could handle it. We’d probably have to work on it together. Same if there were just two of us but would it be easier or harder with more people? Could go either way.

 

[MillieDynamite]

With three, you get jealousy. With more than three, you get more jealousy. And that's one problem, not the litany you'd have.

Don’t forget about the elves of the Green Deep Forest and those of the Deep Green Forest!

Seriously, I honestly think one sexual partner would be enough for me and more would be an ongoing challenge. Not sure I could handle it. We’d probably have to work on it together. Same if there were just two of us but would it be easier or harder with more people? Could go either way.

 

[Britva415]

Polyamory is the practice of more than two people being in a loving/intimate/sexual relationship with one another

Not necessarily. You have described one way to be polyamorous, and what's even more common than that is just to have multiple loving partners, who don't necessarily have any relationship at all with each other. Or maybe they do, since they're both partners with the same person (the "hinge"), but their relationship doesn't have to be sexual, romantic or loving. It doesn't even have to be friendly. This is still polyamory, and chances are, they too have other lovers who the hinge isn't involved with.

 

[Britva415]

You can be sexually monogamous while still loving and developing nonsexual relationships with many people.

I'm not going to call this "wrong," but it sure isn't what very many people, monogamous, polyamorous or otherwise, mean by "polyamory."

 

[Britva415]

Polygamy is the blanket term for polygyny (one husband, multiple wives), polyandry (One wife, multiple husbands), and serial monogamy (remarriage due to death or divorce of a spouse).

Who in the world calls that last one polygamy?

I'm not saying they don't, just that I for one would be very surprised by that.

 

[Britva415]

By "Fucking" I'm referrring to the insertion of a penis into an orifice. The choice and number of orifices is irrelevent, it's simply a question of the unitary nature of the penis.
Of course you can BE fucked by up to seven people, if you include nostril and earhole fucking too.

Niceguy's girlfriend: "Just letting you know, I fucked the pool guy"

Niceguy: "No, no ya didn't"

 

[NuclearFairy]

Who in the world calls that last one polygamy?

I'm not saying they don't, just that I for one would be very surprised by that.

That one falls under genetic polygamy in my notes. So, I'm guessing biologists.

 

[Britva415]

That one falls under genetic polygamy in my notes. So, I'm guessing biologists.

Aha, thanks for the context.

Seems very much along the lines of the PhD botanist scolding the chef for not including zucchini in the "fruit salad."

 

[NaughteeDragon]

thank you for the clarification on Bigamy vs Polyandry.
I would agree with your assertions.

 

[Statius]

This is an interesting point. If you say "marriage is only permitted between a man and a woman", as opposed to "marriage is permitted between two adults", the implication is that men and women are different in the eyes of the law or societal rules.

They are, by religious conservative law. Where the documents (the Constitution in the US) is sadly and falsely said to be biblically based. In the US women have always been 2nd class, usually in fact, and certainly in principle.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I'm not going to call this "wrong," but it sure isn't what very many people, monogamous, polyamorous or otherwise, mean by "polyamory."

Sexual relationships are typical for polyamory but I wouldn't consider them mandatory, in the same way that I don't interrogate my monogamous friends about whether they're actually fucking.

 

[Britva415]

Sexual relationships are typical for polyamory but I wouldn't consider them mandatory, in the same way that I don't interrogate my monogamous friends about whether they're actually fucking.

Many ostensibly monogamous couples are actually something I sometimes call "zerogamous," since neither of them is even having any sex with anybody ever.

Regarding just the sex, it's not poly nor mono... zero

 

[Bramblethorn]

exactly

Many ostensibly monogamous people are actually something I sometimes call "zerogamous," since neither of them is even having any sex with anybody ever.

But are they still cuddling, doing the dishes together, looking after one another? Love isn't all about the boinking.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

It's rather fascinating seeing what activities that aren't sex are acceptable or not between say housemates who aren't 'in a relationship', or good friends.

Cuddling your friend while watching a movie might be deemed OK, but not the same clothed cuddle if you ended up needing to share a double bed on holiday. It used to be quite common for men to hold hands of friends or walk arm in arm, until the late Victorian homosexual panic kicked in and Oscar Wilde was jailed, triggering an almost total stop to all male body contact (except sports). Stories show teenage girls and women putting their arms through each others all the time until the late 1960s, when it stopped.

The UK now has common cheek-kissing between friends, and flirtatious people being introduced. but just the one kiss. Two for the French, three for the Dutch. But you still don't get two straight men doing it - whereas in Muslim countries it's often common for two men to hold hands in the street, kiss each other's cheek, etc, with no suggestion of homosexuality at all (ditto women, but not between the sexes).

And you still get some people who think a man and a woman can't be 'just friends', or if they are. they should never go have a meal that's just the two of them, or to the theatre, or any other activity deemed 'intimate'.

Luckily most of my friends aren't that type of monogamous. Though we did have to come out to the neighbours after they saw the spouse and his girlfriend in a cafe holding hands and they decided I needed to know. Very sweet of them. I think they were still worried about me for a few years.

 

[nice90sguy]

with no suggestion of homosexuality at all

 

[dave's thing]

While looking for info about poly relationships i found this thread. So Iam going to ask an question of any body who is involved in such a relationship. My daughter just announced that she is moving in with her 2 gf. The 3 are very much in love and do many things together. When they are over visiting they are clearly a trio.... picks, hugs, dishes, similiar tates in food and clothing etc. I am quite happy for them but also worried about jealousy, differences and personality conflicts. Fuck it is hard enough with just one other, is it twice as tough with 2 others?
I would really like to seriously discuss this with someone experienced either here or privately

 

[Kumquatqueen]

While looking for info about poly relationships i found this thread. So Iam going to ask an question of any body who is involved in such a relationship. My daughter just announced that she is moving in with her 2 gf. The 3 are very much in love and do many things together. When they are over visiting they are clearly a trio.... picks, hugs, dishes, similiar tates in food and clothing etc. I am quite happy for them but also worried about jealousy, differences and personality conflicts. Fuck it is hard enough with just one other, is it twice as tough with 2 others?
I would really like to seriously discuss this with someone experienced either here or privately

Hi. I wouldn't be any more concerned than with your daughter moving in with one person. If you're not particularly wired to be jealous, it's not a problem - but scheduling who gets dates when, etc, can be. But at least poly people generally realise they need to think about how much time and attention each other gets, so on the whole it generally works OK - and with luck, with 3 people doing housework, it's all more efficient.

This isn't to say there won't be conflicts and all, but on the whole there's a limit to how much conflict can be had with one person and extra partners doesn't increase it. There's a joke about poly people actually having less sex than others because of the time taken up by scheduling - there's a grain of truth there.

I guess you wish them well and stay on standby just in case, just like your kid having any other relationship.

 

[PennyThompson]

Time for everyone's least favorite Literotica game, "Honest request for knowledge, or attempt at roleplaying your extremely specific kink?"

 

[StillStunned]

Time for everyone's least favorite Literotica game, "Honest request for knowledge, or attempt at roleplaying your extremely specific kink?"

Could you please explain what you mean? In words of one syllable, preferably spanking me until I understand?

 

[TheLobster]

Time for everyone's least favorite Literotica game, "Honest request for knowledge, or attempt at roleplaying your extremely specific kink?"

3k+ posts on a twenty-plus-year-old account seems like a pretty good indication it might be the former. But perhaps I’m just a sweet summer child

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Time for everyone's least favorite Literotica game, "Honest request for knowledge, or attempt at roleplaying your extremely specific kink?"

I'm guessing the former simply because the latter tend to include a lot of superfluous details about sleeping arrangements and what the girls like wearing...

Believe me, I've read a lot of those. So I'm giving this one the benefit of the doubt for now. Unlike the various ones who've slid into my DMs recently.

 

[liliput1]

Polyamory is way more boring than the antis think. So are homosexual relationships, for that matter. Discussion of housework, money, work and any kids is most of it. just like everyone else.

One 'gotcha' I get is 'but if you're polyamorous, you're breaking your marriage vows!'
'Our marriage vows went "Marriage is between two people. Do you take X to be your lawful wedded spouse?" "I do."'
'But... you had a commitment ceremony too!'
'Yes. Agreed to 'love, honour and cherish' each other. Not broken that, either.'

(head of hater explodes)

IME, a big advantage of poly is sometimes getting tea in the morning, because the spouse rarely does mornings.

The lack of spontenaiety seems to be the biggest surprise for people.

You go out as a single person and you aren’t sure whether you’ll get a good night kiss or a snog or a couple hours in bed or wake up to bacon. You get to bliss out on the mystery of the whole thing. The Will We, Won’t We.

Then you progress to the surprise trip out of town. Showing up at your doorstep at 11:30 with a look of need that takes your breath away. Calling in sick to work the next day.

Meanwhile the poly people are covering what ifs and looking at calendars and calling other partners to ask if a surprise late night arrival is okay with everybody else or if you already had plans for the evening involving other fingers and tongues.

And discussing feelings instead of just having them. Or suppressing them. Because hiding the feelings for the cute boy you’re fucking - or not fucking - doesn’t work on the partner you’ve had for four years and who knows all of your bullshit. It’s frankly kinda gross.

 

[Abramelin123]

Could you please explain what you mean? In words of one syllable, preferably spanking me until I understand?

I will gladly spank you. I dont care if you
comprehend anything, as long as I can whack your naked cheeks till they turn pink and radiate heat, stinging enough to get you aroused.

 

[liliput1]

Because people are unimaginative and it is easier to throw rocks than have a polite discussion. Now stop moving so much, you're making it hard to aim.

I’ve said it before and intend to say it again and again. I became a much better LGBT ally the day I realized just how much stuff about other people’s lives was none of my fucking business. Or that guy’s or those people over there. Especially those guys. Fuck those guys.