Is cybersex cheating?

[AME]

Is Cybersex cheating....

Im interested in anyones opinion on this, it seems to be the hot topic here on the news right now and Im wondering what everyone thinks about this!!

Also interested because Im married, love to cyber and recently recieved a letter from a well meaning friend questioning my morals or lack of them it would seem!


Would really love to hear anyones thoughts.....

Ame

 

[mbb308]

I steadfastly refuse to be the arbiter of moral standards...and the world is a better place for it.

Check your gut - if it feels like cheating, it probably is. If not, probably not.

I assume you are not amoral...but it is none of my business.

 

[AME]

Youre right Im not amoral.....

But im open and honest....which gets me in hot water
and seems to give my friends permisson to comment
on my life....

might help if i just shut up

 

[Greenspun]

hhhhmmmm

Interesting Question...

I guess if emotions are involved and its more of a relationship it could be construed as cheating...

I am not in a relationship at the moment and I love the stories....haven't cybered yet...

Stories or porn are not considered cheating I believe....so then cybersex involves another...so mayhap it is....I guess it all depends on the emotions If it is just a release...then no not cheating...but if you are pursuing a relationship maybe it is...even if only an online relationship hard question to answer...

 

[PassionsEcho]

I think this begs a few questions...

What would you want your lover or spouse to do in the same situation?

Do you look for a way to find the time to be with this other person?

Do your actions have the ability to hurt your spouse or lover?

Do you hide what you are doing?

Do you forsake time with a lover or spouse to go to another?

Do you give a part of your heart to your cyber lover?

Is betrayal just emotional or physical or can it be both?

I think if one answers these questions honestly and from both sides of the parties involved therein lies your answers.

 

[Greenspun]

yes

Passions put it a little more succientely than I did but I agree with that post definately...especially will it hurt your lover...that in all is the most important thing

if it hurts the ones we love we should not do....

 

[AME]

Im really open with my Husband....

the only question that did strike home
was did my cyber lover have a piece of
my heart........YES

but my husband knows that too

 

[PassionsEcho]

Im really open with my Husband....

the only question that did strike home
was did my cyber lover have a piece of
my heart........YES

but my husband knows that too

Mind if I alter this a little??

I'm really open with my wife....

the only question that did strike home
was did my cyber lover have a piece of
my heart........YES

but my wife knows that too

If both scenarios are perfectly acceptable to both you and your husband then I think you need to be less concerned with what others think and follow the boundaries of your own marriage.

 

[Greenspun]

well then

If you have complete honesty with your partner and he has no problem with what you are doing then it definately is not cheating so tell your friends to go put their heads back in the sand and to have a nice life...

 

[omahaman2]

AAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEE

ooops, sorry for interupting thread, just saying hi to a friend.AME i know you are a wonderful person, dont try to deny it.I know you wouldnt do anything to hurt any of your relationships or basically anyone.You probably couldnt hurt a fly. I think its what your husband and you consider it,you two are the ones involved in your relationship. You dont let your friends decide how you should handle your children or basically anything involved in your relationship,why let them determine this.Follow your heart, because knowing you i know you have a heart of

http://www.cremationassociation.org/showcase/assets/images/gold-heart.jpg

 

[Freya]

The best opinion I have heard on this was not only part of what's stated above about your spouse knowing...but does it take energy from your present real life relationship? If so, then it's just as harmful as real life cheating.


*not my opinion necessarily, just one I have heard expressed*

 

[SecretScribe]

Not much I can add here that hasn't already been said. I've pondered this question a little recently as well. I think Oman hit it best. IF you and hubby are on the same page as to what is Ok, your fine. If not .... then there is a problem to some greater or lesser extent.

 

[bknight2602]

Is Cybersex cheating....

Im interested in anyones opinion on this, it seems to be the hot topic here on the news right now and Im wondering what everyone thinks about this!!

Also interested because Im married, love to cyber and recently recieved a letter from a well meaning friend questioning my morals or lack of them it would seem!

Would really love to hear anyones thoughts.....

Ame

It is what happens in the mind that define cheating, whether in person or on a phone or in cyber space. All the three are the same. If you are enjoying some or all then continue. I raise the question of whether your SO can or would handle your feelings. I can't give you moral advice but leading a vicarious life seems indicates you are "missing" something!

 

[Guest]

I cant see it being cheating......when it comes down to it, its only talking, reading, and a little imagination. I can see why people feel, that close relationships are formed, and things are said (that if acted on) could imply the intent to act on it. But, really what are you doing? nothing. When your cybering or chatting your thinking about sex. (You'd be thinking about sex even if you weren't cybering). If your talking about sex is it cheating? nope. (if you were face to face and talking about sex, you'd just look foolish. But because its on a computer, (and its something fairly new) people have to diagnose and try to make something more out of it. There's a difference between your spouse (or partner) disagreeing with something and what it actually is (just another media for erotica).

If you follow those lines of thinking, then watching a porno, or reading a magazine, or Lit postings would all be cheating to. The only difference is that the other person is saying it at the moment, and not before hand. If you were to write an article and tell about a fantasy of yours, and then I read it in a magazine its just "reading a magazine" but if that same person tells me about a fantasy, at this very moment, its cheating???? I dont think so.

I'm sure the same was thought 50 years ago when people started whacking it to Playboy. I dont think masturbation is cheating, and really thats about the extent of the sexual interaction.

Now, its true that strong friendships are formed online, I have a few myself. People become very close friends and strong feelings get established, but thats no different that meeting and caring about co-workers, school mates, or everyday aquaintances. Its what you (the individual) does with that feelings, and his/her personal life chooses, that determines what happens in their relationships. Sure it can lead to cheating, but so can the other situations.

Damn, the the longest posting I've even written......hope I didn't hurt myself.

 

[mike_mike02128]

I cant see it being cheating......when it comes down to it, its only talking, reading, and a little imagination. I can see why people feel, that close relationships are formed, and things are said (that if acted on) could imply the intent to act on it. But, really what are you doing? nothing. When your cybering or chatting your thinking about sex. (You'd be thinking about sex even if you weren't cybering). If your talking about sex is it cheating? nope. (if you were face to face and talking about sex, you'd just look foolish. But because its on a computer, (and its something fairly new) people have to diagnose and try to make something more out of it. There's a difference between your spouse (or partner) disagreeing with something and what it actually is (just another media for erotica).

If you follow those lines of thinking, then watching a porno, or reading a magazine, or Lit postings would all be cheating to. The only difference is that the other person is saying it at the moment, and not before hand. If you were to write an article and tell about a fantasy of yours, and then I read it in a magazine its just "reading a magazine" but if that same person tells me about a fantasy, at this very moment, its cheating???? I dont think so.

I'm sure the same was thought 50 years ago when people started whacking it to Playboy. I dont think masturbation is cheating, and really thats about the extent of the sexual interaction.

Now, its true that strong friendships are formed online, I have a few myself. People become very close friends and strong feelings get established, but thats no different that meeting and caring about co-workers, school mates, or everyday aquaintances. Its what you (the individual) does with that feelings, and his/her personal life chooses, that determines what happens in their relationships. Sure it can lead to cheating, but so can the other situations.

Damn, the the longest posting I've even written......hope I didn't hurt myself.

Took me so long to write, I got logged out.....the above is mine.

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Hi AME

I believe that morality is a personal issue, and whatever YOU feel about it is the right way to feel!

My personal opinion (and my experiences as a former "cyberslut"!) is that if any relationship interferes with the one I have with my partner, then I'd be cheating! After committing myself to Oman, I have no interest in cybering with anyone except him!

 

[Playtimes fun]

My Dear Friend

AME, All of the comments here are thought provoking aren't they. This issue is one that led me to seek out a partner I could share everything with. This includes knowing about each others conversations online. If it would hurt the other person knowing what you do and if it is kept secret, are you really giving 100% of yourself to the real relationship? Only you know this........

I submit we all desire or enjoy the excitement that comes from a secret relationship when we are in one. Whether it is to fill a void in our current relationship or for the thrill that came from our first time, having an online relationship, whether chat or cyber shares a part of us. Sometimes our heart becomes involved and it can create major turmoil in our psyke. Torn between fantasy and real life. Before the internet we used our imagination, fantasy and thought to create our dream gril or guy. Now we actually interact with another person in our high tech realm....

Many huggs and kisses my friend,

Marty

 

[wildrose70]

I really shouldnt be posting I guess...since neither phone sex or cyber sex does a thing for me...but that's simply my choice....and I respect everyone's decsion to do what you are comfortable with.....the difference being if you are involved with one person and not open to cyber with just anyone...

I was married...I wasn't happy....I got out....so perhaps there is something lacking in your relationship that you feel the need to cyber....I know in mine their was.....nothing physical....

 

[AME]

Thanks Everyone

Your comments are all great!!!!

OMANNNNNNNNN....hugggggsss buddy, glad to here you and Jenny are finally getting it together....wooohooo

Huggss and Kisses Marty

Just thought Id let you all know.... had an indepth discussion
with the person this concerns most...and Id have to say I was
really surprised....

Its not the cyberslut that bothers him...cos thats so superficial
its the one I write too and phone and spend time with everyday.
So I will look at that.

Im married to my best friend, the man of my dreams and i dont want to do anything that would ruin that!!

I LOVE HIM!!! with all my heart and soul

 

[Jaded1]

Politically speaking................

Cyber sex is like getting a BJ. It doesn't really count

Jaded1, CT

 

[prettygrneyes]

Re: Politically speaking................

Cyber sex is like getting a BJ. It doesn't really count

Jaded1, CT

giggles..it doesn't???hmmmm

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Re: Politically speaking................

Cyber sex is like getting a BJ. It doesn't really count

Jaded1, CT

I think some men consider a blow job something "special"!

(In my cyberslut days, I once did "it" while eating a plate of baked ziti! The guy seemed to get "off", but it didn't quite do it for me!)

 

[AME]

Hmmm about the blow job...

My husband wouldnt bat an eye if he can home and i was
typing like crazy... even if he read the cyber...

BUT if he came home and my mouth was wrapped round
another guys cock.....hmmmm.... KA BOOM

 

[triman AZ]

cyber cheating?

The best thoughts I ever heard were to the effect that if you think you have to hide it, it might be harmful . If your partner condones and knows, then it's not cheating.

I had no problem admitting to my former partner that I sometimes watched or looked at porno, and that I read stories on line, and so forth. I would not have wanted to admit or confess that I had direct contact with another person.

Another way to look at it.... would your partner be comfortable if you SAID the things to another person that you say or write in cyber sex?

Since I am single I can cyber and phone all I want - if I want.... married or otherwise connected creates a different set of thoughts for me, I'd really think about it before I did it.

One last thought, what is it that you get from the cyber sex that you do not get from your partner? IF you can discover that you can work on finding it in your relationship- perhaps a fantasy or a scenario that you can ask for

Good luck AME

Stephen

 

[AME]

Hi Stephen..

In answer to your question what do i get from cybersex or a cyberpartner....For me its the excitement...the thrill of turning someone on!

Ive also never been with anyone other than my husband ...
Im extrememly sexually curious and he thinks this is a better
way for me to explore then rl.

Plus Im very open with everyone....right now my husband and I arent on the same level sexually but hes my best friend and I love him with all my heart and soul.

smile
Ame