Is he open to a relationship?

[angelbabe8907]

Hi
I haven't really posted about this kind of thing before but I'm recently getting to know someone whom I really like and am interested in. Of course I can't tell if he's interested and I don't even know if he'd be open to a relationship. I've kinda got the impression that he's okay with being single. He also told me about this couple who is trying to fix him up with someone but they are both very busy, haven't talked much or anything and I don't know if he really sees it going anywhere when they are less busy.

What I'm wondering is, guys, how do you give off the vibe that you're interested in friendship or a relationship?

 

[Haterade]

From personal experience... Some guys just don't give off the vibe. That's why they're single.

I'm going on 24 years single. I'm just good at it.

 

[nakdsub]

I probably wouldn't start talking about a relationship...

Hi
Of course I can't tell if he's interested and I don't even know if he'd be open to a relationship. I've kinda got the impression that he's okay with being single.

by using the words, "single," or "married." I would invite him out for a drink or coffee and lay it on the line.

I've gotten to like you and wondered if you would be open to exploring a relationship...or, open to dating.

If he says no, at least you haven't spent a lot of time pining away for someone who had no interest.

 

[amofiga]

Guys generally don't "vibe" well. If they are interested in a long term relationship or more, they will generally say something about it at some point in the dating process. They may say that they are "tired of dating around" or that "they would just like to find a really compatible person" or something to that tune. If you have to ask, they probably aren't into a permanent or at least an exclusive relationship. Many guys might like a long term relationship with someone but that doesn't have to imply exclusive relationship. I think women equate "long term" with "exclusive".

If you're ready to settle down and get married or something and you bring that up to him, be prepared to be told that he's not looking for the same thing and you'll have to do some soul searching to decide what you want to do. Trying to "scare" him into making it exclusive by threating to end it because you may just have to move on may have him saying, "Ok, if that's what you want.". I've had women tell me that sort of thing (many years ago now) and I just had to say that we obviously aren't at the same point in life. If he wants to make it permanent because you're "the one", you'll know without having to wonder.

 

[SweetErika]

It's a new connection, so it seems like it'd be perfectly natural to ask him about his current views on dating and relationships as part of the process of getting to know each other better. Adults who are getting acquainted usually talk about their histories, views and goals for a variety of subjects, including relationships, right?

You could just ask outright as a conversation starter, or you could use something like the thing with him being fixed up by others to transition into it. If he is interested in the same type of relationship you'd like, you can express your general shared goals and even specific interest in at least getting to know him better because of [insert a few commonalities and genuine compliments here]. It seems like most guys appreciate women who take the initiative to express their interest, while still giving them an out if there's not enough attraction on their part or whatever. IOW, be clear about your openness to seeing what develops romantically without pressuring him into anything.

OTOH, if his goals aren't compatible with yours, let it go, and continue building a platonic friendship. There's certainly nothing wrong with that if you two enjoy each other's company as friends.

If he doesn't respond well to a general conversation about this (unlikely, but possible), take it as a big red flag for even a future friendship - people like this are usually more trouble than they're worth as friends and will create chaos in your life.