Is My Wife Cheating On?

[DarkPleasures]

Jason, you just pushed the cuckold button in my head.

Now, that puts a different light on things.

I'm sure this is what mla had in mind from the beginning.

 

[pplwatching]

I actually considered asking her if she would fuck him if I gave permission. I stopped, when I noticed the thought was getting me hard.

IMHO this statement says that you have serious problems in your marriage.

 

[mla]

Dark Pleasures, you are too suspicious. if you don't all this, either just enjoy or go elsewhere where you don't have trust problems with the writer....but I understand...

And there are obviously problems in the marriage. But that isn't uncommon here.

 

[pplwatching]

Now, that puts a different light on things. If you play your cards right, you could turn disaster into opportunity. If you want to be cuckold, don’t say anything to her at all, just use the opportunities to let this marriage evolve into a cuckold relationship naturally. If you are serious about being cuckold, you do need to find out if she is really fucking this guy without her knowing, then use the opportunities to turn it into what you want.

Quoted for Absurdity

 

[DarkPleasures]

Dark Pleasures, you are too suspicious. if you don't all this...

If I don't "all" this?

Seems others share my view anyway... Good luck with your cuckold fantasy.

 

[mla]

Sorry Dark....meant believe all this....

And I understand if you don't believe me just because it sounds like a bad story. Be gentle.

 

[mla]

Part of me wants that.

 

[pplwatching]

there are obviously problems in the marriage. But that isn't uncommon here.

No, it's not uncommon. My marriage has it's own share of problems. The difference is that when I address problems with my wife her self respect, dignity, and the health of our marriage are my foremost concerns. I want the problem resolved. You want the problem to become a sexual opportunity. It's just my opinion, but I believe that no good will come of that.

Part of me wants that.

I've read the stories. Some authors are very talented. It's easy to stoke a fantasy when you don't have to worry about the fallout. Focus on your marriage.

 

[SweetErika]

MLA, open relationships don't work out, and the relationships behind them WILL fall apart, if they aren't done with proper communication and total respect, transparency and honesty. You can fantasize all you want, but that's the reality.

The fact that your wife has already lied and hidden stuff from you means you're lacking the basic ingredients/foundation that you would need for even a cuckold relationship. Plus, you'd need to enter into such an agreement because you both truly wanted to, not because you're backed up against a wall and trying to justify your wife's actions.

Figure out what's actually happening and how you feel about it independent of anything else, first. Then, if you and your wife ever work through your issues, make the necessary changes and decide to open the relationship in some form, you'll be on far more solid ground.

 

[JasonDaniel]

Pplwatching, you’re being judgmental. MLA came here asking for advice; not to be judged. For all you or anyone else knows, MLA and his wife may want to pursue a cuckold relationship.

 

[mla]

Mistaken Impression

Some of the replies, while helpful, indicate I haven't communicated as well as I should have. I haven't ever had a cuckold fantasy, especially as part of a wish to have a formal arrangement allowing my wife to have sex and let me be involved in the details.

I compare visiting here more to a fantasy smorgasbord, where one can come and "sample" all the dishes. No one of the topics is a great attraction I become obsessed with, and many don't interest me at all. Even when I briefly visit the Cheating Wife appetizers or the M2M dessert section, with a stop at the BDSM main course, I visit on and off for a few days, then leave, perhaps not to return for a year.

So, the timing of this with my wife is really a coincidence. And I am just being human by admitting some part of it aroused me.

I am a little surprised at some comments (some in private messages) that imply visiting here at all is not healthy. It may not be when one becomes obsessed or begins applying fantasy expectations to real life... But all of us here are visiting a sexual literature web site.

 

[pplwatching]

So, the timing of this with my wife is really a coincidence. And I am just being human by admitting some part of it aroused me.

Context matters. People trying to comment on how to address your problem don't have a lot of information, and naturally see anything that you share as being contextually relevant and important to you. No harm, no foul.

 

[bailadora]

MLA came here asking for advice; not to be judged.

He's getting advice. It just may not be what he wants to hear. That's the way it works on HT - we tell you what we really think. If you (general you, not you personally) aren't prepared for that, then this is NOT the forum to be posting on.

 

[DarkPleasures]

He's getting advice. It just may not be what he wants to hear. That's the way it works on HT - we tell you what we really think. If you (general you, not you personally) aren't prepared for that, then this is NOT the forum to be posting on.

This is worth another look! Very well said.

 

[Eilan]

Pplwatching, you’re being judgmental. MLA came here asking for advice; not to be judged. For all you or anyone else knows, MLA and his wife may want to pursue a cuckold relationship.

I think pplwatching has made some very good points. Who fucking cares if he's being judgmental? And aren't you judging him by calling him judgmental?

We all judge. All of us.

I'm not sure where people get the idea that because this is a "porn board" that it's also a fuckfest free-for-all where everyone has to accept everyone's kink without judgment. Some people log on to Lit, stop thinking with their big brains, and forget that real-life just doesn't follow the plot of a Lit story. When they want to turn their SOs into something they're not or they want to introduce new dynamics into an already shaky relationship, they don't seem to realize that the shit has the potential to hit the fan.

And by the way, the OP doesn't want advice; he wants validation. Not the same thing.

 

[DarkPleasures]

I'm not sure where people get the idea that because this is a "porn board" that it's also a fuckfest free-for-all where everyone has to accept everyone's kink without judgment.

I try to remind people that this is an erotic literature web site and not a porn board.

And by the way, the OP doesn't want advice; he wants validation. Not the same thing.

Thank you for restating this point!!! That cannot be stressed enough!!!

 

[justherhusband]

mla, please do yourself a favor and stop running to your wife to tell her the minute you see something suspicious. You'll never get to the truth if you continue to tip your hand. you need to be patient and disciplined (or hire a PI) to get to the truth.

God, I think I'd love to get you into a poker game. Easiest money I could ever make.

 

[Lord Pmann]

He's getting advice. It just may not be what he wants to hear. That's the way it works on HT - we tell you what we really think. If you (general you, not you personally) aren't prepared for that, then this is NOT the forum to be posting on.

I want to put this in my signature. I love this quote. I want to get it pregnant. It's amazing how many people come here and just want their own opinions reaffirmed. I don't think the original poster acted that way at all, just a general comment.

I think the wife is doing this guy. Or about to be doing him.

 

[JasonDaniel]

Mla

I think you have gotten about all the productive advice you’re going to get from this thread. The posters joining the thread now have a history of taking over other people’s threads, and using it as a forum for posting their own personal opinions and conversations. Likely most of what you will get from this point forward is criticism. It’s time for me to unsubscribe from the thread, but if you are thinking of bringing a fetish into your marriage, (cuckold or otherwise), and want talk to someone who isn’t judgmental, send me a PM and I will send you my email address. Or you might try the Fetish and Sexual Central forum; I think you will find most of the posters there are less judgmental.

 

[DarkPleasures]

Mla I think you have gotten about all the productive advice you’re going to get from this thread. You might try the Fetish and Sexual Central forum.

He did post to Fetish looking for "advice". The mod there moved him here since Fetish is not the home for advice

He should have started his thread with, "Please validate my opinions of the cuckold fetish and tell me it's a great idea for me to spy on my wife while she fucks other men." Then Chargergirl would have left his ramblings in Fetish.

Seems you're the one who gets pissy when people do not agree with you! (Like in that rape article you posted to Fetish that does not belong in that thread.)

 

[mla]

Taking Jason's Advice

Most of you have been helpful in pointing me the right direction. If she isn't cheating, she may start soon would be the summary, I think. And I should work on fixing things unless I want out. And those who think she is already cheating outnumber those who said it is all in my head (nobody, unfortunately).

Besides the puritans who expressed themselves repeatedly, the most surprising responses were those who included a recommendation to hire a P.I. I have nothing against that, but for those of us in California, it seems like something from the distant past, especially if one has a public safety background. I guess that is still big business in other states with different divorce laws.

 

[HornyVikingMN]

Clarify What you Want

mla -

Reading through the comments is interesting, as they give a glimpse into how your thinking evolves as more information comes to light. I certainly don't blame you for the somewhat meandering thoughts - this situation does sound like a confusing jumble of emotions for you. For what it's worth, here are just a few thoughts:

First - some people will react in a very black and white fashion. You mentioned being mildly turned on by the thought of your wife having an affair, and some immediately assumed you're headed down the fetish path. I've learned to be skeptical of absolute opinions that leave little room for other possibilities. The reality of any situation is almost never so clean and tidy. Take what others are saying and weight it against your own knowledge of your wife and the situation.

Second - You seem a little confused about what you want. Is it to catch her in the act? Or is it to work on a marriage that needs a little fixing up? Do you sort of want things to blow up so you can justify exiting the marriage, or do you want to use this is as an opportunity to reconnect and recommit? Your comments seem to go back and forth a bit - so clarify that.

Third - You have clearly turned up the heat on her. You have been very open with her that you're checking up on her activities. If her behavior doesn't change it could mean that she's telling the truth (platonic) or that she doesn't give a shit if you find out about an affair. While her contact with this guy is always when you're not around, which is somewhat suspicious, she's not exactly hiding it from you, either. It all leads me to think she sort of enjoyed having a secret friend, but wasn't doing the horizontal mambo with him just yet.

Last - Ease up on the private eye activities yourself. Just because you can check up on her almost instantaneously doesn't mean you should. She's bound to resent the questioning and it doesn't seem to be calming you any, either. I'm not saying you shouldn't ever check - but moment by moment or even every day seems like it could lead to more drama than necessary. It could lead to a reaction from her where she says, "If I'm going to have all the grief of an affair I might as well go ahead and do it, too..." Trust, but verify (periodically) was good advice.

Good luck!

 

[bailadora]

I think you have gotten about all the productive advice you’re going to get from this thread. The posters joining the thread now have a history of taking over other people’s threads, and using it as a forum for posting their own personal opinions and conversations. Likely most of what you will get from this point forward is criticism. It’s time for me to unsubscribe from the thread, but if you are thinking of bringing a fetish into your marriage, (cuckold or otherwise), and want talk to someone who isn’t judgmental, send me a PM and I will send you my email address. Or you might try the Fetish and Sexual Central forum; I think you will find most of the posters there are less judgmental.

LMAO. You clearly don't know the HT regulars at all. We're a pretty sex positive bunch, else we'd not waste our time trying help others with genuine questions or problems. That said, if we think something is a bad idea, we're going to say so and why.

It's no skin off my ass if the OP wants a cuckold relationship or not. But the advice not to pursue this sort of thing until such time his marriage is on much firmer ground and they can both be honest with each other is spot on. That's hardly judgmental, it's sound advice from those who've successfully walked that road.

 

[bailadora]

I want to put this in my signature. I love this quote. I want to get it pregnant. It's amazing how many people come here and just want their own opinions reaffirmed. I don't think the original poster acted that way at all, just a general comment.

Hell, as many times as I've repeated it to newbies who get their knickers in a twist because they didn't receive the validation they were looking for, I should put it in MY signature!