Is sexuality personal?

[Andee_julie]

Hi Guys/Gals

I'm a married guy who is interested in experiencing my bi side.
I've never tried it but would love to.
My question is this.
Is my own sexuality my personal business? or is it part of my marriage?

i know im going to get some stick over this but here is the situation.

I have been with my wife for over 20 years.
Our sex life has always been initiated bt myself. My wife has never initiates any sexual activity in our relationship.

We love eachother deeply.

I have always been bi curious, having experienced mm with my cousin when iwas 13.

Please advise

Andy

 

[Willing and Unsure]

it is a part of who you are and if you're interested in pursuing something to see if you really enjoy it, you should probably talk to your wife first.

 

[Bridget69]

I think that if you're considering exploring your bi tendencies you should discuss it with your wife.

 

[blue112]

Ill third that, definitly talk about it with your wife, keep everything open and trusting

 

[PrinceM]

Just be ready to deal with her not liking what you have to say.

 

[fille]

Yep, I agree - your sexuality is certainly a personal thing, but when you are married you have a commitment. If you are thinking of compromising that, it becomes the other person's business too.

 

[Bobmi357]

There is personal and there is PERSONAL. For example you have a right to keep a diary and expect it remain private. You have a right to expect some measure of personal space, even in a long term relationship. What you do not have the right to do, is anything which may result in either physical or emotional harm to your partner.

Explore your bi side if you must, but do it with your wife's permission. And if she says no, forget about it. This would be different if you were single, but you're not. You're in a committed, long term relationship and exploring your bi-side without her approval could end up with you both in divorce court.

 

[Andee_julie]

Thanks to all for your very wise advise.

I will pluck up the courage and tell her.
Like i said, i have hinted to her during sex but i didnt get much of a reaction.

Will have to have a couple of beers first i reckon.


Thanks again
Andy

 

[Willing and Unsure]

Thanks to all for your very wise advise.

I will pluck up the courage and tell her.
Like i said, i have hinted to her during sex but i didnt get much of a reaction.

Will have to have a couple of beers first i reckon.


Thanks again
Andy

try bringing it up when you're not having sex, that way it wont kill the mood or freak her out massively.

I know if my man told me he was interested in doing another guy while we were having sex, I'd probably freak and think he was fantasizing that I was another guy instead of me. And I doubt he'd be touching me again for a long time.

 

[Lust Engine]

I've always thought the second you commit to a marriage, almost everything is a compromise. Not necessarily in a bad way, but it has to be shared. To trust totally is to be totally committed.

 

[Andee_julie]

Thanks Willing

Again, good advice.
I've never thought about it that way.
It is quite strange that i fancy oral and masturbating man but i don't "fancy" men at all.

I don't look at men in the strret and think he's nice.

It really is just a lust for sex.

maybe it should stay aas just a fantasy

Andy

 

[Willing and Unsure]

it's up to you really, but something tells me that you do want to at least divulge to her what you would like. I've seen your other thread on here about having another person in the mix. If she's willing and wants to do that, I dont see there being that many problems if you were to bring this up to her. Just be prepared though for the possibility of a bad/weird reaction.

I know I share my desires and fantasies with my man. And I think he likes knowing. He shares some with me and I'm glad he does so that I can at least try to fulfill them the best I can.

 

[Andee_julie]

Thank you willing.........

You seem to understand our situation quite well.

You see, my wife doesn't express her sexual self very well at all.

Don't get me wrong, i love her to bits and she fullfills everything i desire, apart from the sex department.

I don't want this turn into an agony aunt post, but it makes it very hard fo me to be open to her as i never know what her reation will be. Well that's not completely true, i know that no matter what i suggest she will react in a negative way.

In the early days i suggested the idea of introducing sex toys in our love making and she refused. Over time and with a little convincing from me, we started to use vibrators etc. Now she has a draw full of them ;-)

My point is i don't wish to push this on her. if she has a negative reaction to my suggestion do i try to convince her that it's just sex? There is a lot of stigma attached to bi sex and i'm almost sure that she will easily find a reason to a negative reasin why the thought is a no no.

I would much prefer her to say something like (Well if it's something you need to get out of your system, then go ahead but be safe)

Dreaming i know.

I'll think things through.

Andy

 

[Bobmi357]

My point is i don't wish to push this on her. if she has a negative reaction to my suggestion do i try to convince her that it's just sex?

I have a lot of problems with the concept of "its just sex", perhaps because its not "just sex" anymore. Putting aside the emotional damage you can do to your wife's ego by telling her you want to have sex with men, there is the risk everytime you do have sex with someone outside of your primary partner that you will bring home something that at best will make you extremely uncomfortable, at worst can kill you AND YOUR PARTNER.

Sex is perhaps the most intimate act two people can share together. In an open relationship its been trivialized into an act of mild entertainment and therefore allowable. But you don't have an open relationship and from the sounds of it, your wife would explode if you even suggested it. She obviously expects you to not only remain faithful, but to abide by her rules of the sex game. Fair? Perhaps not, but at this late stage changing those rules is like trying to stop the tide from coming in.

I think that trying to trivialize sex is the wrong approach and is only going to lead you into trouble. Maybe instead of coming out and saying "Honey, I want to go screw some guys", you could work on opening her up to more experiementation. If you can get her to be more willing to try new things and new ideas, you may be able to slip in your desires at a time when she's more open to the concept.

 

[luvrgurl]

I have a lot of problems with the concept of "its just sex", perhaps because its not "just sex" anymore. Putting aside the emotional damage you can do to your wife's ego by telling her you want to have sex with men, there is the risk everytime you do have sex with someone outside of your primary partner that you will bring home something that at best will make you extremely uncomfortable, at worst can kill you AND YOUR PARTNER.

Sex is perhaps the most intimate act two people can share together. In an open relationship its been trivialized into an act of mild entertainment and therefore allowable. But you don't have an open relationship and from the sounds of it, your wife would explode if you even suggested it. She obviously expects you to not only remain faithful, but to abide by her rules of the sex game. Fair? Perhaps not, but at this late stage changing those rules is like trying to stop the tide from coming in.

I think that trying to trivialize sex is the wrong approach and is only going to lead you into trouble. Maybe instead of coming out and saying "Honey, I want to go screw some guys", you could work on opening her up to more experiementation. If you can get her to be more willing to try new things and new ideas, you may be able to slip in your desires at a time when she's more open to the concept.

Bob.........you give great advice! You should start a thread about sex advice and they should keep it as a sticky! I've read many of your posts on other threads and you always speak the truth and again.....give great advice!


L

 

[xDonkeyxPunchx]

though together for such a long time, it to me honestly sounds like you and your wife have alot more growing to do in the sex deparetment, it seems as though better communication is the key. work out the sex problems now before you dive into new ones...trust me on this.