Is this normal? she wonders..

[Adorah]

So,
I'm asking a question for a younger friend of mine. She is not 18, so she can't get on this site. she doesn't have a computer, and she doesn't feel comfortable asking anyone else but me. I gave her my advice already, but she wants a few other opinions. Today she had a guy-friend go to her house, the guy is her ex-boyfriend's good friend. Well she ended up kissing the guy and gave the guy head twice. He said it was good, really good. But he basically ignored her afterwards and amused himself with other things in her room until it was time to leave. Her parent drove them home. She did say that he did slide much closer to her in the car, though. As if to say "I haven't forgotten about you.".
I think its silly, but she wants to know if the people of literotica think this is normal behavior. She seems to think she did something wrong.

 

[PowerLifter84]

Sounds like she's being used.

 

[OrganAnarchy]

So,
Today she had a guy-friend go to her house, the guy is her ex-boyfriend's good friend.

i agree with powerlifter...

 

[noonenew]

she shouldn't be giving it up/sucking dick if she doesn't know for sure that the guy likes her back. If it's a mutual "being used" thing, then that's cool... But it sounds like she's getting played. No common sense.

 

[Noor]

Tell her women always come first, ie. no head until she comes, then she can be sure its least mutual on some level. Its good training for the guy too

 

[SweetErika]

Yep, it sounds about normal for immature people, and guys tend to be at least a couple of years behind girls in maturity until they're well into adulthood from what I've seen. It's probably a combination of him not knowing how to act really and using her, or not wanting to give her the impression they're now a couple because they did a couple-like thing.

Tell her to save the intimate acts for people she's actually intimate (i.e. shares STRONG feelings) with. Perhaps setting up a __ date/month rule with herself would be helpful for her - if she's had say, 10 dates with a person and things are going well, then something like oral might be a consideration. She's unlikely to regret waiting a reasonable amount of time, but will almost certainly feel bad about moving too quickly. I know this from experience, BTW; fortunately, it didn't take me very long to figure out my choices were hurting me and decide to keep the sexual stuff for people who cared about me in more than a sexual way.

Also educate her on the STDs she can get through oral. With the number of young people doing it exceedingly casually and unsafely these days, moving quickly and going without condoms is likely to lead to gonorreah, herpes and other yuckiness.

 

[Starbuck69]

I agree with SweetErika, but after the dates him for awhile then he needs to learn that she cums first, then him, that way they both can be much happier about what is going on and if he doesn't want to wait untill there are fealings between the two of them then he isn't worth her time.

He may not now how to please her so she may need to instruct him on how she likes it, but if he is worth the time to be with then that should not be a issue either.

 

[Musing]

I would ask "How did she get into this situation?" Surely this guy instigated it. If your friend instigated this oral sex, then she has some serious issues.

If he instigated the blow jobs and offered no love, affection or any desire whatsoever for a relationship then he's an asshole and should be the last person she wants a relationship with.

I think though, you should ask your friend why she gave this guy head when she had no idea if he really liked her? Was her ex an asshole in a similar way? It worries me that such a young girl is giving sexual favours like this and getting nothing in return.

If she's not careful, she'll get into a pattern of being used, this will, over time, corrode her self esteem until she believes that being used is all she deserves. Does she have low self esteem when it comes to relationships?

I know these are serious questions but if you care for your friend you should give this some thought and talk with her about her motivation behind being used like this.

 

[Vixandra]

Tell her women always come first, ie. no head until she comes, then she can be sure its least mutual on some level. Its good training for the guy too

I'm with Noor on this one.


And there are multiple STD's that can be transmited orally. Uckies.

 

[Starbuck69]

Well Musing, asshole is not the wordI would use, only because I dont think
it is strong enough, and that is comming from a guys point of view. Any relationship has a give and take and there only seems to be giving on her part and that is wrong.

 

[Adorah]

Thank you very much everyone.

I would ask "How did she get into this situation?" Surely this guy instigated it. If your friend instigated this oral sex, then she has some serious issues.

If he instigated the blow jobs and offered no love, affection or any desire whatsoever for a relationship then he's an asshole and should be the last person she wants a relationship with.

I think though, you should ask your friend why she gave this guy head when she had no idea if he really liked her? Was her ex an asshole in a similar way? It worries me that such a young girl is giving sexual favours like this and getting nothing in return.

If she's not careful, she'll get into a pattern of being used, this will, over time, corrode her self esteem until she believes that being used is all she deserves. Does she have low self esteem when it comes to relationships?

I know these are serious questions but if you care for your friend you should give this some thought and talk with her about her motivation behind being used like this.

Yes, the guy did come on to her. And shes been crushing on the guy for a while. I think she gave him head so he would like her, she absolutely hates the idea of being a "prude". She did not, i'm happy to say, have sex with the guy...although he did want to. And her ex wasn't quite an asshole...He always made her cum first. But he basically used her during their relationship. No real feeling was there. Most of the time they had "dates" in her room. She does already have very low self-esteem, she has told me before that she felt that other girls just had that "something" which makes guys want to be in a relationship with them and love them, and she was missing that "something". Like she wasn't worthy of a healthy, loving realtionship.
But then again...She was abused by her drunken father all of her life until her and her mother moved out when she was 13. So, i'm thinking that contributes to her mindset.

 

[Starbuck69]

Adorah, I got a chuckle from the term prude because I havent heard it used in some time, but in NO WAY does her not wanting to do any thing with him make her a prude, its called being smart, also that some thing if I had to put it into one word would be self-confidence, ok two words.

Is she getting pro help regarding the abuse? if so they should also be able to help her with the self-esteem issue as well.

 

[alain88]

Sounds like she may have some serious issues. I hope her father suffers in some way to make up for what he did to her. You say she didn't have sex with the guy...well to my way of thinking sticking his dick in her mouth is having sex. No matter what Clinton said. And I'm a Democrat! LOL. They call it oral sex, because it is sex. You can't get much more intimate than sucking on a guys dick. I don't know when it became such a casual thing. This generation of guys really seem to have the girls snowed into thinking it is just like french kissing or something. It was always a two way street when I was in High School. You didn't get your dick sucked unless you were willing to lick pussy. Now that I think about it , getting PIV sex was easier than getting a blowjob.

 

[Starbuck69]

I agree a BJ is sex, always has been and always will be

 

[glynndah]

Having a healthy sense of self respect and self worth is not the same thing as being a prude! If you do anything for someone, sexual or not, and they ignore you or disrespect you until they have an audience, that person is not your friend!

 

[onyxvixen]

I can only echo the others here. If this girl is looking for a meaningful relationship then she has to face up to a few things: -

1) Crushing on a guy she knows is basically an asshole is a bad idea. Badboys are a bad idea for this girl with her self esteem issues.

2) She has to wait till she's IN a relationship before performing sexual acts on a boy. If a girl sucks a guys dick without even going on a date or any committment to seeing her what he will automtically think is "This girl must suck EVERY guy's dick, I hardly had to ask. Why do I even NEED to have a relationship with her if I can shove my cock in her mouth whenever I please without even taking her out for a soda?" Guys think like this, it's all they think from the ages of 12-21 at the very least and some never grow out of it. She has to be selective.

3) If you don't respect yourself, nobody will do it for you. Tell your friend that she deserves the best in life and in order to get it, she needs to act like she deserves it - to believe in herself. Hanging with guys alone like this is a bad idea and I'm sure she knew what might happen with this boy. No more. Any guy wants to be alone with her, he has to be taking her on a date. A first date when she will only kiss him, on the mouth, if he's lucky and she really likes him.

4) She needs to work through the abuse she suffered. This will take time and will take heer asking for the help she needs. How much does her mother really know about what her father did? Get her to go to her doctor and ask for help. There are support groups everywhere for victims of child abuse and although it may sound awkward and unpleasant to go to one, it may help her and if it doesn't, she doesn't have to go back. Do what works.

5) Give her a big hug. Tell her she's not some cheap, worthless person that people can use, she just needs to believe in herself - as you do, because you're her friend.

 

[CutieMouse]

*points to her sig thingie under her nick*

Prude is not a bad word.

Respecting oneself enough, to only be intimate with those who have earned the experience, is a good thing...

 

[Martin69z]

Sticky situation (no pun intended)

It sounds to me like a textbook case of

1. Guy has thing for friends girl.

2. Guy gets chance to be intiment with friends girl.

3. Girl sees chance to lash out at ex.

4. Girl thinks, "I will show him what he is missing," knowing guy will tell ex.

7. Result, no one is really satisfied, and the situation between the three will never quite be the same.

Just a few thoughts.

 

[Lyonheart]

I don't really have enough information to tell but maybe he didn't know what to do or say afterwards and therefor was an idiot about it. We are talking about a guy here.

 

[Starbuck69]

I don't really have enough information to tell but maybe he didn't know what to do or say afterwards and therefor was an idiot about it. We are talking about a guy here.

I agree that this is very possible and the guy is very young but I think there was more to it that we are not hearing about.

onyxvixen and Martin69z made some very good points and is possible but I think we would need to know more on how she feels and if possible the guy as well any thing that he may have said to be able to give better advice.

But bottom line is I dont she is a prude and that she is worth so much more that what she thinks she is.

 

[SubNebGuy]

sounds like a booty call to me. your friend should move on.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

She has the Pussy so She Makes the Rules... If he don't like that he can kiss her ass. The guy is a fucking jerk.

 

[Musing]

I don't really have enough information to tell but maybe he didn't know what to do or say afterwards and therefor was an idiot about it. We are talking about a guy here.

I'd love to give this boy the benefit of the doubt but 2 blowjobs and not so much as a "see you around?" That spells ASSHOLE to me.

Kudos for wanting to think the best of the guy though

 

[BigM]

Oh man, we're talking about two kids here. She's under 18... not sure if I noticed how old he is, but he's probably equally young. THEY'RE BOTH TOO IMMATURE for us to read too much into it!

I don't mean that in a bad way, but remember when you were that young? Lord, I could barely get out of bed without doing something dumb.

 

[Lookingforideas]

I agree it sounds like she was used and needs to forget about him. Its possible that he will keep trying to do it. She needs to cut her losses now.