It's the 2026 Revise-a-Poem Challenge (Comments welcome!)

[42BelowsBack]

I loved this rewrite. Feels a lot more … fleshed out. I enjoyed the visualisation of his day, and the boxing ring becomes a smaller version of the fight he fights each day of his life. So that central metaphor of life as boxing, wonderful! I loved the clipped sentences - reminded me of the sharp movements of boxers when they unleash their hits, there is tightness in everything, their bodies, their movement, their focus.

The line, ‘ the canvas in seconds he wakes’ troubled me. Not sure how this could be done better, but it strikes me as not as sharp as your other lines. I’m sorry, I’m not sure how you would tighten this, but this line did strike me as an anomaly.

Loved this, @42BelowsBack !!

Thanks for this. I was hoping to get away with not having to get back in the ring as it were with this poem. Grrr ‘the canvas in seconds he wakes’ grrr not a points decision.

 

[42BelowsBack]

This is great. It engages senses: hearing, vision and touch all strong. And time, in various appearances, runs through it like a spine. I feel like you need something in the lines that end "he explodes" and "he wakes". I know you don't want to add an "and" in either line, but something to intensify the cause-effect relationship in each case..

Thank you for your feedback. I didn’t want to relook at it but due to the great feedback, the end cause in effect is it’s a draft grrr.

I was however quietly wondering what it would look like with another go rolled / a / round / over it. And what techniques could achieve that?

Hmmm who want’s to think more about getting punched in the face? Not me! Is there no room for throw away poems in this place?

Grrr

 

[Angeline]

Thank you for your feedback. I didn’t want to relook at it but due to the great feedback, the end cause in effect is it’s a draft grrr.

I was however quietly wondering what it would look like with another go rolled / a / round / over it. And what techniques could achieve that?

Hmmm who want’s to think more about getting punched in the face? Not me! Is there no room for throw away poems in this place?

Grrr

Oh there's always room for poems that linger in the "still a draft" file. It's how I end up editing 22-year-old poems.

Now I have to figure out why my indent feature doesn't work. I just want to kick my keyboard...or maybe my recalcitrant poem!

 

[NivKay]

Oh there's always room for poems that linger in the "still a draft" file. It's how I end up editing 22-year-old poems.

Now I have to figure out why my indent feature doesn't work. I just want to kick my keyboard...or maybe my recalcitrant poem!

So, I'm not the only one who is puzzled by indentations. There have been quite a number of indentations that don;t come through when I post here. Am I missing something?

 

[Angeline]

So, I'm not the only one who is puzzled by indentations. There have been quite a number of indentations that don;t come through when I post here. Am I missing something?

No you're not! I'm frustrated by the same thing: I add indents and when I post they vanish. I used to be pretty proficient with V-Bulletin, the system that controlled all the editorial features here. Then it was updated....

 

[SapioSexual9]

No you're not! I'm frustrated by the same thing: I add indents and when I post they vanish. I used to be pretty proficient with V-Bulletin, the system that controlled all the editorial features here. Then it was updated....

Me too. Not the V-bulletin but the I tried looking in tech support and…

 

[SapioSexual9]

42. I have reviewed your poem and refer you to the opening lines of a Orange King poem.

If I were walking down the street woman would erect me.
She likes me. Woman are yelling out their windows

Oh great. 42 will read this and take 22 yrs to write round two

Remember who taught you to write like you do.

 

[42BelowsBack]

I know you don't want to add an "and" in either line, but something to intensify the cause-effect relationship in each case..

Your comments are insightful. You’ve really got me thinking about a lot of things @Angeline). But first and.

I am missing And.

You and I shared a common relationship.
You were my earth and sky.

We went swimming and hiking together.
I studied and studied you.

Then you And, in my poetey became
a broken math maticle equation.

I think of you and x > 1 and x < 0, which
indicates you And, were greater than, and I.

 

[12oclocktales]

No you're not! I'm frustrated by the same thing: I add indents and when I post they vanish. I used to be pretty proficient with V-Bulletin, the system that controlled all the editorial features here. Then it was updated....

When I indent, which isn’t too often, mainly with limericks in the third and fourth lines, I just tap in the number of spaces I want, usually four, on the space bar and have had no trouble when posting them. Mary Oliver indented a lot, stair-step fashion, early on, then not so much.

 

[Angeline]

When I indent, which isn’t too often, mainly with limericks in the third and fourth lines, I just tap in the number of spaces I want, usually four, on the space bar and have had no trouble when posting them. Mary Oliver indented a lot, stair-step fashion, early on, then not so much.

Thank you! I'll give it a try.