Jealousy

[Blue]

May be I can add to this from the point of view of the jealous person, I didn't feel fear, I felt anger, my jealousy always comes from a deep hatred of the object that is causing my jealousy.

I suffered extreme jealousy with a Dom, to the point of casting a spell on him. This had nothing to do with fear of losing him but I despised the other sub. I compared myself to her and was angry that he could even consider being with her instead of me, It made me feel bad because in my warped mind, it was saying that I was uglier than her.

What were the effects of the spell?

 

[Taramafor]

May be I can add to this from the point of view of the jealous person, I didn't feel fear, I felt anger, my jealousy always comes from a deep hatred of the object that is causing my jealousy.

I suffered extreme jealousy with a Dom, to the point of casting a spell on him. This had nothing to do with fear of losing him but I despised the other sub. I compared myself to her and was angry that he could even consider being with her instead of me, It made me feel bad because in my warped mind, it was saying that I was uglier than her.

Chances are those two saw something in each other that you simply did not. I got two exes that used to be at each others throats with me in the middle. They ended up having a crush on each other eventually.

 

[littlecordelera]

I don't understand jealousy, and I've never felt it. I don't consider that an accomplishment, but more an abnormal mind set that is beyond my control. I have had guys get very jealous when they find out that I am unwilling to date them exclusively, and I never know what to say, because I simply can't understand why it matters. I like them for who they are. What I feel for other guys has absolutely no bearing on them.

I've tried to talk to friends about my lack of jealously, but they either don't believe me or act like I'm some sort of freak.

Maybe I am a freak.

 

[Farawyn]

^This right here is what it boils down to for me, too. I have to own my shit. Others may help me deal with it to a degree, but it really is 100% on me to get a grip on my own emotions.

To me trust and jealousy are not mutually exclusive and not all jealousies are created equal. Some are harder to handle, some can even be played with to everybody's amusement.

More often than not my jealousy stems from my own insecurities and that's the kind of jealousy I usually find the most difficult to deal with. I'm not a beautiful, sexy creature, who's endlessly interesting and engaging. I'm awkward, can get too stuck in my own head, shy and physically, let's say, lacking. I sometimes have a hard time understanding why anybody would like to hang out with me for longer than a couple of days, so it's hardly a surprise that jealousy stemming from insecurity is a familiar friend to me.

Some things on my long list of jealousy inducing insecurities are easier for me to handle and the pangs of jealousy they cause are weaker, some are varsity level stuff.

And then, sometimes, there are really real causes of jealousy, something that is not just something I've made up in my mind because of my own insecurities. I'm poly(ish) and sometimes I might feel "left out" for whatever reason etc. That type of jealousy is not as difficult for me to deal with as the kind that stems from my personal insecurities, but it doesn't make it any less real. Talking about the causes helps dealing with this type of jealousy, but I think it rarely fully solves the issue.

In the end, regardless of the cause of my jealousy, it's still all on me to be responsible and handle my own emotions in a mature and safe way. I need to find a way to deal with it and that way is never, ever letting my emotions totally spin out of control and causing a huge scene.

This is WHY you are beautiful. All of this.
It’s so funny we can see it in others and not ourselves.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Is it jealousy when it’s without merit?
What about a situation of betrayal? What is that called... still jealousy?
Or something else?
Like heartbreak.

Useful distinction to make.

I'm poly; I understand that some people have a visceral negative reaction to the idea of their partner loving anybody else, but it's just not something I feel. My lover's happiness doesn't subtract from mine.

But I've been in situations where my lover made a habit of bailing on our long-scheduled commitments for the sake of spur-of-the-moment stuff with their partner, and that got me very angry indeed. Some of it just the usual upset that anybody would feel at broken promises, but the fact that I was missing out on what little quality time we'd scheduled, so that their partner could get even more... that certainly made it that much worse.

I don't think the possessive kind of jealousy serves any useful purpose. But I think it's not just natural but healthy to feel angry when treated badly, and if that's done for somebody else's sake it's hard not to hold it against them - even when the one in the middle is ultimately responsible for the choices they make.

 

[kittiGoddess]

What were the effects of the spell?

The spell was basically to hurt him he crashed his car