keep a guy for more than a day

[horsie_gurl]

Shit relationships suck. Its always like this for me. I get wooed and told all about how much this guy loves me one night....then the next day he doesn't show up for our date and he doesn't call...i call and he cant even answer the phone...instead he texts me back and says that "something came up" and he "shouldn't have said that stuff" bitch. Last night he got me so excited telling me all about how he felt about me. and at first i doubted it because he used to resist a relationship with me so i gave up...then last night he brought it up. he told me all this that made me smile so much and hardly sleep in anticipation, then this. no phone call and can't even tell me what happened...he has to write it? i dont think i did anything wrong? but all the guys second guess it over night. how i curse that damn night. what can i do?

 

[LadyAria]

You should follow him around for weeks asking him what you did wrong. Call him every hour on the hour. Oh, and killing a pet and putting its severed head on the front porch should guarantee his return.

 

[CowBoy18^]

You should follow him around for weeks asking him what you did wrong. Call him every hour on the hour. Oh, and killing a pet and putting its severed head on the front porch should guarantee his return.

lol thats mean but funny as hell


Know this: guys wanna get into a girls pants, maybe by sweet talking you they think they're one step closer?

 

[Jnetz24]

where have u been all my life?

 

[cream_robot]

Dude speaking.

Take it as a given that I obviously know nothing about you and I'm trying to assume as little as possible.

I've got a kind of radical notion. The notion is that guys like mystery. They like the thrill of romance, the give and take of seduction, the anticipation that builds when they are attracted to a woman but can't have her. Speaking for myself, that turns me on like nothing else does.

But, guys also like to do it (like you needed me to tell you that). And, when given the opportunity, you can't really say, "No, I think I'll take the mystery and seduction instead of the sex".

Now, I don't know if you're sleeping with these guys or not. I really didn't get that one way or another from your post. I know girls that take a guy home every damn night of the week and have your problem, I know girls that can't attract a guy to save their life that have your problem.

If I have one piece of advice, it's this: focus on the thrill of the chase. Don't pour your heart our right away (the heart thing will come in time, if they guy is worth a damn), and likewise don't give your body away too quickly. It's not because you need to save yourself or some other puritanical bullshit. But, you need to get him interested. Make him wonder what he's missing.

 

[LadyAria]

Dude speaking.

Take it as a given that I obviously know nothing about you and I'm trying to assume as little as possible.

I've got a kind of radical notion. The notion is that guys like mystery. They like the thrill of romance, the give and take of seduction, the anticipation that builds when they are attracted to a woman but can't have her. Speaking for myself, that turns me on like nothing else does.

But, guys also like to do it (like you needed me to tell you that). And, when given the opportunity, you can't really say, "No, I think I'll take the mystery and seduction instead of the sex".

Now, I don't know if you're sleeping with these guys or not. I really didn't get that one way or another from your post. I know girls that take a guy home every damn night of the week and have your problem, I know girls that can't attract a guy to save their life that have your problem.

If I have one piece of advice, it's this: focus on the thrill of the chase. Don't pour your heart our right away (the heart thing will come in time, if they guy is worth a damn), and likewise don't give your body away too quickly. It's not because you need to save yourself or some other puritanical bullshit. But, you need to get him interested. Make him wonder what he's missing.

Or buy a house with a dirt basement and start carrying duct tape in your purse just in case you meet Mr. Right.

 

[cream_robot]

Or buy a house with a dirt basement and start carrying duct tape in your purse just in case you meet Mr. Right.

You're a strange one, LadyAria, I'll give you that much!

Some guys would probably go for the duct tape thing...

 

[human_male]

You should follow him around for weeks asking him what you did wrong. Call him every hour on the hour. Oh, and killing a pet and putting its severed head on the front porch should guarantee his return.

No, no she shouldn't kill the poor pet. She should just get one of those realistic dildos, and nail it to his front door (and maybe a splash of read paint). That ought to do it.

 

[human_male]

I sympathise, it sucks to be treated that way. You didn't really say if you shagged this guy or not, but you should know one thing... some men will say anything to get into a girl's pants. They may not even like her, they'll still want to fuck her. And when they get what they wan't they won't want to see her again. These are the sorts of guys who're very charming and know exactly what to say, by the way. So be on your gaurd is something or someone seems too good to be true.

If you don't want this to happen (assuming you did fuck him) then just don't have sex until you've been a couple for a reasonable amout of time. That way you know he's into you and not just looking for an easy root.

If you didn't have sex with him then I can't imagine what would suddenly turn him off, but don't beat yourself up. Women confound us just as much as men confound you. It's just one of those things.

It's also possible that you're simply too much woman for him to handle, and he got scared off.

 

[sirensiren]

I know one thing, that guys can be turned off by small details, maybe he really did want you badly and loved you, but you did or said something that turned it around. In the beginning small details can be really crucial or end things. Hard to explain, but maybe for some reason he decided that you weren't the girl he had thought up in his mind that you were. Do not take it personally, I know how hard it is not to get completely insulted, but really, guys do this to girls all the time, they pursue and court and bam the girl does something and poof they're gone.

 

[Perfect_Trust]

I wouldn't nail dead animals to his door, it leaves proof for you to be prosecuted.

He's obviously lost interest & isn't worth wasting time on...just tell everyone he knows he has a small dick & is crap in bed (even if you didn't fuck him, if he's that much of a twat he's probably told everyone he did anyway).

 

[FurryFury]

Shit relationships suck. Its always like this for me. I get wooed and told all about how much this guy loves me one night....then the next day he doesn't show up for our date and he doesn't call...i call and he cant even answer the phone...instead he texts me back and says that "something came up" and he "shouldn't have said that stuff" bitch. Last night he got me so excited telling me all about how he felt about me. and at first i doubted it because he used to resist a relationship with me so i gave up...then last night he brought it up. he told me all this that made me smile so much and hardly sleep in anticipation, then this. no phone call and can't even tell me what happened...he has to write it? i dont think i did anything wrong? but all the guys second guess it over night. how i curse that damn night. what can i do?

Three questions might help figure out what happened and why.

Were either of you drinking?

What ages are involved?

Did sex occur?

Fury

 

[tanyachrs]

How about if we stop acting like the lady did something wrong?

Yeah, there are a lot of people out there (men and women) who will use you if they can and dump you once they're sure of you. You don't want those people. You don't need to stop being an enthusiastic woman with a kind heart who follows her own desires. Understand that being open will sometimes mean being hurt, but leave yourself open. The right person will appreciate it and you'll avoid becoming a bitter, game-playing loser yourself.

In the meantime, try not to build castles in the sky without a foundation so your heart doesn't get too broken, and if you're finding guys like the above over and over, you might want to ask yourself where and how you're finding them and quit that.

 

[FurryFury]

If the problem occurs in your life over and over again, it's worth examining what circumstances it occurred under and how one can change them, IMO.

Fury

 

[horsie_gurl]

These are all great responses thank you all. But some don't really apply and some are just trying to boost confidence thats been crushed..


no we didn't have sex. i'm 19 and hes 20. We weren't drinking

I guess i really shouldn't expect too much out of something when nothing is there....i like the castle in the sky metaphor....i really shouldn't be planning anything or expecting anything so beautiful to occur when nothing really has....

its just that we have known each other as friends for over a year and he has known for a long time that i like him a lot...but he told me why it wouldn't work out, so i stopped pursuing him and we just chat like old friends...then when this happened, he sort of brought it up and told me all sorts of things that would lead someone to think that he liked me and i even asked him straight up (he's not very forward about it and i dont want to assume something). and he said he is saying exactly what he feels...and we had a date planned and everything then over night...he just doesn't talk to me anymore. everything was fine when we stopped talking that night...and ever since that text message he just won't talk to me...i really miss him. a lot.

 

[horsie_gurl]

and dont worry i wasn't even considering nailing anything to his door.

 

[FurryFury]

These are all great responses thank you all. But some don't really apply and some are just trying to boost confidence thats been crushed..


no we didn't have sex. i'm 19 and hes 20. We weren't drinking

I guess i really shouldn't expect too much out of something when nothing is there....i like the castle in the sky metaphor....i really shouldn't be planning anything or expecting anything so beautiful to occur when nothing really has....

its just that we have known each other as friends for over a year and he has known for a long time that i like him a lot...but he told me why it wouldn't work out, so i stopped pursuing him and we just chat like old friends...then when this happened, he sort of brought it up and told me all sorts of things that would lead someone to think that he liked me and i even asked him straight up (he's not very forward about it and i dont want to assume something). and he said he is saying exactly what he feels...and we had a date planned and everything then over night...he just doesn't talk to me anymore. everything was fine when we stopped talking that night...and ever since that text message he just won't talk to me...i really miss him. a lot.

I'm sorry that this happened and hurt you.

*HUG*

I find that when a guy says it won't work out, it won't. Not because it can't but because he won't let it for some stupid reason.

Hanging around a guy after that can lead you to believe it could happen and to hurt.

He might even entertain those thoughts himself but then he will see some other chick that is more what he thinks he wants or must have or maybe just get another vid game and poof, he is gone.

He's simply not the one for you and never will be. Let it go. You are better than to do the waiting thing for something that won't ever happen. I've seen girls literally follow guys to new states and schools and waste so much time when it will clearly never happen.

There is someone out there for you. Someone better for YOU. Be there and open to him when he comes along.

*HUG*

Fury

 

[SweetErika]

These are all great responses thank you all. But some don't really apply and some are just trying to boost confidence thats been crushed..


no we didn't have sex. i'm 19 and hes 20. We weren't drinking

I guess i really shouldn't expect too much out of something when nothing is there....i like the castle in the sky metaphor....i really shouldn't be planning anything or expecting anything so beautiful to occur when nothing really has....

its just that we have known each other as friends for over a year and he has known for a long time that i like him a lot...but he told me why it wouldn't work out, so i stopped pursuing him and we just chat like old friends...then when this happened, he sort of brought it up and told me all sorts of things that would lead someone to think that he liked me and i even asked him straight up (he's not very forward about it and i dont want to assume something). and he said he is saying exactly what he feels...and we had a date planned and everything then over night...he just doesn't talk to me anymore. everything was fine when we stopped talking that night...and ever since that text message he just won't talk to me...i really miss him. a lot.

It sounds like he's 20 going on 12.

To be frank, what's to miss about someone who treats you like crap? Why try to make contact with a person who:
a) isn't sincere
b) doesn't have the decency to at least tell you on the phone
c) would drop you like a hot potato
d) ignores you
e) up until that night, was clear they weren't interested

Perhaps this has happened to you more than once because you've pursued the same type multiple times, and/or don't go after the type that will treat you well and/or contrinue to hope/try for something with people who have been clear (even if nonverbally) that they don't want the same thing.

So, what you'd need to do in that situation is stop everything, evaluate carefully and proceed on a different path. That is, get to know yourself and the type(s) that haven't worked out for you - find your patterns. Once you've done that, change them by looking at and dating different types, possibly those you haven't been interested in/pursued before.

I've always been really attracted to the smooth type that makes me feel very wanted physically, but those guys couldn't meet my other needs and were basically womanizers. So, I opened myself up to the very different "nice guy" (usually nerdy) who treats me great and can be my best friend as well as my lover. It was hard to get out of my pattern, but I worked at it and forced myself to not get back into it. That's led to sheer happiness for me.

Things keep happening because we make decisions that lead to them. Bad things keep happening when we fail to learn from them and do differently. Good things keep happening when we have learned and continue to do things that lead to them. Learn from what's happened in your past, and move on to better things.

 

[horsie_gurl]

ugh this is going to be so hard. It makes sense that im wasting my time i just cant see any life without him. This is so hard, but i have to do it.

 

[SweetErika]

ugh this is going to be so hard. It makes sense that im wasting my time i just cant see any life without him. This is so hard, but i have to do it.

Hon, I do know where you're coming from, and you've definitely got the right idea about having to do it, but I think you're probably making it harder than it is/has to be on yourself. Summon all of your strength (and there's a lot of it, so dig in every corner to find each bit!) and realize what a powerful, self-sufficient person you are. This isn't a loss, but a huge opportunity to learn about yourself, rid your life of negativity and be open to very good things. Don't look for a loss, start seeing your life without the pain this person brings - you can see yourself as happier without that, right?

If you do that, in time you'll come to be grateful for this situation; his idiocy and immaturity is HIS loss and your gain. Thank him mentally for cutting you loose so you could find strength and fulfillment. You haven't lost one of the greatest loves of your life, or even a good friend here, but rather gained the opportunity to find those people (and there will be many if you're in the right state of mind, I promise).

You WILL be fine. In fact, you're already way closer to that than when this happened.

 

[Perfect_Trust]

These are all great responses thank you all. But some don't really apply and some are just trying to boost confidence thats been crushed..


no we didn't have sex. i'm 19 and hes 20. We weren't drinking

I guess i really shouldn't expect too much out of something when nothing is there....i like the castle in the sky metaphor....i really shouldn't be planning anything or expecting anything so beautiful to occur when nothing really has....

its just that we have known each other as friends for over a year and he has known for a long time that i like him a lot...but he told me why it wouldn't work out, so i stopped pursuing him and we just chat like old friends...then when this happened, he sort of brought it up and told me all sorts of things that would lead someone to think that he liked me and i even asked him straight up (he's not very forward about it and i dont want to assume something). and he said he is saying exactly what he feels...and we had a date planned and everything then over night...he just doesn't talk to me anymore. everything was fine when we stopped talking that night...and ever since that text message he just won't talk to me...i really miss him. a lot.

I think this makes it worse that he has been a 'friend' for so long & still treated you this way. It's more the type of behaviour you'd expect from someone you had only met once or twice, so it probably hurt you more that he's behaved this way. You've had soom good advice from Erika & Fury & seem to be taking it om board.
*Hug*

 

[human_male]

These are all great responses thank you all. But some don't really apply and some are just trying to boost confidence thats been crushed..


no we didn't have sex. i'm 19 and hes 20. We weren't drinking

I guess i really shouldn't expect too much out of something when nothing is there....i like the castle in the sky metaphor....i really shouldn't be planning anything or expecting anything so beautiful to occur when nothing really has....

its just that we have known each other as friends for over a year and he has known for a long time that i like him a lot...but he told me why it wouldn't work out, so i stopped pursuing him and we just chat like old friends...then when this happened, he sort of brought it up and told me all sorts of things that would lead someone to think that he liked me and i even asked him straight up (he's not very forward about it and i dont want to assume something). and he said he is saying exactly what he feels...and we had a date planned and everything then over night...he just doesn't talk to me anymore. everything was fine when we stopped talking that night...and ever since that text message he just won't talk to me...i really miss him. a lot.

Actually this kind of sounds familiar. When I was eighteen I had a close friend, and things eventually got heated with us. She fell in love with me (as weird as that seems) but I never really felt comfortable with the relationship. I don't really know why. I think maybe I just wanted to be friends, or I just wasn't attracted to her in that way and didn't understand why not. I was totally hot and cold with her as I struggled with myself really wanting a girlfriend, but not loving her. I didn't understand, and only being eighteen (blokes are stupid when we're that age) I didn't handle it at all well and finally just started ignoring her. How I treated her is one of the most shameful things I've ever done in my life and one of my biggest regrets.

My only excuse is that I was an eighteen year old guy and she was my fist relationship. This guy's only a bit older, and maybe it's something like that. It'd be nice if he could handle it better than I did. But what I would do if I were you is to simply kick him out of your life. I know you're missing him, but you can't get over someone if you have to be around them a lot.

Anyway I'm probably off the mark but I hope that helps.

 

[horsie_gurl]

No human_male...that really makes sense. and Erika your right. This is a good thing. I really see it now. I was just so messed up two days ago and even last night i was missing him , but i can do this. And really it shouldn't be so hard. This isn't the first time we have had trouble and I really understand that I'm better off without the trouble. Thank you all so much for all this advice. Especially pointing out to me that i can move on and this can be a good thing if i make it one. Its really made me relook at things to have someone else see this and point it out to me.

Thanks

 

[jerseyman1963]

Some of the responses here are hilarious, and yes, heartbreak like this is a serious thing, but if you can't laugh at life, it's over.

On a serious note, sounds like your boy is still learning how to be a man. He does not yet know enough about himself to either not be afraid of his feelings for you, OR to be able to be honest and truthful with you and say, "I don't really feel that way," or, "I do feel that way but I'm not ready," or "I did feel that way but I changed my mind," or something along those lines.

Few men his age have that kind of maturity. They're still learning. I am not suggesting he be let off the hook for being a jerk, but just passing on some insight from my own foibles at that age.

In either case however, he owed you some honesty but he wasn't straightforward. Some day he'll probably look back and tell himself he blew a chance at a good thing, or at least know that he could have been more straightforward and honest with you.

But this shouldn't be about him at this point. It's about you now. He is what he is. Accept that (hard though it might be when you've opened your heart to something better) because you deserve better (everyone does) and it's up to you to make that happen for yourself. People can only be who they are, not what we want them to be. He proved himself not to be what you were hoping, so it's time to hit his eject button from your heart.

You allowed yourself to be open to the possibilty of something great. Bravo for you! YOU took a risk. Unfortunately the risk didn't pay off, but it could have, and one day it will. In the meantime, you're hurting now but that will pass, and next time your standards will be just a tad higher and your foresight just a little bit better because of this experience, and eventually that will lead to something - or, specifically, someone worthy of your affections.

It's all part of the aging process. It sucks some days, but that's how we learn.

 

[Nookiehunter]

Shit relationships suck. Its always like this for me. I get wooed and told all about how much this guy loves me one night....then the next day he doesn't show up for our date and he doesn't call...i call and he cant even answer the phone...instead he texts me back and says that "something came up" and he "shouldn't have said that stuff" bitch. Last night he got me so excited telling me all about how he felt about me. and at first i doubted it because he used to resist a relationship with me so i gave up...then last night he brought it up. he told me all this that made me smile so much and hardly sleep in anticipation, then this. no phone call and can't even tell me what happened...he has to write it? i dont think i did anything wrong? but all the guys second guess it over night. how i curse that damn night. what can i do?

First, you are a pretty girl. I looked at your picture in your bio area. You just need to get the right guy. If you meet a guy in a bar and he is half drunk, their is a good chance he won't remember last night's conversation. If he doesn't write down your name, address and phone number and the time of your date, he probably won't show up. If he is the kind of guy who refers to women as "bitches," you don't want to mess with him anyway. Meet a better class of guys and don't give up on yourself or relationships

Nookiehunter