ladies, some help. i've never orgasmed.. but am i close?

[Noira]

I'd be willing to bet it's a crappy vibrator. Most women seem to start with the traditional slimline vibe, they're not usually that powerful and they aren't shaped to hit the g-spot, so they miss all the good spots! And different types of vibrations feel different.

The recommendation of the Hiachi with attachments is a good one for a clit-of-steel woman, but it is noisy. Very noisy. I recommend something quieter if you're still at home with family that may be nosy... I'm personally a LELO fangirl, since all their vibrators are gloriously quiet and most are well tailored to the female form. Their Ella is a great shaped dildo that'll pretty much inevitably hit your G-spot, though I suppose it must miss for some people!

Other suggestions of course include relax in the shower. If you have a detatchable head, it is excellent for clit stimulation. If you don't, tie a cloth over the showerhead and you'll get a nice stream of water from above for hands free stimulation. A warm shower can be just what you need to get quiet private time where you can relax with some fantasies.

And of course, your brain is the largest sex organ you have. Don't stick to one fantasy, jump around until you find one that really gets you hot and bothered. Don't be afraid to mentally experiment. It's not too freaky if it gets you off in your mind. Don't be afraid to fantasize, read erotica, look at porn, whatever will get you excited.

It sounds to me like you haven't orgasmed but you've gotten close. Keep in mind they're NOT always "OMG I DEFINITELY ORGASMED" as people are telling you. My first orgasms, I hated them so much, they were just little muscle spasms and then I felt like I had to pee and was frustrated and annoyed. It took a long time for me to work up to good ones, and then to the AAMAAAAAAAAZING ones. I had to learn what I liked and what would get me there. Those AMAAAAAAAZING ones are unmistakable, of course, the first time I had one I actually thought I was going to have a seizure and had to cover my mouth to keep quiet. But the other ones, well, for me when I started the only reason I really knew was that I was no longer interested in keeping going.

However, protip: don't stress yourself out over it. That can block orgasming all in its own right. Just enjoy masturbating and the ride, and sooner or later it'll happen. And I do recommend the stream of water technique (though tying a cloth over a showerhead focuses it more than going under the bathtub stream, I find), because it doesn't get tired, you have until you run out of hot water, and it doesn't numb as much as a vibrator.

I still have my best orgasms that way.

 

[jonicaswift]

After reading this thread, I had to go shopping online for new vibrators . . .

 

[Noira]

Why is that a problem? XD

 

[kissxxxpookie]

thank you all again for your input.

in the past couple weeks since i've posted, i've tried numerous times again to get off.

one time i tried for the sake of doing it because the house was quiet and stuff, but it was very unproductive. i definitely NEED to be in the mood and have the mindset because it just ended up being a waste of time cos i couldn't get myself to the "close point".

another time tho, i did get to.. well.. i dont know how to explain.. but let's call it a milestone.
i was having sexy phone time with a guy and playing with my clit and just for the heck of it, i started fingering myself, which i dont usually do cos of the inconvenience of the angle on my wrists. i guess i found my gspot or whatever cos it got pretty damn intense. i got to the "close point", and was able to keep going, but for some sort of reason it felt like i couldn't go any further. i'm pretty sure i didnt orgasm, but ugh.. dont know how to explain. i just couldnt bring myself to continue.

and yeah, my vibrator is a cheap POS lol but i can't exactly afford to buy one at the moment
but thank you for the shower head idea! i'll consider trying that next

i'm gonna keep working on it!

 

[Scarlett_GA]

Just want to reinforce the shower/tub idea. The first orgasm I remember was when I was about 9 or 10 and occurred in the hot tub while leaning against a jet, totally by accident. But when it happened, wow... I was hooked! For the next several years, that was the only way I ever came... bathtub/shower, hot tub, pool... whatever would do the trick!

I later graduated to my hand, and then experimented with random objects (insertion). It wasn't until college that I bought my first vibe. Now I have a box full! Water was great though. I still have a strong affinity for water.

Best of luck to you!

 

[Noira]

I later graduated to my hand, and then experimented with random objects (insertion). It wasn't until college that I bought my first vibe. Now I have a box full! Water was great though. I still have a strong affinity for water.

Sounds just like me! I've built up a bit of a collection and it wasn't until I was college aged either. I highly suggest joining EdenFantasys if you don't have a lot of money for vibes... just participating on the site gets you points that can be used to get entirely free vibes and their review program also offers you potentially free things (just pay shipping and write a review).

I've built up 25 dollars towards free toys.

But yeah, I still love water and still use it whenever I'm in the mood in the shower.

Don't discount random objects and other things like that. Electric toothbrushes made for a great first vibe for me... the cheap Crest sonic ones are like, 10 bucks and pretty quite and fairly powerful. When it comes to insertables, hair brush handles, I had a broken vacuum handle for a while, and a shaver handle that was curved that could sorta work for g-spotting... and don't discount bottles, there's one brand of energy drink that has an absolutely perfect shaped dildo bottle. (dies) Plastic, but it's only like, 3 or 4 bucks and it would hold up nicely as long as you filed down any rough bits. Vegetables never did it for me.

You don't need a vibe, it only helps. And do enter contests on blogs, you might get lucky. I've won a couple toys that way. LELO sometimes has giveaways on their Facebook, for example.

Good luck! Sounds like you're getting closer!

 

[EveAnna]

I'd also suggest the showerhead. Turn the water heat and flow down, if you have a showerhead that you can adjust to just the massage flow, turn it to that. Then just focus on your clit, if you get it right, you'll orgasm whether you want to or not. Experiment to what feels good, sometimes you'll have to turn the flow up or make the water hotter.

Also these kinds of orgasms are powerful, knee-buckling so either lean on the wall or kneel in the shower/bath. Have fun.

 

[Que]

I have yet to orgasm. At least I'm pretty sure I haven't. Everyone tells me that you KNOW when you've orgasmed. I've never had the feeling occur to me where I stop and think "hey, I just orgasmed" which is why I can say with a large percentage of certainty that I haven't yet.

For a man usually, I once had an ejaculation without a perceived orgasm but that was unusual...for a woman I assume its a question of degree...small ones I think just feel pleasant I have been told.

I don't masturbate often, but i'd been doing it more often than usual (average of maybe 1-2times a month now). I don't actually really enjoy it, but sometimes when you have the urge and no partner, you do what you gotta do.

interesting dichotomy, you feel an urge to do something without the perception of results...I think its worth doing, just be less goal oriented maybe? I was anorgasmic for years...ex couldnt understand that even when it took more and more to -get me off- i REALLY DID enjoy the intimacy, the sensations even if i didnt cum.

Anyways. I think I'm getting close. I mean, sure, I don't know 100% that I'm close since I've never actually finished, but I can get myself to a point where it just feels different. A good different. Yes, I get the urge to pee, but I make sure to get that taken care of before I start so I'm getting better at ignoring that urge.

I also used to jerk around and when I got close I'd close my legs on my partner's hand (I can't get to that the point from penetration only) and ask him to stop, but lately I've realize I seem to get closer faster when I'm jerking around and closing my legs but alas, no one to help me out with that yet.

Anyways, in my years of trying to get off, there have been 3 different umm.. experiences that have happened that have only happened once thus far.

1. My ex and I went up to his cottage and I went a little vocally crazy since we were in the middle of nowhere and I was absolutely certain no one could hear me. I'm vocal as it is, I moan and groan and have the worst potty mouth when getting it good, and I'm pretty sure being able to release these moans helps get me turned on cos when I've had to stay quiet, it takes a bit longer. long story short, when he was done fucking my brains out and we were just lying down to catch our breaths, I was suddenly hit with a wave of well.. euphoria. it was an amazing feeling, and I've never felt as satisfied as I did at that particular moment. HOWEVER, this was like a good 5-10mins after we'd finished, and it wasn't like.. hmm.. how to explain. I didn't feel it in my body, just in my being? If that makes sense? Cos I'm pretty sure I didnt orgasm when we were actually sexing.

That was within the first couple years, so what did I know then. Just thought it was the the satisfaction of getting a good pounding lol.

2. A couple months ago I'd been touching myself and I don't really remember how it happened, but I somehow ended up on my stomach. I was still touching myself, and from under, not around my ass, and then as I was doing the deed, I felt a gush of liquid in my hand. It felt like a big huge pool of liquid, but when I looked at my hand, it was only a little wetter than it usually gets and there was no wet pool around where I was laying. I wasn't sure if I were imagining it or what, but it didn't otherwise physically feel like I had orgasmed (the "hey, I just orgasmed" thing) and I dont think I had gotten to my "close" point

3. Last night/this morning I couldn't sleep. Sex tires me out. Logic tells me if I'm unable to sleep, I should put myself in the same kinda state to help myself sleep. So I went at it and I was able to keep going when i hit my close point even though I usually stop myself soon after I get there because I just can't bring myself to continue. Anyways, as I was rubbing away, I got this weird sensation of bodily fluids flowing downwards in my body. I dont know how else to explain it really. But that's what it felt like. It was going down towards my pussy, but it's not as if anything gushed out like in 2. I tried it again a few mins later, but nothing.

At the end you were chasing it and I cant cum if I am chasing it...its like catching a mirage in the desert for me.

So.. really. To the ladies who have orgasmed, have any of these things happened to you before you actually orgasmed? Because I can always reach "the point" but never really further than that (usually because my hand/arm tires or my partner gets too agressive that it turns me off). Or am I actually orgasming and just not realizing it? that would be the WORST lol

I do have a vibrator (can you believe my ex got it for me so that he wouldn't have to deal with me and the fact that I cant get off? lol so i can "take care of myself"), but it does nothing for me. Except fill the void where a real cock should be. lol nor do i want to go out and buy myself a new one. The vibration does nothing for me except make me numb which makes getting to "the point" even harder.

vibrator can provide fullness but Im gonna guess youd be better with a non vibrating dildo and just pound yourself with it as that seems to be where you get closest...as far as vibrations (and I defer again to the women with clits to describe but I have always heard clit stim, (generalization) that if for prolonged periods less is more...gentle...

any pointers or suggestive comments would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

kp

Some women report that with g-spot stimulation they feel an urge to pee. It could in theory react to external pressure just against your abdomen like in your on your belly experience . Anyway I hear between the lines that maybe incontinence is a huge no no to you, like maybe some childhood issues? and if you are trying to suppress that urge it may well be that you are a squirter and that wave is coming and you are suppressing....

If you have emptied your bladder recently assume (safely) that the "got to pee" feeling is not as it seems and encourage rather than discourage that feeling to blossom.

just a thought.

Take this with a grain of salt as I have the other optional genital package installed myself, and although I have had good proficiency and results rooting about in the innards of the 3-4 people that do have your particular equipment, Im not the OB/GYN that my brother is.

 

[beths-virtue]

yes, please ladies, don't discount the power f EBAY either, thier adult section , if you know what you're buying is great, several toys purchased for less than 10 bucks, but if you want the best its LELO or jimmyjane,( oh yes Form 2) they make the best stuff, but its definitely an investment in your pleasure,

my first orgasms by myself, were nice but nothing to write home about
it wasnt until i had , shall we say practiced some , before they got good, and my first squirting orgasm with a partner, well, i should write it down as a story ...
tragic comedy.


my first toy was the conair massager its a percussion massager, sold in Walmart, etc. for around 20 bucks,much quieter than the hitachi wand.
up till last month around here the walgreens actually sold "pocket rocket" vibes, but recently i noticed they were off the shelves.but Texas is positively primeval when it comes to sex toys, so , check yours, its by the "medical supplies"

i have seen pocket rockets other places too
ive tried lots of toys some work well, others need help , and some arent worth the 40 bucks you pay for them , wonderfully enough , we are all different, while we can all offer advice, only you will know what works for you
just my 2 coppers

 

[Kojote]

Well dear kisspookie...
I'm a man and I think I may risk some opposition now, but...
Have you ever thought about your expectations being to high regarding the distinct feeling of an orgasm?
I may be totally wrong, but it sounds like you can really enjoy your bodily reactions when the mood is right and to reach the 'close point'.
But then there is this expectation in your mind that something significant and distinct has to happen thereafter.

There is a good feeling (as it sounds) and you can reach it by hand. So I'd say you should at first take this and enjoy it.
Get your mind off the 'gotta reach the mysterious superextremescreaminghigh' thing.
That may be what keeps your body from relaxing and reaching anything above the 'close spot'.

Sex (solo or not) should be something to enjoy. Not something to reach a certain goal in a certain amount of time.
Relax and do whatever feels nice for as long as it feels nice. Get your mind off the ‘gotta reach it’ and back to the ‘enjoying it’.
Don’t stop to try out whatever somebody suggests here. Try out everything you can imagine. But do it for the good feeling and not for desperately trying to reach something that may be the one most individual feeling a woman can experience.
Once you got your mind block off I really think you will enjoy the sensations more and feel a difference. And maybe you will find out that even your close point can light a fire in a relaxed brain.

Relax!

 

[kimmykins69]

Delete

 

[Wolf_Song]

For some it takes longer than others in this and it can happen when you least expect. An ex gf didn't orgasm till she was in late 30's and it was alone in hot tub with her relaxing and got surprised more of the stimulation she felt from the jets. Then she repositioned herself and it wasn't long till she had her first orgasm. Like several ladies said... water does it for them, for many reasons in how it can warm, relax, caress and pleasure in so many areas and ways. Whether alone or with some one else.

So it has only been in last few years she has been able to do so and she shares birthday with Catherine the Great and is just as kinky and passionate. Yet even with that in consideration it still took her longer. For multiple reasons... including upbringing, older parents generational leap, shamed by parents rather than talked to. Plus mental blocks came later in relationship with her ex and some other things as well to.

She is also naturally dictatorial and controlling also which lead also held her back in letting herself go. With the combination of she and I she usually came 5-10 times per day and more if we had the free time, or chose to make the time. As both were over due for intimacies and dams were let go in more ways than one. As well she enjoyed submission fantasies to being totally taken and pleasured which is opposite of her natural controlling ways. Letting herself go was one of the biggest factors and enhanced things more in passionate releases and more.

As well our deep talks and my helping her understand things of her self, past and more opened her up more even in orgasming. As it was more than orgasming she was holding back to. With healthy experimentations, trying things, talking openly of fantasies and also letting know what each was or wasn't comfortable with. As well through the years in hoping to orgasm she had tried many solo things to.

As you said you had some selfish partners and that can be huge block and you now have your guard up somewhat intimately and more. Which causes parts of you to withdraw including for a while... to orgasm. And an unselfish passionate lover can help in this greatly. Especially if is some one you connect with deeply where can make love on levels of body, mind and more.

Part of what is blocking you and others is self discoveries you need to do for understanding self more. Which is a kicker to deal with, but makes more sense down the road. And with some of the pressures you are building in this and how some others are causing you in this that holds things back to. Yet also will make it all the more sweeter when your fireworks in this finally explode to.

Many have certain things that help them orgasm better than others. So this is exploration and discovery for you to enjoy in this. Enjoying is a key word in this to as makes it easier to let yourself go whether in sex, making love, insane naughty and more.

There is anxiety to which can be brought on for multiple reasons like shown with that ex gf. And due to it happening when she least expected with a hot tub jet the anxieties got bypassed. So whether accidentally or intentionally getting past hurdles is often part of in talking to and helping many through years. Thus again so often water is often used by many in how so many ways to enjoy it and also unexpected surprises for many.

Talking to people as you are doing is one of best things you can do, whether in helpful advice, to lovers and more. Some times best thing to do is stop trying and enjoy. Plus don't be afraid to go further now and then in your experimentations, as some times one stops short of the edge.

No rush... no pressure... it will happen when time is right and you can enjoy building up to it when the fireworks due happen, makes for more to celebrate and deliciously enjoy. Plus appreciate those whom aren't selfish with you in this in advice and more. Not every one is super lover, but some do connect in this and more ever so wonderfully with each of us.

My compliments to you and all whom have shared so wonderfully... with wishing best to each.