Lands Challenge Thread

[Cloudbrst9]

In praise of Judo's double acrostic

Judging by her writing

UnUsed words are few.

Do oDd poems mark her,

Or do Others lurk nearby?


If I had the facility of all of the how to's, the U, D, and O would have been lower case, and bold, so would JUDO, too. Mine was much easier than the greatly superior work of Judo.

 

[HomerPindar]

Re: In praise of Judo's double acrostic

Judging by her writing

UnUsed words are few.

Do oDd poems mark her,

Or do Others lurk nearby?


If I had the facility of all of the how to's, the U, D, and O would have been lower case, and bold, so would JUDO, too. Mine was much easier than the greatly superior work of Judo.

Ok, cloud, here's a chance for a little leason in editing lit style, simply "reply" to this letter by hitting "quote" and note where and how I put in the boldtext instructions to the text:

Judging by her writing
Unused words are few.
Do odd poems mark her,
Or do others lurk nearby?

Now, being a fan of acrostics (I like mixing them with other forms) I'd also suggest a slight change (if you don't mind me being so bold:

Judging by her writing
Unused words are few.
Do odd poems mark her,
Unless others lurk nearby?

While the spacing maybe a bit off on the one line, it does make it a nice little double acrostic variation....

But, the trick to remember is that, if you don't know how someone did something in the text, hit the quote button and take a look at the "instructions" in the [brackets]

HomerPindar

*again, I missed an "n" hmmmm, a trend here

 

[Cloudbrst9]

Re: Re: In praise of Judo's double acrostic

Ok, cloud, here's a chance for a little leason in editing lit style, simply "reply" to this letter by hitting "quote" and note where and how I put in the boldtext instructions to the text:

Judging by her writing
Unused words are few.
Do odd poems mark her,
Or do others lurk nearby?

Now, being a fan of acrostics (I like mixing them with other forms) I'd also suggest a slight change (if you don't mind me being so bold:

Judging by her writing
Unused words are few.
Do odd poems mark her,
Unless others lurk nearby?

While the spacing maybe a bit off on the one line, it does make it a nice little double acrostic variation....

But, the trick to remember is that, if you don't know how someone did something in the text, hit the quote button and take a look at the "instructions" in the [brackets]

HomerPindar

*again, I missed an "n" hmmmm, a trend here

****************************************************

My thanks to you, Homer. Don't know how long it will take me to acclimate to this in my mind; I'm not too good at accommodating things therein.

You had me worried, too, with your own rendition, until I noticed that it was not mine. I wrote it at about 3 in the morning. Judo's poem fascinated me, and I had never tried something like that, and then it came to me, and I had to write it. You had me thinking that I miscounted my spaces (which is the crux of the whole thing like that).

On another note, I wish to apologize to you for my snotty answer to my original posting on "Publishing." I felt frustrated at not being responded to by Literotica, and then felt you to be condescending in your reply. I did note that you did so very kindly, if indeed you may have been such as I saw you.

In either case, or no case, I should not have been so cold with you as I was, especially since I noted that there was great kindness in your reply. When I sent it, I realized instantly what a shit I was being, and should have said so right away.

I apologize, and I thank you for your kindnesses.

cb9

 

[HomerPindar]

Re: Re: Re: In praise of Judo's double acrostic

****************************************************

My thanks to you, Homer. Don't know how long it will take me to acclimate to this in my mind; I'm not too good at accommodating things therein.

You had me worried, too, with your own rendition, until I noticed that it was not mine. I wrote it at about 3 in the morning. Judo's poem fascinated me, and I had never tried something like that, and then it came to me, and I had to write it. You had me thinking that I miscounted my spaces (which is the crux of the whole thing like that).

I saw that the spacing was a key element in your varient to the acrostic, but figured the double acrostic varient was cool enough to warrent any imperfections. It looks cool to me at least

On another note, I wish to apologize to you for my snotty answer to my original posting on "Publishing." I felt frustrated at not being responded to by Literotica, and then felt you to be condescending in your reply. I did note that you did so very kindly, if indeed you may have been such as I saw you.

In either case, or no case, I should not have been so cold with you as I was, especially since I noted that there was great kindness in your reply. When I sent it, I realized instantly what a shit I was being, and should have said so right away.

I apologize, and I thank you for your kindnesses.

cb9

the ability of the internet to turn every point of topic into something it was not intended to do is legendary. Indeed, most males would have totally missed anything resembling frustration or condescending attitude on your part and figured you were hitting on them.

Honestly, the ablity for folks to misunderstand each other online is legendary, so I figured it wasn't such a big thing.. Though, I gladly accept the appology (would be terribly rude not to) and any attempt to be completely silly about this is only because I'm very good at being complete silly about most everything.


HomerPindar

 

[Cloudbrst9]

Re: Re: Re: Re: In praise of Judo's double acrostic

I saw that the spacing was a key element in your varient to the acrostic, but figured the double acrostic varient was cool enough to warrent any imperfections. It looks cool to me at least

Okay, let's see if I can get it right!

Judging by her writing
Unused words are few.
Do odd poems mark her,
Or do others lurk nearby?

Oh, well, now to hope. Dang, it's a lot of trouble. I like highlighting and clicking better.



HomerPindar [/B]

 

[Cloudbrst9]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: In praise of Judo's double acrostic

Rats! Phooey! Flubbed it up. Oh, well, maybe someday. Thanks for trying to help though, Homer.

cb9

 

[Angeline]

Flub? What flub?

Rats! Phooey! Flubbed it up. Oh, well, maybe someday. Thanks for trying to help though, Homer.

My Dear Cloudburst,

As evidenced by my recent nonhypersonnet presentation on the hypersonnet thread, you will see that there are no flubs in poetry. Typos, yes. Crummy, poems? Like regrets, I've had a few. But flubs, ah ah. You, Cloudburst, have created a new poetic form: the progressive accrostic ! Isn't this exciting? I know I was excited to have, however inadvertantly, invented the megasonnet (see hypersonnet thread).

Let's have a look:

Judging by her writing
Unused words are few.
Do odd poems mark her,
Or do others lurk nearby?

The progressive accrostic is cool! You might refine it a bit, say use a progression that works with the successive letter in each line or the first letter of the successive word in each line, but it is indeed a new form. In fact, if you want to drive our beloved JUDO batty, ask her to write a double progressive accrostic with an inverse rhyming (next to last word and last word in last two lines rhyme) end couplet.

P.S. (and the scary part is she'll do it...and really well.)

P.S.S. The above can also be used to explain why I like free verse.

 

[JUDO]

Yes, it does make my brain hurt. I think the inverse rhyming is something I will same for when I really have a lot of time. But for now, here is a double acrostic with a progressive third line starting as the first letter of the fourth word in line one and move to the beginning of the next word on each line (although the hidden progressive never uses the first word -- sorry).

This is based on a line we've all heard too much and too often at closing time with its hidden meaning riding along in the progressive line.



Call Me Silly

Chance meetings can always make us leap
At the first actual opportunity which
Nods our way each night and yet, who
Is the flame that we insist to fan?
Hardly one we might share a tale.
All orgasm and no brains without a plan --
Very attractive, usually pretty from the local U.
Each and every clod lining its silver bum,
Yearning to put your hand on its nob.
Only time flies so fast in clubs that close
Under while we hastily choose our taker.
Ready? Ready for the ride of your life?


- Judo

Let me know if you have trouble reading the progressive. It is kind of hard to find.

 

[Cloudbrst9]

Re: Flub? What flub?

Rats! Phooey! Flubbed it up. Oh, well, maybe someday. Thanks for trying to help though, Homer.

My Dear Cloudburst,

As evidenced by my recent nonhypersonnet presentation on the hypersonnet thread, you will see that there are no flubs in poetry. Typos, yes. Crummy, poems? Like regrets, I've had a few. But flubs, ah ah. You, Cloudburst, have created a new poetic form: the progressive accrostic ! Isn't this exciting? I know I was excited to have, however inadvertantly, invented the megasonnet (see hypersonnet thread).

Let's have a look:

Judging by her writing
Unused words are few.
Do odd poems mark her,
Or do others lurk nearby?

The progressive accrostic is cool! You might refine it a bit, say use a progression that works with the successive letter in each line or the first letter of the successive word in each line, but it is indeed a new form. In fact, if you want to drive our beloved JUDO batty, ask her to write a double progressive accrostic with an inverse rhyming (next to last word and last word in last two lines rhyme) end couplet.

P.S. (and the scary part is she'll do it...and really well.)

P.S.S. The above can also be used to explain why I like free verse.

 

[Cloudbrst9]

Re: Flub? What flub?

Rats! Phooey! Flubbed it up. Oh, well, maybe someday. Thanks for trying to help though, Homer.

My Dear Cloudburst,

As evidenced by my recent nonhypersonnet presentation on the hypersonnet thread, you will see that there are no flubs in poetry. Typos, yes. Crummy, poems? Like regrets, I've had a few. But flubs, ah ah. You, Cloudburst, have created a new poetic form: the progressive accrostic ! Isn't this exciting? I know I was excited to have, however inadvertantly, invented the megasonnet (see hypersonnet thread).

Let's have a look:

Judging by her writing
Unused words are few.
Do odd poems mark her,
Or do others lurk nearby?

The progressive accrostic is cool! You might refine it a bit, say use a progression that works with the successive letter in each line or the first letter of the successive word in each line, but it is indeed a new form. In fact, if you want to drive our beloved JUDO batty, ask her to write a double progressive accrostic with an inverse rhyming (next to last word and last word in last two lines rhyme) end couplet.

P.S. (and the scary part is she'll do it...and really well.)

P.S.S. The above can also be used to explain why I like free verse.

Oops! Sorry about that messageless message again. That's twice today.

Now I did what? Are you trying to scramble my brains? Trust me, they're already scrambled enough. I know very little about the craft/ways of poetry, other than couplets, quatrains, sonnets, and the acrostic style.

What I really do know is that I love poetry (when I can understand it), I love to write it (when it comes to me), and that's about it. Occasionally I try to apply my conscious self to the poem, like I did with the Seduction series that came to me vaguely. My love of writing novels and poetry is the extent of my knowledge of either (other than having perused Louis Untermeyer's book).

Now, please don't put stuff in my mind like I did something so I don't have to prove how dumb I really am. Personally, I think you're just having fun at my expense. That's okay, you're a sweet lady, and everybody loves you. Thanks for trying to educate me (or smile knowingly at me, which is okay).

cb9

 

[Cloudbrst9]

Yes, it does make my brain hurt. I think the inverse rhyming is something I will same for when I really have a lot of time. But for now, here is a double acrostic with a progressive third line starting as the first letter of the fourth word in line one and move to the beginning of the next word on each line (although the hidden progressive never uses the first word -- sorry).

This is based on a line we've all heard too much and too often at closing time with its hidden meaning riding along in the progressive line.



Call Me Silly

Chance meetings can always make us leap
At the first actual opportunity which
Nods our way each night and yet, who
Is the flame that we insist to fan?
Hardly one we might share a tale.
All orgasm and no brains without a plan --
Very attractive, usually pretty from the local U.
Each and every clod lining its silver bum,
Yearning to put your hand on its nob.
Only time flies so fast in clubs that close
Under while we hastily choose our taker.
Ready? Ready for the ride of your life?


- Judo

Let me know if you have trouble reading the progressive. It is kind of hard to find.

(Brain is fryed! Gasping for air, but don't know anymore what air is. Thought processes are goners. Gasp, gasp.)

"Can I have your," "Can I touch it," "Phone," (now brain dead.)

I give up! Can I have a short course in where/how?

My figurative/virtual hat is off to you again.

cb9

 

[HomerPindar]

(Brain is fryed! Gasping for air, but don't know anymore what air is. Thought processes are goners. Gasp, gasp.)

"Can I have your," "Can I touch it," "Phone," (now brain dead.)

I give up! Can I have a short course in where/how?

My figurative/virtual hat is off to you again.

cb9

first off, DAMN JUDO...you rock...

Now, onto trying to explain this to Cloud here...

Call Me Silly

Chance meetings can always make us leap
At the first actual opportunity which
Nods our way each night and yet, who
Is the flame that we insist to fan?
Hardly one we might share a tale.
All orgasm and no brains without a plan --
Very attractive, usually pretty from the local U.
Each and every clod lining its silver bum,
Yearning to put your hand on its nob.
Only time flies so fast in clubs that close
Under while we hastily choose our taker.
Ready? Ready for the ride of your life "?"

um...ok...it didn't copy the boldtype...my mind just locked up....alright, try to recover here...ok...think I can still do this...editediteditedit....

ok, read the boldface downards...CANIHAVEYOUR, or can I have your

now, read the boldface italics as CANITOUCHIT, or can I touch it

lastly..read the italics as PHONENUMBER or phone number

each of the last two ending with the "?" which I set off alittle bit to help highlight it.

Now, what this all means is that, (A)the basics, by the line, is the meeting, or what the guy says, in order to (B) get the phone number of the girl in question in order to acutally get what he wants, which is (C) to touch it. I leave to your imagination what that it might be


HomerPindar

 

[Cloudbrst9]

Homer

first off, DAMN JUDO...you rock...

Now, onto trying to explain this to Cloud here...

Call Me Silly

Chance meetings can always make us leap
At the first actual opportunity which
Nods our way each night and yet, who
Is the flame that we insist to fan?
Hardly one we might share a tale.
All orgasm and no brains without a plan --
Very attractive, usually pretty from the local U.
Each and every clod lining its silver bum,
Yearning to put your hand on its nob.
Only time flies so fast in clubs that close
Under while we hastily choose our taker.
Ready? Ready for the ride of your life "?"

um...ok...it didn't copy the boldtype...my mind just locked up....alright, try to recover here...ok...think I can still do this...editediteditedit....

ok, read the boldface downards...CANIHAVEYOUR, or can I have your

now, read the boldface italics as CANITOUCHIT, or can I touch it

lastly..read the italics as PHONENUMBER or phone number

each of the last two ending with the "?" which I set off alittle bit to help highlight it.

Now, what this all means is that, (A)the basics, by the line, is the meeting, or what the guy says, in order to (B) get the phone number of the girl in question in order to acutally get what he wants, which is (C) to touch it. I leave to your imagination what that it might be


HomerPindar

Thanks (I think).

The mechanics of these types of poems are marvelous to behold (when you know the esoteric mode - read: understand). It reminds me of my liking for the various types of stock market pros' ways of divining the market: Fundamentalists and technicians. I've always admired the technicians, but never ever hoped to figure them out (Fiabonici, candles, moving averages combined with etc.). It always blew my mind out, and I just gave up, but kept my admiration. Judo's great abilities do the same - my mind is gone, but my admiration remains, and more than ever, I must say. But thank you just the same.

cb9

 

[_Land]

OPEN CHALLENGE

I challenge you to write a poem about mistletoe, eggnog, and pine needles in odd places )



_Land

 

[Guest]

Re: OPEN CHALLENGE

I challenge you to write a poem about mistletoe, eggnog, and pine needles in odd places )



_Land

Okay, you asked for it. This is completely off the cuff, so it's not going to be anything special. But I just couldn't pass up this challenge

Pungent pine needles
protrude from bushy mane,
captured by course strands
during post-festivity cleanup.

Thick ivory cream
coats assorted crevices.

But the mistletoe
is still missing.

--Xtaabay

 

[_Land]

LOL, thats great X, I can almost picture the whole scene

 

[Angeline]

Spring Cleaning

April is not for me the cruellest month
but sometimes in the bustle that
arises from the season's rub scrubbing
I desire order I scorn the futility of chaos
that in truth will too soon creep back

but washing glass sends an invitation
to the sun my eyes scouring the ground
for crocuses or shifting chairs or finding
myself eye on with the undercarriage
of couch I meet the ghost of Christmas

Past the warming days the months roll
back to jingle pine needles woven still
into the carpet faded but snapped
releasing a last faint whiff of green
or while prying forgotten pint of eggnog

hidden behind some unidentified sitting
object from the cavern of the icebox I
am reminded of the heat of its spice
and the laughter that echoed once
through this house I wonder then

why I want to clean these tangibles
of warmth living still within the chill
and reaching back behind the couch
again I lift the crumbling mistletoe
and touching its dusty satin ribbon

accept a last scarlet Christmas kiss.

 

[HomerPindar]

Re: OPEN CHALLENGE

I challenge you to write a poem about mistletoe, eggnog, and pine needles in odd places )

_Land

I'd egg ya on
pine'n for your toes as I am
not to needle you too much
just my noggin' is feeling a bit misty from rum

There's an amazing amount of words to be found in those choices, _Land. Dunno if you intended that (take credit regardless ) but figured I'd put them all in as many odd places in the poem as I could...

HomerPindar

 

[_Land]

Re: Re: OPEN CHALLENGE

LOL, it was an open challenge with no restrictions

I'd egg ya on
pine'n for your toes as I am
not to needle you too much
just my noggin' is feeling a bit misty from rum

There's an amazing amount of words to be found in those choices, _Land. Dunno if you intended that (take credit regardless ) but figured I'd put them all in as many odd places in the poem as I could...

HomerPindar

 

[_Land]

a poem about mistletoe, eggnog, and pine needles in odd places

riding the subway back from time square,
took a branch from the rockafeller guys tree
too poor to get one my self this year

I spose the pine needles will make the train
smell better, the vagrants that ride this thang
dont smell to good ya know what I mean
back to the tree though-

I couldnt beat it, already decorated and all
it will look good in my crib, right next to the
window with the girls girls girls neon hanging
at a tilt, I was just pullin some of the needles outta
my pants when she showed up, dressed in red,
drinking an egg-nog esspresso, poor gal, bum
on the floor was askin for rum, he couldnt sit up though

she was fly lettin the bastard hang like that though
i couldnt resist smiling, she smiled back, leaned over
asked if I had mistle toes, I winked and said I sho
do, I'll show ya if ya follow me home............
she did, we walked past the tv shop news
shows talkin bout the latest vandelism
back at the plaza, she didnt speak much

as i opened the door, I pointed to the plastic sprig
hangin over the fish bowl, she just laughed
pushed me and the tree over, scattering me and needles
everywhere, she took my boots off, and lifted her skirt and
explained MISSLE TOES, as she taught me
what foot fetishwas all about.





HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Im a sick bastard

 

[beths-virtue]

Re: Spring Cleaning

April is not for me the cruellest month
but sometimes in the bustle that
arises from the season's rub scrubbing
I desire order I scorn the futility of chaos
that in truth will too soon creep back

but washing glass sends an invitation
to the sun my eyes scouring the ground
for crocuses or shifting chairs or finding
myself eye on with the undercarriage
of couch I meet the ghost of Christmas

Past the warming days the months roll
back to jingle pine needles woven still
into the carpet faded but snapped
releasing a last faint whiff of green
or while prying forgotten pint of eggnog

hidden behind some unidentified sitting
object from the cavern of the icebox I
am reminded of the heat of its spice
and the laughter that echoed once
through this house I wonder then

why I want to clean these tangibles
of warmth living still within the chill
and reaching back behind the couch
again I lift the crumbling mistletoe
and touching its dusty satin ribbon

accept a last scarlet Christmas kiss.

Angeline, this is just fantastic !, way off from what i was expecting, i cant believe how you wove _Lands words into such a great poem! thanks
beth

 

[Angeline]

Thank you Beth

When I wrote that I thought to myself some other person who cleans in spring and finds the last remmnants of Christmas in the needles still stuck in the rug and so on (like I do every spring) is really going to get this. But you know, like so many poems that you think are headed in one direction, this took an unexpected turn and went bittersweet, which I rather like.

By the way, it's great to see (well, whatever this is we do here) you here again. Hope you're all mended and that your recovery involved a certain amound of _Land waiting on you hand and foot. <weg>

 

[_Land]

Re: Thank you Beth

Her hand and feet were about all i could weigh on!

oooops I mean wait on!


Great Poem Ang!

When I wrote that I thought to myself some other person who cleansin spring and finds the last remmnants of Christmas in the needles still stuck in the rug and so on (like I do every spring) is really going to get this. But you know, like so many poems that you think are headed in one direction, this took an unexpected turn and went bittersweet, which I rather like.

By the way, it's great to see (well, whatever this is we do here) you here again. Hope you're all mended and that your recovery involved a certain amound of _Land waiting on you hand and foot. <weg>

 

[Angeline]

_Land, my friend

Before 90 gazillion angry New Yorkers (including my Uncle Ange "Big Thug" Soprano who wants to have a little talk with you, capishe?) hunt you down for putting Rockefeller Center in the middle of Times Square among other egregious Big Apple misconceptions, I your avenging Angeline, am here to help. Here are my suggestions by way of a revised version of your wicked little poem.

Riding the subway back from Midtown,
with a branch from the 30 Rock tree
too poor to get one myself this year

and the pine needles make this train
smell better: the bums that ride it
don’t smell too good, see?

back to the tree though.

Can’t beat it, this branch, decorated
be lookin good next to my window
by the Live Sex Show! neon hanging

crooked

I was pullin some of the needles outta
my pants when she showed up
dressed in red, drinkin egg-nog esspresso,
Some creep derelicked her askin for a buck

he didn’t get it though

She was fly said fugeddaboudit
I couldnt resist smilin, she smiles back,
leans over, asks if I have any mistle toes,
I winked and said Baby I do, wanna see?

follow me home............

She did, so we walked by the newsstand
and the deli and Dim Sum to Go
And the steam risin from the sidewalk
Grates she didn’t have much to say

Till I opened the door and pointed up
to the plastic sprig hangin over the fish bowl,
she just laughed, pushed me and the tree over,
scattering me and needles everywhere,

she took my boots off, and lifted her skirt
screamin MISSLE TOES BABY, as she taught
me what foot fetish is all about.


[By the way, "derelicked" is a real Manhatten slang term that refers to the bums who theaten to kiss you if you don't give them money. As if cleaning your windshield with a snotty rag wasn't bad enough....]

 

[_Land]

Re: _Land, my friend

Just what it needed some real New York appeal, Thanks A......I think now i can send it to the New Yorker

LMAO ha

I was not trying for pollitical correctness, ermmmm geographical correctness LOL, I was just unleashing a little humor, which has been mostly absent from life lately. Tell your Uncle I got An Hillbilly Ugly Stick for him, come on down and no its not a fishing pole......... Hehehehehe

Before 90 gazillion angry New Yorkers (including my Uncle Ange "Big Thug" Soprano who wants to have a little talk with you, capishe?) hunt you down for putting Rockefeller Center in the middle of Times Square among other egregious Big Apple misconceptions, I your avenging Angeline, am here to help. Here are my suggestions by way of a revised version of your wicked little poem.

Riding the subway back from Midtown,
with a branch from the 30 Rock tree
too poor to get one myself this year

and the pine needles make this train
smell better: the bums that ride it
don’t smell too good, see?

back to the tree though.

Can’t beat it, this branch, decorated
be lookin good next to my window
by the Live Sex Show! neon hanging

crooked

I was pullin some of the needles outta
my pants when she showed up
dressed in red, drinkin egg-nog esspresso,
Some creep derelicked her askin for a buck

he didn’t get it though

She was fly said fugeddaboudit
I couldnt resist smilin, she smiles back,
leans over, asks if I have any mistle toes,
I winked and said Baby I do, wanna see?

follow me home............

She did, so we walked by the newsstand
and the deli and Dim Sum to Go
And the steam risin from the sidewalk
Grates she didn’t have much to say

Till I opened the door and pointed up
to the plastic sprig hangin over the fish bowl,
she just laughed, pushed me and the tree over,
scattering me and needles everywhere,

she took my boots off, and lifted her skirt
screamin MISSLE TOES BABY, as she taught
me what foot fetish is all about.


[By the way, "derelicked" is a real Manhatten slang term that refers to the bums who theaten to kiss you if you don't give them money. As if cleaning your windshield with a snotty rag wasn't bad enough....]