Last name change?

[lobito]

Raw, does taking the "new name" really change anything other than paperwork? Tradition I personally don't feel is a good excuse for taking someone elses last name, especially not for the sake of being called a "step-parent".

 

[RawHumor]

Maybe I'm old-fashioned... okay, I AM old-fashioned, but to me, a family unit should share a name. I can understand if it was her ninth marriage or whatever, where she didn't want to go through it again, but if you're starting a family, what's wrong with the mommy, the daddy, and all of the kiddies having the same last name?

 

[CarolineOh]

I can't believe only one person besides me chose 'Yes'. What happened to tradition? You're becoming a family, so shouldn't a family share a common name? You're leaving your old family (your parents' family, in theory) and joining a new family, as husband and wife.

Just my 2 cents.

The nuclear Daddy-Mommy-kids make a new family thing is not "traditional". it's a twentieth century invention. If you want to be a traditionalist, what you ought to advocate is the married couple living with their family, raising the kids in the same house with Grandma and Grandpa and an aunt and uncle or two. That sort of extended family situation is what's really traditional.

 

[RawHumor]

Well, I'm guessing they won't be living on a farm and raising their own vegetables and chickens either.

 

[SXCRgirl]

I'm still torn on this topic. When I was married, I didn't take my husband's last name. I liked my name and I felt like I was becoming someone else if I changed it and adopted his. He didn't care either way. On one hand, I can see the merits of the traditional argument, but, my name is MY name. This is why it was too tough to give it up. Someday, when I'm faced with perhaps having to decide again, I'll think about it.

For now, my 0.02 is, do whatever you feel is right. I know a cop out, but... it doesn't really matter what WE say right?

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Have never been married, but after almost half a century with my name the way it is, I doubt if I would "officially" want to change my last name if marriage happened.

That's not to say I wouldn't be a "missus", and wouldn't mind being included in a "Mr. & Mrs." addy, but to have all my i.d.'s and paperwork altered would be a little too harsh for my tastes.

As I did with my LIT name, I might decide to incorporate part of the hubby's name within mine.

 

[playful Kitten26]

I changed my last name when I got married. I changed all my documents to his last name; took me forever too.

After we split up I struggled with the idea of going back to my maiden name and put it off for about a year until I was sure of what I really wanted to do. I decided I missed my name and also took into consideration that my family name was slowly dying out. So now I am going through the hassle of changing my name back, I wish I had kept my maiden name.

But that is just me.

I agree with some of the others about doing what you feel is best for you though.

 

[Jimi]

Your choice - together

I kicked up a stupid fuss and my S.O. took my name. I was pretty conventional back then...

I did want to share something with her, giving her my name as well as my heart, soul & body, but in retrospect, I could have been more mature about it!

Just make sure that you both are happy as can be accommodated by the decision you make together.

Congratulations, BTW - It's tough at times, but worth it!

(hopelessly romantic Fossil)

 

[Rubyfruit]

I guess I'm a bit traditional. I wanted us all to have the same last name, so I took his. I didn't find the paperwork that big of a deal to change.

 

[RawHumor]

Whoah - the numbers have really evened out... stiill, it's about 2 to 1 against so far.

 

[CarolineOh]

I've decided that if I get married again, we will compromise. We will both use his last name with an -ski added on to it.

 

[Guest]

 

[greeneyedgringo]

Much like some in this thread, my wife chose not to take my last name. Something that I was ok with then and I am still ok with it.

When we are out together, and someone calls her Mrs. GRG, she has no problems answering. It's ok with her if they call her by MY name, and I admire her for doing it. (both ways)

GRG

 

[SXCRgirl]

LOL Jenny. I did that with my online SO in a different forum altogether. It was fun at first, and then like all things, it had to come to an end. So I changed my nick back to the original and it was painful ever since. I still miss my old nick everyonce in a while.

Okay, don't mind me... I'm rambling.

 

[dreamer]

I think it's definately a comfort issue. What are you comfortable with? There is a really good argument to be made for having the same last name for simplicities sake.

I personally think it's a nice show of family unity. "Team Us" has always been a dream of mine. A few years ago I would've voted yes without a second thought, but my ex fiancee had a very strong attachment to her last name. She was the last one with it and really loved that side of her family. So we had talked about several options. As in all things, talk about it. Be honest about what you are feeling and work out something you can both be proud of.

 

[Liontamr]

In the end it's up to you and your man what the right course of action is. Personally, I would hope that the woman who I happen to marry would take on my last name.

As some have stated, it is old tradition, but I don't agree that it's worthless or pointless. To me it has worth because it'd be an honour that someone would love me enough to take something as valuable as my last name and make it her's as well. It's not so much wanting to have another symbol of love, but more or less the feeling of love when it's agreed to share something as special as a last name.

With that said though, why isn't it that you never hear of men changing their last name? I would certainly consider adding her name to mine..

As long as she has a short last name. Saying her long name and my long last name together as one could end up being a tounge twister.

 

[scylis]

my vote's "other"

both of you change your last names to "Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky" then add a number to the end.

example: Myst Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky VII.

 

[MechaBlade]

I hate my last name and might consider taking a woman's. But it'd make me feel like less of a man. Sorry, it just would. Maybe if we both changed our names like someone said, that would work. I haven't changed my name already, because I do like to show respect for my ancestors, both living and dead.

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Ramble on

LOL Jenny. I did that with my online SO in a different forum altogether. It was fun at first, and then like all things, it had to come to an end. So I changed my nick back to the original and it was painful ever since. I still miss my old nick everyonce in a while.

Okay, don't mind me... I'm rambling.

Hi SXCRgirl

Ironically, the changing of our LIT names on the boards and in the chat area were a serious decision for the both of us! Our commitment extends into our offline life, so it's a great thing that we get along so well!

Sorry your situation became so painful.

 

[Rambling Rose]

Myst, some friends of mine who recently married combined portions of their last names to create a new one. I don't know if this is feasible for you both, but in their case it made for a nice compromise.

Example: Sam Whitman + Alice Hillshire = Sam and Alice Whitehill

I hope for mutual satisfaction in whatever you decide.

 

[Zephan]

Here's an idea

You can marry Monk and take MY last name!

If Monk really wants you to take his name then I suppose you could take his and marry ME!

Like I said just a thought............

Let me know, you are welcome to either

 

[SXCRgirl]

Jenny -

Thanks for the kind words. Well, what I meant to say was, he was my online SO and migrated over to RL. It was a very conscious choice on my part since I never even took my ex-husband's last name! It's too bad it ended, but... I'm hopeful that HE is out there!

Anyway, I'm happy for you both. I am a hopeless romantic. I still love happy endings.

 

[Bigdog]

I'll take credit for one of those "yes" votes. I see it as a sort of stabilizer in the matrimony process. So many people do their own thing these days that the traditionalists are really the ones making a bold statement. Every event in life doesn't have to be based on being different. One of the reasons married people tend to have married friends is that there is a sameness that is comforting. Marriage isn't a contest to see who can be the oddest, it is a celebration of unity.

Just my perspective, such as it is. Congratulations on your engagement.

 

[Reverie]

I think you've got to choose whatever's right for you. Personally I've had my last name for nearly 30 years and I'm kind of attached to it. If I ever get married I'm keeping it and adding my hubby's name on the end.

Example: Reverie Smith Jones (no hyphen)

 

[bluntforcemama]

My main concern is the difficulty of changing all of my paperwork. Has anyone that has gone through the changing of names and all the paperwork that goes with it like to tell me about it?

Zephan, you're wicked.