Leahaven

[Boat1]

I have thought of therapy, but my husband would never agree to that. He has trouble discussing this stuff with me, so I know he would never discuss it with a stranger. And if his parents found out, they would blame it on me and it would make the whole situation worse. My parents would not like it either, but I don't feel the need to please them anymore. Thank God we moved away.

We live in the southeast US

IMHO, you and your husband are already getting the "therapy" you need (for a starting point, at least) by experimenting together, in house, taking control of your own situation/circumstances.
My unsolicited two cents worth... just strive to keep the lines of communication open and growing deeper.

Useless trivia fact: at one time that I studied it, psychiatrists/therapists were the leading profession ...
...in suicide rates.
Not the statistical "profile" I'd want advising me or my loved ones.

 

[LeaHaven]

I second couples therapy. If you are truly in charge, take charge.

I like that last sentence. I will remember that. But there would be no point in me making him go to couples' therapy. He would not put in an earnest effort.

 

[LeaHaven]

IMHO, you and your husband are already getting the "therapy" you need (for a starting point, at least) by experimenting together, in house, taking control of your own situation/circumstances.
My unsolicited two cents worth... just strive to keep the lines of communication open and growing deeper.

Useless trivia fact: at one time that I studied it, psychiatrists/therapists were the leading profession ...
...in suicide rates.
Not the statistical "profile" I'd want advising me or my loved ones.

I agree, in that, for now, we have a direction and things are kinda working. But I would think that a therapist may know how to uncover our "issues," don't you think?

 

[Boat1]

I agree, in that, for now, we have a direction and things are kinda working. But I would think that a therapist may know how to uncover our "issues," don't you think?

Possibly... IF you can find a good one...
I worked for a man at an automotive transmission overhaul shop.
He was married to a psychiatrist and when people met them at parties/events, the vast majority would think he was the psychiatrist, not a "gearhead grease monkey." LOL
He could "read people" tenfold better than she could.

Edit: Granted, I wear my feelings "on my sleeve" as they say, so I'm COMPLETELY OPEN with my Wife/Domme and She is COMPLETELY and unequivocally free to be the same with me. With NO repercussions!
It's BY FAR, the most liberating thing either of us have experienced in a relationship, which allows it to grow deeper every day.
I truly hope you and yours can find that together!!!

 

[LeaHaven]

I got busy answering dm's and posts, and I forgot that I never finished writing about this past Sunday. But the one thing I wanted to point out about locking him in a cage is that it has effects that linger. After church, it got quiet in the car as we were riding to a restaurant for lunch, and once it gets quiet like that, it's like we both know he is locked up. You can feel a sexual tension in the air, and it feels sooo good!

We went to a very popular place for lunch, and it is always crowded and noisy. As we were standing in line waiting to order, Robbie was behind me, right up against me. He had one hand resting on my hip. That's not like him to be so affectionate in public, and I knew then that things between us are much, much better than they have ever been. When we got to our table and we were eating, I looked across at Robbie, and I held his gaze. At first he just looked back and smiled, but then he saw that I kept staring at him. I cut my eyes down toward his caged junk and then I looked back up at him. His casual smile went away, and his expression, looking back at me, became humble. I kept staring at him to say, "Your cock is locked in a cage, and you can't cum until I say." A a hint of humiliation appeared on his face, and then he did like he did in church. He closed his eyes for a moment, and slowly blew air out of pursed lips. He was getting hard inside his steel jail. God! How that arouses me! To see him tormented like that. To know I have that kind of control. I feel so powerful!!

Out the corner of my eye, I checked the girls sitting at the table to my left to make sure they couldn't hear, and then I told Robbie, "I'm having a very good time."

"Me too," he said, his voice faltering under his arousal.

In a subdued voice, I said, "I like you being my boy."

He looked at me with a pained face to let me know that what I was doing was torturing him, and he liked it.

"You'll clean up the table when we're done," I told him, and I returned to eating my meal.

There were 100 people around us, talking, bustling, and loud, but it was like Robbie and I had our own little private space. The sexual tension between us was insane.

 

[LeaHaven]

It is 2:46 AM, and I can't sleep. I am exceedingly horny all the time now, and I can't stop thinking about all that has happened between Robbie and me in the past 10 days. It is not just the sex. This past week, Robbie cuddled with me twice as we were falling asleep, and when we were at the grocery store yesterday, he was so playful! This is not like him to be so affectionate and attentive. I can hardly believe how much things have changed between us in such a short time. I am a little afraid I won't know how to keep this momentum going and it will all fall apart. What do I do next? Does everyday have to be choreographed? I am not sure it matters. If I stay this horny all the time, the choreography will become a drive to address my greedy, visceral needs.

 

[LeaHaven]

In a dm someone asked me, "One thing that you can do is tell me what are the things you’d ultimately love to happen for you and to you." I have thought about that and thought about that and I still do not have an answer. I always thought I wanted a "traditional" marriage, where the husband is the head of the household and he makes the decisions and he directs the sex life. But now all of that has been thrown into question. I don't think I want it anymore, and even if I did, I don't think that could happen with Robbie. I like what we are doing now, and I want to "play his game," but I don't know what his game looks like in the future. To be honest, parts of what I think he wants arouse me and scare me at the same time.

Someone also asked me if he has a plastic cage. No, he has a metal cage. It is called, "Bad Little Boy," and it came with 3 rings. I think the ring he has been using is too large. I will tell him to try the small ring next time.

Another question was, "Is he still caged?" No. When we got home from lunch and shopping on Sunday, I pulled him into the family room, hastily removed my clothes from the waist down, sat down on the couch, and rolled my finger at him. "Come here," I said, and I pointed to my aroused flower. "Put your mouth right there." It is hard for me to believe I even did that writing about it now. But I was soooo horny! He knelt down and got to work, and every time I got close to orgasm, I pulled his head away. After the sensations had subsided, I pulled his head toward me and put his mouth back on my clitoris. I kept doing this to make the sex last a long time. If he was getting tired, I didn't care. I selfishly wanted what I wanted and when I had had enough teasing, I held his head in place and told him, "Don't stop." There was a slow, intense build up, and then I reached orgasm...and God! What an orgasm that was!! I hope the neighbors did not hear me crying out! When I was done, and I had finally caught my breath, I told Robbie to put away the items we had bought from the Walmart. (When were walking around in the Walmart, I could not stop thinking about Robbie being caged. Every now and then I would glance down at his junk, and then look at him. He always looked away to try to avoid getting an erection) I made him wear the cage for the remainder of the day.

That night when we got in bed, I told him to "show me." I had never held it when he was wearing it, and so I did. It feels huge and heavy. I told him that and he agreed. But doing this made him get erect in that steel cage, and seeing the flesh of his cock bulging around those shiny, steel bars, and seeing the desperation it causes him, makes me so horny!!! Why do I like that so much? I told him, "Maybe I should send you to work tomorrow with your cock all locked up." But that scared him more than I thought it would. I took the cage off of him and then I tried something I saw in pictures on here.

I sat behind him and reached around to "jerk" him. It took some wrangling for us to get positioned just right, but we got there. I lightly stroked his cock, just to tease him, and I wanted to do this for a while, but he ejaculated pretty quickly. All over himself again. I like that too.

I gotta go. He's awake now.

 

[9to5]

so lucky to have him caged for you. Im still working on the wife to take that control with my cage

 

[LeaHaven]

so lucky to have him caged for you. Im still working on the wife to take that control with my cage

It has been so much fun that I want to use it all the time, but I am afraid the novelty will wear off if I do that. I am trying to pace myself (us?), but it's hard. I want to come up with ways to be more inventive in how we use it, but so far all I can think of is making him wear it longer and teasing him while he is locked up. When he gets erect inside it, he closes his eyes and sighs through pursed lips like he's being tormented by some merciless demon. God, how that makes me so hot!!! I can't get enough of that!!

Now I am all horny again.

I guess we are both being tormented.

 

[9to5]

It has been so much fun that I want to use it all the time, but I am afraid the novelty will wear off if I do that. I am trying to pace myself (us?), but it's hard. I want to come up with ways to be more inventive in how we use it, but so far all I can think of is making him wear it longer and teasing him while he is locked up. When he gets erect inside it, he closes his eyes and sighs through pursed lips like he's being tormented by some merciless demon. God, how that makes me so hot!!! I can't get enough of that!!

Now I am all horny again.

I guess we are both being tormented.

yes but its a fun torment! I have been wearing mine on and off for a couple of years now. on for 24 to 26 hors and off for maybe a day.
being teased in it is great, ask him how it feels. let him know how horny it makes you and the pleasure he will get when you unlock him. have him spend the day naked and caged with you for the day.
For me getting hard in the cage and feel the strain on my cock is such a good feeling.

and yes horny now this morning talking about this. the pressure in the cage is good now

 

[Purple_Fronds]

It has been so much fun that I want to use it all the time, but I am afraid the novelty will wear off if I do that. I am trying to pace myself (us?), but it's hard. I want to come up with ways to be more inventive in how we use it, but so far all I can think of is making him wear it longer and teasing him while he is locked up. When he gets erect inside it, he closes his eyes and sighs through pursed lips like he's being tormented by some merciless demon. God, how that makes me so hot!!! I can't get enough of that!!

Now I am all horny again.

I guess we are both being tormented.

Oh don’t fret you guys are doing so well, yes he’s affectionate because he’s turned on by everything but much more than that is he’s affectionate because he’s developing this deep trust for you. You have shown yourself worthy of him exposing his deepest self to you! You did that.

 

[ChasBozwell30]

Such a fascinating thread, I love the journey you're both on. Male submission is still a bit of a taboo, but it feels lovely to surrender control. To have someone you trust to play with, to explore with. The psychology of is is quite intense, and very rewarding. He is very lucky to have you x

 

[stxjimmy]

It has been so much fun that I want to use it all the time, but I am afraid the novelty will wear off if I do that. I am trying to pace myself (us?), but it's hard. I want to come up with ways to be more inventive in how we use it, but so far all I can think of is making him wear it longer and teasing him while he is locked up. When he gets erect inside it, he closes his eyes and sighs through pursed lips like he's being tormented by some merciless demon. God, how that makes me so hot!!! I can't get enough of that!!

Now I am all horny again.

I guess we are both being tormented.

Nice and slowly, as you say don’t overdo it.
Make him carry it when it’s not in use, then you can exercise control by calling him or telling him to put it on whenever you see fit.
And when he is wearing fill your boots with his oral service. You’re in charge now and can shape your relationships direction however you like.

 

[LeaHaven]

yes but its a fun torment! I have been wearing mine on and off for a couple of years now. on for 24 to 26 hors and off for maybe a day.
being teased in it is great, ask him how it feels. let him know how horny it makes you and the pleasure he will get when you unlock him. have him spend the day naked and caged with you for the day.
For me getting hard in the cage and feel the strain on my cock is such a good feeling.

and yes horny now this morning talking about this. the pressure in the cage is good now

I saw your post yesterday, and it got me wondering about telling Robbie that all this gets me aroused. I have learned that the best times to "discuss" this kind of thing with him is when it is happening or just before we go to sleep, when it is quiet and dark. I think the dark helps helps him feel less "exposed." So when we had laid down to sleep last night, we were facing each other, and in a very quiet voice, I said, "We had a good day today."

"Yeah," he replied, "we did."

A waited a few seconds in the quiet, because I was kind of timid about my next statement. I then, very softly, I said, "I like being the boss."

Robbie replied, "I like it too."

Inside my head, I screamed, "WHAT?? YOU ACTUALLY ANSWERED THAT???" I couldn't believe it! But I remained calm and quiet, and I pushed a little more.

"I think this is us," I told him. "I think this is how we've been all along. We just didn't know it."

"Yeah. I think so."

Then I was lost. I didn't know how to follow up on what had just happened, and I didn't know if I needed to. I felt like I needed to say something more, but what? Then I remembered what I had discussed with someone in a recent dm. Robbie and I had been quiet for probably a full minute, and then I said, "You still owe me for buying that bike. You wouldn't like it if I went and spent that kind of money on clothes, would you?"

"No."

(He had bought a very expensive electric bike. To us, it was a big purchase, and we don't make big purchases without discussing it first.)

"You owe me, don't you think?" I replied. "I mean, we already agreed to that."

"I told you I would come up with something."

"But you haven't."

Robbie went quiet, and we lay facing each other in the dark silence. I reached over under the covers, touched his hand lightly, and said, "I'll come up with something."

Now I have to come up with something.

 

[LeaHaven]

Such a fascinating thread, I love the journey you're both on. Male submission is still a bit of a taboo, but it feels lovely to surrender control. To have someone you trust to play with, to explore with. The psychology of is is quite intense, and very rewarding. He is very lucky to have you x

It is very taboo to him.

Thank you. I hope he thinks so

 

[LeaHaven]

Nice and slowly, as you say don’t overdo it.
Make him carry it when it’s not in use, then you can exercise control by calling him or telling him to put it on whenever you see fit.
And when he is wearing fill your boots with his oral service. You’re in charge now and can shape your relationships direction however you like.

Make him carry it. Hmm...that has possibilities! ty!!

 

[9to5]

well I do hope you caged him 1st thing in the morning. think of him naked and doing chores for you around the house. and maybe you in just panties and bra to tease him while he works

 

[LeaHaven]

I have to leave for work now. I will try to check in here during lunch.

Have a nice day everyone!

 

[LeaHaven]

I received a very interesting dm today, and I wanted to share some of it out here. It brings up some very interesting insights and ideas. Below is my response. I hope the sender does not mind. I am only posting parts of my response. I would never disclose the username of someone who has contacted me privately.

Here is some of my reply.
**************************************
When I read the part in your message about Robbie being caged when we visit his parents, I almost spit my coffee. That idea is sick, totally deviant, downright obscene. I love it! Now I am trying to imagine how Robbie would react. I am so curious, it is almost worth scheduling a trip back home. But I said "almost."

You said, "If he does want to be caged make him earn it." I never thought about if he wants to be caged. He acts like he likes it, but how do I know?

Also, you said, "I’ve always found Ds to be wonderfully liberating..." What are "D's"?

Others have told me I should "train" him so he does not cum so soon. But how? I don't know how to do that.
*********************************
I never thought about if Robbie wants to be caged. For some dumb reason, I just assumed he did. When he opened the box on Christmas Eve and saw it, at first he didn't know what it was, but once he recognized it (with a little hint from me), the look on his face was like shock and humiliation all mixed into one. I am not sure if that look was good or bad. But I left it out on the kitchen counter all day the next day. If he didn't like it, he could have thrown it in the trash. I told him that, he knew that. But when he is wearing it, he is like a contrite, humble boy, and maybe that is not a good sign. I never thought about it that way.

I guess I have to find a way to figure this out.

 

[9to5]

there are a lot of us who cage and want someone to take that control and have the key. its a mutual thing I think. I think Robbie is just learning about it and seems like he is doing it for you.
you enjoy knowing that he has it on and if it excites him to be in it then you both are doing good I think
as long as he gets out of it for some playtime now and then

 

[LeaHaven]

I debated if I should even mention this out here, but Robbie and I are not talking right now. We are supposed to attend a wedding this Saturday, but he told me yesterday that he has to work. We've known about this wedding for months. He cleared it with his boss then, but now he says they are behind schedule, and he has to work. I was irritated about it, for sure, but when he said I don't take his job seriously, that upset me to no end. He is acting like I think I am better than him because I work white collar job. That infuriates me. I have never once given him any reason to think that I think that way, because I don't! I married him because of the person he is, and part of that person is his chosen career path. I have known that all along! I knew that long before we got married!

Sorry. I needed to vent.

 

[9to5]

I agree a little with him, I do understand work sometimes pops up and the need to be there. you cant predict what work will be like in the future. as blue collar myself things have come up that I needed to be there. in manufacturing its sometimes its more about holding up other major companys that need the work you do.

 

[ChasBozwell30]

I received a very interesting dm today, and I wanted to share some of it out here. It brings up some very interesting insights and ideas. Below is my response. I hope the sender does not mind. I am only posting parts of my response. I would never disclose the username of someone who has contacted me privately.

Here is some of my reply.
**************************************
When I read the part in your message about Robbie being caged when we visit his parents, I almost spit my coffee. That idea is sick, totally deviant, downright obscene. I love it! Now I am trying to imagine how Robbie would react. I am so curious, it is almost worth scheduling a trip back home. But I said "almost."

You said, "If he does want to be caged make him earn it." I never thought about if he wants to be caged. He acts like he likes it, but how do I know?

Also, you said, "I’ve always found Ds to be wonderfully liberating..." What are "D's"?

Others have told me I should "train" him so he does not cum so soon. But how? I don't know how to do that.
*********************************
I never thought about if Robbie wants to be caged. For some dumb reason, I just assumed he did. When he opened the box on Christmas Eve and saw it, at first he didn't know what it was, but once he recognized it (with a little hint from me), the look on his face was like shock and humiliation all mixed into one. I am not sure if that look was good or bad. But I left it out on the kitchen counter all day the next day. If he didn't like it, he could have thrown it in the trash. I told him that, he knew that. But when he is wearing it, he is like a contrite, humble boy, and maybe that is not a good sign. I never thought about it that way.

I guess I have to find a way to figure this out.

I think the cage is a fun push, a viscerally and psychologically humiliating thing, but it could be a bit too much too soon? I think we subs have specific triggers that get us going. That push us into a warm happy sub space. Everyone has their own thing, perhaps you could ask him what "triggers" the sort of feelings he enjoys. Maybe he likes you taking control more than the device itself?

 

[LeaHaven]

I agree a little with him, I do understand work sometimes pops up and the need to be there. you cant predict what work will be like in the future. as blue collar myself things have come up that I needed to be there. in manufacturing its sometimes its more about holding up other major companys that need the work you do.

I am not upset that he has to work. I am upset because he said I don't take his job seriously. tbh, I thank my lucky stars that he is a hard worker.

 

[LeaHaven]

I think the cage is a fun push, a viscerally and psychologically humiliating thing, but it could be a bit too much too soon? I think we subs have specific triggers that get us going. That push us into a warm happy sub space. Everyone has their own thing, perhaps you could ask him what "triggers" the sort of feelings he enjoys. Maybe he likes you taking control more than the device itself?

Could be. But I have to find a way to sort this out without coming right out and asking him, because he will not answer a question like that.