Lesbian Q and A

[Vail_Indigo]

Exactly the point of my first statement in the answer to that question, vail. But I wasn't lying about the rest, though...men are ignorant.

*laughing*
I dunno if they are ignorant...
Well, maybe...
they do seem awfully narrow of vision

 

[curiouslez84]

Yes. Yes, they do.

 

[Etoile]

For what it's worth, I have known some really great, sensitive, non-ignorant, sweet, friendly, caring straight guys. I'm still not attracted to them. We are friends but there's no romantic attraction. There are plenty of good guys out there...they may be in the minority but they are out there. And yet I still wouldn't date one, so it's not just a matter of them being ignorant. Just my two cents.

 

[curiouslez84]

Well, that's okay. At least we have sexy babes like you to gaze at.

LOL Sry for the mistype...my g/f was - erm - well, wrong forum for mentiong that, so nevermind...

 

[FazilKotuk]

For what it's worth, I have known some really great, sensitive, non-ignorant, sweet, friendly, caring straight guys. I'm still not attracted to them. We are friends but there's no romantic attraction. There are plenty of good guys out there...they may be in the minority but they are out there. And yet I still wouldn't date one, so it's not just a matter of them being ignorant. Just my two cents.

Yeah, that's the thing. It's not an issue of women turning gay because of bad men, like some would like to believe. That's an easier explanation for them than accepting that some women just don't want men at all. I don't have a problem with it, because that's just reality, it's not their fault, and there are plenty of women (and men) out there....so, why would I worry about some women who aren't into men? Not all of my relationships with women have to be sexual. Same with men. I'm not going to die from disappointment because some gal's biochemistry is stimulated by other gals to the exclusion of guys.

Hell, there are plenty of people that I don't want to fuck, so why wouldn't it be vice versa?

 

[curiouslez84]

Point taken. ^_^ But I still say most of them are ass holes.

 

[lilsub4u]

Hell, there are plenty of people that I don't want to fuck, so why wouldn't it be vice versa?

Are you denying that the male ego is a very fragile thing?
I have met very few men who have a strong enough ego to withstand rejection. Sure they can dish it out just fine, but when the tables get turned, it's a whole new ballgame.

 

[FazilKotuk]

Are you denying that the male ego is a very fragile thing?
I have met very few men who have a strong enough ego to withstand rejection. Sure they can dish it out just fine, but when the tables get turned, it's a whole new ballgame.

Depends on the guy. I know of a lot of guys like that, yes. And guys not like that.

And I know girls with the same kind of double standard about rejection and dumping. Guess it does take all kinds of people....

I know myself for sure, however. While I am flattered whenever a woman (or man, for that matter, as I am bi) wants me that way, I don't let my self-esteem rest on the absurd notion that I am universally desirable. I've already had that delusion crushed in my youth, from my days as a nerd.

 

[curiouslez84]

Oh, come on. Once a nerd. always a nerd.

But seriously. I don't know if I'd handle rejection well or not myself. But then, I've never really had to worry about it. I mean, the only real girl I've really loved - not just been interested in, but actually loved - is the one I'm with now. I don't think anyone knows how they'll handle rejection without experiencing it first, but I definitely believe that guys are more likely to get pissed and become stalkers or something than women are, y'know?

 

[apexpark]

One of which is that a lesbian can be "made". They are born, not made.

thats a subject up for some HEAVY debate, in both science and psychology circles.

 

[ramonathompson]

thats a subject up for some HEAVY debate, in both science and psychology circles.

Agreed. Personally I believe it's a bit of both. Some people are born gay while others grow up and through terrible encounters with the opposite sex turn to those of the same sex for comfort and understanding leading them to later become gay themselves.

I could be wrong. Just my thoughts on the subject.

 

[apexpark]

Agreed. Personally I believe it's a bit of both. Some people are born gay while others grow up and through terrible encounters with the opposite sex turn to those of the same sex for comfort and understanding leading them to later become gay themselves.

I could be wrong. Just my thoughts on the subject.

I think everything about our sexual orientation, "kinks," and preferences is shaped by the sexual habits of the people around us. and since most of the people have really fucked up sexual lives, most of which is horribly repressed, we're lucky to get away with a half-assed idea of what a healthy sexual relationship is.
I also think that if we weren't so sexually restricted by those around us, we would be more flexible in how and with who we can have sex.
just my thought...

 

[ramonathompson]

I think everything about our sexual orientation, "kinks," and preferences is shaped by the sexual habits of the people around us. and since most of the people have really fucked up sexual lives, most of which is horribly repressed, we're lucky to get away with a half-assed idea of what a healthy sexual relationship is.
I also think that if we weren't so sexually restricted by those around us, we would be more flexible in how and with who we can have sex.
just my thought...

A well expressed thought.

 

[curiouslez84]

thats a subject up for some HEAVY debate, in both science and psychology circles.

Yeah, and I would be on the opposite side of THAT fence...definitely. I mean, I've never held ANY interest whatsoever in the opposite gender.

Plus, I didn't even know any lesbians growing up...so you can't argue THAT theory, either.

 

[apexpark]

Yeah, and I would be on the opposite side of THAT fence...definitely. I mean, I've never held ANY interest whatsoever in the opposite gender.

Plus, I didn't even know any lesbians growing up...so you can't argue THAT theory, either.

you don't need to have sexual interests in any gender as a child. biologically, its just useless to have a sex drive before you can reproduce- so before, say, 12. so you very well may have developed a non-sexual yearning (due to some need not met as a child) for women before being sexually stimulated and those feelings may have developed into sexual yearnings once hormones came into play.
and you don't need to know any lesbians who are out of the closet to feel or comprehend sexual tension between members of the same sex. its not like you grew up on an island of gay men.
and the idea that sexuality may be nurture isn't a big deal. its only when one decides that its nurture and thus it is open to change and, further, should be changed in order to integrate all members of society into the shitty system of "marriage" and "family" we've created for ourselves, that it becomes a dangerous weapon. I don't believe that sexuality should be changed, so don't fear.
I do, however, believe that all our mannerisms come to be by what we learn (including, how we hurt) from society. and sexuality is a "mannerism" just as driving, socializing, cleaning, teaching, and loving are all mannerisms.

 

[curiouslez84]

You know, I do actually have to agree with you about the systems of marriage and such. For one thing, I don't know a single person that's married that can truly be described as being 'happy'. There's a saying: 'Marriage was made in heaven, but so was thunder and lightning.' I think that pretty much sums it up don't you? And yet, there are instances where marriage is completely acceptable - but I would say that those instances are very, very rare...like Brianna and I, for example. I would marry her in a heartbeat if it was legal...she would do the same for me. We simply love each other that much. But for most people, I wouldn't suggest it.

...then again, single life has its down sides, too. <_<

 

[apexpark]

You know, I do actually have to agree with you about the systems of marriage and such. For one thing, I don't know a single person that's married that can truly be described as being 'happy'. There's a saying: 'Marriage was made in heaven, but so was thunder and lightning.' I think that pretty much sums it up don't you? And yet, there are instances where marriage is completely acceptable - but I would say that those instances are very, very rare...like Brianna and I, for example. I would marry her in a heartbeat if it was legal...she would do the same for me. We simply love each other that much. But for most people, I wouldn't suggest it.

...then again, single life has its down sides, too. <_<

Margaret Cho once said "you know who should get married? Gays and lesbians. because with gays and lesbians marriage isn't about convenience, but about love and commitment and equality." (or something along those lines) but its absolutely true, members of the GLBTQ community understand equality in a relationship much more than most straight people. granted, we do have "submissive" and "aggressive" roles, which we probably picked up from mimicking straight people's relationships (the only ones we were really aquianted with growin up), but we understand equality more because in GLBTQ relationships the lines of sexuality are blurred, and thus, so is everything else. so when we do get married it won't be an exploitative relationship, but usually will be a healthy and equal relationship.
further, because of the whole legality issue, gays and lesbians are willing to fight HARD for something that most straight people take for granted. I think thats enough proof of our love for one another.

have you and brianna thought of having a civil union? because...I've always wanted to be a flower girl. (being a boy, I never had the opportunity in straights-ville)

 

[curiouslez84]

I'm sorry, maybe I'm stupid...but what's a civil union? Is that like an unofficial wedding ceremony or something? But yeah, you're right...I don't know if I'd kill to get the same rights as straight married couples, if not the actual legality of gay marriage in and of itself, but I'd do just about everything else. I mean, it would make things so much easier. Like Brianna can't put me on her life insurance because I'm not family by blood or law, and I can't put her on mine for the same reason. Both our names are on her car, though, and both our names are on mine. Heh - it's funny. We've both got white 2000 Ford Tauruses because we bought them at the same time - hers with her savings and mine with my savings. We match! LOL But yeah...it's a cryin' shame, it is, that we can't legally marry.

Which brings me back to my question at the top of this post: what's a civil union?

 

[lilsub4u]

A Civil Union is a legal contract, but it does not afford couples the same legal rights and protections that a full legal marriage does.
It can't be used on tax forms or pentions.

Since the Federal Government still has "DOMA" (The Defence Of Marriage Act) still on the books, same-sex partnerships or marriages are not recognized by the Federal Government at all. We still can't get survivor benefits, file joint tax forms, receive SSI or disability through our partners, and literally over a thousand other Rights, Benefits and Protections afforded by Recognized Legal Marriage.

If you need a detailed list of everything denyed to Same-Sex couples through legal marriage follow this link:

http://www.gao.gov/archive/1997/og97016.pdf


But I'll warn you now...it's a 75 page report from the General Accounting Office...so make sure you have time to go through it all.

<a href="http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3Lm15c3BhY2UuY29tL2lzdXBwb3J0"><img src="http://c.myspace.com/Groups/00006/23/57/6447532_l.gif"></a>

 

[Etoile]

Like Brianna can't put me on her life insurance because I'm not family by blood or law, and I can't put her on mine for the same reason.

I'm just wondering, what state do you guys live in? My partner and I are in Virginia, which has some of the worst anti-gay legislation in the country ("no contract can be established between people of the same sex that confers ANY of the benefits of marriage") but we are on each other's life insurance. I'm pretty sure that anybody can be a beneficiary of life insurance...but perhaps that varies by state?

 

[Etoile]

If you need a detailed list of everything denyed to Same-Sex couples through legal marriage follow this link:

http://www.gao.gov/archive/1997/og97016.pdf


But I'll warn you now...it's a 75 page report from the General Accounting Office...so make sure you have time to go through it all.

See also the Human Rights Campaign website, they have information on the 1,138 benefits denied to same sex couples by the U.S. federal government.

 

[curiouslez84]

Washington. I don't know...me and Brianna were both told that we couldn't put each other on our life insurance policies. Maybe it's company rules intead of state law? We didn't bother to ask - we just got pissed and did them up anyway because we each needed the insurance. We have the same company, but only because I switched to her company for easier reference for the both of us. That way we get our bills at the same time, we can pay them both at the same time, we have the same kinds of policies so there's no confusion as to who has what, etc.

 

[Etoile]

Washington. I don't know...me and Brianna were both told that we couldn't put each other on our life insurance policies. Maybe it's company rules intead of state law? We didn't bother to ask - we just got pissed and did them up anyway because we each needed the insurance. We have the same company, but only because I switched to her company for easier reference for the both of us. That way we get our bills at the same time, we can pay them both at the same time, we have the same kinds of policies so there's no confusion as to who has what, etc.

Are you aware that Washington state now allows same-sex couples to register as domestic partners? Click here for a news story about it, apparently it's only just gone into effect this week.

As for life insurance, this article is primarily about Long Term Care insurance but does make reference to life insurance in terms of planning for a same sex couple's later years. If your life insurance is through your company, it probably is their rules that apply, but there are plenty of private insurance companies that are happy to allow same-sex couples to register on each other's policies. See here for more.

 

[Vail_Indigo]

Its funny, some ass on Blog Critics was writing something about marriage recently.
His basic premise was that any debate about marriage is pointless because, given the divorce rate, marriage doesn't mean very much anymore.

and for a moment, I was like, "y'know, he's got a point"...
and then I remembered I live in the real world where many places I can't get on my girlfriend's insurance no matter how long we've been together.
And that I might very well be denied visitation rights in a hospital if she got sick.
And that her family, if they so chose, could make a strong arguement that I get nothing from her if she dies.
Oh, yeah, I'm assuming social security, 401ks, pensions and all would also ignore me.

So, while marriage may be a pathetic broken thing to straight people, who can also fall under the 'common law' stuff, its only because they aren't thinking about anyone but themselves.

(yes...it angers me)

 

[Etoile]

Its funny, some ass on Blog Critics was writing something about marriage recently.
His basic premise was that any debate about marriage is pointless because, given the divorce rate, marriage doesn't mean very much anymore.

and for a moment, I was like, "y'know, he's got a point"...
and then I remembered I live in the real world where many places I can't get on my girlfriend's insurance no matter how long we've been together.
And that I might very well be denied visitation rights in a hospital if she got sick.
And that her family, if they so chose, could make a strong arguement that I get nothing from her if she dies.
Oh, yeah, I'm assuming social security, 401ks, pensions and all would also ignore me.

So, while marriage may be a pathetic broken thing to straight people, who can also fall under the 'common law' stuff, its only because they aren't thinking about anyone but themselves.

(yes...it angers me)

I have a friend who says that marriage sucks, gays shouldn't WANT to get married, etc. (He went through a bitter divorce, so that doesn't help his perspective.) He didn't want to listen to arguments about the 1,138 federal benefits denied to same-sex couples, he just said that marriage was terrible and awful. It really pissed me off that he couldn't understand why some people WANT to get married even though they CAN'T.