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Let's tickle the funny bones :)

Three blondes are sitting in a café,

talking about what to get their boyfriends for Christmas.

"It's funny," said Samantha. "Peter's balls are always cold as ice when I'm sucking his cock! I think I should get him some ball warmers for Christmas."

"You know what?" replied Jenny. "It's exactly the same with my Richard!"

They turn to the third blonde, Candi, and asked, "When you blow Chris, are his balls cold, too?"

"Ugh! That's disgusting! I never put Chris's thing in my mouth!" exclaimed Candi.

"You're crazy," Samantha piped up. "A good blowjob is the best way to keep a guy! You should try it! It would make a great Christmas gift for Chris!"

Candi says she'll think about it. The next time they meet at the café it is Boxing Day and Candi is sporting a wicked shiner.

"Whoa!" the Jenny asked. "How did you get that black eye?!"

"Chris hit me when I was blowing him," Candi said.

"What on earth for?!" the Jenny asked.

"I don't know," Candi replied. "I was giving him his Christmas present like you two suggested. I mentioned how strange it was that his balls were so warm, when Pete and Richard's were so cold, and he punched me!" :(
 
Last edited:
Last night I played a blank CD...

....at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
 
A man ordered for a voice automated

robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error.
He got the car and became very proud of what the car could do without mistakes.

One day, he was home and his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school as she was very tired.

The man agreed and said to the car, "Car, go and bring my
children from school."

The car went and didn't return in time as expected, they knew
something must be wrong. Several hours later and no car, the man became apprehensive.

He dressed up and got ready to lodge a report at the police station. As he and his wife stepped outside they saw the car coming with an overload of children.

The car parked right in front of them and said, "These are your
children sir".

In the car were their Landlady's two daughters, their choir mistress's two sons, his wife's best friend's daughter, their pastor's son and their neighbours two sons.

The wife who was angry shouted at her husband, "Don't tell me all these are your children!"

The man asked her calmly, "Can you first tell me why our children are not in the car?"
 
Curiosities......

If money doesn't grow on trees....then why do banks have branches?


Also, why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there isn't enough fucking money to cover the insufficient funds fee?

Why is it that when my wife uses...... a cucumber to pleasure herself, it's considered 'harmless fun' or a 'food fetish'?
But when I'm caught fucking a roasted turkey, it's seen as 'beastiality' or 'necrophilia'?

Does anyone else find it sadistic that a company called 'Adolfs' sells a product called 'meat tenderizer'?

......


more to come
 
Rosey posing thoughtfully in the mirror says to Paula "I think I'm going to see a dietitian".

Paula asked "Why?"

Rosey answered "'Cause I need to know once and for all, how many calories are in sperm!"

Thinking a minute, Paula said "I really have no clue, but if you are consuming that much of it, no guy is going to care if you are a little chunky!"
 
Here is one

A professor at W.Virginia University is giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?"
About 90 students raise their hands. "Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands. "That's a great response."

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise their hands. "That's fantastic."

"But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" One student in a flannel shirt and baseball cap way in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The redneck student complies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium.

The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost."

The student replies, "Ghost?!? Sheeyit..... From back there it sounded like you said 'goats'".
 
Dr. Seuss's Lesser Known Books

1. The Cat in the Blender
2. Are You My Proctologist?
3. Fox in Detox
4. Who Shat in the Hat?
5. Horton Feels a Ho
6. The Lemon-Fresh Lorax
7. How the Grinch Stole Columbus Day
8. Your Colon Can Moo---Can You?
9. Zippy the Rabid Gerbil
11. Marvin K. Mooney, Get the F*ck Out!
12. Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbert
13. The B*tch Set Me Up
14. I've Fallen---And I Can't Get Up!
15. Yentl the Lentil
16. My Pocket Rocket Needs A Socket
17. Aunts in My Pants
18. Hop On Mom
19. Oh, the Places You'll Scratch and Sniff!
20. Horton Fakes an Orgasm
21. The Grinch's Ten Inches
 
The Rugged Outdoor Woman

During her physical examination, a doctor asked a retired woman about her physical activity level.

The woman said she spent 3 days a week, every week in the outdoors.

"Well, yesterday afternoon was typical; I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain.

I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through 2 miles of brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes.

I barely avoided stepping on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I went to the bathroom behind some big trees.

I ran away from an irate mother bear and then ran away from one angry bull Elk.

The mental stress of it all left me shattered. At the end of it all I drank a scotch and three glasses of wine.

Amazed by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one hell of an outdoor woman!"

"No," the woman replied, "I'm just a really, really shitty golfer".
 
Kid's dad joined facebook


Kid's status update: Dad on FB...WTF!!!! :X
Dad - what is wtf??
Kid - 'welcome to facebook' dad..:)
 
last one today.....


Medical Fact:



If a woman has two glasses of wine it will increase the chance of a stroke.


If you give her the whole bottle, she may suck it a little too!
 
New Bull


Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.

First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."

Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."

Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I'm keeping all 10 of my cows."

Just then an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they've ever seen. At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes strains the steel ramp.

First Bull: "I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend."

Second Bull: "I actually have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."

They look over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting.

First Bull: "Son, don't be foolish -- let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."

Third Bull: "Hell, he can have all my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull."
 
Mrtenant said:
New Bull


Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.

First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."

Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."

Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I'm keeping all 10 of my cows."

Just then an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they've ever seen. At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes strains the steel ramp.

First Bull: "I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend."

Second Bull: "I actually have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."

They look over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting.

First Bull: "Son, don't be foolish -- let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."

Third Bull: "Hell, he can have all my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull."
Click to expand...
Thanking you guys for keeping my thread active during my absence :)
 
Most interesting line written
on the front of T-shirt of a girl,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Excuse me !
My face is above.;)
 
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