Let's Write Rap!

[butters]

KritterCool


Hip was the mouse that hopped
Through the mail slot
Invited himself in
Flopped
To his feet
Said,
Yo, Blaze
This the best you got?
Kritter Cool is in da Birdhouse
Let's get this party started

His ego sure was hip-hop-potamus
King size
For the Stewart littlest of guys

That's when
KABOOM! went the room
As if an elephant farted

He dropped a base so fuckin loud
Throughout the hood
The sonic boom
Brought da noise for the crowd
A raving flock of crazy peacock plume
Feathers waving in the air
Putting all of heaven in a rage
They didn't care to be contained
Like Blake's robin redbreasts in a cage
Kritter's one bad mutha that cuts the cheese
Brutha does it with wit, flair and ease
Like no utha rodents out there
Spreading their no-good dirty rat dis-ease
Leaving Chief White J Blaze in a daze
Reconsidering
His lousy Mickey Moused scratched record plays
In light of this cool hipster cat's
Emcee Mice T-rappin ways

Three blind mice
YO
Three blind mice
HO
Run-D.M.C. said,
You're blind
You're blind
NO
I ain't singing that shit twice

disney... will never be the same again

 

[Magnetron]

Mera Raipa Seksi Hai


It's all good in the hood
When you wake up with morning breath

( hah you thought I was going to say, wood )

After banging the gong
All night long
I sing you a song
Doing it Bollywood style

Dongiddy dong-diddy dang-a-dang diggy-diddy

Mera raipa seksi hai
Never going back once rapped by a white guy
Mera raipa seksi hai
Caramel and white chocolate
Together, you and I

Dawning light fills the sky as we lie in bed
An awning of gold crowning your head
Blessings from gods most high in Heaven
Get up anytime between Seven, Eleven
Uh-oh, that wasn't meant to be racist
You point your finger
Shake your fist
Be more forgiving
Let's get on with living
Get it on till there be none left to be giving

My loving is not the kind to be missed
Mera raipa seksi hai
Never going back once rapped by a white guy
Mera raipa seksi hai
My rap is sexy
You'll not want to pass it by

Yo!
Mocha latte princess
You beg for it more and more
Like a magic carpet unraveling a lot
I have you spreading every which way
Upon the floor

Yo!
Beauty from Bangalore
Serenading my song in your ear
So sweet and soulful
Entering your holy temple from behind
I bang you

I bang you in the bunghole

Oh-oh-oh
In the bunghole
Yo-yo-yo
In the bunghole
Yo-yo-yo

In my bunga bunga bungalow

My loving is not the kind to be missed
Mera raipa seksi hai
Never going back once rapped by a white guy
Mera raipa seksi hai
My rap is sexy
You'll not want to pass it by

 

[Magnetron]

Release The Kraken


Yo - yo - yo
I enters the arena
Throw you overboard
Like offloading fish in the marina
Midget tossed
You lost
Nothing but a dwarf in the wharf to me
As I bring the cod like Neptune
God of the Seventh Sea

And I release the Kraken
Thoroughly abused
Your face I be smackin' about
Looking confused
Wondering what is happening
You losed
The ref was just tappin' you out

1 - 2 - 3
Another victory at sea for me
Shiny belt held up overhead
My interview said it would be
Your pork
My fork
Trident pulled from the rear of your career
Well done for as I stride high above tide
While the fans roar and cheer

And I release the Kraken
Thoroughly abused
Your face I be smackin' about
Looking confused
Wondering what is happening
You losed
The ref was just tappin' you out

Like Poseidon
I ride in
On a seahorse
Collidin'
Bitch
Slap
Slappin' you down

 

[Magnetron]

Taking Back My State


I'm taking back my State
Line in the sand
Drawn with my bare hand
Dare to cross it
If you think you're man enough to
Brother
I gots some news for you
You'll never get through
As if you ever could

Claim title to the lay of land
To the Hood
Makes no difference
What made you think it would?
Arrogance
Just because you can scale a fence
Doesn't mean I can't keep you out
Just because you deal in violence
Doesn't mean I have to dwell in fear
Ain't cause for me to struggle with doubt

State of Grace
I breathe and walk freely
Lord is with me everywhere
He's all over the place
I see the confusion written across your face
In big block letters shouting,
What the ...
Luck?
Has nothing to do with it
Simple fact of the matter is
You can't touch this
My life is mine to live
Not yours to steal, borrow or give
As if you ever had that power anyway

Like you have any say in my fate
My destiny
In my State
Line is drawn by the Big G above
Who works miracles daily through me
Using only the power of Love
Unconditional
A force you can't control
You can't manipulate

Taking back my State
Line is drawn
Not just across my front lawn
The street, mall parking lot or the outskirts of town
Do what what you must in your pathetic existence
To spoil my happiness
Bring the hammer down
Makes no difference

No gauntlet of poorly lit alleys your posse
Sees fit to possess
Occupy
Bang ganging till wee midnight hours
Is cause for me to change my routine
Make me beg for more law enforcement powers
Skills with a knife or a trigger
I have no need for
Terrorism begins within
Know what I mean?
If I have to explain it to you anymore
Brothers
Then you're not getting the message
My breath is wasted

Hope the Lord has mercy
Shows you the error of your ways
Helps you beat the crack
Steers you towards a job that pays
A real lifestyle you'll appreciate
Someday look back upon
This emaciated existence
The adrenaline high you're on
Until then

Here is where the line is drawn
You might as well move on

I'm taking back my State

Taking it back

 

[Magnetron]

Don't Cry For Me 'Lil Juanita


For real
Reeling
Hopping mad
Feeling
Meaner than a Mexican jumping beaner
Missing my Mama
Been years since I've seen her
Long ago
Once upon a time in Mexico
Now can't afford gas
To drive across the border
Yeah
That's right, Pendejo
Your out of order
She's stuck over there
You cut in line
I'm stuck over here
You stole jobs that were mine
And all you got to say for your sorry ass self is

Don't cry for me 'lil Juanita
The truth is I had to leave you
To make more money for our family
So we could buy a large screen television
I'm grew tired of our thirty-two inch screen

We must keep up with the Juanses
And pay for everything in cash
Why the hell should I bust my hump
Doing what I do
Making five times less?

So, I'm off to the U.S.
The Land of Opportunity
To blend in with the rest of society
So many Americans
Who don't appreciate what they have
Too lazy to mow the green grass
And trim their own hedges

Hedging my bets
With prayers in Sunday mass
Waiting for Mama's visa approval
Legal right of passage to pass
Until then
Viva La Immigration
My ass
America
Oh, what a grand nation
For the One Percenters
Upper class
And putos
You covertly sneak in
Cut in front of patiently waiting brethren
Then cry like a little whining bitches
About the evils of Deportation
While mailing home your riches
And all you got to say for your sorry ass self is

I think I will stay here
Forever, till I die
My dearest Juanita
Don't be you be sad
Don't you cry
And just be glad
You don't have to sleep with me anymore
After I've eaten that fifth burrito

Don't cry for me 'lil Juanita
Try not to think of it as being abandoned
To care for our children all by your lonesome
While I drink six packs of Corona
With my new American wife

And never wake up before noon

Juanita! Juanita! Juanita!

This is where I cast my American right to vote
For a new Tex Mex Border Alligator Moat
Let's see your family swim over now
So rude
Illegally

PLEASE DON'T FEED THE ANIMALS

Once they've become a meal of Mexican fast food

Juanita, don't cry for me!

 

[Magnetron]

Death Chant v3.0


Death Chant Three Point Oh
Death Chant Three Point Oh
Death Chant Three Point Oh

Hear it

Fear it

Here we go

Going in for a landing
White runway lines on the mirror
Discerning a patterning so sublime
Intricately reflected ear to ear
Such fancy shaped snowflakes
Is what it takes
And every time
He violently shakes with the noise he makes
When he partakes of the China Man's Nightcap
Failure to bust the rhyme
Messing with his ability to rap
Dust will get you every time of course
Your joking
Get off your high White Horse
Stop snorting that Insta-gram selfie
And come to the party
That was never about you
Always about me
A force of nature like fire
And Johnny B just started smoking

All you gangsta wannabees
Plagiaristic flunkies spanking your sock monkeys
My lyrics are detoxes to the addicts
Junkies living in cardboard boxes
While I work my rhythm method coast to coast
Spreading my JAMS all over your toast
Pale as a ghost rider of the storm
Vanilla wordsmith with the most
Rapping way above the norm
Filling shopping carts with rhymes so tasty
Skyrocketing up the charts
Number one with a bullet
Without using hollow points
I'm no eighties rocker with a mullet
The roofs I raise
Rocking the joints everywhere I go
Shots and mugs of beers are raised to me in cheers
Don't be misunderstood, alright?
Known throughout the land deep down under
As that motherfucker, Johnny Blaze
When I'm in your hood
All is good
Until I burn the house down like Great White
And in the smoky haze
I disappear into the night

Your poetry?
Simply gimpy
Lame
Would benefit from a performance enhancer
A limping low down crying shame
In need of Viagra
Cocaine is definitely not the answer
That shit it'll keep you up alright
Neighbors counting sheep at night
Unable to sleep
Due to your chicken shit Redbird squawking
That white trash you be talking
Words easily forgotten
Lacking any flavor like the SPAM that it is
Potatoes au grautin smothered with Cheez Whiz
While mine live on like filet mignon
As bellyfuls of a juicy meal for all to savor
So do the whole World Wide Web a favor

And shut your Blow hole

wiki wiki wiki
Ranger Ricky
Listen up here
'Cause this is where it gets a bit tricky
I'm the rage on social media
Take my page from Wikipedia
It says I'm wickedly
Wired
Wound like a top
Overtired
Hopped up on nicotine
Caffiene
Bustin' up with rhymes
Bursting outta my spleen
While that snow cone machine
Is making you ornery
Mean
I'd say, chill and take a pill
Bad advice for one hooked on ice
Making snowballs to take out
This reigning King of the Hill
Can't play nice on this playground?
Here's a tip for you
If you take anything from me
From the hip I shoot
And I shoot to kill
Six guns blazing away
About this ruckus your raising today
All I can say is
Dance like there's no tomorrow
'Cause Johnny is on his way
To chase away your blues and sorrow

Oh, no

I see you trembling
Shaking and baking

Your nerves in twitches
While I'm in stitches
Sides aching
Laughing my ass off
With all my inherited wealth
Talking about riches like talent
Ability to write fresh JAMS with cunning
Stealth
Not stale like that noise
Coming from your Blow hole
Brawling with a narwhal
Your just another whale

I'm the Unicorn of these here Seven Seas

Get it?

Latest Charlie Sheen soap opera scene
Calling my poetry, shit
Wit dished out from critics
Not making sense
No different from their lyrics
Lacking in any flow or substance
Gibberish if you ask me
If you didn't
My opinion is custom made to order
Seriously, you're deliriously
Suffering from
Attention
Deficit
Disorder
So just sit back

Try to relax

Let your mind focus

Stop riling up the natives with your shtick
Don't try to poke us
Give it up with this disappearing trick
This hip hop mojo hocus
Or you'll get the short end of the stick
Where the sun doesn't shine
Swift and quick
It'll be painless
Don't whimper
Tired of hearing you whine

Son

I am the man

I am the one

Let me show you how it's done
Now sit there quiet like a mime
It's MC JAMMER Time
You can't touch this

Watch me strut my stuff
Do a king crab dance
In my poofy Genie parachute pants
It's in the way you move
How I groove
Give it up, Girl
There's nothing to prove
You got to have devotion
Plenty of motion in your ocean
To make a commotion
Life's a beach
To each his own
As you moan
Let me rub you with my lotion

Whut?

I got a little off track there

Maybe I have ADD too

Death Chant Three Point Oh
Death Chant Three Point Oh
Death Chant Three Point Oh

Versions One and Two?
They had to go

UH-OH
THREE POINT HO-OHHHH
THREE POINT HO-OHHHH
NOW YOU KNOW-OHHHH

Now you knows

Accosted by a Canadian Mountie
Who trolled her under a bridge
In a derelict Detroit county
Puffing from huffing
Frosted snot hanging from his nose
Chip on his shoulder
Larger than any bounty collected
Tried handcuffing the lady
Got more than he expected
Like Indiana Jones
Outrunning that giant fucking boulder

See how it feels
No more excusing your inexcusable ways
Flaming tire treads across your face
Burned underneath the motorcycle wheels
Belonging to that Ghost Rider in the night
That daredevil
Johnny Blaze
Who never backs down from a race
Always up for a fight
Spitting Hellfire from his bike
As fast as flaming JAMS from the mike

Don't make me come back
Or I will return
And possess your body
I'll make you burn

666
Number of words in this beast
999
Spun backwards
Upside down
Plus one just for the record scratch,
Biatch

 

[Magnetron]

I forgot about all those raps I had already finished.

Tends to happen when you have multiple personalities.

 

[Magnetron]

I.B. Ballinger


Decided to pen my own rap
After reading a few others here lately
One that didn't make any sense to you
Making perfect sense to me
Seems this is how those fly white boys
Like Johnny Blaze keep it real these days
Drop the acid
Get dopey high
Spit noise lyrically so surreal
It needs Instant Replays

Now run along
Be gone with you
Punk ass bitch
Master Psy
Is on the mound
Balling high
He's winding up to pitch
His balls?
Faster, bigger, round
You'll need a switch hitter
Speaking of which
I smacked up my bitch
Just kidding
She was my babysitter
Instead
I knocked her up
And down
Without ever having hit her
And once upon a time
I might have beaned a baby
Or two
And by "might have"
I could possibly mean "maybe"
Never mind
Pay attention
You
Just keep your eye on the ball
Sucker's clocked an MPH of 105
That's Miles Per Hour
Not Master of Public Health
Nor is it Mr. Potato Head
I don't spit bullshit jive
My degree is in psychology
Where the money and wealth ...
... is
You heard me right
That's what I said
I know as much about baseball
As I do the inside of my own colon
My degree is not in proctology
For the sake of rhyming psychology
Has absolutely nothing to do with psychics
I don't consult an Ouija
Bored, yet?
But, pipes do tend to get blocked up
I recommend a plumber named Luigi
This rap has turned to crap real fast
Five minutes of your life I rob
Not my natural calling
Neither is it yours
Please don't quit your day job
Ten minutes of fame to go are almost passed
So I will take my leave with these last few reminders

I.B. Ballinger is the name
I be balling her all the same
And soon a lawyer will be contacting me
About statutory rape
Perhaps alimony

I.B. Ballinger is my name
You're not the baller you think you are
However, you do create your own reality
Johnny, you're going to be a star

 

[Magnetron]

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=67984403&postcount=51

You're in good company with Harry.

and...woot! me'n annie, immortalised in a mag-rap