Light Bulb Humor

[SeaCat]

How many government employees does it take to change a lightbulb?

I'm sorry that is classified information and we're not at liberty to divulge that to you at this time.


Cat

 

[cloudy]

Cloudy a friend got an Aussie shepherd a few months ago, still a pup and seems untrainable. They live in a big house with small yard. Any suggestions? P.

That's a tough one....they normally need lots and lots of space.

Those dogs are so smart they're almost scary. Think "border collie with ADHD." They learn things really, really fast, but the learning process itself has to be made interesting and fun for them, or they just won't pay any attention. And, training usually "takes" better if it's done during very short sessions several times a day.

Mine learned things sort of from osmosis it seemed. They really, really want to please people, so praise, praise, praise. And, they don't react well to scolding at all. They're almost insulted, and will pout. Better to just look over minor transgressions, and focus efforts on praising and rewarding tasks done correctly.

If they're having specific problems, I can PM you my email address, and I'll be glad to help out if I can.

 

[Bridget69]

Us people here at Lit are good at screwing. And not just when it comes to lightbulbs. LOL!

 

[Guest]

Thanks, Cloudy. Will get back to you if she wants more info. P.

 

[SnoopDog]

*BUMP*

How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.

DrF

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb ?

....

None. The bulb has to do it itself !!!!

HOW MANY DOGS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

Border collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that damned stupid lamp!

Rottweiler: Make me.

Labrador: Oh, me, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?

German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed anyone, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Jack Russell terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Doberman: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.

Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark...

Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

Chihuahua: Yo quiero taco bulb.

Irish wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got this hangover...

Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right over there...

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Australian shepherd: First, I'll get all the light bulbs in a little circle...

Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?

Hound dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Cat: Dogs do not change light bulbs, people change light bulbs. So the question is, how long will it be before I can expect some light around here?

But you left out one race....

The cat line was superb though.

Snoopy

 

[yui]

But you left out one race....

Snoopy

Pomeranian? Yeah, that bothered me, too.

 

[Guest]

That's a tough one....they normally need lots and lots of space.

Those dogs are so smart they're almost scary. Think "border collie with ADHD." They learn things really, really fast, but the learning process itself has to be made interesting and fun for them, or they just won't pay any attention. And, training usually "takes" better if it's done during very short sessions several times a day.

Mine learned things sort of from osmosis it seemed. They really, really want to please people, so praise, praise, praise. And, they don't react well to scolding at all. They're almost insulted, and will pout. Better to just look over minor transgressions, and focus efforts on praising and rewarding tasks done correctly.

If they're having specific problems, I can PM you my email address, and I'll be glad to help out if I can.

I swear I have got a border collie with ADHD. LOL!

Seriously, he is a very good boy, but needs constant mental stimulation. Intelligent breeds need to be kept busy, because it's bred into them to be busy and helpful. Eager to please it spot on. Nothing makes such a dog happier than knowing you are happy, and even better if he or she believes they've brought that happiness about.

They are very astute and in tune with your mood, too. If I get a bit upset or cross, for whatever reason, however insignificant, he gets sad, too. He comes up to me and tries to nuzzle me, or hides away, if he senses I've really gone into one (I can be telling the kids off, for whatever behaviour, and the poor dog takes it peronally).

They are keen breeds and react best to training which is fun and full of praise, as you said, Cloudy. You have to keep their interest and reward them immediately.

The close up training is the easiest; commands such as "sit" "down" "leave" etc. It's when you move on to the distance commands that being on the ball is even more essential. With concentration and persistence, it is easy to quickly get them to understand upwards of twenty-five voice commands and the same amount again of commands by hand signal and so on.

In my experience, most people have the biggest problem with "stay" "come" "go" and the crucial "emergency down". With such breeds, having the confidence in your dog that he will drop into the down position, with one command from you, however far away from you he is, can be critical. They are runners and can be chasers (although they should be trained not to chase cats or squirrels, etc - which I have done with Billy now). Knowing that command literally saved my Billy's life once, when he was younger. He got out of the house, and began running towards the road. I called his name, which made him turn and look at me, I then shouted the down command and did the distance hand signal. He dropped to the ground immediately, then stayed there, until I recalled him.

Training such a breed can be testing at times and it does take patience, but the rewards are great. They learn very quickly and respond so well to a happy, positive attitude and praise. The reward doesn't even have to be a dog treat, throwing a ball and using that as a reward can work, too, for the more distant commands.

The most crucial thing is keeping their attention and focus on you, the trainer. Make yourself interesting and exciting and they will respond well.

Ok, I've babbled on enough now. It's a subject close to my heart.

Lou

P.S. I was meaning "you" in the general term of the word here, btw.

 

[NoJo]

I haven't had a dog for a while now. I've had a Corgi (super, super smart, but not really "fun" dogs), the rest were mutts from the dog's home. I was under the impression that mutts are generally smarter until I got my last dog.

I started to train it in my tried and tested way. I've never needed to put my dogs on leads, except when it was required by law. The first thing I would do after house-training is Road Sense. So "Stop", "Sit", "Wait..." and "Go!" are really important. I took my mutt to the nearest crossing to my house , and crossed over, while leaving her sitting at the curb waiting for me to call it. After an hour or so, she got the message. But only about this road. She couldn't generalize from that one raod to ANY road.

She also couldn't go through the gap in railings while carrying a stick in her mouth. Other dogs know to let go of the stick and grab one end and pull it through. This one would just go "clang!" against the railings and look up at me helplessly.

 

[Guest]

Bless her heart! LOL!

Stupid dogs can be very amusing. My Mum and Dad used to have two Cavalier King Charles Spaniels. Cute as hell, but dumb, especially the youngest one, Duke. When they first got Duke, he used to try and suckle from Brandy, the older dog - another male. He just used to sit there with a "WTF?" look on his face. He probably enjoyed it really.

 

[Guest]

i am astounded

at the progression of this thread...
lightbulbs to dogs...in a single bound.
BRAVA! BRAVO!

 

[carsonshepherd]

But you left out one race....



Snoopy

I tried to think of one for you, Snoop. I have a beagle. But the best I could come up with was,

Twenty, and they're all barking at it.

Lame, I know.

 

[NoJo]

My last bitch, the "dumb" one, did something remarkable when she was old and frail. She went out into my garden one day and dug a shallow ditch in the earth. Then she literally lay down and died. Not so dumb after all. One of my other dogs, (a bitch too), did the same thing. Her name was Souka, Russian for "bitch".

 

[SnoopDog]

I tried to think of one for you, Snoop. I have a beagle. But the best I could come up with was,

Twenty, and they're all barking at it.

Lame, I know.

Actually I think it's pretty good.

Snoopy

 

[Guest]

My last bitch, the "dumb" one, did something remarkable when she was old and frail. She went out into my garden one day and dug a shallow ditch in the earth. Then she literally lay down and died. Not so dumb after all. One of my other dogs, (a bitch too), did the same thing. Her name was Souka, Russian for "bitch".

That is so sweet, yet heartbreaking.

 

[stingray61]

How many real men does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, real men aren't afraid of the dark.


My sister has a dauchsund that loves to chase shadows of flies, bugs, you name it. It also likes to lick any cement or wood it happens to find itself on. Her name is pepsi if that makes any difference.