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[SunnyDays1]

Man goes to a doctor...

A husband is convinced by his wife to go to the doctor after he starts having performance issues in the bedroom. The wife drops the husband off at the doctor's office since they were informed that the tests would take awhile to receive back the results. After the battery of questions and tests, the doctor meets with the man and explains the situation.

Doctor: "After performing all the necessary tests, the results have come back and the news is that, your penis has a limited amount of erections left."

Husband: "How many?"

Doctor: "No more than thirty, I think..."

The man leaves the doctor's office in apparent sadness and instead of calling his wife to come pick him up, he decides to walk home and be with his own thoughts. Upon arrival to his house, he opens the front door and is greeted by his wife who has been pacing back and forth awaiting his return. The wife sees her husband's dejected look on his face.

Wife: "So what did the doctor say?"

Husband: "Well, the good news is that I can still have sex...the doctor said approximately thirty more times."

Wife: "Thirty? Well that isn't so bad. Let's sit down and start making a list of special occasions so that way we can get the most out of your limited erections."

Husband: "I already made a list...you weren't on it!"

 

[SunnyDays1]

A couple had been married for 35 years. The pair was also celebrating their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy godmother appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them each one wish.

The wife said she wanted to travel around the world. The fairy godmother waved her magic wand and BOOM! The wife had the tickets in her hand.

Then it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said boldly, "Well, I'd like to have a wife 30 years younger than I." The fairy godmother picked up her wand and BOOM! He was now 90.

 

[SunnyDays1]

 

[SunnyDays1]

 

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[SunnyDays1]

 

[SunnyDays1]

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his hot rods for an upcoming show.

His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. ‟Honey, I’ve just been thinking, now that we’re married maybe it is time you quit spending all your time out here in the garage and you probably should just consider selling all your cars.

Tom gets this horrified look on his face. She says, ”Darling, what’s wrong?‟

”There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife.‟

”Ex-wife!‟, she screams, ”YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!!!!!!!‟

Tom’s reply: ”I wasn’t‟.

 

[SunnyDays1]

 

[SunnyDays1]

 

[SunnyDays1]

 

[SunnyDays1]

 

[SunnyDays1]

 

[SunnyDays1]

What’s the dirtiest thing ever said on television?

GEE Ward you were awfully rough on the beaver last night.

 

[SunnyDays1]

An attractive, well-dressed woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian carpets. She looks around, spots a beautiful carpet, and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the carpet she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed. Standing behind her is a salesman.

"Good day, ma'am, how may I help you today?"

Flustered, she asks, "Yes, uh, how much does this carpet cost?"

"Madam," he answers, "If you farted just touching it, you're gonna shit when you hear the price."

 

[SunnyDays1]

 

[SunnyDays1]

A son asks his father, “Daddy, what’s an alcoholic like?”

The dad responds, “Son, do you see those two cars over there? An alcoholic would see four.”

The son says, “But daddy, there’s only one.”

 

[SunnyDays1]

 

[HotBrand]

A son asks his father, “Daddy, what’s an alcoholic like?”

The dad responds, “Son, do you see those two cars over there? An alcoholic would see four.”

The son says, “But daddy, there’s only one.”

Haaaaaa!

I finally found the thread and now I'm really looking forward to all your jokes, Sunny!

 

[SunnyDays1]

 

[SunnyDays1]

I finally found the thread and now I'm really looking forward to all your jokes, Sunny! [/QUOTE]



welcome, it's not my thread......I hijacked it from the creator, Fingerfuxs

 

[SunnyDays1]

 

[SunnyDays1]

 

[SunnyDays1]

 

[SunnyDays1]

 

[SunnyDays1]

On her first day at the senior complex, the new manager addressed all the seniors pointing out some of her rules: "The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormitory to the females. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

She continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

At this point, an older gentleman stood up in the crowd and inquired: "How much for a season pass?”