SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
Lit🌎World ©️ Hey Boomer
- Thread starter Fingerfuxs
- Start date
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
Bernie Sanders goes to a union brothel
Bernie Sanders decides he wants to seek out a prostitute in a brothel, but not just any brothel will do. As a true champion of the working class he will only give his patronage to a true union institution.
He walks into the first brothel and he asks the owner, "if I were to pay $100, how much would go to the girl and how much would go to the house?"
"The girl would get $20 and I would get $80" the owner replies, causing Mr. Sanders to groan in response.
"That's an outrage! She's doing all the work, this is basically robbery!" He leaves in search of a more equitable institution.
At the next brothel he asks the same question; "if I were to pay $100, how much would go to the girl and how much would go to the house?"
"The girl and I would split it fifty-fifty" the owner replies.
"That's better than the last place, but you still take too much" Sanders says. He leaves to find yet another one.
At the final brothel he approaches the owner once more and, depressed that he might not find a true union institution, asks one final time. "if I were to pay $100, how much would go to the girl and how much would go to the house?"
"I would only take $20 and the girl would get $80" the owner replied.
Bernie Sanders nodded his head. "I like that, now this is a real union establishment right here! I would like to see what girls are available."
So the owner lines up all of the girls. Two of them that stand out are one very, very old woman he has no interest in and one young very, very young Latina with huge tits. "I'd like that one" he says, pointing at the Latina.
To his confusion the old woman steps forward and takes his hand. "Then let's get to it handsome" she says with the gravely voice of a life-long smoker.
"What? No, I asked for a different woman!" He steps back.
"This is a union establishment," she replies, "and I have seniority."
Bernie Sanders decides he wants to seek out a prostitute in a brothel, but not just any brothel will do. As a true champion of the working class he will only give his patronage to a true union institution.
He walks into the first brothel and he asks the owner, "if I were to pay $100, how much would go to the girl and how much would go to the house?"
"The girl would get $20 and I would get $80" the owner replies, causing Mr. Sanders to groan in response.
"That's an outrage! She's doing all the work, this is basically robbery!" He leaves in search of a more equitable institution.
At the next brothel he asks the same question; "if I were to pay $100, how much would go to the girl and how much would go to the house?"
"The girl and I would split it fifty-fifty" the owner replies.
"That's better than the last place, but you still take too much" Sanders says. He leaves to find yet another one.
At the final brothel he approaches the owner once more and, depressed that he might not find a true union institution, asks one final time. "if I were to pay $100, how much would go to the girl and how much would go to the house?"
"I would only take $20 and the girl would get $80" the owner replied.
Bernie Sanders nodded his head. "I like that, now this is a real union establishment right here! I would like to see what girls are available."
So the owner lines up all of the girls. Two of them that stand out are one very, very old woman he has no interest in and one young very, very young Latina with huge tits. "I'd like that one" he says, pointing at the Latina.
To his confusion the old woman steps forward and takes his hand. "Then let's get to it handsome" she says with the gravely voice of a life-long smoker.
"What? No, I asked for a different woman!" He steps back.
"This is a union establishment," she replies, "and I have seniority."
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
So my wife was sick in the hospital and I decide to visit her.
She was complaining that her body temperature has dropped below 30. I told her not to worry since it's a standard body temperature for snakes.
She was complaining that her body temperature has dropped below 30. I told her not to worry since it's a standard body temperature for snakes.
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
Marketing terms explained
1. You see a beautiful girl at a party. You walk right over to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
That's direct marketing.
2. You're at a party with friends and see a beautiful girl. One friend goes over to her, points at you, and says, "He's fantastic in bed."
That's advertising.
3. You see a beautiful girl at a party. You get her phone number. You call her later and say, "Hello. I'm fantastic in bed."
That's telemarketing.
4. You see a beautiful girl at a party. She walks over to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
That's brand recognition.
5. You see a beautiful girl at a party. You talk her into going out with you. She even goes out with you a second time.
That's brand loyalty.
6. You see a beautiful girl at a party. You walk right over to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed!" She slaps your face.
That's customer feedback.
7. You see a beautiful girl at a party. You talk her into going home--with your friend.
That's a sales rep.
8. When your friend can't satisfy her, he calls you for help.
That's tech support.
9. You're on your way to a party when you realize that there just might be beautiful women in all these houses you're passing. You climb a telephone pole and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
That's spam.
1. You see a beautiful girl at a party. You walk right over to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
That's direct marketing.
2. You're at a party with friends and see a beautiful girl. One friend goes over to her, points at you, and says, "He's fantastic in bed."
That's advertising.
3. You see a beautiful girl at a party. You get her phone number. You call her later and say, "Hello. I'm fantastic in bed."
That's telemarketing.
4. You see a beautiful girl at a party. She walks over to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
That's brand recognition.
5. You see a beautiful girl at a party. You talk her into going out with you. She even goes out with you a second time.
That's brand loyalty.
6. You see a beautiful girl at a party. You walk right over to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed!" She slaps your face.
That's customer feedback.
7. You see a beautiful girl at a party. You talk her into going home--with your friend.
That's a sales rep.
8. When your friend can't satisfy her, he calls you for help.
That's tech support.
9. You're on your way to a party when you realize that there just might be beautiful women in all these houses you're passing. You climb a telephone pole and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
That's spam.
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are escaping prison
After somehow dodging the security guards, they make it out of the prison. However, they are on an island and still have to swim 10 miles to be free.
They all swim away, but after 1 mile the brunette gets exhausted and turns back, saying she can't make it the whole way.
2 miles later the redhead turns back while wishing luck to the blonde.
Upon returning the redhead and brunette are put back in jail. They wait for the blonde to return, but after a while, they assume she made it all the way.
So it comes as a major shock to them when the security guards dump a sopping-wet blonde back in prison.
The brunette asks: "what took you so long"
The blonde replies: "I made it 9 miles but got tired and turned back"
After somehow dodging the security guards, they make it out of the prison. However, they are on an island and still have to swim 10 miles to be free.
They all swim away, but after 1 mile the brunette gets exhausted and turns back, saying she can't make it the whole way.
2 miles later the redhead turns back while wishing luck to the blonde.
Upon returning the redhead and brunette are put back in jail. They wait for the blonde to return, but after a while, they assume she made it all the way.
So it comes as a major shock to them when the security guards dump a sopping-wet blonde back in prison.
The brunette asks: "what took you so long"
The blonde replies: "I made it 9 miles but got tired and turned back"
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
Ten Thoughts
Number 10: Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9: Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8: Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Number 7: Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Number 6: Some people are like a Slinky ... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
Number 5: Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Number 4: All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 3: Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $0.30?
Number 2: In the '60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Number 1: We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.
And the BONUS for today:
"Life is like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow".
Number 10: Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9: Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8: Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Number 7: Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Number 6: Some people are like a Slinky ... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
Number 5: Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Number 4: All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 3: Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $0.30?
Number 2: In the '60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Number 1: We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.
And the BONUS for today:
"Life is like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow".
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
A priest is up giving a sermon one Sunday morning.
The priest tries a experiment. He tells everyone “stand up all those who want to go to heaven!” And everyone stands up. He then tells them to sit back down. Then he says “stand up all those who want to go to hell” and one man stands up, Murphy.
So the priest says, “Murphy why on earth do you want to go to hell?”
Murphy replied “oh no father, I don’t want to go to hell, I couldn’t bear to see ya standing up there by yourself.”
The priest tries a experiment. He tells everyone “stand up all those who want to go to heaven!” And everyone stands up. He then tells them to sit back down. Then he says “stand up all those who want to go to hell” and one man stands up, Murphy.
So the priest says, “Murphy why on earth do you want to go to hell?”
Murphy replied “oh no father, I don’t want to go to hell, I couldn’t bear to see ya standing up there by yourself.”
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
What do you get it you ask a politician to tell 'the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?'
3 different answers.
3 different answers.
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
A young man wished to purchase a present for his sweetheart, and after careful consideration, he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sweetheart's sister, he went to a department store and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping the items got mixed up. The sister got the gloves, and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, he sealed the package and sent it to her with this note:
Dearest Darling:
This is a little gift to show you I have not forgotten your birthday. I chose these because I noticed you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your younger sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are very easy to remove.
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair she had been wearing for three weeks, and they were hardly soiled. I had the sales girl try them on, and she really looked smart.
I wish I could put them on you for the very first time. No doubt other men's hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Be sure to keep them on when you clean them, or they might shrink. I hope you will like them, and will wear them for me on Friday night!
All my love...
P.S. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. Also, the latest style is to wear them folded down with the fur showing.
Dearest Darling:
This is a little gift to show you I have not forgotten your birthday. I chose these because I noticed you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your younger sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are very easy to remove.
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair she had been wearing for three weeks, and they were hardly soiled. I had the sales girl try them on, and she really looked smart.
I wish I could put them on you for the very first time. No doubt other men's hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Be sure to keep them on when you clean them, or they might shrink. I hope you will like them, and will wear them for me on Friday night!
All my love...
P.S. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. Also, the latest style is to wear them folded down with the fur showing.
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
There was a woman with a very vain boyfriend, so for his birthday, she decided to have a portrait of his face tattooed on her left breast.
The guy is very happy, but a few months later they break it of.
The next guy is a very jealous type, and to stop his complains about her ex- boyfriend's face on her breast, she has his face tattooed on her other breast.
The guy is pretty happy for a while, but they still end up splitting up.
A while later, she gets a new boyfriend, but she doesn't dare taking off her top, fearing his reaction. One day, he asks her to please show her breasts, so she takes of her top.
The guy sees the faces of his predecessors and starts laughing uncontrolably. The woman asks why.
When the guy finally gets his laugh under control, he says:
"I now know two guys that, in a few years time, will have pretty streched out faces!"
The guy is very happy, but a few months later they break it of.
The next guy is a very jealous type, and to stop his complains about her ex- boyfriend's face on her breast, she has his face tattooed on her other breast.
The guy is pretty happy for a while, but they still end up splitting up.
A while later, she gets a new boyfriend, but she doesn't dare taking off her top, fearing his reaction. One day, he asks her to please show her breasts, so she takes of her top.
The guy sees the faces of his predecessors and starts laughing uncontrolably. The woman asks why.
When the guy finally gets his laugh under control, he says:
"I now know two guys that, in a few years time, will have pretty streched out faces!"
