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heathrowinneo
Literotica Guru
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- Jun 1, 2006
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your posts make my day heather01, thank you!
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Doug was a single guy. He had a good job, he was fun to be around, and wasn't bad looking. He was in his early 30's and never married. He went through girlfriend after girlfriend and always seemed to break up with every girl at about the three week mark in the relationship.
One evening Doug was at his local bar and the the bartender asks him why he breaks up with every girlfriend at the end of the third week. Doug says "well I just won't marry a woman unless she can suck a golf ball through a garden hose. I know it's a high standard, but I promised myself that I wouldn't accept anything less than that one trait in a woman."
A few years go by and a few dozen girlfriends later the bartender hasn't seen Doug in the bar for a while. He asks around and none of the guys he hangs out with had seen him for a couple of months. Then the local doctor walks in and the bartender worried about Doug asks if he knew anything about where he was. The doctor says "Some girl sucked Doug's testicles through his pee-hole........The wedding is set for June".
One evening Doug was at his local bar and the the bartender asks him why he breaks up with every girlfriend at the end of the third week. Doug says "well I just won't marry a woman unless she can suck a golf ball through a garden hose. I know it's a high standard, but I promised myself that I wouldn't accept anything less than that one trait in a woman."
A few years go by and a few dozen girlfriends later the bartender hasn't seen Doug in the bar for a while. He asks around and none of the guys he hangs out with had seen him for a couple of months. Then the local doctor walks in and the bartender worried about Doug asks if he knew anything about where he was. The doctor says "Some girl sucked Doug's testicles through his pee-hole........The wedding is set for June".
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A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink. "Is everything okay, pal?" the bartender asks. "My wife and I got into a fight and she said she wasn’t going to talk to me for a month.”
Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, "Well, maybe that's kind of a good thing. You know... a little peace and quiet?"
"Yeah. But today is the last day...”
Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, "Well, maybe that's kind of a good thing. You know... a little peace and quiet?"
"Yeah. But today is the last day...”
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While Michelangelo was painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel....
One day, he looked down from the scaffolding to see a solitary old woman kneeling in a pew, praying.
Since the woman could not see him, Michelangelo decided to have a little fun, and he called out, "I am Jesus Christ, hear me!"
The woman did not look up, and continued praying. So, Michelangelo said, even louder, "I am Jesus Christ, Son of God, obey me!"
Still the woman did not budge. So, Michelangelo shouted at the top of his lungs, "I am Jesus Christ, hear my word!"
The old woman finally turned to look up, and held up her rosary, saying, "Shut up! I'm talking to your mother!"
One day, he looked down from the scaffolding to see a solitary old woman kneeling in a pew, praying.
Since the woman could not see him, Michelangelo decided to have a little fun, and he called out, "I am Jesus Christ, hear me!"
The woman did not look up, and continued praying. So, Michelangelo said, even louder, "I am Jesus Christ, Son of God, obey me!"
Still the woman did not budge. So, Michelangelo shouted at the top of his lungs, "I am Jesus Christ, hear my word!"
The old woman finally turned to look up, and held up her rosary, saying, "Shut up! I'm talking to your mother!"
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