Lit blog

[RhymeFairy]

So when Hugo arrived at my house on Tuesday, he was noticeably stressed. I was stressed also, but it was because I had too much coffee and I had to pee, which worked out beautifully. After all, Tuesday was our pee-on-a-stick day.

He stood in the bathroom doorway, staring at me like a kid waiting for a flu shot. He really did have the same expression my kids have when I tell them they're going to get a flu shot. At least he didn't cry.

"You're making me nervous! I can't pee."

He shut the door and a moment later, "What was that noise?" I had dropped the ept test stick, or whatever you call it. The door was open again and in came my schnoodle. He sniffed the test stick.

"Oh, lord, it'll never work now." At this point he probably could have cried.

With the door shut again, I said goodbye to four cups of coffee. I held the stick downward in my "urine stream." Then I placed it on the side of the tub and waited. Hugo hurried into the bathroom and used his special stare that makes blue, minus signs appear.

"Nothing's happening." The tip was dry. I missed the stick. "How do you miss a whole stick?"

I drank a glass of water and told him not to fret. A few minutes later he was shouting directions from the other side of the door. "Spread your legs so you can see if you're peeing on it!"

I opened the door and smiled. Hugo ran back in and this time he got his blue negative -- both of us hoping that the test was accurate. We decided it was and did a victory hug and took pictures.

A little later we crashed. He snored beneath my white, thermal blanket and I curled close, drooling contentedly.

Eve ... my, my, my

I gotta spead tha love my friend, lol. I am hoping this is what you had hoped for. I read about your tubes and the errr... silly doctor but sometimes life has a mean streak and throws things at us to test us I suppose but anywho ... congrats ...

 

[RhymeFairy]

I'd rather have another butt cheek grow on me, than have another child.

A bit weird and some twisted,
but I sooooooooo understand, and cracked up ~~!!!


Love ya lady ~~

 

[WickedEve]

A bit weird and some twisted,
but I sooooooooo understand, and cracked up ~~!!!


Love ya lady ~~

If we both grow and extra butt cheek, we could go dancing together and shake our many booties.

 

[RhymeFairy]

If we both grow and extra butt cheek, we could go dancing together and shake our many booties.

Well heck if that's how this thing works, why stop at a buttt cheek. Let's add a few extra appendages and really get freaky, lol

 

[WickedEve]

Well heck if that's how this thing works, why stop at a buttt cheek. Let's add a few extra appendages and really get freaky, lol

We're taking him dancing with us:

 

[RhymeFairy]

We're taking him dancing with us:

G R O W L ....

lmao ... your a mess !!! And I so love it !!

I better get off here now, too muh to do and sooo little time. My daughter is having a birthday party tomorrow and I hav'ta clean, grrrrrr. But, I am looking forward to seeing how your dance, went ~~ Have fun and give his booty a few extra smacks for me, would'ya?? weg*

 

[Eluard]

Hobbsian nature!

For over a month now my garden has hosted one of nature’s more disturbing spectacles. A cuckoo has been making life a misery for the poor magpie who ‘believes’ she is feeding one of her own chicks. Yet at some level she must know the truth: the cuckoo chick is probably four or five times her body mass and whereas the mother magpie is about 12 inches from head to tail, her ‘chick’ is about 20–24 inches from head to (long) tail. And the cuckoo looks nothing like a magpie: it has a white head and breast and a brown-banded back with touches of red and green. It looks like a very sizable, and very aggressive, hawk, with a menacing curved beak and red eyes. And it shrieks out for food constantly — for about 14 hours of very day. Constant calling and constant feeding, from daybreak to sunset, with a little break around noon. The magpie flies in to regurgitate food down its throat about once a minute, and all that time the cuckoo is screaming; and when it gets food it warbles off-key for a second and then immediately starts shrieking for more. And this has been every day for the last month. (It is so bad that I can no longer sit outside but now have to be in the house, because the shrieking gets on the nerves after a very short time.) I believe the cuckoo will not stop shrieking for food until the magpie drops dead from exhaustion — which can’t be far off. The magpie is showing signs of annoyance — it strops its beak on the branch fairly regularly — but it is a slave to the genes which have hard-wired it to respond to the constant calls for food. Nature red in tooth and claw!

Here is a photo that I took of the mother magpie with its head down the throat of the cuckoo, regurgitating food. You can see the enormous size difference here, even if you can’t tell just how large this cuckoo is. (In England and the U.S. cuckoos are smallish birds, around 11 inches long — here they are very large!)

 

[WickedEve]

"I hope I'm not a bad influence and causing you to eat the wrong foods that'll make you gain weight." Pause. "You haven't gained weight... have you?"

It all started with that statement from Hugo -- blubber feet, Hugo.

"Oh, back away! Don't even go there. Do I look like I've gained weight? Can't you tell? You should be telling me that it's obvious to you that I haven't gained a pound! You don't talk to your woman about fat! Are you stupid?"

He mumbled, chuckled, pouted, mumbled some more. He finally told me that I made him feel like crap and he was going to bed. I said, "Good!"

The next morning we laughed about it. Then I asked about his feet. "I've noticed that your feet look big. You kind of have fat feet." Hugo wondered about his feet. He knows he has a Coors belly... but his feet? "Oh, yeah, my god, they're obese. You have blubber feet!"

I've had my share of fat hanging from me in the past. Well, it didn't hang. It just kind of poofed out from my body, like my hair back in the 80s. Anyway, I'm a normal weight now. It helps with health problems, though I didn't really lose it for just that reason. I mostly keep it off because of vanity. Yeah, I'm vain. But now I worry a little about Hugo and his belly and chain-smoking. I'm sure a heart attack or lung cancer or blubber feet will take him out some day. I doubt it'll be the feet. His feet are fine and I've gained a pound. Damn, Hugo.

 

[WickedEve]

My mom and dad were visiting yesterday, waiting for the kids to get home. We were sitting in the living room, television on, sound down. I had no idea what I was watching. I don't even remember what we were talking about. I'm pretty sure we were discussing how darn cute The Schnoodle is.

Arctic Schnoodle:

Anyway, I glanced at the screen and was mortified. (Oh god, my parents are going to think I'm watching porn!) A guy was standing naked beside a pool and two naked women were gazing up at his shy package. I call it a shy package because he was covering it with his hands.

"What in the world am I watching?"

"What a cute butt!" My mom noticed the butt immediately.

"Oh, lord!" My dad noticed the butt...

Then we all noticed that we were watching the oxygen channel. "Isn't that Oprah's network. It must be okay if it's Oprah's." My mom is a disciple of Oprah.

We were watching some show about models, which was fine, especially since it was on the Oprah channel. Those young people weren't naked. They were artistically nude. And those two pretty men about to kiss were... "Oh, lord!" My dad ran from the room.

My mom and I found him in my bedroom. He was studying the wall, telling us how he could run a cable up the side of the fireplace so I could hang a TV over it. My mom mentioned butts one last time. My dad told me to wait until Consumer Reports came out before I bought a new TV. Then we all discussed TVs and how great my dad is at wiring and building and doing manly things -- with his pants on.

 

[normal jean]

...............

 

[WickedEve]

Oh Lord! a newa nthem for those of us who have tied clamped tubes and for sure dont want anymore.

Evie,I had some surgery about 3 years ago, it is called "microwave endometrial ablation." It virtually assures the tied tubes cant fail, and if they do, then theres nothing for the lil bundle to attach
to and grow. I can hear the CAtholics screaming now, I will die and go to Hell."

anyway, I had mine because of pain that was getting worse every month. The process is a microwave wand being inserted and zapping the endometrium into oblivion. I had endometriosis and couldt stand the pain any longer.

The best side effect is no period. I still have ovaries et al, but no period

best o'luck beautiful Lady.


xoxox

NJ

sorry for the typos, those who are offended by them, i woke up ill this am and really dont care enough to go back and fix them...

A microwave wand? Ah, something new that I haven't stuck in... never mind.

Anyway, glad you were zapped into feeling better.

 

[Angeline]

A microwave wand? Ah, something new that I haven't stuck in... never mind.

Anyway, glad you were zapped into feeling better.

Hey, I did that! The microwave wand thingy. Remember? Well, you weren't there but you know...It was fine. And when I woke up (they put me to sleep for the procedure), the doc was there and eagleyez was there, holding my hand. And they asked me how I felt and I said "Oh it's really good honey. They give you allll this valium and it was like the time we..." He was looking at me like Shut up! Lol. But really it was fine.

You'd love it. Zzzzzzt.

 

[tungtied2u]

I'll have some of that wand if you're passing it around and whhat goes with it.

 

[WickedEve]

I'll have some of that wand if you're passing it around and whhat goes with it.

Um, and where will you be putting the wand?

 

[WickedEve]

Hey, I did that! The microwave wand thingy. Remember? Well, you weren't there but you know...It was fine. And when I woke up (they put me to sleep for the procedure), the doc was there and eagleyez was there, holding my hand. And they asked me how I felt and I said "Oh it's really good honey. They give you allll this valium and it was like the time we..." He was looking at me like Shut up! Lol. But really it was fine.

You'd love it. Zzzzzzt.

Yeah, I remember and thought about that when I read her post. It's like some kind of wand club! I want to join... I think...

 

[Angeline]

Yeah, I remember and thought about that when I read her post. It's like some kind of wand club! I want to join... I think...

The no period part totally rocks, but as I said before you have to really know your body and when you're ovulating, watch it like...um...a hen with an egg? Maybe a bad analogy lol. But you know. You'd be peeing on sticks every three weeks. Maybe you'd learn to like it. No. Too traumatic every month.

 

[tungtied2u]

Um, and where will you be putting the wand?

This wand is magic , right ? What dos it matter where I put it, as long as I know the incantation ?

 

[WickedEve]

This wand is magic , right ? What dos it matter where I put it, as long as I know the incantation ?

normal jean wrote: "The process is a microwave wand being inserted and zapping"

And you'll be inserting it where? Your magic place?

 

[tungtied2u]

The no period part totally rocks, but as I said before you have to really know your body and when you're ovulating, watch it like...um...a hen with an egg? Maybe a bad analogy lol. But you know. You'd be peeing on sticks every three weeks. Maybe you'd learn to like it. No. Too traumatic every month.

I'm partial to commas over periods. Well semi- partial. As for the ovulating, make mine over easy....

As for peeing on sticks, I did that when putting out fires as a Boy Scout. What trauma...?

 

[Angeline]

I'm partial to commas over periods. Well semi- partial. As for the ovulating, make mine over easy....

As for peeing on sticks, I did that when putting out fires as a Boy Scout. What trauma...?

I'm partial to commas over periods! Semicolons, too. Maybe not colons though. We can probably agree on that one.

 

[tungtied2u]

I'm partial to commas over periods! Semicolons, too. Maybe not colons though. We can probably agree on that one.

Hmmm...colons.....semicolons.....you're talking serious medical issues now. I believe we have a common friend who can attest to such. Wish they had a magic wand to deal with that....

 

[tungtied2u]

Sperm Bank Holdup

 

[normal jean]

...............
Nj

 

[WickedEve]

you guys are nuts!! yeah the wand goes in the happy place. hubby calls it a playpen now, tha pig

tt, i dont think youre eligible to join the happy wand club, unless you have acquired recently, a uterus.



NJ

What if he buys a uterus? Maybe a slightly used, discounted uterus? I saw one at a yard sale last summer.

 

[champagne1982]

What if he buys a uterus? Maybe a slightly used, discounted uterus? I saw one at a yard sale last summer.

Ya-know, I was betting that if you'd bought that uterus you'd have made a sizeable profit on ebay...