Lit is it a good thing or bad?

[Guest]

Red and . . .
http://yoda.isd77.k12.mn.us/schools/dakota/mystery/mystery2005/handcuffs.gif
Either way, I'm glad you are here.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

It'll be two years on April 20th that I've been a member of Lit. During this time I have discovered different parts of myself that I didn't know were there, or if they were there I had hid them not only from myself, but from others.

I've discovered I enjoy writing and I may just have some skill there. I've found out that poetry is the balm for my soul. I've discovered that I am submissive sexually and that I have a gift to make others feel better. I've come to Lit and felt happy, sad, angry. . .the same things I do here in the real world. I've also come here when I have felt all these things and shared them with others. I've found friends. . .something honestly I didn't have after I married my husband. We kept his friends, mine seemed to have faded away.

Now though. . . I look at all those things and think, if I hadn't come to Lit, would I have been happy the way my life was flowing? Would I have realized that I am more than a "quick" fuck to help my spouse sleep? If I hadn't come to Lit, would I have been better off not knowing that there is a curiosity in me to experience the sub side of BDSM, or there is a desire to find out if I would like to be with a woman, or have group sex, or even anal? Would I be in the place I am now in my marriage and so unhappy, if I had never clicked on the link a friend gave me and read a story?

I sit here now, wondering if I should have just stayed the woman I was two years ago. A woman that didn't know there were more things out there. A woman who was happy being a Stay-at-home mom to three children, and married to a man is a good provider and on rare occasions has good instincts and gave me good sex.

Am I happier than I was two years ago? Honestly I don't know anymore. Right now I am torn between the woman I want to be and the woman I have been. If I never discovered Lit, then maybe I wouldn't be where I am now. . . lost.

I know that some people think that ignorance is bliss, but in this case, it's not. You would just have been unhappy on a subconscious level without knowing why. That's not a good thing by any means. Don't regret coming here. I know that I don't regret your arrival. I wouldn't have gotten to know a really wonderful woman if you hadn't.

Best to find out what you want than not to know and then wonder why you are unsatisfied.

And I dare say that I am far from the only Litizen who feels that way about your being here. You're a truly special and amazing gal. From what I can see, you've enriched not only your own life by coming here, but others as well. I've only known you for a year, and you've already put smiles on my face at times that I will not recall the specific occasions, but I was particularly down for one reason or another. And I've had the opportunity on occasions that I will also not specify to put a smile on your face as well. That's not exactly a bad thing to have happen, sweetie.

Yeah, we're glad that you're here. And we would miss you very much if you weren't.

 

[CharleyH]

BLAH blah

 

[CharleyH]

If you have discovered yourself through Lit? Cudos.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Sorry... I had to roll my sox up cuz it's pretty deep in here. Lit is neither good nor bad. Lit is what you make of it yourself.

 

[Emperor_Nero]

Red,
Although I haven't known you for very long, I know that you are an incredible person and I offer best wishes as you make your way on this journey of self-discovery. Speaking for myself, finding who you really are is a difficult and neverending journey, even when you have a helpful and cooperative partner like I have. I can't imagine doing it without the support of my partner.

But I have also come to realize, particularly through many ups and downs over the past year, that it is a journey you need to embark on. All these thoughts and desires were lurking within you the entire time and are now becoming more outspoken. Some will stick around, others you will discover aren't a fit for you and will be discarded. But until you at least give all of these parts of you a chance to at least propose their desires, they will lurk and sabatage your other decisions like trolls.

Remember, in the long run, you will choose what is right for yourself and there is no one else that can make the choices for you. Trust in yourself and your own inheirant beauty of both person and personality. We see what a great person you are and are becoming. Now you just need to step back and see it for yourself.

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

Red,

I can't say add anything to what has already been said. There are some really wise people here at Lit. I just want you to know that I wish you the best in whatever decision you make. *hugs*

 

[CharleyH]

Lit is neither good nor bad. Lit is what you make of it yourself.

You have probably made the best assessment so far.

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

I don't regret coming here and I don't see me leaving either. Though I know people change and leaving is always a possibility. I don't know the future.

I do appreciate all of you. I've been touched by so many of you folks, on this forum as well as others and I don't regret any of that either. I've had my share of Litzens that don't care for me, and that's okay, I've dealt with them. But I can count them on one hand, where with the friends I have made here, well, I'd need to strip and I still don't think I have enough parts to count all of you. *hugs*

Thanks for all the love I am feeling from you all.

 

[ljiowa]

Sorry... I had to roll my sox up cuz it's pretty deep in here. Lit is neither good nor bad. Lit is what you make of it yourself.

Just a suggestion...if you can't empathize with someone, don't minimize their feelings, struggle or experiences. That's a bit crass...but maybe that's just you. *shrugs*

 

[CharleyH]

Just a suggestion...if you can't empathize with someone, don't minimize their feelings, struggle or experiences. That's a bit crass...but maybe that's just you. *shrugs*

Thanks for joining the talk Ijowa. JJ need not qualify her sympathy or empathy in my eyes. Cheers.

 

[Guest]

Oh, Charley. Poo on you.

You and Jenny don't have most of the details about the situation, anyway.

I'm looking forward to the next time we meet Red in person. We'll see if we can't corrupt her a bit more.

(or broaden her experiences)

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

Oh, Charley. Poo on you.

You and Jenny don't have most of the details about the situation, anyway.

I'm looking forward to the next time we meet Red in person. We'll see if we can't corrupt her a bit more.

(or broaden her experiences)

 

[Guest]

Back atcha, baby.

 

[CharleyH]

Oh, Charley. Poo on you.

You and Jenny don't have most of the details about the situation, anyway.

I'm looking forward to the next time we meet Red in person. We'll see if we can't corrupt her a bit more.

(or broaden her experiences)

Indeed Sweet Sub, I do love your edgy BDSM proposals. Well okay NOT the poo poo. though. (LOL)

I am posting only on the basis of posts. In another meeting? I do HOPE you can corrupt her. I am admittedly taken aback that you DID NOT corrupt her the first time around.

BACK TO THREAD TOPIC!

 

[TE999]

Okey-doke.

Hi Red.

I read your initial post and was quite moved. I hope your mood has lightened somewhat since that was written.

If I may be permitted some observations...

It would seem that you are experiencing an awakening of the spirit, concurrent with an acute assessment of who you really are.

A talented, empathic writer with many more stories to tell.

Birth, physical or spiritual, is always painful...but from the pain comes happiness.

You are not lost, Red. On the contrary, you have found yourself...and you should embrace who you have become.

If others do not understand...merely smile and move on towards your own fulfillment.

I wish you continued success on your journey of discovery.

We are all pulling for you.

 

[IrezumiKiss]

I haven't been on here long enough to know you well, Red....buuuuut...

I can say that every time I read your posts my eyes go to your sig banner with all the red-haired illustrated women...and every time I see it, it makes me wanna create. Especially the elfin figure in the middle with the big, dark red nipples.

Somehow, that banner gives me insight to your character, personality and soul. I likes it a lot. I probably bullshit on this forum in disposable bullshit threads more than I want to realize, but when I do see your banner it reminds me that I came on here because I'm sexual, I choose to live in the sensual, erotic realm and I want to show this to the world in my art.

So, since you've touched me in this indirect way, I thank you for being on Lit. Oh, and in looking at your pic, you're verrrrrrry sexy!

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

For IrezumiKiss. . .Here she is in her original form or ummm size. I'm glad you enjoy the sig picture.

Thanks, for all the sweet words expressed here from you as well as TE and everyone else.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I don't regret coming here and I don't see me leaving either. Though I know people change and leaving is always a possibility. I don't know the future.

I do appreciate all of you. I've been touched by so many of you folks, on this forum as well as others and I don't regret any of that either. I've had my share of Litzens that don't care for me, and that's okay, I've dealt with them. But I can count them on one hand, where with the friends I have made here, well, I'd need to strip and I still don't think I have enough parts to count all of you. *hugs*

Thanks for all the love I am feeling from you all.

Hey, you're our lovable Red. Of course, we care about you and want you happy. And that stripping image....um....nice one.... Very sexy.

Hugs and kisses.

 

[wehstar]

It'll be two years on April 20th that I've been a member of Lit. During this time I have discovered different parts of myself that I didn't know were there, or if they were there I had hid them not only from myself, but from others.

I've discovered I enjoy writing and I may just have some skill there. I've found out that poetry is the balm for my soul. I've discovered that I am submissive sexually and that I have a gift to make others feel better. I've come to Lit and felt happy, sad, angry. . .the same things I do here in the real world. I've also come here when I have felt all these things and shared them with others. I've found friends. . .something honestly I didn't have after I married my husband. We kept his friends, mine seemed to have faded away.

Now though. . . I look at all those things and think, if I hadn't come to Lit, would I have been happy the way my life was flowing? Would I have realized that I am more than a "quick" fuck to help my spouse sleep? If I hadn't come to Lit, would I have been better off not knowing that there is a curiosity in me to experience the sub side of BDSM, or there is a desire to find out if I would like to be with a woman, or have group sex, or even anal? Would I be in the place I am now in my marriage and so unhappy, if I had never clicked on the link a friend gave me and read a story?

I sit here now, wondering if I should have just stayed the woman I was two years ago. A woman that didn't know there were more things out there. A woman who was happy being a Stay-at-home mom to three children, and married to a man is a good provider and on rare occasions has good instincts and gave me good sex.

Am I happier than I was two years ago? Honestly I don't know anymore. Right now I am torn between the woman I want to be and the woman I have been. If I never discovered Lit, then maybe I wouldn't be where I am now. . . lost.

Is lit good or bad? Well it can be time consuming which is why I am not going to read everyone else's responses even though I know I'll repeat what they are saying in another tone!

I guess when you wrote it you were feeling emotional, and I hope for your sake that it is that, and that you don't feel so (frustrated - not the word, but close enough) all the time.

The point I am going to make is that you cannot change who you are. Things here are inspiring your curiousity, but if these parts of your psyche didn't exist, they surely would hold no interest to you. You have to follow your interests - I truly believe that denial will do little to enhance your life.

It's a bit and only a bit like this: the other day I went out with people from work. Most of the people there have a different intellect and personality. Everything they said was stupid and childlike. I would have enjoyed the conversation ten years ago. The reason I don't now, is because I have explored life, thought about the world and challenged what I want out of life. Now I could just switch off and go back to what I was, but then I would never, ever, feel forfilled.

It's just a big, big shame that your partner cannot help you with this. But if you can only explore things online, then so be it, it's better than living life in ignorance, and never questioning what you really want.

Anyway, sorry to interfere. Just don't deny who you are, and don't settle for anything less. Burying your head in the sand won't make you feel any better when you look back at your life, methinks.

 

[SimpleGifts]

This is an issue I wrestle with quite a bit, and have discussed nearly ad infinitum with many people...whether it's a "bad" thing to discover something about yourself, if that discovery leads to the realization that you are dissatisfied with your current situation. Whether it's Lit or something else that leads to the realization is somewhat irrelevant, isn't it?

My observations, derived from many others, are these.

It may be that your self-discovery has led you to realize that you aren't really the Happy Homemaker at heart. So the question really is...were you ever in reality the Happy Homemaker? Or was that just a role that you adopted because it was expected of you?

A friend of mine--a former Litster--recently commented that she grew unhappy in her marriage not because she grew apart from her husband, but because she had twisted herself to become someone she was not to please him...and the "growing apart" was actually a function of her growing back into her true self.

I agree with others that more self-knowledge and self-awareness is better than less...but that is not a universal view. Some people really WOULD rather fool themselves into believing that they are happy. Self-knowledge takes effort, and it's often painful. So you have chosen the more difficult path...congratulations.

While you may not be able to decide how your husband loves you, and how he shows it...it's worth looking at your "new" self (or your newly-discovered self) and ask who he really loves. Does he love you for the person you truly are, or does he love you simply for what you do, or for who he thinks you should be?

Don't despair that you can't be this person you've discovered and still somehow remain content in your current situation. Things can change, the status quo can be challenged, and sometimes people just surprise you. It is better to be who you are, and make the situation work around that, than to compromise something about yourself just to please others. Maybe you can get all the pieces to fit without changing them. Maybe not.

Above all, don't let anyone make you feel bad just for being who you are. Clearly, most people here don't find anything overtly wrong with you--not that you don't have flaws, as we all do, but you seem like Good People.

And here, your question "Is Lit good or bad?" seemed so simple on its face...

SG

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

wehstar - - Never an interruption. Your opinion is just as welcomed as everyones. Thank you for it. I was frustrated and I still am often frustrated, if not with this situation then with other things beyond my control, but I trudge forward, because I am not a "stalemate" kinda gal.

SG - - Thank you for your kind words too. They too are appreciative and I am glad you took the time to share your thoughts.

****

I don't think I could go back to the woman I was; she was more easily "contained" and though I didn't know what I know now, there was always a part of me that hungered for friendships denied me. I'd wanted to return to the work force for many years, but logically, or so it seemed like it at the time, it made sense for me to stay home. I wasn't able to go with him when he went fishing, out with friends, etc. . .because I had children too small to leave alone. Now I have a teenager and another who will be turning a teenager soon. They can watch their brother if I am not home for a few hours after they get home from school.

Perhaps this would have been a natural transition for me, and I would have found myself freer once I did enter the work force again and begin to chat with other adults. Lit, and being online just helped to do what employment and co-workers didn't. . . help me make friends and discover what I was like before I was married and when I was away from members of my family that expected me to be the "good" daughter. *sigh*

I honestly don't know if writing would have ever come into the mix. I never wrote before Lit, so why would I suddenly had started without it? It was just something that never interested me. I am very glad it does though. It's brought me many hours of pleasure, just to sit down and fill a screen with words that later, hopefully, someone else will find pleasing. And poetry. . .I never would have saw a poet somewhere inside of me either. My world at the time revolved around family, not myself.

Perhaps that is where the issue is. . .I am trying to incorporate myself into a world that I built for my family, one where the real me stayed on the outside and watched it spin, oiling it when needed. The other me, the "image" of me was on the inside playing her part and doing it so well I forgot who I was.

Does any of that make sense or have I confused myself as well as you all?

 

[Guest]

Does any of that make sense or have I confused myself as well as you all?

It makes perfect sense, Red.

And I'm even more proud to know you.

 

[Disrupted]

...Perhaps that is where the issue is. . .I am trying to incorporate myself into a world that I built for my family, one where the real me stayed on the outside and watched it spin, oiling it when needed. The other me, the "image" of me was on the inside playing her part and doing it so well I forgot who I was.

Does any of that make sense or have I confused myself as well as you all?

That was not confusing at all. If I interpreted it correctly, you became immersed in the role assigned or shaped by others through expectations and values.

Not that it has to be said, but do not forget how you have your own needs and how there is nothing wrong in wanting to fulfill them. Solely tending to what others desire may amount to silencing or sacrificing part of one's vitality.

 

[rgraham666]

Does any of that make sense or have I confused myself as well as you all?

It makes sense to me as well, since I've had to spend most of my adult life hiding who I was.

*HUGS* Red.