Maka
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2003
- Posts
- 1,432
Entropy
“Sometimes, you think ‘This is it’, you think ‘This is the perfect moment’ and you want to freeze time forever, so you can just stay there”.
“Shut up, Michael”
Michael Carleton paced up and down the small flat, a lit cigarette he wasn’t smoking burning in his hands.
“Or maybe, or maybe, you look back and think ‘This was the perfect year for me’, or maybe ‘This was the perfect girl’… then you think… so why didn’t it stay? Why didn’t I stay there?”
There was a pause. Michael’s cigarette burned down to his fingers and he dropped it with a muffled curse, treading it underfoot into the carpet.
“Are you even listening to me?”
Andrew sighed, didn’t look up from the computer screen.
“No, I’m not listening to you, Michael. I’m not listening, because you’re just going on about the same bullshit you’ve been on about all week. Ash, Michael. You used to be interesting”
Michael felt a dull pain, and lashed out reflexively.
“Well, you used to do something more interesting than sitting there pretending to shoot things on that stupid fucking machine”
“I used to”, snapped Andrew. “In case you didn’t notice, I’m in a fucking wheelchair now. No more mountain climbing for Andy”
Michael looked away.
“Sorry”, he muttered.
Andrew shrugged. “Hey”.
He laughed. “You know something funny? You know what they told me, after they pulled me off the slope I ended up splattered on? They told me that all my gear was in perfect condition and strapped on perfectly. They said the chances of one rope failing like that were one in a million. I’m the recipient of a small, personal, very very nasty miracle. Isn’t that funny, Michael?”
He turned back to the screen, and frowned.
“The thing’s crashed again. Would you believe it, Michael? Hey… Michael!?”
Michael was already gone.
He used to like the streets of Bay City. They used to be places for dreaming, small, shady alcoves, stupid little cobbled roads that he’d spend hours exploring.
The streets were where all his troubles began, really. All those choices, all those directions. He couldn’t face one way without turning his back on another. He couldn’t choose one path without denying himself a thousand others. His fascination with the city grew to be too much, so that he couldn’t travel anywhere without losing himself in the hive of dreams, losing his name and his destination and his business in the sheer urge to explore every single part of the city.
They’d find him, hours later, wandering in circles in distant suburbs and slums, with no memory of where he’d been. Sometimes, it got so bad that all he could do was hide from all the choices, inside his flat.
They’d known about his problems. He was sure of that now. Coda did their research. They’d known how to bait their hook, though it sounded so simple and natural when they addressed his department. They were doing experiments, legitimate but hush-hush, in total sensory deprivation. Office drones like him didn’t usually get involved with it, but everyone knew Coda did do work like that; shadowy, strange business behind the scenes.
They were offering money. They were offering promotions. But most of all, they were offering a chance to simply stay, in a dark, comfortable, womblike place with no choices to make, for three weeks. Okay, he’d said. Sign me up, he’d said. Like they’d known he would.
Total sensory deprivation was not like being in the womb. It was not comforting or safe. It was a lightless, terrible vacuum and worst of all was the sense that he wasn’t alone, that things crawled in his bloodstream, and down his spine. He could feel his most treasured memories slowly being ripped from him in the darkness. He could feel his mind beginning to give way.
And once he’d emerged from TSD, once he’d crawled back into the light, he found nothing the same. The little lanes and streets were cold grey concrete now, haunted by prostitutes and serial killers. Things were broken. None of his friends were as he recalled them; Andrew, the cheerful, exuberant mountain-climber was now a bitter cripple. Kathy, who used to so brilliant and full of life had dropped out of college and gotten addicted to cocaine. And his girlfriend, Niamh…
They were watching him. He could always tell. Two men in sober grey suits, standing with hands folded across their chests, standing on the other side of the street. They were never far. They never made any particular effort to conceal their presence. After all, what could he do?
Michael had given up trying to hide from them. He even made it easier, changing from his office clothes to a punk look; a black leather duster, spiked purple hair, an earring. Everything and everyone was changing, why shouldn’t he?
There was a line of TVs blaring in the window of the shop opposite him. Michael stared at them for a while. It was a gameshow host, his cheeks oddly red, laughing too hard. Michael had watched these shows for hours at a time. He didn’t understand the jokes, or why everyone laughed at them with such frenzy, almost as if they were afraid of something. Almost as if they didn’t laugh hard enough, the hosts would take away the light and leave them in darkness.
With that thought, the entire line of screens suddenly went dark. A power-cut, or something. Michael wondered what the odds of that were.
“Give me your fucking money!”
The man standing next to him was small, and smelt of alchohol and despair. All his strength was in the shiny black gun in his hands.
Michael shrugged.
“Go ahead”
The mugger blinked. “What?”
“Go ahead. Shoot me”. Michael brushed back his coat and tore his shirt open, exposing the heart. “Shoot me. Please. You can take my money afterwards.”
“You’re fuckin’ crazy, man!”
The mugger’s finger tightened on the trigger, and slowly squeezed it back. There was a click.
Michael relaxed.
“Your gun seems to have jammed”.
His assailant stared at the gun. “The fuck? The odds of that are…”
“… about a million to one?”, asked Michael wearily.
“What the fuck is this?”
Michael shrugged. “It’s just me. It’s only me”.
He walked away from the mugger without a backwards glance. As he passed under them, each streetlight spluttered, flared and went out, as though he carried darkness with him.
“Sometimes, you think ‘This is it’, you think ‘This is the perfect moment’ and you want to freeze time forever, so you can just stay there”.
“Shut up, Michael”
Michael Carleton paced up and down the small flat, a lit cigarette he wasn’t smoking burning in his hands.
“Or maybe, or maybe, you look back and think ‘This was the perfect year for me’, or maybe ‘This was the perfect girl’… then you think… so why didn’t it stay? Why didn’t I stay there?”
There was a pause. Michael’s cigarette burned down to his fingers and he dropped it with a muffled curse, treading it underfoot into the carpet.
“Are you even listening to me?”
Andrew sighed, didn’t look up from the computer screen.
“No, I’m not listening to you, Michael. I’m not listening, because you’re just going on about the same bullshit you’ve been on about all week. Ash, Michael. You used to be interesting”
Michael felt a dull pain, and lashed out reflexively.
“Well, you used to do something more interesting than sitting there pretending to shoot things on that stupid fucking machine”
“I used to”, snapped Andrew. “In case you didn’t notice, I’m in a fucking wheelchair now. No more mountain climbing for Andy”
Michael looked away.
“Sorry”, he muttered.
Andrew shrugged. “Hey”.
He laughed. “You know something funny? You know what they told me, after they pulled me off the slope I ended up splattered on? They told me that all my gear was in perfect condition and strapped on perfectly. They said the chances of one rope failing like that were one in a million. I’m the recipient of a small, personal, very very nasty miracle. Isn’t that funny, Michael?”
He turned back to the screen, and frowned.
“The thing’s crashed again. Would you believe it, Michael? Hey… Michael!?”
Michael was already gone.
He used to like the streets of Bay City. They used to be places for dreaming, small, shady alcoves, stupid little cobbled roads that he’d spend hours exploring.
The streets were where all his troubles began, really. All those choices, all those directions. He couldn’t face one way without turning his back on another. He couldn’t choose one path without denying himself a thousand others. His fascination with the city grew to be too much, so that he couldn’t travel anywhere without losing himself in the hive of dreams, losing his name and his destination and his business in the sheer urge to explore every single part of the city.
They’d find him, hours later, wandering in circles in distant suburbs and slums, with no memory of where he’d been. Sometimes, it got so bad that all he could do was hide from all the choices, inside his flat.
They’d known about his problems. He was sure of that now. Coda did their research. They’d known how to bait their hook, though it sounded so simple and natural when they addressed his department. They were doing experiments, legitimate but hush-hush, in total sensory deprivation. Office drones like him didn’t usually get involved with it, but everyone knew Coda did do work like that; shadowy, strange business behind the scenes.
They were offering money. They were offering promotions. But most of all, they were offering a chance to simply stay, in a dark, comfortable, womblike place with no choices to make, for three weeks. Okay, he’d said. Sign me up, he’d said. Like they’d known he would.
Total sensory deprivation was not like being in the womb. It was not comforting or safe. It was a lightless, terrible vacuum and worst of all was the sense that he wasn’t alone, that things crawled in his bloodstream, and down his spine. He could feel his most treasured memories slowly being ripped from him in the darkness. He could feel his mind beginning to give way.
And once he’d emerged from TSD, once he’d crawled back into the light, he found nothing the same. The little lanes and streets were cold grey concrete now, haunted by prostitutes and serial killers. Things were broken. None of his friends were as he recalled them; Andrew, the cheerful, exuberant mountain-climber was now a bitter cripple. Kathy, who used to so brilliant and full of life had dropped out of college and gotten addicted to cocaine. And his girlfriend, Niamh…
They were watching him. He could always tell. Two men in sober grey suits, standing with hands folded across their chests, standing on the other side of the street. They were never far. They never made any particular effort to conceal their presence. After all, what could he do?
Michael had given up trying to hide from them. He even made it easier, changing from his office clothes to a punk look; a black leather duster, spiked purple hair, an earring. Everything and everyone was changing, why shouldn’t he?
There was a line of TVs blaring in the window of the shop opposite him. Michael stared at them for a while. It was a gameshow host, his cheeks oddly red, laughing too hard. Michael had watched these shows for hours at a time. He didn’t understand the jokes, or why everyone laughed at them with such frenzy, almost as if they were afraid of something. Almost as if they didn’t laugh hard enough, the hosts would take away the light and leave them in darkness.
With that thought, the entire line of screens suddenly went dark. A power-cut, or something. Michael wondered what the odds of that were.
“Give me your fucking money!”
The man standing next to him was small, and smelt of alchohol and despair. All his strength was in the shiny black gun in his hands.
Michael shrugged.
“Go ahead”
The mugger blinked. “What?”
“Go ahead. Shoot me”. Michael brushed back his coat and tore his shirt open, exposing the heart. “Shoot me. Please. You can take my money afterwards.”
“You’re fuckin’ crazy, man!”
The mugger’s finger tightened on the trigger, and slowly squeezed it back. There was a click.
Michael relaxed.
“Your gun seems to have jammed”.
His assailant stared at the gun. “The fuck? The odds of that are…”
“… about a million to one?”, asked Michael wearily.
“What the fuck is this?”
Michael shrugged. “It’s just me. It’s only me”.
He walked away from the mugger without a backwards glance. As he passed under them, each streetlight spluttered, flared and went out, as though he carried darkness with him.