Looking at a young lady

[SensualCealy]

Figured Id put my 2 cents worth in since I have nothing else to do at twenty after 12 on a Saturday night/ Sunday morning.

Lets get into Mrs Cat's head for a minute. She says she would be okay with it, or is willing to 'try' it out. Okay fine and dandy.
Next thing you know she is becoming distant, not wanting to talk, feeling mopey (sp) and not primping herself as she use to, why would she do that you think?

Would it be the womans instinct to feel that you may love the other woman more than her? Would it be she feels you are more attracted to the other woman? Would it be she feels inadiquate to the other woman?

She may never show these signs but would you want the woman you have shared these years with to have to go through this just because you have feelings for a close friend? Are you willing to lose her because you love another?

Many of us have people we are attracted to, people we are in love with, people we have fantasies over and friends that if life stood still for one day that we would make love to them for the full 24 hours. But if life were like that would we have dreams and wants? Not likely, but just remember the grass isnt always greener on the other side of the fence.

Hopefully you can find peace with this issue and do what is best for you and your wife as well as your friend.
Good luck - passing you an advil to ease the tension headache!
C

 

[Guest]

Adding a Third: From Her Eyes

I wrote this... it might help

 

[Huckleman2000]

Im sure a threesome wouldn't lead down this dark road, but the aspect of kid saftey jumped into the conversation, so I thought I would toss out my 2 cents. For me there is Daddy and the Adult, and the seperation has to be distinct, almost independent of each other.

This is a good point. And to be honest, in my dating I don't bring it home. I have yet to introduce a man to my kids, and I have no intention of doing unless I feel it's the right person and the right time. I completely agree that my sex life/adult life needs to be distinct and separate from the home life.

I know that what you describe is generally considered "for the best", as far as the kids are concerned.
But just the same, I wish that at some time, my son would have lived in a home where the adults asserted an "alone time" that he might have come to perceive as an essential part of adult intimate relationships.

I know, you don't bring it home unless there's a certain point of confidence in the relationship. but still, I don't think my son grew up in a home where there was a healthy distribution in time between "family time" and "parents' time". That, to me, is the unfortunate time-bomb that we've set, and I still don't have any idea how to address it.

 

[LadyJeanne]

I'm sorry, Cat, but I don't see what goodness your wife would get out of moving this woman into your house, and I see all kinds of potential badness - beginning with her hesitance. If she's hesitating, regardless of the reason, she's not comfortable with it. Your first priority is to your wife and kids.

 

[cantdog]

Lady Jeanne is of course correct.

 

[JRaven]

Adding a Third: From Her Eyes

I wrote this... it might help

Elizabeth,
I read your HowTo and hope that SeaCat reads it as well. If nothing else, it will give him a good insight into what is going through his wife's mind. It explains why she is hesitant!

Another thing SeaCat needs to consider...
Even if it works out wonderfully, eventually kids get older and figure things out. No matter how hard you may try to hide things from them, they'll wonder why Daddy has a wife and a girlfriend.

Jenny

 

[Guest]

Elizabeth,
I read your HowTo and hope that SeaCat reads it as well. If nothing else, it will give him a good insight into what is going through his wife's mind. It explains why she is hesitant!

Another thing SeaCat needs to consider...
Even if it works out wonderfully, eventually kids get older and figure things out. No matter how hard you may try to hide things from them, they'll wonder why Daddy has a wife and a girlfriend.

Jenny

I wrote that when several friends of mine were thinking of doing the same exact thing.... I am not saying that its not becoming more common.... but there are more people looking at it as something to try... without necessarily thinking of all of what maybe happening

 

[sophia jane]

I know that what you describe is generally considered "for the best", as far as the kids are concerned.
But just the same, I wish that at some time, my son would have lived in a home where the adults asserted an "alone time" that he might have come to perceive as an essential part of adult intimate relationships.

I know, you don't bring it home unless there's a certain point of confidence in the relationship. but still, I don't think my son grew up in a home where there was a healthy distribution in time between "family time" and "parents' time". That, to me, is the unfortunate time-bomb that we've set, and I still don't have any idea how to address it.

For me, this is why my kids (who are still young, of course) have an early bed time. My oldest knows that I consider the evenings "my time" to relax, read, play on the computer, etc. And he knows on the rare evening he gets to stay up late, that he's supposed to find his own entertainment because I'm doing my own thing at that point.

 

[bholderman]

For me, this is why my kids (who are still young, of course) have an early bed time. My oldest knows that I consider the evenings "my time" to relax, read, play on the computer, etc. And he knows on the rare evening he gets to stay up late, that he's supposed to find his own entertainment because I'm doing my own thing at that point.

This goes to huckleman's comments as well. But you're both right on that point. It is something my wife and I try and establish as well. There is mommy and daddy time that is important and should be respected.

This is probably the one perspective that I hadn't anticipated on when I became a parent. I knew the sleepless nights of a newborn were to be expected, the trials of a toddler learning something new everyday and the begginings of discipline, then school and extracuricular activities causing an even busier schedule, especially with 3 kids. Then there are the safety issues, so many subtle things to be aware of. Then comes the point at sometime during the day, when I cant any longer be the employee, then onto Daddy. I have to be me, the adult. My wife and I dont really verbalize this to each other, but I know she goes through the same.

This is what I hadn't anticipated. The effort to maintain 3 personalities, the self taking the backseat to the other 2 with only an hour or two to exist in the evening when the kids are finally down. When you are too tired to satisfy it. For me, I think when the self can finally emerge for some amount of time, it goes overboard normally in the realm of sexual thoughts and endeavors, alcohol, etc.

I'm starting to ramble, I'm sure SeaCat is wondering where this is all going. But, I know I find myself in his shoes every so often and wonder myself if I should take that step.

 

[SeaCat]

Adding a Third: From Her Eyes

I wrote this... it might help

Thank you. I'm downloading it and will read it. I will of course let you know what I think and if I have any questions I will ask them. Again thanks.

Cat

 

[Guest]

Thank you. I'm downloading it and will read it. I will of course let you know what I think and if I have any questions I will ask them. Again thanks.

Cat

Your welcome. I will be around.

 

[SeaCat]

Your welcome. I will be around.

Elizabeth,

Might I say that this was an outstanding article? Not only did I read it but I printed it out for my wife to read as well.

Thank you,

Cat