Ma Ma Ma My Bologna!

[Guest]

I cannot believe what's happened to this thread. I'm speechless.

Lisa, I love your mind. (Forgive me if I ever did anything to cause a baloney humping attack, you know, like leaving the fridge ajar.)

Mum

 

[Guest]

It's a blast -

I just read the thread out loud to my hubby -

Now he wants to go hunting for wild baloney/bologna. *sigh*

Men!

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

... when is the last time you saw a huge baloney herd grazing anywhere. They are dying out at an alarming rate....

Ah, ha!

You’ve been looking in the wrong places, Lisa.

The days of the vast herds of wild baloney dotting the prairies are a thing of the past. The entire species has adapted from wilderness denizens into urban creatures.

In the wake of every politician who passes through my city, every televangelist who makes a local appearance, any author making a promotional book tour, every sales convention booked into local hotels, or even regular citizens discussing who should get the rose from the most recent reality dating program, the sidewalks are knee-deep in baloney.

Baloney is everywhere. No matter where you put your foot, you step in it. If you don’t watch where you are going, you trip over it. Don’t try to rest, or you’ll sit on it. Get to close to fast-moving traffic, and you will be splashed with it.

Fat bull Baloney’s, lithe Baloney sausages, and baby Baloney hot dog wieners, everywhere! Baloney gets in your way. The smell of baloney in your nose, the taste of baloney in your mouth, the sight of baloney everywhere you look, the sound of baloney in your ears, and the feel of baloney spreading over everything.

Baloney! Baloney! Baloney!

If the trend continues, the cities will become uninhabitable, all because of baloney, If the trend continues, all sane humans will be forced to hide out in caves, to escape the depredations of baloney.

Just because you do not see the herds of baloney roaming over their pastures of the past, Lisa, do not assume that baloney is no longer a threat.

Baloney will be the death of us all.

 

[Lisa Denton]

I cannot believe what's happened to this thread. I'm speechless.

Lisa, I love your mind. (Forgive me if I ever did anything to cause a baloney humping attack, you know, like leaving the fridge ajar.)

Mum

Hi mum, I am kinda speechless myself right now.

 

[Lisa Denton]

Re: It's a blast -

I just read the thread out loud to my hubby -

Now he wants to go hunting for wild baloney/bologna. *sigh*

Men!

Hi sweetsubsarahh, I was all depressed from the love my country thread. I wrote several long thingies and got all choked up and deleted before posting. But now I seen one that I can go reply and have fun with, who was it VB I think, I'm gonna go reply to her. Hold onto your meat.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: It's a blast -

Hi sweetsubsarahh, I was all depressed from the love my country thread. I wrote several long thingies and got all choked up and deleted before posting. But now I seen one that I can go reply and have fun with, who was it VB I think, I'm gonna go reply to her. Hold onto your meat.

His meat.

And I always do-

 

[Lisa Denton]

Ah, ha!

You’ve been looking in the wrong places, Lisa.

The days of the vast herds of wild baloney dotting the prairies are a thing of the past. The entire species has adapted from wilderness denizens into urban creatures.

In the wake of every politician who passes through my city, every televangelist who makes a local appearance, any author making a promotional book tour, every sales convention booked into local hotels, or even regular citizens discussing who should get the rose from the most recent reality dating program, the sidewalks are knee-deep in baloney.

Baloney is everywhere. No matter where you put your foot, you step in it. If you don’t watch where you are going, you trip over it. Don’t try to rest, or you’ll sit on it. Get to close to fast-moving traffic, and you will be splashed with it.

Fat bull Baloney’s, lithe Baloney sausages, and baby Baloney hot dog wieners, everywhere! Baloney gets in your way. The smell of baloney in your nose, the taste of baloney in your mouth, the sight of baloney everywhere you look, the sound of baloney in your ears, and the feel of baloney spreading over everything.

Baloney! Baloney! Baloney!

If the trend continues, the cities will become uninhabitable, all because of baloney, If the trend continues, all sane humans will be forced to hide out in caves, to escape the depredations of baloney.

Just because you do not see the herds of baloney roaming over their pastures of the past, Lisa, do not assume that baloney is no longer a threat.

Baloney will be the death of us all.

Baby baloney hot dogs? Haven't they heard of the once a day male bologna enhancement pills on t.v. They could soon have more meat in their swing, so to speak. Or be sporting a more meaty sandwich in their pocket, or something.

Baloney hot dogs are no more a threat than say cucumbers or those cute lil celery sticks I like to, uh, nibble on.

Baloney has been given a bad name by "The real meat gay clowns with concealed weapons against baloney and spam alliance of greater america."

 

[Guest]

Baloney has been given a bad name by "The real meat gay clowns with concealed weapons against baloney and spam alliance of greater america."

For truth.

You forgot that part of their name.

"The real meat gay clowns with concealed weapons against baloney and spam alliance of greater america for truth."

 

[Lisa Denton]

For truth.

You forgot that part of their name.

"The real meat gay clowns with concealed weapons against baloney and spam alliance of greater america for truth."

It does kinda "roll off your tongue" that way don't it. All this talk is makin me hungry for a baloney sammich. Did your hubby manage to rustle up anything on his wild baloney huntin expedition? Or did he shoot holes all over the house? Does he know if he wounds a baloney he has to track it down no matter how long it takes. Tracking wounded wild baloney could be scary without a big gun.

 

[Guest]

It does kinda "roll off your tongue" that way don't it. All this talk is makin me hungry for a baloney sammich. Did your hubby manage to rustle up anything on his wild baloney huntin expedition? Or did he shoot holes all over the house? Does he know if he wounds a baloney he has to track it down no matter how long it takes. Tracking wounded wild baloney could be scary without a big gun.

Laughing -

Well, he DOES have a big gun, but he only uses it for good. And for me.


OK, my hubby just said he has learned to live in harmony with the wild baloney. You see, he was raised by a wild she-baloney. Now the geographic range of the wild baloney is his home and he protects those who come here.

Because he is, Tarzan of the Baloney.

(OK - enough rum for the evening!)

 

[Lisa Denton]

Laughing -

Well, he DOES have a big gun, but he only uses it for good. And for me.


OK, my hubby just said he has learned to live in harmony with the wild baloney. You see, he was raised by a wild she-baloney. Now the geographic range of the wild baloney is his home and he protects those who come here.

Because he is, Tarzan of the Baloney.

(OK - enough rum for the evening!)

Tarzan of the Boloney? LMAO. Gimme some of that rum, who are you? Balony Jane Of The Congo.

 

[Guest]

Tarzan of the Boloney? LMAO. Gimme some of that rum, who are you? Balony Jane Of The Congo.

Come on over, we've plenty of rum to share!

I think I'm Lady Sarah Westchester, also known as the Amazon Baloney Temptress.

 

[cloudy]

Come on over, we've plenty of rum to share!

I think I'm Lady Sarah Westchester, also known as the Amazon Baloney Temptress.

Guess that would make me She Who Eats Baloney.

 

[Guest]

Guess that would make me She Who Eats Baloney.

Can you come over too?

 

[cloudy]

Can you come over too?

Of course!

 

[Guest]

And to think -

this evening of soon-to-be-had great sex all started with some wild luncheon meat.

Ya gotta love this place!

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

It does kinda "roll off your tongue" that way don't it....

You are absolutely correct. Baloney does roll off your tongue.

Indeed, it rolls off most people’s tongues, one way or another. Where they differ is how it reaches their tongue in the first place.

For some, baloney arrives on their tongue as a thick meaty sauce oozing from their ill-regulated brain. For others, baloney passes rapidly across the tongue, ejected like a projectile from a grossly insulted stomach, not to mention an equally repulsed intellect.

The term baloney hunting is actually a misnomer. All that such hunting requires is that one lowers the power in the shield which is usually employed to ward off baloney.

 

[Guest]

You are absolutely correct. Baloney does roll off your tongue.

You must be extra-talented to be able to roll your tongue.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

You must be extra-talented to be able to roll your tongue.

I have a sharp tongue.

That's good for slicing baloney, but if I didn't roll down the edges, I might cut somebody.

 

[Lord DragonsWing]

Well, it's time to sleep. All bologna hunters must get up early. The decoys are set. The slices of bread are laid out, the jars of mayonnaise are opened. The cheese is spread around the blind for protection. My bologna hunting stamp is up to date with the latest Oscar Mayer imprint.

Night and may the bologna always be where you wish it was.

 

[Lisa Denton]

Well, it's time to sleep. All bologna hunters must get up early. The decoys are set. The slices of bread are laid out, the jars of mayonnaise are opened. The cheese is spread around the blind for protection. My bologna hunting stamp is up to date with the latest Oscar Mayer imprint.

Night and may the bologna always be where you wish it was.

Yea, where you wish it was. So many guys tell their wife they are goin huntin and end up in a cheap hotel swillin cheap wine and they trip and fall and their bologna sausage accidentally lands in the wrong place.

Ooooh, early morning back at the baloney huntin camp.

Lisa hears some leaves rustlin around out there. She has been lickin the mayonaise jar lids cause she is all famished.

She raises her custom made 50 caliber springfield rifle with laser sights and zeroes in on a clump of trees nearby.

A huge baloney stupidly stolls into view, occasionally stopping to munch on alfalfa or some shit.

The baloney is magnificient, with big meaty breasteses and succulent thighs that look like drumsticks. And look at that baloney butt, talk about rump roast.

Lisa licks her lips and lines up the shot, being an avid sportswoman she knows she will only get one shot at this elusive, yet stupid, and delicious lookin beast.

Just then LDW wakes up and screams "whats for breakfast?" as he knocks over the coffee pot scaring off the wild baloney.

Later at the campfire Lisa thinks to herself that roasted dragon wings ain't too bad with hot sauce.

 

[TheEarl]

What's bologna (apart from a very average Seria A kevball team)?

I'm serious, I've not heard of anything called bologna before. Does it have any relation to bolognese? Is it the American term for mince?

Confused,

The Earl

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

What's bologna ... Does it have any relation to bolognese? Is it the American term for mince?...

Ignorance like this is only to be expected.

Compared to the robust North American baloney, Old World baloney is pale and effete, hardly worth the name.

In fact, Old World baloney is not unlike the odd attempts at taming the wild North American baloney by weakening it with lesser genetic material. The chicken or pork baloney will never have the strength or stamina of your average waste beef baloney, but of course, that will never size up to the mostly beef by-products baloney. And nothing can compare to that champion of North American baloneys, the What the Fuck was THAT, Killing Floor Sweepings baloney.

If Old World gourmets wish to experience the strength, the texture, and the sheer nauseousness of that North American baloney, they will have to make do with the Old World Blut Sausage

 

[Lisa Denton]

What's bologna (apart from a very average Seria A kevball team)?

I'm serious, I've not heard of anything called bologna before. Does it have any relation to bolognese? Is it the American term for mince?

Confused,

The Earl

Hi Earl!!! Ooooh England, a guy from out oF town, so to speak, and confused too. STAND BACK EVERYBODY, I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS!!!!

See Earl, I live in Texas, you mighta heard of us, We raise cows and horses and there is lots of deer here too. We invented the Bologna, about 40 years ago, since then they have spread throughout the U.S.
See websters dictionary, section 3792.14, the spread of wild bologna herds throughout the US.

Anywho, we made bologna by mating cows with deer. Thus creating the bologna, a meaty beast with a sorta venison/beef taste which is good in bologna chili and other such world renowned dishes. Everybody affectionately calls them baloney's.

The wild baloney can run fast and still graze at the same time, so they are seldom caught on film. The many pictures you have seen of wild baloney herds probably just looked like a blur, cause they run so fast.

Me and sweetsubsarahh often lecture to people like you from other countries about the mighty baloney herds which once roamed the great plains. They are declining rapidly, mad baloney disease, massive hoof and mouth disease and other calamities have combined to decrease the wild baloney almost to extintion.

We accept large donations to help the "Sweetsubsarahh and Lisa Wild Baloney Support Group." We hope to not only rebuild the wild baloney herds here but also export them to some other countries, I think I saw england on the list.

So help the wild baloneys today by sending either sweetsubsarahh or me a large check, and also a large bottle of rum, baloneys need rum for their metabolism problems, and you will feel better, so will we. Bye, Earl from England.

 

[Guest]

Mid-Sunday morning for me here in the San Francisco Bay Area, where a genuine North American wild baloney herd is protected within the confines of Golden Gate Park, only four city blocks away from me. When the wind blows north by northwest I get their scent right through the windows of my flat. I thank God for putting me on the same planet as wild baloney.

Perdita

(I think this is my most very favourite thread ever.)