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Marie's Favorite Things

Driving home tonight the song "Keep me Hanging on" played. That song always reminds me of a past love. Not that he ever acknowledged it. He wasn't tall and he was slim, so only dated petite blondes, which I am not. He never dated them long, just one or two dates normally.

Meanwhile we played house. He installed my overhead microwave. I helped him shop for his mother. He installed my parents dishwasher. I cooked him food. I helped him decorate his bathroom. We led a Bible study group together. We slow danced at weddings.

I know he was sexually attracted to me, but in our very strict church group of friends you didn't talk about sex except to say it's a sin outside of marriage. However he would always act like he was going to kiss me and I would jump. We actually did kiss on the cheek multiple times. Once he kissed me on the cheek at a wedding and everyone took pictures because I turned bright red.

Another time we were at a Superbowl party and sitting next to each other on the couch. In front of all our friends he jumped on top of me to kiss me and scared the crap out of me. Everyone loved it.

We could look at each other and know exactly what the other was thinking. It sounds corny, but we could finish each other's sentences. His dog loved me, was always excited to see me. We also bickered like an old married couple. Once we were verbally sparring and he said I was acting like his mother. This was NOT a compliment and I cried. Normally I backed down when he was in a mood, not this time. Didn't talk to him for at least a week. Another time we were bristling at each other. His best friend, who was a pastor, said in front of all our friends "I wish ya'll would get married already." All our friends agreed.

There's no doubt in my mind he wanted me physically. At a friend's wedding some of us did a fun Zumba dance at the reception. I had on a strapless bridesmaid dress and his eyes stayed on my breasts most of the night. I think he was hoping for a wardrobe malfunction. lol That night I felt more beautiful than ever before or since. He stayed until way after everything was over, to help me clean up.

The above song was how I felt about him. He didn't want to be with me, but he also wanted to be with me. I have carried that ache inside me for so long. That pain of meeting your soulmate, but not being chosen.

Tonight listening to the song it struck me that despite what I have told myself over the years, it had nothing to do with me. It was all about his insecurities and his fears. He still isn't married, he never chose anyone. The sex would have been amazing, but we never touched lips. What a shame!
 
LaisDeMarieDeFrance said:
Driving home tonight the song "Keep me Hanging on" played. That song always reminds me of a past love. Not that he ever acknowledged it. He wasn't tall and he was slim, so only dated petite blondes, which I am not. He never dated them long, just one or two dates normally.

Meanwhile we played house. He installed my overhead microwave. I helped him shop for his mother. He installed my parents dishwasher. I cooked him food. I helped him decorate his bathroom. We led a Bible study group together. We slow danced at weddings.

I know he was sexually attracted to me, but in our very strict church group of friends you didn't talk about sex except to say it's a sin outside of marriage. However he would always act like he was going to kiss me and I would jump. We actually did kiss on the cheek multiple times. Once he kissed me on the cheek at a wedding and everyone took pictures because I turned bright red.

Another time we were at a Superbowl party and sitting next to each other on the couch. In front of all our friends he jumped on top of me to kiss me and scared the crap out of me. Everyone loved it.

We could look at each other and know exactly what the other was thinking. It sounds corny, but we could finish each other's sentences. His dog loved me, was always excited to see me. We also bickered like an old married couple. Once we were verbally sparring and he said I was acting like his mother. This was NOT a compliment and I cried. Normally I backed down when he was in a mood, not this time. Didn't talk to him for at least a week. Another time we were bristling at each other. His best friend, who was a pastor, said in front of all our friends "I wish ya'll would get married already." All our friends agreed.

There's no doubt in my mind he wanted me physically. At a friend's wedding some of us did a fun Zumba dance at the reception. I had on a strapless bridesmaid dress and his eyes stayed on my breasts most of the night. I think he was hoping for a wardrobe malfunction. lol That night I felt more beautiful than ever before or since. He stayed until way after everything was over, to help me clean up.

The above song was how I felt about him. He didn't want to be with me, but he also wanted to be with me. I have carried that ache inside me for so long. That pain of meeting your soulmate, but not being chosen.

Tonight listening to the song it struck me that despite what I have told myself over the years, it had nothing to do with me. It was all about his insecurities and his fears. He still isn't married, he never chose anyone. The sex would have been amazing, but we never touched lips. What a shame!
Click to expand...
🥹😥😭
girl - you made me cry!
There’s so much tenderness and ache in this... I’m really glad you finally got to see that it was never about you not being enough

you deserved to be chosen
 
MidwestPrincess23 said:
🥹😥😭
girl - you made me cry!
There’s so much tenderness and ache in this... I’m really glad you finally got to see that it was never about you not being enough

you deserved to be chosen
Click to expand...
Awww, thank you sweetie! I will always love him. He lives across from my parents, so I'm always thinking about him. It just took me a stupid long time to have peace with it.❤️
 
LaisDeMarieDeFrance said:
Awww, thank you sweetie! I will always love him. He lives across from my parents, so I'm always thinking about him. It just took me a stupid long time to have peace with it.❤️
Click to expand...
I'm glad you finally found your peace with it.
You deserve people in your life who never make you doubt how much they care. 🌹
 
Not you and definitely not women who don't want what's best for me.

IMG_6011.jpeg

Why?

IMG_6013.jpeg

Go to the beginning of this thread and read your words. How did it go from there to you intentionally abandoning me?

Don't want to see the repercussions of your choices? I don't want to live them either, but you didn't give me a choice.

I'm not going to lessen myself so you can have a clear conscience. I'm not going to pretend it didn't happen to make your life easier. You haven't brought me joy in years, so don't worry... when I'm ready, I will Marie Kondo your ass.
 
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