It is what it is, eeyore. And I'm not indicting anyone. Well, maybe Mother Nature. But everybody knows she can be a bitch. Or should know, if they don't.
Married Guy Asking for Help
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It is what it is, eeyore. And I'm not indicting anyone. Well, maybe Mother Nature. But everybody knows she can be a bitch. Or should know, if they don't.
Noor
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^This^
davion2308
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That's just it. I'll come in for, say a hug, and she'll withstand it for a bit and then shrug it off. It's not that she's disgusted, she doesn't like mildly extended contact. Even as simple as a hand on her leg when we're driving. She'll let it sit there for a minute or two and move away.
I've gone to try to initiate with her and she'll let me for a bit but it's just something she has seemed to like less and less.
However, our sex life is good and she never minds me touching her then. I have no complaints about the sex. I would never cheat on her or try to seduce my coworker. I'm not looking for that.
My dog just isn't enough for cuddle time.
Said touby the racist piece of shit...
...who "knows" about "the black man" and his "culture" as much as he "knows" about 10 out of 10 wives.
Noor
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What about your child?
You are so incredibly fucking stupid, eeyore. I said nothing about ten out of ten wives, you moron, just as I've said nothing racist on this board, you little worm.
Colonel Hogan
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Well, if she specifically rejects your extended touching, then it's for certain she is never going to do it on her own.
It could be she has some sort of hangup about public displays of affection which might be addressable through counseling if she is willing. Otherwise, you may have to just be happy with a good, active sex life that the majority of other married couples DON'T have.
Now give us a few "them", "they", and "those" people, touby...
...you rps.
Colonel Hogan
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In the not-that-I-give-a-fuck chance that you-even-give-a-shit, you might want to note that the above display with respect to your posts in my Lit reader won't be changing anytime soon.
Waste your waste on those who are stupid enough to give you the attention you crave.
You mean you are so fucking dense you still don't see that I said nothing about ten out of ten? Really? Can any human being actually be that stupid? I guess so. Sad, eeyore. Pathetic. Truly pathetic.
Like you just did by just choosing to not ignore me.
~ waves at Colonel RINO Butthurt acting like he won't read this, either ~
Makes about as much sense as a poster who has never actually had a successful marriage...
...trying to give someone else successful marriage advice.
may_I_please
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You want to confess to your wife that someone likes stroking your arm
She won't give a toss
She'll probably be relieved you've packed in the namby-pamby shit at home
She won't give a toss
She'll probably be relieved you've packed in the namby-pamby shit at home
Are you sure, touby...
...it was actually after your wife had the milkman's baby that she lost interest you?
Holy shit. Milk man? How old are you, eeyore?
That made me laugh, eeyore. Pretty good, coming from you. Not bad. There's a first time for everything.
Que
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1) Telling your wife you are not having your needs adequately met sounds like something you are already doing. She is not demonstrative by her nature for any number of reasons, and is unwilling to push her comfort zone to accommodate you much. It sounds like she does not recoil and you are probably getting as much cuddle as you ever will.
2) Telling her that someone else is more cuddly will not surprise her, she knows she is not demonstrative and knows that others are. It will not please her, and will undoubtedly make her withdraw further from the efforts she is already making. They may not seem like efforts but it can definitely get worse. This is like telling your wife, "Honey I love you but as you know I am a boob man and you are not very well endowed. Good news, though... there is this busty chick at the office and I am getting my needs totes met that way! Isn't that great?"
3) Telling her is to unburden your conscience at the expense of her spirit. Do not do this. It is your problem not hers. Either: stop contact with the other woman, find boundaries that you feel OK with, or rationalize it entirely. Whatever you decide, you take it to the grave. Be aware that such touching releases oxytocin and your body does not care if your dick is or is not involved. It will make you feel increasingly bonded to the other woman.
4) As far as the other woman needs to know you are simply a guy that appreciates a good back-rub. It is no more her business as to whether your wife is demonstrative than it is that she does or does not perform fellatio. Regardless of your motivation talking to the woman about how these touches are craved by the woman is a bad idea. It isn't going to make her more willing to do so if you come across as needy and it is also not going to help you maintain some sort of distance if you frame it as my wife doesn't take care of me. You want the status quo or less. -Unless you are looking for an excuse to break up your family?
4a) I would strongly advise you to become the office hug dispenser if you intend to continue. Give chaste not inappropriate touch to everyone or no one. Pat men and women on the shoulder, shake hands, act as you are what you actually are is a person that appreciates touch. If it is only this woman everyone will assume you two are fucking.
5) When and if you do mention it or she gets wind that this woman and you have a non sexual, bonded relationship that will hurt her more than if you had fucked the woman. I know, that was a shock to me when I learned that the hard way.
The only serious suggestion I have for you is legit, above board, licensed massage. Ideally (and I think this is a stretch) you both go in together for a massage. Maybe she will tolerate a professional if it is therapeutic and not triggering whatever her aversion is to touch. Aversion to touch is not the norm for humans. A history of abuse or mild autism are the only guesses I have.
Perhaps, if you tell her, "Hey, I could really use a good back rub and I understand that makes you uncomfortable, I was thinking of finding a reputable, legitimate massage place. Would you mind coming with me so the massage girls do not try to attack my sexy bod?"
Couples therapy is an option but you would have to be the identified patient and she is there to support you in finding out why you seem to need so much touch.
2) Telling her that someone else is more cuddly will not surprise her, she knows she is not demonstrative and knows that others are. It will not please her, and will undoubtedly make her withdraw further from the efforts she is already making. They may not seem like efforts but it can definitely get worse. This is like telling your wife, "Honey I love you but as you know I am a boob man and you are not very well endowed. Good news, though... there is this busty chick at the office and I am getting my needs totes met that way! Isn't that great?"
3) Telling her is to unburden your conscience at the expense of her spirit. Do not do this. It is your problem not hers. Either: stop contact with the other woman, find boundaries that you feel OK with, or rationalize it entirely. Whatever you decide, you take it to the grave. Be aware that such touching releases oxytocin and your body does not care if your dick is or is not involved. It will make you feel increasingly bonded to the other woman.
4) As far as the other woman needs to know you are simply a guy that appreciates a good back-rub. It is no more her business as to whether your wife is demonstrative than it is that she does or does not perform fellatio. Regardless of your motivation talking to the woman about how these touches are craved by the woman is a bad idea. It isn't going to make her more willing to do so if you come across as needy and it is also not going to help you maintain some sort of distance if you frame it as my wife doesn't take care of me. You want the status quo or less. -Unless you are looking for an excuse to break up your family?
4a) I would strongly advise you to become the office hug dispenser if you intend to continue. Give chaste not inappropriate touch to everyone or no one. Pat men and women on the shoulder, shake hands, act as you are what you actually are is a person that appreciates touch. If it is only this woman everyone will assume you two are fucking.
5) When and if you do mention it or she gets wind that this woman and you have a non sexual, bonded relationship that will hurt her more than if you had fucked the woman. I know, that was a shock to me when I learned that the hard way.
The only serious suggestion I have for you is legit, above board, licensed massage. Ideally (and I think this is a stretch) you both go in together for a massage. Maybe she will tolerate a professional if it is therapeutic and not triggering whatever her aversion is to touch. Aversion to touch is not the norm for humans. A history of abuse or mild autism are the only guesses I have.
Perhaps, if you tell her, "Hey, I could really use a good back rub and I understand that makes you uncomfortable, I was thinking of finding a reputable, legitimate massage place. Would you mind coming with me so the massage girls do not try to attack my sexy bod?"
Couples therapy is an option but you would have to be the identified patient and she is there to support you in finding out why you seem to need so much touch.
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GiggLeGasm
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4a - I agree.
The other part about the massage - I don't think that I would ever assume that someone was going to a seedy massage parlor as my default response. Building on that idea, though, would she be open to a pregnancy massage? From that, could you go to a couples massage where one of the therapists specializes in pregnancy?
The reason I ask is.. She been pregnant or with a small child for a few years now. It is not uncommon for women during this phase of life to get "touched out." Total strangers come up to touch your belly. Small children cling to you all day and night. Your skin literally becomes public property. It results in the hypersensitivity to touch. It may also explain why she's ok with sex touch. that touch tends to be different and go beyond skin level. (not just with penetration, but touch in general)
You also might consider letting your child be more physical with you in regards to touch. (not saying you don't now). Anything you can do to carry part of that burden for her would probably be a relief. At any rate, it's a fair way to approach the topic without being accusatory and it may open a door for her to tell you how she's feeling.
(if you google/search "touched out" you are likely to be able to access a wealth of information)
Lancecastor
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Dude obviously wants to fuck his co-worker.
Follow your penis; it never lies.
Follow your penis; it never lies.
Que
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That is pretty interesting. I didn't catch or he didn't say if there has been a change in her response to touch? What you are saying makes a lot of sense either way in that whatever her baseline is for demonstrative it could be exacerbated as you suggest.
I am curious if you are holding your thesaurus upside down? I think "Reputable" and "Seedy" are antonyms not synonyms. There are brightly lit mainstream, fully licensed, above board places these days. There is a chain of franchises called "Massage Envy" and probably others that have standards and a reputation to uphold.
But yeah your way is better find an excuse to get her a massage and see if she can maybe work on her aversion. Kind of like baby-steps towards flying in an airplane.
GiggLeGasm
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hahahaha.. then why would you feel it necessary to include "reputable" and "legitimate" at all? 'round these parts, my insurance will pay for the LMT. I think it's a great idea.
Lord Pmann
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davion2308
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Follow Up
My wife has always been less than touchy. We dated through high school, and just had a good relationship so things carried on. We got married, etc, and it's been me and her. I have had any serious relationships that developed the way our relationship developed.
And in 15 years, I've never developed work relationships or otherwise with other people to point of being touchy the way I am now. I am with my family and extended family because we're a big, loud, affectionate group. It's always been handshake, hug, grab, whatever, but nothing lingering or longer than comfortable with relatives.
Now that there's some lingering, I really like it. Everyone else has been, "Oh, just bang the chick," but I don't want to bang her. I don't have much sexual interest outside of she has boobs and an ass. And vice-versa. I think she's starved at her home too because her husband is similar to my wife.
I don't think anything is changed. If anything, my wife wants more contact but specifically from our daughter, not me. And my daughter is too busy being active to snuggle. She doesn't. She squirms and basically is thinking, "I have THINGS to do, Dad."
Change? No. Have I brought it up numerous times? Yes. My wife admits she doesn't do it but there is zero drive in her to keep at it.
Frustrating.
My wife has always been less than touchy. We dated through high school, and just had a good relationship so things carried on. We got married, etc, and it's been me and her. I have had any serious relationships that developed the way our relationship developed.
And in 15 years, I've never developed work relationships or otherwise with other people to point of being touchy the way I am now. I am with my family and extended family because we're a big, loud, affectionate group. It's always been handshake, hug, grab, whatever, but nothing lingering or longer than comfortable with relatives.
Now that there's some lingering, I really like it. Everyone else has been, "Oh, just bang the chick," but I don't want to bang her. I don't have much sexual interest outside of she has boobs and an ass. And vice-versa. I think she's starved at her home too because her husband is similar to my wife.
I don't think anything is changed. If anything, my wife wants more contact but specifically from our daughter, not me. And my daughter is too busy being active to snuggle. She doesn't. She squirms and basically is thinking, "I have THINGS to do, Dad."
Change? No. Have I brought it up numerous times? Yes. My wife admits she doesn't do it but there is zero drive in her to keep at it.
Frustrating.
