Married Posters

[AV guy II]

I think one reason why on line affairs are appealing are because they are "perfect". There are no bills to pay, trash to take out, or kids fighting to kill the mood. While on line people can create any situation and go from there. Its escapism, and it might be a good thing to take a break from the every day grind.

 

[HairTrigger]

I think one reason why on line affairs are appealing are because they are "perfect". There are no bills to pay, trash to take out, or kids fighting to kill the mood. While on line people can create any situation and go from there. Its escapism, and it might be a good thing to take a break from the every day grind.

Indeed. Some years ago a froup called "The Atlanta Rythm Section" put out a release titled: "Imaginary Lovers". The lyrics embody pretty much just what you said -- an ideal "bubble" away from the real world...

 

[Waltheof]

Hi AV,

there is a saying over here that goes;

"The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence........it's not until you climb over the fence that you can see the shit in it."

However, if you can sit on the fence, then you can admire the beautiful flowers without getting your feet dirty, eh.

W.

 

[drlust]

my wife knows i write erotica and that i post here and chat from time to time. we have a very honest relationship in this respect (and in all others). she is less interested in this world than i am, although she does enjoy reading what i write and other stories on the site that i recommend. i've never had a "cyber relationship" that was about something other than an exploration of a fantasy, so no one online has ever come between us, nor could i imagine a circumstance where that could happen. most of the people i know from this site are those who i exchange story ideas with, offer editing help (or receive it), or just generally correspond.

allan aka drlust

my stories

 

[jerryid]

Good clean fun

i also know i myself have had/still have online lovers whom i love and trust very much but i know i love what i have here in front of me with all my heart. he may not be my soul mate but he is my husband. love the one you're with kinda thing.

I think this pretty much sums up the whole married/on-line psychology. You get the thrill and excitment of an affair without all the messiness and emotional pitfalls. Plus you know it's alway under your control ...you can just pull the plug whenever you like.
It's good in that way .. you can play all the roles you never had the chance to act out in "real life", and get a sense of whether it fits or not.
It's good clean fun for all you old married people LOLOLOL

 

[_pebbles]

Yes, I believe online relationships relieve that tension. On the flip side, you may realize there is one or many other women/men that are very in tune with you sexually and friendship wise.

Sometimes I think I was better off prior to finding my previous online friend ... in that I thought hubby was that *one* special guy that was so in tune with me. Now my eyes are little more open ... not sure if that's a good or a bad thing sometimes.

Maybe I should ask, do online relationships help relieve that tension? Can you have a relationship that is based more on sexual needs that emotional? Does it get in the way of the "real-life" relationship?

 

[_pebbles]

Thank you finding - keep us posted on your search for the perfect online girl

i have to second that......and this thread has been helpful as well

*thanks pebbles*

 

[bourbonslut]

I think one reason why on line affairs are appealing are because they are "perfect". There are no bills to pay, trash to take out, or kids fighting to kill the mood. While on line people can create any situation and go from there. Its escapism, and it might be a good thing to take a break from the every day grind.

true...no hassles no heartaches although it's been my (limited) experience that under certain circumstances..people will construct a "relationship" that can achieve more complicated levels than just the cyber-fucking around. And that's where it gets a little weird. It's hard to convey lots of emotion and stuff by just typing rapid-fire (especially with one hand...ha).

I"ve got mixed feelings about it, although I've been doing it lots lately. Sometimes its an amazing release, a way to get completely raw and dirty and do things I may never get to do in real life but want to (three guys, everyone watching....), or sometimes to have the sweetest deepest one on one roleplay with someone that makes you ache for them next to you.

That being said, wanna make out?

 

[BostonChick]

I do this with my hubby's knowledge and permission. He gets off on me teasing him with my torrid tales and sexual experiences and has been with me for most of the best ones.

We tell each other everything. In that regard I think our biggest advantage is the fact that we are close enough as friends to be completely up-front and honest.

I'm 29, been with him since I was 17 and we still go out on "dates" and essentially work together so we see each other much of every day. And we still have a wickedly active sex-life.

I've had several other male sexual partners during this time period and we've shared several girls too. To some it is an ideal. To others it is impossible to fathom. But we trust each other implictly. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[steveo52]

Hi all -- Thank you Pebbles for a rather interesting topic --

I read the whole thread from start to finish. I wish my wife would be interested in what I do online -- This site mostly. I use it for sexual release. Sucks - I have been married for 12 years and I think she felt sex (we don't make love) was just to have kids. Now that we have two, that is it -- we don't need to that anymore. If we do it once a month, that is to much for her! I could go once or twice a day and love it!

Sexual pleasure and touch of body / mind is soooo important to people and me it's the glue of life. She just doesn't understand that it will distroy our marriage if I can't get what I miss so much. Partners take a huge risk in not having complete relationships!! She won't let me do oral on her -- that is the ultimate gift of the Gods.

Dammm Frustrated --- tired of pounding it!

SteveO
Boston

 

[sundragon22]

trend

I think I am begining to see a trend here, it seems to me that a lot of women are losing interest in the sex life part of their relationships. I am however curious about the whole picture.
I am by no means being judgemental, but I have to wonder what the other side of the coin is. It puzzles me, and perhaps there are other things wrong with the relationship and the lack of sex is just a by product.
I have not chatted with anyone to delve into this aspect, so if anyone has an opion, I would be very interested to hear it.

 

[voyergirl]

i am curious of the ages and length of marriages that suffer. and were the partners very sexual before or has you own sexual desire been getting stronger?




i personally am very sexual. he responds well and performs very well but not as often as i want it. i have always been the one who desired more but in the past couple years i have wanted more and more. almost too much for my own good i think. he thinks it's 'cute' that i want it all the time, he is very spoiled and he knows it.


i am almost 32 my husband is 34. we have been married almost 14 years and together for almost 17. wow lol

 

[mickyp123]

Re: trend

I think I am begining to see a trend here, it seems to me that a lot of women are losing interest in the sex life part of their relationships. I am however curious about the whole picture.
I am by no means being judgemental, but I have to wonder what the other side of the coin is. It puzzles me, and perhaps there are other things wrong with the relationship and the lack of sex is just a by product.
I have not chatted with anyone to delve into this aspect, so if anyone has an opion, I would be very interested to hear it.

I think a lot of it comes down to the pressures of life, paying bills raising children, all has its toll on the relationship and you fall into a convenient rutt. Its a question i think of going through the courting relationship again in order to "light the fire".
How mant times do we see in the lonely hearts ads "like goimg out to meals, theatre, bar's and clubs, yeh don't we all.
I am as guilty as anyone else about not communicating and taking an interest in your partners day like you did when you first met. Is this not true. oops Hi Sundragon

 

[_pebbles]

Re: trend

I haven't lost interest at all. I'm insatiable, but I always have been. During our many conversations about the ebb and flow of our sex life, he said that in the beginning he made love to me as much as he could to keep up with me and make me happy. We're more settled into everyday life .. work, bills, child. He still wants to make me happy, but is simply too tired sometimes. We've been married 12 years. I'm 31, he's 43.

I think I am begining to see a trend here, it seems to me that a lot of women are losing interest in the sex life part of their relationships. I am however curious about the whole picture.
I am by no means being judgemental, but I have to wonder what the other side of the coin is. It puzzles me, and perhaps there are other things wrong with the relationship and the lack of sex is just a by product.
I have not chatted with anyone to delve into this aspect, so if anyone has an opion, I would be very interested to hear it.

 

[_pebbles]

I'm glad you're enjoying the thread. I'm sorry the wife doesn't see the joys of oral. Having sex just to have kids is a really skewed way to look at things. Does she masturbate? Sounds like she doesn't really have a healthy outlook on sex. I'd find it hard to believe that someone could remain faithful in that situation. Have you been to couples therapy? Maybe she could go solo and find out why she thinks sex is so low on the radar for her.

Hi all -- Thank you Pebbles for a rather interesting topic --

I read the whole thread from start to finish. I wish my wife would be interested in what I do online -- This site mostly. I use it for sexual release. Sucks - I have been married for 12 years and I think she felt sex (we don't make love) was just to have kids. Now that we have two, that is it -- we don't need to that anymore. If we do it once a month, that is to much for her! I could go once or twice a day and love it!

Sexual pleasure and touch of body / mind is soooo important to people and me it's the glue of life. She just doesn't understand that it will distroy our marriage if I can't get what I miss so much. Partners take a huge risk in not having complete relationships!! She won't let me do oral on her -- that is the ultimate gift of the Gods.

Dammm Frustrated --- tired of pounding it!

SteveO
Boston

 

[mrsree]

married

My husband & I went out for dinner tonight and I just found the nerve to tell him that we need to open up our marriage a bit. WOW, I didn't think I would ever find the nerve to say it but I did. He didn't have much of a reply but I said it regardless. Hopefully it will help. Iam trying to convince him that we need to find a man to make love to me while he watches. WOW WHAT A NOVEL IDEA!!

 

[finding_sum_fun]

Originally posted by _pebbles
Yes, I believe online relationships relieve that tension. On the flip side, you may realize there is one or many other women/men that are very in tune with you sexually and friendship wise.

Sometimes I think I was better off prior to finding my previous online friend ... in that I thought hubby was that *one* special guy that was so in tune with me. Now my eyes are little more open ... not sure if that's a good or a bad thing sometimes.

thanks pebbles...i will weigh your words carefully

 

[ohbbw]

a different perspective: women & sex

Sexual pleasure and touch of body / mind is soooo important to people and me it's the glue of life. She just doesn't understand that it will distroy our marriage if I can't get what I miss so much. Partners take a huge risk in not having complete relationships!!

ITA. Have you told her this? i don't mean to state the obvious, but my own experience has shown that it never hurts to talk about things.

I've been lurking along in this thread. . .very interesting topic. It may surprise some who have seen me elsewhere to know that my own husband could have written SteveO's post a few years ago. We've been together 10 years, married for almost 3. Sex was ok (but not very adventurous) for both of us in the beginning, then distance and life intervened and it became non-existent. I honestly was not interested and it was the only source of tension in our relationship. It nearly destroyed it several times because we just were not in the same universe sexually. Many men would have left -- we were lucky to have sex once a month during the worst spell. There were other issues contributing - stress, health, etc.-- but all of it lead to a real lack of intimacy and connection. We were together in mind, but our body and spirit were broken. Even when we did have sex, there were times that it was more out of love than desire if that makes sense. From reading this, i was not unlike many of you describe your wives. Things didn't immediately improve even in the first year of marriage, and we both grew frustrated.

I wish i could tell you what changed (i'd be rich if i could!). It was not overnight. Every step was a small one along the way, along with a husband who was not afraid to ask gently, communicate his feelings, and give me the space i needed even if that meant many rejections along the way. He invited me to share in porn, bought erotic stories, and after many subtle hints, took me
to buy my first toy.

I never imagined the things I think about now, or that i'd ever let him share pictures online (let alone post them myself!), but now I look forward to our adventures. I think i may be more active here than he is, and find that my online activity only strengthens our life together.

Even though we do not share details, we are very open about what excites us, and communicate about what we may like to try or just keep among our computer and people we meet online. For that, this has been a wonderful thing. . .as has patience and honesty.

Back to lurking now - i hope this may give some of you hope that things can sometimes get better from someone who has been on both sides of things. (((((hugs))))) and to you all.

 

[HairTrigger]

Re: married

My husband & I went out for dinner tonight and I just found the nerve to tell him that we need to open up our marriage a bit. WOW, I didn't think I would ever find the nerve to say it but I did. He didn't have much of a reply but I said it regardless. Hopefully it will help. Iam trying to convince him that we need to find a man to make love to me while he watches. WOW WHAT A NOVEL IDEA!!

Think he'll go for it, or maybe prompt him to be more attentive and "regular"? Keep us posted!

 

[steveo52]

Hi Pebbles thank for your reply below!

"I'm glad you're enjoying the thread. I'm sorry the wife doesn't see the joys of oral. Having sex just to have kids is a really skewed way to look at things. Does she masturbate? Sounds like she doesn't really have a healthy outlook on sex. I'd find it hard to believe that someone could remain faithful in that situation. Have you been to couples therapy? Maybe she could go solo and find out why she thinks sex is so low on the radar for her."

Not everyone has the same needs or sex drive. I think she could go without forever and be just fine. To me making love is a great way to communicate your love and affection. This is true so much when one makes love to another person orally - such an intimate act. Good sex starts in the mind and fills the body - I have never been one to force myself on my wife -- half of the fun is gone that way. She thinks I am a pervert for wanting what I need ("oversexed"). We have been talking lately - I told her that we need to get help or I am out of here. I hope it works. It has been hard to remain faithful. All this stuff is making me question myself and just what is normal -- I am beginning to see that healthy people in healthy relationships fix their problems. A sign of what to come in my life -- change is on the way.

Starting to think!

Take care,

SteveO
Boston

 

[jerryid]

My Idol

. Iam trying to convince him that we need to find a man to make love to me while he watches.

You are my IDOL MrsRee.
<gulp>

 

[illinois_guy2]

Interesting thread, just now seeing it.

My wife does not know that I come to Lit (to the best of my knowledge) and would not approve.

She would particularly not approve of the reason I came to Lit in the first place.

I am married to a woman who is rarely interested in sex (not uncommon to go months at a time with no sex), and I have a strong sex drive. Naturally, this causes extreme levels of frustration on my part. So, I initially came to Lit hoping to find someone I could have a discreet affair with. (I know, I am a bad man.) I did not have much success in this search, and after a while I quit trying. However, I continued to play on Lit, but mostly on threads where I could exchange witty banter and harmless flirting with other posters. However, even though my playing on Lit became far more innocent, I still would never tell my wife that I was here.

 

[Imgollum]

This is a really good thread and since _pebbles was so nice to visit my thread, I thought that I should return the flavor.

There are some good thoughts posted here. We are told that life is what we make it, but it is not always that simple. The choices that we make are often influenced by so many different factors.

Sexual satifaction can be very complicated, when you put that puzzle together. When you fingure in your wants and needs, those of your partner, religous backgrounds, societal mores, childhood experiences, what your mother told you, emotional experiences, fears and insecurites, things can get complcated real fast. And then, sometimes real life just gets in the way. As they say, life is what happens while your making plans.

In each decade, our lives change in significant ways. Hopefully we learn to evaluate, adapt and overcome. In any event, it is good to be able to share experiences and know that we are not always alone in some situations.

 

[BostonChick]

I think sexual satisfaction is very simple. COMMUNICATING what turns you on gets complicated.

 

[jerryid]

No Fun

Dear Pebbles,
Where is your icon ??? The thrill is gone !

Or are you getting ready to unleash a NEW one ?

<fingers crossed>

Pleease go with the dark green !

I need some new material.