maybe I am just a slut

[the captians wench]

I agree, I was just trying to be diplomatic.

The problem with this is that all of my relationships at the moment are measured in hours as far as face to face contact goes as of late. but I wasn't out looking for "the one" I never said that I was. i have enough love in my life right now that it makes my head spin at times. I was simply looking for some one to...fill in the gaps here and there. He didn't really have to like me for me, just as long as he liked me and would send a hello once in a while.

The problem is that this guy set a precedent before we even met. He asked me if I would be open to a ltr, and I told him yes, if it moved that way, I wouldn't be appose to it, but that's not specifically what I am looking for. Then again with the collar comment 3 days after meeting him. He's the one that started this on a "relationship" path, and now that I have the carrot in front of me, it's starting to look pretty good, and he's being a bit scarce.

But maybe I have jumped the gun and let my insecurities get the best of me. We've been iming a bit, and he tells me that his boss is out on an emergency and he's had to pick up the slack. Okay, again another buy-able excuse but I'm just not sure I'm ready to be juggled by yet another guy. You would think, out of 3 guys I could get enough attention to subdue me.

 

[the captians wench]

Well, you're actually right, but I wanna play the devil's advocate for a moment.

In my life, I've had three what you'd call "serious" relationships. In every one of those, I slept with the guy on the first date. With the last one, we had sex the first time we met. (Yes, I'm a slut. ) Not to say that men don't necessarily think this way, but just because a girl hops in bed with him too quickly doesn't mean that the chances of him actually liking her in a relationship-type way are automatically flushed down the toilet.

Though it could be that I just get involved with some unusual men.

*snuggles the bunny in the devil suit*

Like I said, I would have been perfectly fine with a phone call once a week saying "hey chick let's fuck" and that be it, but he's the one that placed these relationship ideas in my head. It's not something that I was looking for, but then I never put it totally out of my mind as a posiblity because let's face it, my "serious" relationships are problably not going to lead to 24/7 situations. Unless Ireland gets really lax on their imagration laws in the near future.

 

[intothewoods]

Well, you're actually right, but I wanna play the devil's advocate for a moment.

In my life, I've had three what you'd call "serious" relationships. In every one of those, I slept with the guy on the first date. With the last one, we had sex the first time we met. (Yes, I'm a slut. ) Not to say that men don't necessarily think this way, but just because a girl hops in bed with him too quickly doesn't mean that the chances of him actually liking her in a relationship-type way are automatically flushed down the toilet.

Though it could be that I just get involved with some unusual men.

People, I slept with Mister Man the day I met him. It was supposed to be a friends with benefits situation. What can I say? I'm a charmer.

I'm just saying that you have to be prepared for a guy not to call, and even promise all sorts of things and then not call. Maybe he's telling the truth, wench. Sure, give him the benefit of the doubt. But who knows? Only time will tell. It's not that sleeping with him is bad. It's a choice.

The question is how do you feel if you make that choice, and then discover the guy just said whatever he needed to get in your pants, keep you dangling to get back in your pants when he feels like it, etc.? If you can cut your losses and move on just fine, then by all means, don't sweat it.

I gotta say, I think you might want to pay attention to your self esteem. I'm sure you do have a high sex drive, and that's great. But if don't feel okay without constant attention, maybe you need to think about what's behind that. I mean, to a certain extent, every woman in their 20s has self esteem issues. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with you. I'm just saying you might feel better if you dug a bit deeper on this one.

Or maybe I'm just too Oprah for y'all.

 

[the captians wench]

People, I slept with Mister Man the day I met him. It was supposed to be a friends with benefits situation. What can I say? I'm a charmer.

I'm just saying that you have to be prepared for a guy not to call, and even promise all sorts of things and then not call. Maybe he's telling the truth, wench. Sure, give him the benefit of the doubt. But who knows? Only time will tell. It's not that sleeping with him is bad. It's a choice.

The question is how do you feel if you make that choice, and then discover the guy just said whatever he needed to get in your pants, keep you dangling to get back in your pants when he feels like it, etc.? If you can cut your losses and move on just fine, then by all means, don't sweat it.

I gotta say, I think you might want to pay attention to your self esteem. I'm sure you do have a high sex drive, and that's great. But if don't feel okay without constant attention, maybe you need to think about what's behind that. I mean, to a certain extent, every woman in their 20s has self esteem issues. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with you. I'm just saying you might feel better if you dug a bit deeper on this one.

Or maybe I'm just too Oprah for y'all.

I don't like being dangled along, and I was quite clear with the fact that a promise of a future was not nessisary to be able to give me a call when ever he had an itch to scratch. I can't stand being lied to, and if I find out that he is lieing to me, I will have no problems cutting him out. I'm an honest person, and I expect the same. But I do believe he's "for real".

My self esteem is a little shakie at the moment for a few reasons, and most of them have little to do with my sexuality. I feel hot. I feel attractive. What I'm not feeling lately is like I'm "a keeper". Not in the "bring her home to meet the family" since, but in the "lasting buds" since. I've noticed a pattern in my life in that I don't hold a relationship/friendship or a job longer than about 6 months in most cases. Add in the fact that my boss is drilling into my head that I'm just not good enough and I'm not performing, and that the jobs I'm looking at now want experience that I just don't have, I'm not my normal "damn I'm good" giggly self.

so maybe I should just chalk the whole thing up to bad timing, and try to calm down a bit

 

[BiBunny]

People, I slept with Mister Man the day I met him. It was supposed to be a friends with benefits situation. What can I say? I'm a charmer.

Dude, that happens to you, too? Somehow, once I draw 'em in, I can't get rid of 'em! Doesn't sound so bad like that, but when there's that dumb one-night stand you had three years ago that still pesters you...well, then it's a problem, LOL.

(FWIW, I agree with the rest of your post, but I couldn't think of anything else to add to it.)

*snuggles the bunny in the devil suit*

Like I said, I would have been perfectly fine with a phone call once a week saying "hey chick let's fuck" and that be it, but he's the one that placed these relationship ideas in my head. It's not something that I was looking for, but then I never put it totally out of my mind as a posiblity because let's face it, my "serious" relationships are problably not going to lead to 24/7 situations. Unless Ireland gets really lax on their imagration laws in the near future.

There you go. Blame it on him! It's all his fault!

No, seriously, I'd give it a little time and see what happens. Find something else to occupy your time for the moment. In a few days, if you've not heard anything, you can always send a, "Hey, what's going on?" text to him. I will say, though, I've found that sometimes men think they shouldn't call you if they don't have anything to tell you. God knows why they think that; maybe they don't want to appear too eager, either.

 

[intothewoods]

Dude, that happens to you, too? Somehow, once I draw 'em in, I can't get rid of 'em! Doesn't sound so bad like that, but when there's that dumb one-night stand you had three years ago that still pesters you...well, then it's a problem, LOL.

(FWIW, I agree with the rest of your post, but I couldn't think of anything else to add to it.)

I'm a serial monogamist, even when I try not to be! I think I am doing a fairly good job of taking my time on this one, as far as boundaries go. I'm 33. I was bound to get it together eventually!

I will say that if you want men to go gaga for you, telling them you have no interest in a relationship is apparently a surefire strategy. I've never been so damn popular in my life.

 

[intothewoods]

My self esteem is a little shakie at the moment for a few reasons, and most of them have little to do with my sexuality. I feel hot. I feel attractive. What I'm not feeling lately is like I'm "a keeper". Not in the "bring her home to meet the family" since, but in the "lasting buds" since. I've noticed a pattern in my life in that I don't hold a relationship/friendship or a job longer than about 6 months in most cases. Add in the fact that my boss is drilling into my head that I'm just not good enough and I'm not performing, and that the jobs I'm looking at now want experience that I just don't have, I'm not my normal "damn I'm good" giggly self.

so maybe I should just chalk the whole thing up to bad timing, and try to calm down a bit

Makes perfect sense. I still have issues with that, and as for my career, I've only now started to find my self-confidence (and I still have days when I doubt myself, of course). The trick is to know that you can't depend on others for your self esteem. You have to know you are good enough, no matter what someone else says. Easy peasy, right? Yeah, I know. It's a work in progress.

 

[BiBunny]

I'm a serial monogamist, even when I try not to be! I think I am doing a fairly good job of taking my time on this one, as far as boundaries go. I'm 33. I was bound to get it together eventually!

I will say that if you want men to go gaga for you, telling them you have no interest in a relationship is apparently a surefire strategy. I've never been so damn popular in my life.

Tell me about it!

 

[intothewoods]

Tell me about it!

Weirdly, 20something guys that never would have looked at me when I was their age, find me totally hot. It's very odd. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, I'm completely not attracted to anyone under 30. For some odd reason, my motherly self takes over and I want to wag my finger at them and say, what are you doing with your life? Are you getting enough sleep? Go eat some vegetables!

 

[the captians wench]

There you go. Blame it on him! It's all his fault!

No, seriously, I'd give it a little time and see what happens. Find something else to occupy your time for the moment. In a few days, if you've not heard anything, you can always send a, "Hey, what's going on?" text to him. I will say, though, I've found that sometimes men think they shouldn't call you if they don't have anything to tell you. God knows why they think that; maybe they don't want to appear too eager, either.

Yup, all his fault. *nods knowingly*

I have talked to him a bit today, and I think I'm going to just dive into costume work and ignore that fact that he lives and breaths for a while. When he's not so busy, he'll call.

 

[fieryjen]

I've just read through the entire thread... and there really isn't anything I could add that hasn't already been said.

I think you'll be fine. Good luck getting it figured out.

 

[madetotakeit]

It doesn't matter what your age. Trying to interpret someone's actions is neigh impossible. Men think and communicate one way and women another. We can be fragile creatures when it comes to who we are interested in. Men don't understand that a little encouragement goes a long way. It doesn't have to be a grand gesture. A simple, "Hi, I'm busy but wanted to let you know you crossed my mind." will suffice. Just let us know we made an impact. Add in self-esteem issues and it can spiral to all sorts of nasty places...suspicion, jealousy, all the way to self destructive behavior. Even someone with a healthy self-esteem can have doubts...completely natural. All one can do is be all right with themselves when it comes to choices made. If the other person doesn't see the same in you? Their loss. Somebody who will see it will reap the benefits.

If you are happy with your actions and reasons for doing them, hallelujah and have fun! As the thread on the Talk board shows, some of us don't mind the moniker "slut." There is nothing wrong with enjoying sex for sex's sake as long as you choose your partners wisely.

 

[EmpressFi]

I forget who it was.. but someone suggested that Malin and I read The Ethical Slut. But ever since I did, I've ceased to feel dirty when someone calls me a slut or think of it as derogatory, even if that's how someone means it.

Why yes, yes I am a slut, thanks for noticing.

 

[the captians wench]

I forget who it was.. but someone suggested that Malin and I read The Ethical Slut. But ever since I did, I've ceased to feel dirty when someone calls me a slut or think of it as derogatory, even if that's how someone means it.

Why yes, yes I am a slut, thanks for noticing.

It's not totally some one else's view's that are getting to me. I could really give a fuck what most people think about me. These are questions that I personally am dealing with, tho grant you they wouldn't have been such big questions if the original doubts didn't come from some one I trusted.

I've always had issues trading sex for love or attention, and I've always been aware of it. I read some place that most women do. Some times I feel bad about it, some times it really doesn't bother me. And I can and have enjoyed sex for sex sake, the difference is we were both up front that this is what it was going to be. I don't like playing games. If you just want me around to bang me, tell me that it's all good. If you want more, tell me that, we'll see how things develope. But don't tell me you just want sex when you want a relationship and don't tell me you want a relationship when you just want sex.