Meet guys if I'm shy...

[Cruel2BKind]

I never thought that I would be a shy person, but now I just started my freshmen year at college and I'm terrified of meeting people. Everyone looks older and more mature and wiser then me, so I feel intimidated. I haven't been able to go to the events for more then a few minutes, I have a hard time talking to guys in class, and I haven't even had the ovaries to sit at lunch tables with people at them

I want to have sex. I'm just going to put that out there. I'm a little overweight, but not unattractive. I've been looking forward to college because it's the place to meet people and meet guys and be an independent adult. But now that I'm here, I'm too much of a fucking coward to even talk to people.

Please, does anyone have advice? I'm too much of a coward, and all of the girls are hotter then me. How do I get a boyfriend/friend with benefits?

 

[twister947]

Grandfatherly advice...

Breathe. You've only just started.

First, you're not alone...everyone else is dealing with insecurity of some kind. I'd bet that half the population would describe themselves as socially awkward, which makes us average.

Second, don't try. People can see and smell desperation and neediness. It will come, in it's own time. Enjoy the journey.

Finally, don't settle, in some misguided rush to shed your innocence. The right person, the right time, the right place...

 

[Freak1714]

Ask for help on something. Guys love the damsel in distress. You said you were a little over weight. Go workout to that will help with your confidence. I went from always a friend to always fucking you friends in the Navy because exercise gave me the confidence to talk to girls.

 

[SweetErika]

I never thought that I would be a shy person, but now I just started my freshmen year at college and I'm terrified of meeting people. Everyone looks older and more mature and wiser then me, so I feel intimidated. I haven't been able to go to the events for more then a few minutes, I have a hard time talking to guys in class, and I haven't even had the ovaries to sit at lunch tables with people at them

I want to have sex. I'm just going to put that out there. I'm a little overweight, but not unattractive. I've been looking forward to college because it's the place to meet people and meet guys and be an independent adult. But now that I'm here, I'm too much of a fucking coward to even talk to people.

Please, does anyone have advice? I'm too much of a coward, and all of the girls are hotter then me. How do I get a boyfriend/friend with benefits?

It sounds like you're blowing things out of proportion a little bit. You can stop doing that by considering the reality vs. your perceptions and feelings.

The reality is that you've only been at college for, what, a couple of weeks? Therefore, you haven't given yourself anywhere near enough time to really get comfy, check out what your school has to offer and make friends. Take the pressure off yourself and see where you are in October. Yeah, seriously; especially when classes and dorms are huge, it can take that long to get to know people.

The reality is that most of the people ARE older and maybe a little more mature than you. That's fine, and it certainly doesn't mean you can't learn from them, socialize with them, etc. Go back to the basics and start asking people questions about themselves and for advice ("I'm feeling a little lost here. What helped you meet people and find your place when you were a freshman?" etc.).

You're in a dorm, right? And that dorm has Resident Advisers and activities, right? So, go ask for some advice and get involved in the stuff that might interest you, even if you feel intimidated. I met a bunch of people who were in my dorm and also in some of my classes, and we ended up forming a study group after figuring out we all had different strengths and weaknesses in Accounting and Math. I'm fairly introverted, so I do better socializing and getting to know others in smaller group environments like that.

Don't worry about guys or sex for now. As someone else said, don't settle, and certainly don't let alcohol get the best of you if you decide to drink. I know it feels like liquid courage, but the reality is that colleges are packed with predatory types who are more than happy to take advantage of you, drunk, or even totally sober, so take really good care of yourself.

 

[fire_breeze]

I never thought that I would be a shy person, but now I just started my freshmen year at college and I'm terrified of meeting people. Everyone looks older and more mature and wiser then me, so I feel intimidated. I haven't been able to go to the events for more then a few minutes, I have a hard time talking to guys in class, and I haven't even had the ovaries to sit at lunch tables with people at them

I want to have sex. I'm just going to put that out there. I'm a little overweight, but not unattractive. I've been looking forward to college because it's the place to meet people and meet guys and be an independent adult. But now that I'm here, I'm too much of a fucking coward to even talk to people.

Please, does anyone have advice? I'm too much of a coward, and all of the girls are hotter then me. How do I get a boyfriend/friend with benefits?

SweetErika has some wonderful advice and you'd be wise to listen.

Nowadays, college and universities do have older and more mature students, but that doesn't mean you can't befriend them. Many of them are going back for a second degree and can relate. Some of my close friends from my early college days are a good 15, 20 years older that I am.

College is about learning about yourself as well as experimenting and, dare I say it, gaining an education. It takes a while for you to get used to the change, especially if you've come straight from high school. It's a culture shock. You won't become an independent adult overnight, you won't meet people the next day and you will not figure out your future right away (case in point: I was well into my third year of a three year degree before I sort of quasi thought that 'this' is what I want to do. It was after I got my second BA that I really knew). Count on a lot of changes, and give yourself time to allow yourself to adjust to these changes. Relax and enjoy the experience.

This may sound counterproductive, but for the moment, forget about having sex for awhile, and let me tell you why. Frosh week and the first month is usually about first years wanting to throw the reins off of authority and the vast majority is looking to drink and fuck around. Furthermore, if you are just talking to guys for the sake of getting laid, well... just think about it. I'm not saying there's nothing wrong about having fun and hooking up for the sake of hooking up, but many of these guys are in the same boat as you and are probably confused themselves. As SweetE mentioned, wait a couple of months for you to be comfortable with yourself in your new environment, and wait for others to be comfortable with themselves in their new environment.

Focus on getting to know people. Join clubs. Orientation week is littered with clubs and organisations and volunteer opportunities. See what sparks your interest, and join. Be involved in your department. Enjoy your classes (in other words, go to them). Strike up a conversation with the guy next to you about an interesting point that was brought up. In other words, do what YOU enjoy, get to know people and put yourself out there.

The opportunity for sex will arise, trust me. If you come across as desperate, then well... I don't think I need to go further. But if you're having fun, enjoying yourself, people will naturally gravitate towards that and want to be around fun and interesting people.

Bottom line: have fun and look at every opportunity as a way to get to know yourself and others. College can be confusing and difficult, but it is an exhilarating and priceless experience. If you want to talk further, my PM is open.

Good luck.

 

[MsMaisy]

I know where you’re coming from! I felt almost exactly the same when i started university three years ago. No matter how many people tell you that it’ll all be fine you won’t believe them until it is, starting a new phase in your life like this is one of the hardest things to do. I found that moving into a shared house really helped me to get to know people; we all had a reason to be together which took some of the pressure off. I’ve always found it easier to chat and get to know people when we’re focussing on other things, like an activity or class etc... It sounds like a copout but joining a club of interest will give you an excuse to talk to people without feeling like you’re out of place. You’ll meet people and make friends with some of them and maybe like me you’ll meet your best friends! As for guys... they’ll come when you least expect it! It’s when you’re not looking that you’ll find someone. Just focus on meeting people and enjoying yourself! That’s what university’s about.

 

[Gaslamp_Society]

The best thing you can do for yourself is to really get out there and get involved...so you aren't isolated with your fears. If there are clubs or other curricular/extra-curricular interests that you enjoy...get involved! As there will surely be guys that you are attracted to being involved in the same thing...and that way you have a common interest and a common reason to have some repeated encounters with them without the pressure of being on a date. The more you grow into what is authentically YOU, then you will attract good people that will like your authentic self and will increase the chance of getting close to someone...otherwise you risk throwing yourself at the first loser that gives you the slightest bit of attention.

 

[djyak]

Don't sweat it hon. Just concentrate on your studies right now and getting involved with the activities that seem interesting to you. Everyone there is going through the same thing. Once everyone, including you, is comfortable and into their own rhythm, things will start to happen and meet people. Trust me.

Tifani

 

[Christopher2012]

Wait wait... These girls are assuming you go to the stereotypical, big college... Not all colleges are the same. On my campus, there are under 200 people on site at max. When I was in undergrad, I was at a campus in which there were 7,000 at max. Soo... it really depends. What is your school like? Is it like Georgia Southern, which covers most of Statesboro or is it a small school like I go to now?

 

[Cruel2BKind]

My school is pretty huge... If it were smaller, I think it would be easier to talk to people.

The problem is that gaslamp_society is right. Every single boyfriend I ever had in high school was a complete loser, and so immature that here I am 4 1/2 boyfriends later and still haven't gotten to third base.

Lets run down the list shall we?
1. was a recluse that had basically been kept a prisoner inside his own home by his maniac father, watched his father commit suicide when he was fourteen, and had turned to video games for comfort. His idea of a date was us sitting on the couch and showing me all of the final fantasy bosses on his gameboy. I felt sorry for him because he was so messed up, so I ended up staying with him for three months.

2. A closet transvestite. He was nice enough, but we had nothing to talk about and we never made it past first base. His parents were basically forcing him to date me, and after we broke up I found out he was gay and had only been dating me because his parents were trying to make him straight.

3. The first boyfriend I dated that was by any stretch good-looking. He had an IQ of about 80, and big muscles. He was a delinquent who went to a school ten miles away and neither of us had a car. He usually biked to my house so we could only meet on the weekends. He was the only boyfriend that we ever got to second base, and I got to touch his cock. He was only with me because he needed to have a girlfriend and he left me in a heartbeat when a hotter girl came knocking.

4. A fire juggler at Circus Juventus, a circus school in Minnesota. He was six foot six, had a face like a caveman, and was about as mature as a ten year old. I was attracted to him in the first place because he was very talented, he played the piano, could juggle 6 burning torches, could do the splits, etc. He was so immature that When I tried to kiss him he thought I was trying to whisper something in his ear. He was a shitty kisser, shitty person, shitty conversationalist.

Do you see how I could fall for the first loser that looks my way here.

 

[bailadora]

Do you see how I could fall for the first loser that looks my way here.

Which is why the advice to concentrate on making friends as opposed to boyfriends is rather apt. If you're aware that you tend to fall for the first guy to pay any attention to you, then this is something you need to be on guard against. Give yourself time to really get to know someone before you decide to become intimate (physically or emotionally). Trust me, you'll be happier in the long run.

 

[Christopher2012]

Wait... you're complaining about a guy who thought it was cool to show you all the Final Fantasy bosses yet you have The Matrix graphic as your avatar?

Something aint right here...

 

[Cruel2BKind]

*ahem* The matrix is my favorite movie, and I have it as a graphic.

My first boyfriend would show me those damn monsters for hours.

 

[Gaslamp_Society]

The theory is that if we have an unhealthy self-concept (low self-worth, shame) then we easily bump into relationships that speak to that concept...losers. But if we go through the steps to improve our concept...such as counseling, self-confrontation, overcoming past traumas/ addiction...then we are more able to differentiate what is healthy and what is not, empowering us to make healthy, independent choices for ourselves...and not be stuck in the groove of falling into what is unhealthy for us, yet sadly, familiar. We won't come into relationships with such a needy desperation, cutting down on our chances of being a loser-magnet. Best of luck!

 

[Licia]

Do you see how I could fall for the first loser that looks my way here.

Make friends first, I agree with everyone else. A bit further, I would like to suggest that you vest time into growing a best-friend relationship with a girl who is independent, compassionate, and trustworthy. Sometimes it's easier to come out of your shell if you have someone in your life with whom you can share ideas and advice. A girl like that can morph into an adopted sister for life.

Go about your studies and daily life. That way, the guys who are attracted will be attracted to who you are as a person. It'll also keep the wolves at bay.

 

[tocurpussy]

Don't know if advice from someone older will help you any, but with you being a freshman and new to the campus, don't be in a big rush to jump at the first thing to come along. Take a little time to explore your surronding's and get to know where everyone hangs out. Since you said that your uncomfortable with the lunch room crowd being overwelming to you, one suggestion would be to check out what all types of groups or clubs are on campus. Pick some your interested in and thats where you will find people your comfortable with and in a smaller group setting. Then begin to make your moves. Just be yourself. Don't try to be someone your not. Bide your time and it will come for you.

 

[fire_breeze]

Wait wait... These girls are assuming you go to the stereotypical, big college... Not all colleges are the same. On my campus, there are under 200 people on site at max. When I was in undergrad, I was at a campus in which there were 7,000 at max. Soo... it really depends. What is your school like? Is it like Georgia Southern, which covers most of Statesboro or is it a small school like I go to now?

Actually, no - not all of us were assuming that the OP is attending a big college or a small one. I've attended both, and can assure you that the feeling of being slightly lost and uncomfortable in a new academic environment is the same regardless of size. Granted, it is much much quicker to get to know people in a small university, but the initial emotions and the need to adjust are the same.

My school is pretty huge... If it were smaller, I think it would be easier to talk to people.

The problem is that gaslamp_society is right. Every single boyfriend I ever had in high school was a complete loser, and so immature that here I am 4 1/2 boyfriends later and still haven't gotten to third base.

Lets run down the list shall we?
1. was a recluse that had basically been kept a prisoner inside his own home by his maniac father, watched his father commit suicide when he was fourteen, and had turned to video games for comfort. His idea of a date was us sitting on the couch and showing me all of the final fantasy bosses on his gameboy. I felt sorry for him because he was so messed up, so I ended up staying with him for three months.

2. A closet transvestite. He was nice enough, but we had nothing to talk about and we never made it past first base. His parents were basically forcing him to date me, and after we broke up I found out he was gay and had only been dating me because his parents were trying to make him straight.

3. The first boyfriend I dated that was by any stretch good-looking. He had an IQ of about 80, and big muscles. He was a delinquent who went to a school ten miles away and neither of us had a car. He usually biked to my house so we could only meet on the weekends. He was the only boyfriend that we ever got to second base, and I got to touch his cock. He was only with me because he needed to have a girlfriend and he left me in a heartbeat when a hotter girl came knocking.

4. A fire juggler at Circus Juventus, a circus school in Minnesota. He was six foot six, had a face like a caveman, and was about as mature as a ten year old. I was attracted to him in the first place because he was very talented, he played the piano, could juggle 6 burning torches, could do the splits, etc. He was so immature that When I tried to kiss him he thought I was trying to whisper something in his ear. He was a shitty kisser, shitty person, shitty conversationalist.

Do you see how I could fall for the first loser that looks my way here.

To echo Bailadora, there is a reason why the majority of suggestions focused on getting to know people and making friends first before jumping into any sort of intimate relationship. Give yourself time to feel comfortable in your environment, give others time to feel comfortable in theirs and give yourself the opportunity to know people for who they are before you decide to becoming close to them (emotionally or physically or both).

Obviously, I don't know you so I may be off the bat, but it sounds that you want to jump into the whole "college experience" right away. Take your time and savour the moments. Everyone experiences college in their own way. There is no pre-written manual that says that by week 6 you MUST have a boyfriend. That may come at month 6, or year 3. Don't jump in but rather move at your pace, and you'll have a wonderful, unforgettable experience. By rushing everything you're only cheating yourself.

 

[Christopher2012]

Actually, no - not all of us were assuming that the OP is attending a big college or a small one. I've attended both, and can assure you that the feeling of being slightly lost and uncomfortable in a new academic environment is the same regardless of size. Granted, it is much much quicker to get to know people in a small university, but the initial emotions and the need to adjust are the same.

No... You don't feel "slightly" lost and uncomfortable when you step onto a huge campus. You feel incredibly intimidated.

However, when you step on a small campus, sure "slightly" is a good word for it.

 

[fire_breeze]

No... You don't feel "slightly" lost and uncomfortable when you step onto a huge campus. You feel incredibly intimidated.

However, when you step on a small campus, sure "slightly" is a good word for it.

Each person is different. You are speaking from your experience, and I am speaking from mine. I know of quite of few people who feel incredibly intimidated when they step onto a small campus and were considerably at home when they switched over to a large university. From my experience of attending both types of campuses, I felt slightly uncomfortable. Perhaps in your experience, the size made a huge difference. However, in my response, I can only speak from my point of view.

The point I was making that regardless of the size of campus, the feeling of being lost and uncomfortable, particularly when one moves to a campus, is the same, as it becomes a major life-style change. It's THAT change that is often daunting to a person. The intensity will differ person to person, situation to situation, but for most, the feelings will be there.

Different perspectives, that's all .

 

[bailadora]

By rushing everything you're only cheating yourself.

This. 'Nuff said.

 

[Cruel2BKind]

thanks guys... I just feel kinda overwhelmed here. When I started listing my bfs I was feeling kind of depressed and vindictive. I sincerely hope that none of them are Lit groupies themselves!

Speaking of which, we need to find a cool name for people on lit. Little monsters, GLEEks, twihards, a singer, a show, and a hated movie series all have cool names, why can't we?

 

[mike_always_horny]

I never thought that I would be a shy person, but now I just started my freshmen year at college and I'm terrified of meeting people. Everyone looks older and more mature and wiser then me, so I feel intimidated. I haven't been able to go to the events for more then a few minutes, I have a hard time talking to guys in class, and I haven't even had the ovaries to sit at lunch tables with people at them

I want to have sex. I'm just going to put that out there. I'm a little overweight, but not unattractive. I've been looking forward to college because it's the place to meet people and meet guys and be an independent adult. But now that I'm here, I'm too much of a fucking coward to even talk to people.

Please, does anyone have advice? I'm too much of a coward, and all of the girls are hotter then me. How do I get a boyfriend/friend with benefits?

Good for you for posting this here! It takes a lot of courage to talk about social issues like these, even in an online space.

For starters, don't worry so much about your appearance! Easier said than done, I know. But as a guy, I will tell you that I frequently see girls who are drop-dead gorgeous who have little sexual appeal to me, and I frequently see "5's" (I hate ranking girls by attractiveness, but its the only way to express what I mean in this context) who I BADLY want to fuck. So much of it is about confidence, personality, comfort with her own body and self, ability to be a good flirt, ability to keep me on my toes so to speak.

Don't lose sleep over things you can't control! However, as some others have said, working out is great to help build confidence. Don't think of it as a way to shed pounds. Think of it as a way to build your strength, endurance, physique, and most importantly, confidence. Don't try to be a fucking twig, totally not worth it!

As for the social aspects, don't be afraid to put yourself out there and get rejected socially. Easier said than done, of course! But at a big college, meeting someone and asking them to hang out and having them say no... no worries! You probably will rarely see them again. Their loss.

The best advice for making friends... try to impress people by showing them what a nice, caring, thoughtful person you are. Don't try to impress them by trying to be cool or demonstrate status. Who cares! Be attentive, compliment people when they look nice, when they do something polite, when they say something smart or funny. It doesn't matter if its a guy you like in class or someone who serves you a coffee at Starbucks. Being sweet, nice, outgoing, radiant, popular etc. is much easier to achieve when you treat everyone that way, not just when you treat people you are specifically trying to impress that way. Personally, I don't care how much money someone has, how many friends they have, how successful or attractive they are, etc. If they treat me in a nice, sweet, courteous way, I will want to be friends (or more) with them.

Now, as for learning how to flirt... someone who is a good flirt is someone who is a good conversationalist. Being a good conversationalist in a non-sexual situation and being a flirt in a more sexual situation have much more in common than you might think. A good flirt is someone who can always keep you on your toes conversationally, make you laugh, and make you feel desired.

Some flirting tips off the top of my head... Compliment guys (in moderation, overdoing it can seem over the top until you know someone well), and compliment them in ways that show that you are an attentive person. Instead of saying "that was an interesting point you made in class today," say something like "I always enjoy hearing what you have to say in class. You're good at making people think differently about things." Instead of saying "I like your shirt," say "You have a really good sense of style and you always seem confident in yourself. I like that about you."

Again, these aren't sexual at all and are totally platonic. But, establishing this kind of rapport makes it easier to move onto more sexual subjects when flirting...

Guys like women who are in touch with their sexuality. Once you get to know a guy well and you want to sleep with him, having frank discussions about sexuality is a good way to help push things in that direction. Clearly, if you post here, you have a good deal of self-comfort with your own sexuality. Spread that feeling with others. Don't be afraid to talk about masturbation, porn, etc. Its healthy and normal. You masturbate, you have sexual fantasies and desires, and so does he Im sure, and there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about!

A good way to open up frank sexual discussion is to be inquisitive and not directly flirtatious. Once you feel really comfortable with a guy, ask him about how often he masturbates, what he thinks about, how he does it, how it feels, etc. I love answering these questions and I love hearing girls answer them. 1) They are interesting to talk about 2) They make a person feel accepted sexually.

Hope this helps!

 

[Swejster]

It's my understanding that it's a lot easier being a shy girl than a shy guy (In some respects).
So long as you're a friendly person who smiles, guy are likely to come to you.

 

[Wolf_Song]

There are many great ideas in here and some wonderful people sharing them. You have already taken initiative in this in that you are here now with positive people getting healthy opinions and ideas.

With your vulnerabilities there are some whom would really get off in hurting you for various sick twisted reasons. Whether it be types whom are in a bet to see who can get largest set of panties in the night and other things. The bets to bang the virgin and other nasty games. There are some who get off on various nasty conquests, using and hurting people. Even some who work alone or with others to intentionally have some one fall in love then find what would hurt them most and do it to them.

Good people whom you talk to here and other places can help you in many matters. Yet in all places is good to be guarded against two faced players.

Tending to your schooling and going out and doing things you enjoy simplifies things as that is great way to meet others with some similar interests. And if you don't click right away with some people right away that is ok to as you have some special people even here that you click with... my hat off to you and each of them.

The different past boyfriends thing is lessons you are learning about yourself and also some patterns for you to look at and understand yourself and world more. Most people have some more than interesting relationships and dating in their past. Every one has personal issues and hurdles in life and such adds to the adventures in life. If things were to smooth it would be bloody boring. And the challenges help us appreciate the most special moments and people in life and love.

Do as you are comfortable and if inner alarm bells are going off then often they worth listening to. If you haven't partied much, is best to do so with those trusted to look out for you. Watch your drink as even date rape is worth guarding against and there are proactive things that clubs, groups and individuals are doing to protect ladies in such.

Just be you, and in time be more comfortable with yourself. And if some one not available to talk to offline or online there is Google and many options to.

Shyness also helps one find those most special who are easier to talk to also.

You are young beautiful lady, woman and person and my compliments to your opening up as you have. Wonderfully done lil lady !

( supportive smile and hugs )

 

[Cruel2BKind]

Thank you everyone.

So far things aren't going too well. I feel really bad right now because I wanted to stay here for the first weekend, and I ended up missing my sister's first parade (she's in marching band) I wish I had gone home. I don't have any friends or events to look forward to, and I wish I could have been there to see it.

just feeling a like a shitty older sister now