Men- Tell on Yourself

[justyouraveragedaniel]

With the inspiration of @MindYaBitness, I'm starting this thread. Here are the rules. We've all done stupid shit. We've all upset women--sometimes because we're jerky, sometimes because we're horny, and sometimes just plain by accident. But, we can all do better. And we can all learn from one another, if we just learn from our mistakes. We can also learn from other's mistakes without making them. This will allow the women here to be more comfortable, and that will make this a better place. The biggest rule is do not name the woman. This is not about particular people, or assertions about them. It's about us.

I'll start with two. There was a woman who I sent a private message to at one point that joked about what I'd be willing to do, if she wanted. She stopped responding immediately. I later learned that what I said had put her off. I was wrong for being as forward, before enough conversation. As an accommodation for my insecurities for fucking up, I almost surely tried too hard to be nicer, which likely came off as pushy. She stopped talking to me again. I should have just taken a beat. I didn't. Don't do what I did.

 

[BikingJames]

If I’ve learned one thing during my time in the realms of sexual cyberspace, it’s this. Don’t assume your sense of humour will translate well in written form.

I have a very dry, very sarcastic sense of humour. This often leads people to conclude that I am a rude arsehole.

Whilst both things can be, and are, true, many a lighthearted, flippant comment has been construed as an insult it was not intended to be.

 

[Ratchetman1982]

If I’ve learned one thing during my time in the realms of sexual cyberspace, it’s this. Don’t assume your sense of humour will translate well in written form.

I have a very dry, very sarcastic sense of humour. This often leads people to conclude that I am a rude arsehole.

Whilst both things can be, and are, true, many a lighthearted, flippant comment has been construed as an insult it was not intended to be.

Correct. Our sense of humor does not always translate well to others if they aren't in tune with you.

 

[justyouraveragedaniel]

If I’ve learned one thing during my time in the realms of sexual cyberspace, it’s this. Don’t assume your sense of humour will translate well in written form.

I have a very dry, very sarcastic sense of humour. This often leads people to conclude that I am a rude arsehole.

Whilst both things can be, and are, true, many a lighthearted, flippant comment has been construed as an insult it was not intended to be.

Thanks for this! I agree, wholeheartedly. we (at least the "good men" we) typically come in with the perception that we are the good guys, and everybody should just know. The women come at it from the opposite perspective--always assuming (fairly) the worst. So, it's our job to not let that doubt seep in. Once it has, the opportunity for recovery of self-image is likely gone.

 

[AsianFusion]

If you want to get rid of me
- Try to confine your PMs to one sentence - preferably not a whole sentence
- Talk down to me, be condescending
- Ask to meet with me. You know, just for drinks

That's a start anyway

 

[justyouraveragedaniel]

If you want to get rid of me
- Try to confine your PMs to one sentence - preferably not a whole sentence
- Talk down to me, be condescending
- Ask to meet with me. You know, just for drinks

That's a start anyway

I find that my fuckups are much less significant if I 1) don't write in complete sentences; 2) make somebody feel like shit; and 3) assume that I'm always worthy of a date.

if I hit all three of yours, I don't even have to worry about being told I'm a jerk, cause I'm just an idiot that doesn't get responded to. Thanks for the tips!

 

[Hermes_Poems]

A memorable mistake I learned from during my time sharing intimate conversations with an intelligent, artistic, woman was that I lost her interest due to not being creative enough with messaging our desires. She said that repeating the same compliments, erotic lines, made her less interested. I thanked her for the critique and set towards articulating desires in more creative ways. Which is one of the most impactful critics I ever got during my earlier days online.