Missing Orgasms...I really need your advice!

[SweetErika]

Re: Zergplex Says

Not just women Erika. I don't have this to your extent, but unless I fantasize orgasming takes a VERY long time, and is almost impossible through oral. My difference is that my fantasies can mesh very well with reality, while you mentioned a problem doing so. Not too much I can add other then your not the only one, and that I feel for your proble. If you get an answer let me know ^_~

-Zergplex

Thanks for sharing, Zergplex! I know this problem isn't gender-specific, but it's extra comforting to know other women are going through the same thing (blame it on my quirky brain). I do appreciate your input very much though, and will let you know if I find something that works well!

 

[bobsgirl]

Another thing that I find works to change things up so you cant really think as much is for him to tie you up and blindfold you. You wont be able to see what he's going to do next and all you can do is feel. Sometimes this helps the thought process lower during those times because you're too concentrated on what he's going to do next.

Wow, that is an outstanding idea. You're right, some sensory deprivation would heighten the others. An idea worth trying!

 

[SweetErika]

I'm working up to being tied up... I like the idea, but I have issues with it, and panicking is never a turn on. We're going for the verbal/mental control instead.

An Update:
After talking and re-reading this thread together, we experimented yesterday afternoon so there was no time pressure. Employing the stopping and starting technique and him taking control worked really well. I also tried to concentrate on the sensations, not the orgasm itself. We eliminated some of the touching distractions by pinpointing them before we started. It still took a very long time, but I'm confident the more we do this successfully, the easier it will get. Plus, the orgasm was so incredible, I'm thinking taking a long time isn't so bad. I'm not sorry to say this might take a lot more experimentation.

Thanks again to everyone... I'm really glad I ignored my initial reluctance to post this!

 

[vargas111]

First, Erica, let me say your husband is a very lucky man. You WANT to have organsms and are looking of ways to increase your (and his) pleasure by having them. Nothing makes a man feel better than helping his lover have an orgasm.

I was not clear if you are allowing your partner to give you oral sex. You should. You can fantisize anything while he is eating you to orgasm after orgasm. Do not be ashamed of whatever fantasy gets you off. Every orgasm you have is a marvelous gist to your lover.

Homer

 

[SweetErika]

First, Erica, let me say your husband is a very lucky man. You WANT to have organsms and are looking of ways to increase your (and his) pleasure by having them. Nothing makes a man feel better than helping his lover have an orgasm.

I was not clear if you are allowing your partner to give you oral sex. You should. You can fantisize anything while he is eating you to orgasm after orgasm. Do not be ashamed of whatever fantasy gets you off. Every orgasm you have is a marvelous gist to your lover.

Homer

Thanks, but the idea that I need to cum for him/to make him feel good is part of what got me in this mess in the first place (I have a few messed up ideas regarding sex which I'm working hard to correct).

We don't work on the "allow" principle, but yes, he does perform oral. It's very enjoyable, but I don't have an orgasm from it alone. That speaks to my body rather than his skills.

I'm thinking my orgasm issue is a blessing rather than a problem. It's giving us an opportunity to learn about eachother and refresh our sex life... very exciting!

 

[LadyJeanne]

Re: Re: Zergplex Says

Thanks for sharing, Zergplex! I know this problem isn't gender-specific, but it's extra comforting to know other women are going through the same thing (blame it on my quirky brain). I do appreciate your input very much though, and will let you know if I find something that works well!

I have the same issue myself - am glad to see I'm not the only one either.

The distraction thing really makes sense to me - it's hard to fantasize when I'm distracted by movements and touches, my own as well as his. I like the sensory deprivation idea - will have to try that.

And if you can't quite work your way up to being tied up, just ask your husband to forbid you from moving...and then focus on what he's doing to you with his tongue.

 

[SweetErika]

Re: Re: Re: Zergplex Says

And if you can't quite work your way up to being tied up, just ask your husband to forbid you from moving...and then focus on what he's doing to you with his tongue.

Yes, just the idea he was in control and taking control verbally worked very well. A certain amount of orgasm denial also helped a lot.