monogamy-why?

[frustratedpoodle]

Monogamy

For me, it's simple.

If you are with me, you are with no one else. I don't care if it's casual or serious. If you choose to be with someone else, be with them, but you won't be with me again. I will not put myself at risk for disease and heartbreak for someone else's pleasure, and my body is something I give to someone who deserves it.

My husband worships me, and that's how I like it.

Likewise, if I am sleeping with you, casual or otherwise, I show that I respect that by not sleeping with someone else. I show that I respect you by not putting you at risk for disease or heartbreak.

Besides, one relationship on a physical level is pain in the ass enough. Why the hell would I want two?

The Poodle

 

[DirkPryde]

why monogamy? social stability. As a whole humans benefit from monogamy.

Having said that, my wife and I are both Bi, and we allow each other to have a sexual relationship with a same gender person.

I have my wife so I don't really need or want to sleep with other women, and vice-versa.

 

[frustratedpoodle]

why monogamy? social stability. As a whole humans benefit from monogamy.

Having said that, my wife and I are both Bi, and we allow each other to have a sexual relationship with a same gender person.

I have my wife so I don't really need or want to sleep with other women, and vice-versa.

Good point, though social aspects are not as important to me as the more selfish personal aspects. Really, though, when it comes right down to it, that's a great point.

As for the bi thing. I am in the curious category, and hubby is cool with that, but never will that curiosity be fulfilled unless he was present iffen ya know what I mean... at which point, it is not cheating because he would be a participant.

The Poodle

 

[geishaGirl]

Good point, though social aspects are not as important to me as the more selfish personal aspects. Really, though, when it comes right down to it, that's a great point.

As for the bi thing. I am in the curious category, and hubby is cool with that, but never will that curiosity be fulfilled unless he was present iffen ya know what I mean... at which point, it is not cheating because he would be a participant.

The Poodle

Poodle, I am of similar thinking to you regarding monogamy. Just wanted to point out that if your husband agreed that you were allowed to have a sexual experience with another person and you did so without his presence, that wouldn't be cheating either. My husband and I have talked about this and as I have a girlfriend at the moment and if something physical happens between me and her while we're alone it's not considered cheating because my husband is fully aware of her and the relationship we have. It would also, and has, worked the same way for my husband doing something with a guy. Just something to think about.........it all depends on what you agree on.

Also, last night my husband and I were talking about this and we both think that if either one of us was not comfortable with us having sexual experiences with a person of the same gender (we're both bisexual) then we wouldn't have those sexual experiences. What I've learned recently is that I don't have to act on being bisexual by having sexual experiences with other women if I choose not to.......but I do choose to! I have become comfortable knowing that I identify as being bisexual and that any other rules for behaviour etc. are what you make up for yourself

 

[frustratedpoodle]

Poodle, I am of similar thinking to you regarding monogamy. Just wanted to point out that if your husband agreed that you were allowed to have a sexual experience with another person and you did so without his presence, that wouldn't be cheating either. My husband and I have talked about this and as I have a girlfriend at the moment and if something physical happens between me and her while we're alone it's not considered cheating because my husband is fully aware of her and the relationship we have. It would also, and has, worked the same way for my husband doing something with a guy. Just something to think about.........it all depends on what you agree on.

Also, last night my husband and I were talking about this and we both think that if either one of us was not comfortable with us having sexual experiences with a person of the same gender (we're both bisexual) then we wouldn't have those sexual experiences. What I've learned recently is that I don't have to act on being bisexual by having sexual experiences with other women if I choose not to.......but I do choose to! I have become comfortable knowing that I identify as being bisexual and that any other rules for behaviour etc. are what you make up for yourself

It all depends on how each partner feels. Hubby and I could have had this 3-some with a beautiful woman a few years ago, and it was, in fact, the moment I realized it was an experience I wanted to have, but I did not act upon it because I did not want to hurt him or disrespect him. He did not act upon it for the same reasons. Now we know better. So it's not about rules if you agree to something, but without that agreement, then I would feel as though I were cheating and I would feel as though he were cheating, whether it be male or female (he has no bi tendencies himself).

It's about knowing what you are getting into with the person you are with, too. You either accept certain things or you don't, and I don't accept a whole lot, especially if it is behind my back.

Did I make any sense at all? Been a weird, long day.

The Poodle

 

[H0wl]

Monogamy

edit: I picked "Met the one for me, not interested in others" since that what applies at present.

I've seen a couple of people post that they don't think that humans are built to be monogamous.

I'd have to say that I think it really depends on the person you're talking about.

For myself, it's pretty rare that I find a woman who has the qualities that I find attractive. Attraction is so much on a mental/personality level for me.

So when I'm in a relationship I usually just don't have anyone else that I'm interested in to begin with. There's casual lust to be sure, but it's no difficulty not to act on it. I think that me personally...I'm built to be monogamous. Maybe serially so...but I'm a one-girl guy.

Additionally I think that having multiple partners (with your SO's consent or otherwise) while not morally wrong ends up taking away from your focus on your partner. I think my partner deserves to have the best that I can give, not my best minus this little bit here, and that little bit there.

For the people who like/need/want/can handle multiple partners, I say...more power to you
You guys do your thing, tell me stories about it and I'll go back to my girl and give her that head of steam I worked up reading em.

As for the folks who say that you monogamy=monotony and that over a lifetime you can't still be interested in just one person...well...again it depends on who you are and who that other person is.

I've been lucky enough to have parents and grandparents who never got divorced and were/are still happily married. Thats the kind of example I like to aspire to.

 

[Avery_Chisholm]

Re: I picked two

I chose "met the one for me, not interested in anyone else" and not monogamous.

There is a best friend in my life that I feel is absolutely a man I could spend my life with. But he doesn't return the feeling, even though he does care about me an awful lot as a friend.

So, I'm not seriously involved with anyone else, because my standards have gotten pretty high in comparison to him... But, I'm also a girl who needs to get laid pretty often, and I don't like to go without. I'm looking for a good fuck buddy, and not sleeping around in the meantime... but who knows?

Monogamy, I can take it or leave it.

what she said

 

[BBW Fan]

I am fully in love with my wife and have had no other sexual partner (primarly due to religious beliefs), but i would be lying if I said that I was not interested. I have no desire to go out and find someone else, because my wife fulfills my every desire, but I continously see sexy females and wonder about sexual experiances with them.. or perhaps a threesome. I don't think I would ever do it, however.
Monogomy is something that is belittled in today's society in my opinion, but each has thier own ways of believing i suppose. I truely love my wife and can not see loving anyone else the way that I love her.. so it is only natural that I would want to share this intimacy with her and her alone.

 

[Noor]

I have never really wanted to belong to anyone, a sense of independence in a way, whether I have sex with only one person or not is not really the issue as much as not wishing to be pair bonded by convention rather than free will.

I have always said I do not believe in monogamy outside of marriage which is easy for me to say because I have never been married, well not really.

The concept of not wanting to share could easily be extended toward all manner of relationships besides I have never wanted to have someone belong to me in that sense.

I started this thread because I was having some feelings I was not used to having and I was wondering why other people were monogamous.

I guess the only reason I would be, if I ever am, is because I had found the one for me and made an agreement with them.

 

[Noor]

someone reminded me of this thread last night, so I bumping it. Hope to get some more people's thoughts.

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[ReadyOne]

Thanks, Pink.

Now that you mention it, RNA rings a bell.

SO had us tested shortly (3 weeks?) after we got serious and I remember her having a heck of a time finding a comercial version of the test which the doctor could order. This was maybe 3 years back.

 

[James G 5]

I personally think monogamy is highly overrated. And I don't understand WHY people let themselves get so hurt over infidelity. You cannot change or control another person. And why would you want to?

If your mate decides they need a fling - then hey - maybe they just need a fling. It shouldn't be the end all, be all of the world. I say - protect yourself, protect your heart, and never ever depend on another person so much you can't live without them.

It's not the flings, it's the LYING
That's one reason I'm non-monogamous, it makes honesty easier
Monogamy is unworkable for most people, and it breeds lies
IMHO of course

 

[leaf_shadows]

Why monogomy? Some folk are just made that way. Others of us just aren't. I always assumed mono vs poly was like eye color or gender preference - an inextricable part of each person.

 

[soapstar]

Im intenting next weekend.

Going camping.

I'm so rude I didnt read a single post of this whole thread.

 

[soapstar]

And because Im intenting, that makes me Godlike right?

 

[Noor]

And because Im intenting, that makes me Godlike right?

Maybe. It depends particular god were you thinking of.

 

[James G 5]

bump

 

[Aaron Dazer]

Monogamy is a higher state of being not a restriction. The only ones who challenge it are those too week to accomplish it.

Aaron 15 years of every desire fulfilled.

 

[Aaron Dazer]

It's not the flings, it's the LYING
That's one reason I'm non-monogamous, it makes honesty easier
Monogamy is unworkable for most people, and it breeds lies
IMHO of course

The commitment isn’t for your partner but for yourself.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

I've been too week for two weaks.......

 

[zhukov1943]

I couldn't do anything BUT monogamy.

For me, sex and love are one and the same - and really, really loving someone puts them above ALL others...

Yeah, I know I'm a freak.

 

[James G 5]

Monogamy is a higher state of being not a restriction. The only ones who challenge it are those too week to accomplish it.

Aaron 15 years of every desire fulfilled.

Uh huh
Explain please exactly how it's a higher state?

 

[James G 5]

The commitment isn’t for your partner but for yourself.

What, exactly, am I comitting to myself, and what does it gain me?

 

[James G 5]

I couldn't do anything BUT monogamy.

For me, sex and love are one and the same - and really, really loving someone puts them above ALL others...

Yeah, I know I'm a freak.

Not a freak, just happy living your way
As long as you don't hassle me about mine it's all good
I think it's a shame about th elove & sex thing, that can put unhealthy strain on any relationship, if one goes bad it can queer the other

But I think loving many in a true & deep & heartfelt fashion can be just as rewarding as loving one for those of us so inclined