monogamy-why?

[crazybbwgirl]

So neither poly is really the same thing as an open relationship? I mean - if your married/committed to one person yet have an understanding that its ok to stray outside those bonds for sexual release - it is NOT poly? Its only poly if you're 'married' to several partners?

 

[sxylegs]

So neither poly is really the same thing as an open relationship? I mean - if your married/committed to one person yet have an understanding that its ok to stray outside those bonds for sexual release - it is NOT poly? Its only poly if you're 'married' to several partners?

that is what the dictionary says......i havent found if there is another term for an open relationship......
I dated a cop for 5 years and we had an open relationship.....he did whatever he wanted and I heard about some and we talked about it......he would get defensive and tell me we had an open relationship.......I aplauded his honesty even though I didnt really like the options......i finally met someone that I really was attracted to and decided to do something about it......I went and talked with my boyfriend and low and behold, the open relationship was just for him and not for me........go figure.....needless to say we broke up....
so the honesty is really a super big part......Im not sure loyalty is as important but it is important.....A lot of guys and gals arent even loyal enough to wear a condom to protect their SO

 

[SweetErika]

So neither poly is really the same thing as an open relationship? I mean - if your married/committed to one person yet have an understanding that its ok to stray outside those bonds for sexual release - it is NOT poly? Its only poly if you're 'married' to several partners?

According to what I've read, going outside a committed relationship for sexual release (without emotional involvement/ intimacy/love) falls under the category of Swinging, Multipartner Relationship, or an Open Relationship. If you love more than one person in a romantic/sexual way, it is polyamory. Some polyamorists also "marry" eachother, which is technically polygamy or polyandry. Polyamorists can also choose to go outside the group for sexual purposes.
This is a good resource and relationship terms glossary

 

[Flight420]

monogamy, besides being a Diana Ross song, (j/k) is something that just happens because the love and adoration that you may have for your partner overrules any desire for someone else... they would be all you want. Make it (monogamy) a condition of contract and it will last about as long as any other contract.

 

[Aaron Dazer]

Main Entry: shit-head
Pronunciation: shit-hed
Function: noun
Date: 1621
1 n : derogatory term used to describe someone who thinks that posting cut and pastes from some online dictionary gives his posts legitimacy.

where is this person?

If you were referring to me i was Responding to SweetErika requesting what definitions i was using. And I did it for clarification not Legitimacy.

Once again I'm taken out of context.

 

[Aaron Dazer]

Actually, modern polamoury and old style polygamy are very different creatures

Modern poly has arisen largely as a response to the failure of monogamy paradigms

You are correct here I was wrong. My statement to the contrary was more a challenge to the insult sent my way before.


I'll be back monday. too much to say right now.


to dispel the Self-righteous acquisition. The only thing I said was Righteous was being Virtuous (the plural I’m not going over all the traits again) not myself.

Id like to thank James G 5 for all his points. I agree with them all. The Triad relationships your talking about are an example of what I keep saying a about how a Committed Poly-relastionsihp is still virtuous. I thank you for bring it up finally brings up a Valid Agreement. which i'll debate monday.

 

[ReadyOne]

Ok - I have a question - are polyamory(now I'm not even sure I'm spelling that right?) and polygamy the same?

And if someone is in a monogamous relationship but occasionally strays is that failed monogamy? Or polyamory or poligamy?


Does every polyamorus relationship HAVE to include 3 full time partners? Or is it still poly if its a committed couple where each ccasionally strays (whether known or unknow to the partner) ?

Does the labeling differ if the 'straying' is known or unknown to the other spouse?

polygamous means wed to more than one. (Technically, polygamy = mulitple wives)

Polyandry = multiple husbunds.

Polyamory (amor = love) just means multiple lovers acknowledged by all (sneak affairs don't count; swinging and group assocaitons do) -- no legal implications implied.

An open relationship would be polyamory.

 

[ReadyOne]

Since Aaron Dazer has spread to other threads, I've put him/her on ignore.

Demoted to Troll.

 

[James G 5]

Ok - I have a question - are polyamory(now I'm not even sure I'm spelling that right?) and polygamy the same?

And if someone is in a monogamous relationship but occasionally strays is that failed monogamy? Or polyamory or poligamy?


Does every polyamorus relationship HAVE to include 3 full time partners? Or is it still poly if its a committed couple where each ccasionally strays (whether known or unknow to the partner) ?

Does the labeling differ if the 'straying' is known or unknown to the other spouse?

Polygamy/Polyandry really applies to the old harem/stable idea of one Alpha partner with a group of partners of one gender (husband and multiples wives/wife and multiple husbands)

Polyamory is generally used to define any of a set of relationships involving more than 2 partners...they may be in a triad, they may have seperate outside relationships, etc...Poly is distinguished from swingers or open relationships by the poly people having RELATIONSHIPS with each other rather than just sex

Straying of ANY sort is antithetical to polyamory, since polyamory relies on honesty, openess, and trust
"Straying" as you say on a poly partner is still cheating, and we don't like it any more than monogamous people

Cheating in a mnogamous relationship doesn't make you poly

In fact, confusing polyamory with cheating or swining or open relationships, all of which are about sport fucking or satisfying lust at the cost of lies and dishonesty, runs contrary to poly ideas of building healthy loving relationships

 

[James G 5]

Main Entry: shit-head
Pronunciation: shit-hed
Function: noun
Date: 1621
1 n : derogatory term used to describe someone who thinks that posting cut and pastes from some online dictionary gives his posts legitimacy.

Wow, you followed me all the way here from the GB to prove what a close minded bigot you are?
I'm impressed

And you're the one who wanted to play with language and then pretend not to understand it Bucky

 

[James G 5]

polygamous means wed to more than one. (Technically, polygamy = mulitple wives)

Polyandry = multiple husbunds.

Polyamory (amor = love) just means multiple lovers acknowledged by all (sneak affairs don't count; swinging and group assocaitons do) -- no legal implications implied.

An open relationship would be polyamory.

Not necessarily, as I said in the post above

 

[overthebow]

Wow, you followed me all the way here from the GB to prove what a close minded bigot you are?
I'm impressed

And you're the one who wanted to play with language and then pretend not to understand it Bucky

No, I didn't follow you over here. That is a rather inflated opinion you have of yourself to think that someone would follow you around the boards. I post over here also.

In another thread on monogamy, I used the word 'differentiation' and you did your cut and paste thing from your online dictionary and it was totally inappropriate. I told you that I was using the Bowen sense of the word. It was clear that you had never heard of Murray Bowen, and it was also clear that, rather than take an opportunity to learn about Bowen, you cut and pasted from some other online dictionary with a reference to Bowen. I turned the tables on you and your use of the word 'rape' and saying that you had suffered rape. When I called you on it, you tried to start a fight by calling me a Republican. Anyone intersested in it can read it here

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=276423&perpage=25&pagenumber=5

Here is a link to the Bowen Center at Georgetown University. http://www.thebowencenter.org/index.html

I'm not a close minded bigot. I just don't like you.

 

[Zergplex]

Zergplex Says

Well it's several things for me. I believe strongly in finding a single person to be with your whole life. I also am in a relationship that I am completely devoted to my darling in such a way that I can't even think of finding someone else who compliments me so completely. Honestly being with more then one person just feels wrong to me.

I think everyone does have to at least consider if they are polyamorious though before rejecting it outright. You can't say you arn't if you never thought about it, considered it, even talked with your SO about it. Otherwise your just saying what you have been taught is right. Having it feel wrong is a perfectly good reason to be with a single person, but sometimes you might want to look deeper as to WHY it feels wrong. For me I connect deeply to only one person at a time, and I can't even think of someone else without having that connection. I am also inherantly selfish and frightened, I would never want to share my darling with another person and I would never want to be shared with another person. I would be far too afraid of losing something (respect, love, ect) through this, and it could never be worth it to me (this is just a single reason, don't read too in depth and think this is the be-all-end-all reason I'm with a single person. I am just able to admit my fear is a factor).

I don't look down upon anyone who does have multiple loves, their way is no worse then mine only differant. As long as you feel completed, satisfied, and all involved are happy with it then there is no reason for others to say anything derogatory about it. ^_^ ok I'm done.

-Zergplex

 

[KinkyKiki]

This is the craziest damn conversation I think I've ever heard!!!! I personally believe that polygomy is wrong....very wrong! Anything outside of two people faithfully committed to each other and ONLY each other is wrong. But that's just me, I may not agree with other people but I'm not going to judge them on their beliefs since that's not my place. If everyone would just go along with that and be respectful then maybe we wouldn't have a need for this insantiy.

KinkyKiki

 

[Zergplex]

Zergplex Says

This is the craziest damn conversation I think I've ever heard!!!! I personally believe that polygomy is wrong....very wrong! Anything outside of two people faithfully committed to each other and ONLY each other is wrong. But that's just me, I may not agree with other people but I'm not going to judge them on their beliefs since that's not my place. If everyone would just go along with that and be respectful then maybe we wouldn't have a need for this insantiy.

KinkyKiki

Well why do you feel that way? Elaborate, thats what this thread is for. To attempt to understand the other side. Maybe explaining why you feel this is wrong will help those who are polyamorious understand why monogamy works for you. This conversation is as much for those who don't agree with polyamory as people that do.

-Zergplex

 

[KinkyKiki]

I've explained my feelings toward it just as everyone else has. Some people here I agree with, others I don't. That's not my point. I could sit here and make post after post explaining until I'm blue in the face why I believe what I believe and there are still going to be people who disagree with me. That's fine, that's their business. I don't agree with them, but it's they're choice to lead their lives as they choose. My point is this is one subject that is never going to be settled and while this is the purpose of the board to discuss the issues I just feel like we're beating it to death. After pages and pages of posts everyone is still arguing and a disagreeing. We know everyone's views so why keep at it. Why keep insulting and judging everyone else.

KinkyKiki

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by KinkyKiki
I've explained my feelings toward it just as everyone else has. Some people here I agree with, others I don't. That's not my point. I could sit here and make post after post explaining until I'm blue in the face why I believe what I believe and there are still going to be people who disagree with me. That's fine, that's their business. I don't agree with them, but it's they're choice to lead their lives as they choose. My point is this is one subject that is never going to be settled and while this is the purpose of the board to discuss the issues I just feel like we're beating it to death. After pages and pages of posts everyone is still arguing and a disagreeing. We know everyone's views so why keep at it. Why keep insulting and judging everyone else.

KinkyKiki

I agree we shouldn't be insulting or judging others, but frankly one of the things I like most about Lit is that the posts discuss topics that make me think...and frankly I've changed my view on more than one issue (or gone from being neutral to positive) thanks to Lit.

 

[wicked woman]

cursed double post...ok another reason I like Lit

*oh yes and that I get to tease alot *

 

[Kissophile]

cursed double post...ok another reason I like Lit

*oh yes and that I get to tease alot *

This explains far more than you may think it explains.

 

[SweetErika]

I agree we shouldn't be insulting or judging others, but frankly one of the things I like most about Lit is that the posts discuss topics that make me think...and frankly I've changed my view on more than one issue (or gone from being neutral to positive) thanks to Lit.

This is exactly how I feel. This thread made me realize that I am not in fact monogamous, even though I'm only involved with one man, and helped me break the association of non-monogamy with cheating. Additionally, hearing everyone's views made me think wholistically about the issue and raised several issues that my husband and I were then able to talk about.

The insults and judgments are uncalled for (we're all adults here, right?), but if I didn't want to discuss and think, I'd go to one of the boards that doesn't require a bunch of mental activity.

Kudos to Zergplex for such thoughtful, non-judgmental posts...I really like how you express your views in relation to you and your life instead of stamping "WRONG" on everyone who's different.

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by Kissophile
This explains far more than you may think it explains.

Now really surely that didn't come as a surprise to you! And I am definitely non-monagamous when I tease

 

[Kissophile]

Now really surely that didn't come as a surprise to you! And I am definitely non-monagamous when I tease

Surprise? What surprise? Tease away, friend.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Thanks to everyone who helped clear up my muddled understanding of these terms. It's oh so much clearer now! lol But seriously I find this a very interesting topic and never cease to be amazed by the very stident opinions of both sides. I find it interesting that many monogamous people feel so threatened by even the idea of any type of poly (pick one!) AND that they defend monogamy so strongly. Its kinda heartwarming really. I still am unsure which category I fall into - but oh well......

 

[sxylegs]

Thanks to everyone who helped clear up my muddled understanding of these terms. It's oh so much clearer now! lol But seriously I find this a very interesting topic and never cease to be amazed by the very stident opinions of both sides. I find it interesting that many monogamous people feel so threatened by even the idea of any type of poly (pick one!) AND that they defend monogamy so strongly. Its kinda heartwarming really. I still am unsure which category I fall into - but oh well......

I agree with you crazybbwgirl.....I learned an awful lot till it became a pissing contest.....

Hope you have a great day!!!

 

[KinkyKiki]

This is exactly how I feel. This thread made me realize that I am not in fact monogamous, even though I'm only involved with one man, and helped me break the association of non-monogamy with cheating. Additionally, hearing everyone's views made me think wholistically about the issue and raised several issues that my husband and I were then able to talk about.

I'm just curious about something....if you are only involved with your husband and no one else then how can you consider that nonmonogamous? I'm just curious what your justification for that one is.

KinkyKiki