My Gift To Mike - by Victoria14xs - A Review

[Omenainen]

The main problem I see with this is that it is not the author of the story who has put it forward. Even when Emily asked for a permission to review it, it’s still throwing somebody else out in the open with “come everybody and scrutinize this piece of writing,” which could go well or then not. Vain and thin skinned I might be, but if the crowds would gather to nitpick my story, I would want to be the one to instigate it.

To review the review, I don’t see what is so authorly about this that it couldn’t be in story feedback forum. “Well written,” “I thought that this was hot and I don’t usually,” and “I wish there was more” are maybe the top three positive comment types on Lit in general. If it was “see how cleverly this framing device is used here” or something then yeah, maybe, perhaps, but… it wasn’t.

 

[Devinter]

A lot (or all, depending on how you look at it) of criticism is just opinions either way. I'll throw myself on the pyre just to demonstrate my earlier point;

IN MY OPINION, the fact that not all 10 tags are used is a flaw with the story, especially when it contains certain things that might be off-putting to some readers which aren't tagged. It's not a flaw with the way the story itself is written, but I think it's a mistake that the author has made and thus it qualifies as being subject to criticism.

You could circumvent this by adding a warning in the author's note section at the top, but apparently that's a controversial topic as well. I always warn my readers if there's something in there that might trigger something within them or make them recoil in squicky squickness - but some other author's claim that if you warn the readers about something that might transpire later in the story, you're basically spoiling a part of it. I feel like that is secondary to not making someone read through a story that might - at one point, several thousand words in - be off-putting to them. And they could always skip the warning if they so desired. But I think one ought to leave that to the reader.

Now, there's a good chance @Victoria14xs will not appreciate this comment. I apologize. But there's at least an equally good chance that I myself will get berated for voicing this criticism/opinion by people who either disagree or wish to come to Victoria's defence. Either way, somebody loses.

 

[ElectricBlue]

You could circumvent this by adding a warning in the author's note section at the top, but apparently that's a controversial topic as well. I always warn my readers if there's something in there that might trigger something within them or make them recoil in squicky squickness

A lot of people seem to want squick warnings, but how on earth do you anticipate everyone's squicks? The whole notion ignores the likelihood that for every person with a squick, that's another person's kink.

I have no idea what your squicks might be, and in any event, they're your problem, certainly not mine. It's an absurd expectation to place on any author.

 

[Devinter]

A lot of people seem to want squick warnings, but how on earth do you anticipate everyone's squicks?

I have no idea what your squicks might be, and in any event, they're your problem, certainly not mine. It's an absurd expectation to place on any author.

Firstly; Thank you for demonstrating my point.

The whole notion ignores the likelihood that for every person with a squick, that's another person's kink.

Secondly; This is simply incorrect. You don't have to specifically write "SQUICK WARNING: X, Y, Z." - Just type, for instance, "This story contains some BDSM elements." Now, if someone likes that, they go Yay, and if someone dislikes that, they go Nay. So you're actually helping the kinksters too.

EDIT: Obviously, if they're in the tags, then this might not be necessary.

 

[StillStunned]

If we want feedback from authors about the technical aspects of our stories, how about this?

An author begins a thread with a link to a story of their own that they want to discuss. They highlight some of the stylistic choices they made, some of the techniques they used, some of the problems they encountered. Other writers are then invited to weigh in on the discussion.

This should respect the story for what it is. No comments like "I hate strokers" or "if it isn't at least six pages it's not a proper story" or "I don't like I/T. It should be about technical aspects: whether a piece of imagery worked, whether a particular scene is believable or not, whether the characters are consistent.

I think this could be useful. Even if we all dislike criticism, and think that our stories are perfect, useful suggestions can only make us better. At the very least they can make us think about some of the choices we make. (For instance, because of @AwkwardMD I think carefully about using "now", and because of @Devinter I try not to use "cream" as much.)

 

[Bamagan]

Just as was foretold

 

[Omenainen]

If we want feedback from authors about the technical aspects of our stories, how about this?

An author begins a thread with a link to a story of their own that they want to discuss. They highlight some of the stylistic choices they made, some of the techniques they used, some of the problems they encountered. Other writers are then invited to weigh in on the discussion.

We have a whole forum for this already. If threads like that don’t get much traction on story feedback side, it probably just goes to show that not many authors are interested in reading others’ stories with keen eye, and moving the threads to AH and trying to force the issue doesn’t seem like a good solution to me.

 

[StillStunned]

We have a whole forum for this already. If threads like that don’t get much traction on story feedback side, it probably just goes to show that not many authors are interested in reading others’ stories with keen eye, and moving the threads to AH and trying to force the issue doesn’t seem like a good solution to me.

Then we don't call them reviews. We call them "The craft of writing in practice: what I did and why."

 

[Omenainen]

Then we don't call them reviews. We call them "The craft of writing in practice: what I did and why."

Do what you will, it’s not up to me anyway. I don’t see how this beginning was discussing the craft but maybe some other ones will.

 

[EmilyMiller]

You might almost think that what we like most is arguing about shit. Oh yeah, it’s the Internet.

It’s a bit patronizing to both me and @Victoria14xs To suggest we were just expecting hearts and roses. I made the suggestion to her and also made it clear that “no” was a perfectly reasonable reply. Please don’t deprive her of her agency.

The intent was to drive more authorly discussions here (and to highlight a story I think merits a wider audience).

I wasn’t looking to tread on anyone’s toes. FWIW I don’t know much about the world outside AH. I still bear the scars from the General Board.

This was a well-intentioned experiment. I no more claim to be Harold Bloom in my critiques than I do John Steinbeck in my writing.

The problem is, whatever anyone does, including nothing, will attract opprobrium from others.

In my opinion, better to try something than to wring our hands and say how awful everything is. Then I’m odd like that (and in other ways of course).

Em

 

[BobbyBrandt]

THIS IS INTENDED TO BE AUTHOR-TO-AUTHOR FEEDBACK, FOCUSED ON CRAFT ASPECTS OF THE STORY, NOT A GENERAL REVIEW.

Author: @Victoria14xs (thanks for your permission)

Story: My Gift To Mike

Category: Fetish

Tags: foot, foot fetish, boss, office, feet, toes, confession

Length: Short Story (2.5k words)

Current Stats: ️ 4.91 14.4k 12 10

—

Note: This posting is in response to comments made on my thread, Do you view AH as a literary forum? Any spoilers included in this review are unintentional. If you spot one, please tell me and I’ll fix it.

—

The tags (and Victoria’s avatar) probably give you the general idea. And you would be right. This short story has foot fetish up front and center. But you would be mistaken to think that this is all My Gift To Mike is about. It’s essentially a highly emotional tale. A bitter-sweet tale. A tale about the right connection with the right person at the wrong time. As such, the foot fetish elements are intertwined with the more universal themes.

The language is simple and direct. Nothing fussy or showy here. Victoria’s words are servants to the story she wants to tell, the feelings she wants to convey, Her choice of vocabulary both adds weight, and allows room for the reader to empathize with the narrator. It also makes for a story dripping in realism.

I sighed with Victoria’s about her delicate predicament. I wanted to hug her. And - very notably - I was aroused by a kink that had never previously registered with me. I think it’s powerful writing to expand how the reader sees the world and its possibilities.

All of this is reflected in the stellar rating the work has attracted and the decent (given the category and tags) readership.

Nothing is ever perfect. I would have appreciated more time with the two protagonists. Perhaps an element of doubt or soul-searching creeping in. The question of what next is left hanging. But perhaps, as often in life, there are no ready answers. Perhaps giving this glimpse into what are clearly strongly-held feelings was as much as the author could offer.

It’s not exactly an awful critique that this reader wanted more.

First, and foremost, thank you for starting this thread. I, for one, would like to see more serious discussions on literary aspects of stories versus simple "reviews", which typically address the story more than how it was constructed.

I believe that the exposition was a bit "choppy" because it combined background plot information with a sort of author's note/disclaimer.

There were also a couple of typos (as instead of am, when instead of went) that caused me pause, but these were not insurmountable.

Of particular note for me was Victoria's use of allusion, both directly and indirectly. The story's setting was well established, the characterization was well executed, the recurring use of the word "perfect as a motif worked well, the use of symbolism was skillful and appropriate, and the lack of denouement left me wanting more. Even though it's not "my cup of tea", both the tone of the story and the theme fit well with the particular kink.

All in all, I think that this story sits as a good example of literary skill which other writers should attempt to emulate.

 

[EmilyMiller]

First, and foremost, thank you for starting this thread. I, for one, would like to see more serious discussions on literary aspects of stories versus simple "reviews", which typically address the story more than how it was constructed.

I believe that the exposition was a bit "choppy" because it combined background plot information with a sort of author's note/disclaimer.

There were also a couple of typos (as instead of am, when instead of went) that caused me pause, but these were not insurmountable.

Of particular note for me was Victor1a's use of allusion, both directly and indirectly. The story's setting was well established, the characterization was well executed, the recurring use of the word "perfect as a motif worked well, the use of symbolism was skillful and appropriate, and the lack of denouement left me wanting more. Even though it's not "my cup of tea", both the tone of the story and the theme fit well with the particular kink.

All in all, I think that this story sits as a good example of literary skill which other writers should attempt to emulate.

Thanks for that. Perfect reply .

Em

 

[BobbyBrandt]

A lot (or all, depending on how you look at it) of criticism is just opinions either way. I'll throw myself on the pyre just to demonstrate my earlier point;

IN MY OPINION, the fact that not all 10 tags are used is a flaw with the story, especially when it contains certain things that might be off-putting to some readers which aren't tagged. It's not a flaw with the way the story itself is written, but I think it's a mistake that the author has made and thus it qualifies as being subject to criticism.

You could circumvent this by adding a warning in the author's note section at the top, but apparently that's a controversial topic as well. I always warn my readers if there's something in there that might trigger something within them or make them recoil in squicky squickness - but some other author's claim that if you warn the readers about something that might transpire later in the story, you're basically spoiling a part of it. I feel like that is secondary to not making someone read through a story that might - at one point, several thousand words in - be off-putting to them. And they could always skip the warning if they so desired. But I think one ought to leave that to the reader.

Now, there's a good chance @Victoria14xs will not appreciate this comment. I apologize. But there's at least an equally good chance that I myself will get berated for voicing this criticism/opinion by people who either disagree or wish to come to Victoria's defence. Either way, somebody loses.

In my opinion, this is the type of feedback that too often gets mistaken for what constitutes the literary aspects of a story. The points have relevance to posting a successful story... maybe, but they have no relevance to the skill with which the story was written.

 

[jsmiam]

I’m undecided. Part of me mostly agrees with omenainen, there’s already a board for that. The name here, “authors hangout” implies a recreational setting, talk about whatever, amongst authors, whereas the name “story feedback” implies a more specific and focused sub-topic.

So, metaphorically, the book club meeting happens in the story feedback board, and the authors hangout is the bar we may go to before or afterwards. For socializing, joviality, barroom brawls, etc. (We even have a patron who starts fights and gets beaten up outside bars in real life! But I digress. ;-)

The other part of me says, any topic is fine. It’s authors, hanging out. Let freedom reign, rain, and be unreined and unrestrained.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I’m undecided. Part of me mostly agrees with omenainen, there’s already a board for that. The name here, “authors hangout” implies a recreational setting, talk about whatever, amongst authors, whereas the name “story feedback” implies a more specific and focused sub-topic.

So, metaphorically, the book club meeting happens in the story feedback board, and the authors hangout is the bar we may go to before or afterwards. For socializing, joviality, barroom brawls, etc. (We even have a patron who starts fights and gets beaten up outside bars in real life! But I digress. ;-)

The other part of me says, any topic is fine. It’s authors, hanging out. Let freedom reign, rain, and be unreined and unrestrained.

There is clearly no agreement as to what the AH is or should be. It’s almost like a story. Loved by some hated by others. What one might see as an improvement, another might see as ruining it.

I think I’m gonna just stop worrying about it. Regardless of what some might think, it’s not my responsibility to shape things or set the tone. No single voice is that influential, even if I felt that I should.

My take away: if you listen to group A complain about something and feel compelled (ND, much?) to do something, you just upset group B.

Gonna be Zen.

Peace.

Em

 

[StillStunned]

A place for writers and readers to socialize and discuss the craft of writing.

If we don't discuss writing, it might as well be a more pretentious General Board.

 

[Omenainen]

FWIW I don’t know much about the world outside AH. I still bear the scars from the General Board.

You did find our review thread in story feedback forum. Just saying.

 

[EmilyMiller]

You did find our review thread in story feedback forum. Just saying.

Someone sent me a link, hun. You know, a friend.

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

Anyway. Tired of banging my head against a brick wall. Flogging a dead horse. And so on…

I’ll let someone else take a shot. Or - most likely - complain that no one else does.

Going to do some writing.

Em

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

Gonna be Zen.

Peace.

Em

Always the key.

We control how we react. Offering and listening to other voices and opinions is vital to any discussion on any topic. Ultimately, it's up to us to digest and decide what to keep and what to toss. IN a written forum such as this, it is also important to remember, that we, the reader, the receiver of what ever is posted, provide the majority of the context. There may be emoticons and such, but we interpret the context of those as well.

I'm reminded of something my dad once told me; "Malice is a lazy bitch, don't credit her with the work of ignorance."

Let's do what we can to take what is offered here and see it in the best light. When in doubt, go with the positive interpretation and remember it s the comingling of our voices that reveal the 'truth.'

May not be the best example, but I asked two authors I respect to beta my 750 word challenge, thanks @EmilyMiller and @MelissaBaby. Their feedback was different, each emphasizing parts of the story that spoke to them, or didn't. Most of it I took to heart, one or two things I didn't. I considered all of it.

Point is, I own my story. My voice alone wasn't enough. Once I melded their voices with mine, well, I think what I ended up with is pretty special.

Agree, disagree, it's all good. Your opinion is as valid as mine, probably more so. Take the good. Leave the rest...

 

[Bamagan]

There is clearly no agreement as to what the AH is or should be. It’s almost like a story. Loved by some hated by others. What one might see as an improvement, another might see as ruining it.

I think I’m gonna just stop worrying about it. Regardless of what some might think, it’s not my responsibility to shape things or set the tone. No single voice is that influential, even if I felt that I should.

My take away: if you listen to group A complain about something and feel compelled (ND, much?) to do something, you just upset group B.

Gonna be Zen.

Peace.

Em

You should have known this would be contentious. There's not supposed to be any overlap between authors and stories. It's like loving wives and lesbians, you know? They both have their categories and they're not supposed to mix, that would just be subversive.

 

[Devinter]

In my opinion, this is the type of feedback that too often gets mistaken for what constitutes the literary aspects of a story. The points have relevance to posting a successful story... maybe, but they have no relevance to the skill with which the story was written.

True - I even mentioned that in the text*. To be honest I used something related to the tags as an example because I thought it would be the least controversial. The whole point was to demonstrate that it's hard to critique something openly on a forum board without risking upsetting anyone - either the author of the story, or someone that reads the thread and disagrees with your own views/points of critique. I mean, try putting up a Loving Wives story and we'll see how long people stay civil for..

* (with the line: "It's not a flaw with the way the story itself is written, but I think it's a mistake that the author has made and thus it qualifies as being subject to criticism".)

 

[EmilyMiller]

May not be the best example, but I asked two authors I respect to beta my 750 word challenge, thanks @EmilyMiller and @MelissaBaby. Their feedback was different, each emphasizing parts of the story that spoke to them, or didn't. Most of it I took to heart, one or two things I didn't. I considered all of it.

Point is, I own my story. My voice alone wasn't enough. Once I melded their voices with mine, well, I think what I ended up with is pretty special.

You’d be well-advised to listen to @MelissaBaby she’s a proper author. Not a flibbertigibbet like me.

Em

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

You’d be well-advised to listen to @MelissaBaby she’s a proper author. Not a flibbertigibbet like me.

Em

Come on... Anyone that can pull flibbertigibbet out and use it in perfect context has talent.

 

[Devinter]

You’d be well-advised to listen to @MelissaBaby she’s a proper author. Not a flibbertigibbet like me.

Em

The advice you gave me on the story you proof-read for me was phenomenal. Do not sell yourself short.

However, in my opinion there is a big difference between offering critique and advice on a story that is still 'cooking' versus one that is complete, finalized, and posted to the website already. Especially since I am unlikely to make edits to something that's already up there, and I know that applies to many other authors as well.