My Kinkiness Going One Way and My Wife’s the Other. Anyone Else?

[Dancer_Frog]

see, my husband is the one that lost his sex drive... =(

 

[flint9]

hopefully it will cum back

 

[texasm31]

see, my husband is the one that lost his sex drive... =(

Wow...much less common. Sorry to hear that.

 

[flint9]

we are here to help you

 

[BossySon21a]

She is well aware of everything I've said here, and most of it has been included in numerous "wake-up notes" and "surprise notes" over the years. As well as clear verbal, face-to-face comments.

I've read all of your posts on this thread, Stella. I just haven't found anything in them that I haven't tried already.

Everything that I said in the post you responded to, I have either said verbally or written over and over in notes to my wife over the years. Making that post into a Love Letter would only seem to her like regurgitation.

I know it may be difficult for some women to believe, but there ARE men in the world who are truly loyal and in Love with the women in thier lives.

In instances like that - the woman is clearly in control of the sexual activity.

After some time, it is not difficult to understand how the woman's (especially if she's a mother) perception of sex might influence the man's behavior.

Your advice presumes that my wife WANTS to be appreciated for her sexuality. Every message I've been getting from her (and the other women I know) indicates that she'd just as soon be DONE with that part of life.

Which might almost be okay... other than the fact that she is massively territorial.

When other women harmlessly flirt with me - she loses her mind.

I would almost expect a contrary response. A kind of "Sheesh... if it gets him to leave me alone, go ahead..."

The only response I can think of would be to criticize my lack of work around the house. I don't require her to do my laundry or wash the dishes. As a matter of fact, if I were to do so I would be rightly targeted as a chauvanist. But from what I've seen, the exact same behavior is embraced by most American women.

Finances are VERY tight these days. Every project she wants me to tackle involves hundreds or thousands of dollars, which we don't have. And none of them are NECESSARY to our lives.

I don't require certain domestic chores in exchange for sex. For her to do so is BS. For other women to encourage it is even larger BS.

It is clear that there is something missing for her... but it isn't MY fault that she won't talk about it. I have laid myself open to hear whatever she has to say. I am willing to offer-up any answer to every question she might have.

And yet...

There's no guarantee that there's anything you can do, unfortunately.

There may be something medically or emotionally wrong, it's by no means impossible...or it may be that her overall libido and sexual interest is now just naturally lower than yours and that's the beginning and end of the story. :sad:

 

[ApprenticeApril]

If I may, I would like to give my opinion as a female who is currently denying her fiance regular sex.

First I of course need to offer a little background information on myself and our relationship. I have always been an extremely sexual individual. For god sakes, I got suspended in high school for doing it in the wrestling room just because I felt like getting a romp on during lunch. I'm into BDSM, multiple partners, and by no means can the male gender alone satisfy my needs.
As for our relationship, which in March will be three years strong, it has been amazing in and out of the bedroom. We are opposite and the same, simultaneously, and we seem to be perfectly in sync. Yes, there is friction occasionally, but we always seem to pull through it strong. In the beginning I was very truthful about my bisexuality and my need for a non-monogamous relationship. He was very honest about his bisexuality and his own needs for our relationship. We have tried and enjoyed a myriad of sexual activities, and it seemed like every day was some fun adventure, sprinkled with the regular sessions of just making love. I've been very fortunate and very happy.

Lately, however, things have changed dramatically. I would say over the last six months or so, my sexuality has taken a complete nose dive. We have speculated many reasons for this. We've been engaged for a year now, so maybe I feel more comfortable. We lead busy, sometimes stressful lives, and I'm usually just plum tired. The same things that I use to go crazy for, no longer hold an appeal for me, so maybe I just grew out of it a little. I also have extreme desires to have children, and at times that interferes with our goals in the bedroom (him in it for the fun, me not being able to stop thinking about getting pregnant). At first I blamed my lack of interest on hormone levels, due to the birth control implant I was using. I have since had it removed and we started using condoms, but it has shown no change.

For whatever reason that I'm just not that into it, I know it is deeply affecting our relationship. Hell, we're not even married yet and I'm already holding out?!? What kind of wife will that make me? Now when we have a spat, we still get through it, but it takes a little more work and time. He spends more time having to satisfy his own needs, and isn't receiving the variety of enjoyment he used to. I know he still feels close to me, but I wonder if this hasn't distanced us emotionally.
Through all of this, both him and myself are remaining steadfastly in love with one another. The main point I'm rambling towards is that although it is very frustrating to him, it is especially frustrating for me. To not be sure why I don't want sex, yet still feel as though I need to do it in order to help him be happy is a very uncomfortable place to be mentally.

The thing that really gets me through this frustration is his support. I'm very communicative about the issues, and he is amazingly receptive as well as an active participant in the discourse. I know he wishes he could change things, but as it stands now he is comfortable with being with me knowing we are unsure of when this will change.

My biggest advice would be this: the most important thing to remember is that neither one of you is at fault here. Things change, things happen, we adjust and we deal accordingly. To be there for your wife and support her, while at the time expressing how she can be there for you as well may be what pulls you two through this hump. I know you say you cannot talk to her about this, but you don't have to unload it all at once. It can span many conversations over an extended period of time. Gradually let her in to this mindset of yours, and you may be surprised by just how frustrated she is as well.

 

[joker4466]

well after seeing this thread i tried to talk to her about it.i even showed it to her.since then i have come to realize that she DOES want sex,just not from me.she doesn t love me or find me attractive.so that answers alot.i thought staying together for the kids sake and keep pretending we are together was the best way to handle it but its not.im not pretending and im the only one that gets cares.it causes friction between us so i decided to change the living arrangments.thx to all for this thread,it might seem like it may have helped break us up.but to the contrary i think it opened my eyes to the real solution to my happiness.moving on.

 

[Mr. Briggs]

well after seeing this thread i tried to talk to her about it.i even showed it to her.since then i have come to realize that she DOES want sex,just not from me.she doesn t love me or find me attractive.so that answers alot.i thought staying together for the kids sake and keep pretending we are together was the best way to handle it but its not.im not pretending and im the only one that gets cares.it causes friction between us so i decided to change the living arrangments.thx to all for this thread,it might seem like it may have helped break us up.but to the contrary i think it opened my eyes to the real solution to my happiness.moving on.

DAMN i'm sorry to hear that.

 

[blade_rocknut]

One more happily married male that has great sex........just very, very seldom. Been married 12+ years, have been through all kinds of weather financially, work-wise ( I used to work 60 or more a week while she stayed home, now it's nearly reversed). Her sex drive PLUMMETED right before our wedding and has made cameo appearances ever since. We've talked, ( and not talked), occasionally yelled, speculated, cried- It is what it is. She WILL NOT talk to her doctor about hormonal issues, despite my pleas. We are busy people, now with two kids, but the sex drive was gone long before the kids came. We enjoy sex; she's multi, multi orgasmic and open minded, talented, and always says in post orgasmic bliss..." we don't do this enough"; but it may be another one, two or three weeks before the planets align again. There was a time I thought she was cheating, a time a thought she was tired of me, and times when I had other theories... It has nearly split us a couple of times. She doesn't dislike me OR sex, but somehow would rather spend three hours on Facebook than one with me in the bedroom. Before the flaming commences, I'm not trying to make her out as a bad person, I love her endlessly ( hence we're still together); I believe she has hormonal issues yet her shame of discussing sex with a doctor is more important to her than our sexual function. If there's a villain here, it's the southern baptist upbringing that instilled that shame in her.....but that's another rant

 

[flyingtinopener]

sex drives

What do you do when your wife,s sex drive has totally gone and your faced with a future without the sex that you desparetly need