If you are interested in a woman's opinion, here's mine.
From what I have read here from you it sounds like there might be a communication issue in your marriage and may have been since the beginning.
Most women go through a phase, especially during childbearing years, where sex is of no interest at all. I certainly did, a woman's body is going through a LOT of changes through these years and the level of self confidence often plummets which is a huge contributor to the low sex drive. But overall during these years there is just so much a woman has on her mind, most husbands(I said most, not all!) leave all the baby things up to the mom, so mom is incredibly sleep deprived and just simply has a LOT of things on her mind, sex unfortunately moves to the bottom of that list because well, raising a baby is just more important at that stage.
For most women though that sex drive will return, mine certainly did(and returned with a BANG!), for some it takes longer then others. That hers has not returned in all these years I would think that there is some sort of underlying issue. I think you need to work on communication with her to see where the problem is, and by that I don't mean accusing her of this affair, whether she did it or not finger pointing and accusing is not communication. If she is simply not wanting sex at all then maybe it's a self confidence issue or maybe she's just one of those people that has no sex drive, if it's the latter maybe it's time to see a sex therapist and get some help. If she is just not having sex with you but is with her friend maybe she's truly a Lesbian but is afraid to be who she really is because she's been made to think it's wrong, so is just trying to hide that part of her and be what she thinks she's suppose to be.
The issue could be a number of things, but it definitely does sound to me like you need true communication, and if you can't do it on your own there are lots of professionals you can see to help you out.
And part of your solution is going to depend what you are ready to hear and willing to deal with. If she is really a lesbian or even just bi you need to decide what your thoughts are on it. Are you someone who is against it and will not want any part of your wife being with someone else whether it's the same sex or not? Or if it means keeping your wife happy are you willing to to work out some sort of agreement to allow her to have this other side of her? If she is really Bi and wanting to have sex with a woman, if she knew you were ok with it that could change her idea of sex towards you, maybe she's afraid of having sex with you because she's afraid you would somehow know about her relationship with her friend but you have led her to believe that is not ok, so she needs to do what she can to hide it.
There are so many different scenarios as to what the truth could be, as well as so many different solutions. As a married couple though you need to work together on it.
I hope my opinion came out as I meant it to, I in no way am trying to fault either you or your wife. I do have one concern though, if you have issues with what your wife might be doing, you don't even know that she is for sure, why are you on here without her knowing? And I'm assuming that she doesn't since you are discussing her. I'm on here but my husband knows and is ok with me being on stuff like this because he knows I am not looking for guys, as long as I'm only looking for women he's good with that, because he knows I like women and he is ok with that(encourages me in fact). But I would never come on a sex site without him knowing and I would be right livid if he came on any without me knowing as well.
From what I have read here from you it sounds like there might be a communication issue in your marriage and may have been since the beginning.
Most women go through a phase, especially during childbearing years, where sex is of no interest at all. I certainly did, a woman's body is going through a LOT of changes through these years and the level of self confidence often plummets which is a huge contributor to the low sex drive. But overall during these years there is just so much a woman has on her mind, most husbands(I said most, not all!) leave all the baby things up to the mom, so mom is incredibly sleep deprived and just simply has a LOT of things on her mind, sex unfortunately moves to the bottom of that list because well, raising a baby is just more important at that stage.
For most women though that sex drive will return, mine certainly did(and returned with a BANG!), for some it takes longer then others. That hers has not returned in all these years I would think that there is some sort of underlying issue. I think you need to work on communication with her to see where the problem is, and by that I don't mean accusing her of this affair, whether she did it or not finger pointing and accusing is not communication. If she is simply not wanting sex at all then maybe it's a self confidence issue or maybe she's just one of those people that has no sex drive, if it's the latter maybe it's time to see a sex therapist and get some help. If she is just not having sex with you but is with her friend maybe she's truly a Lesbian but is afraid to be who she really is because she's been made to think it's wrong, so is just trying to hide that part of her and be what she thinks she's suppose to be.
The issue could be a number of things, but it definitely does sound to me like you need true communication, and if you can't do it on your own there are lots of professionals you can see to help you out.
And part of your solution is going to depend what you are ready to hear and willing to deal with. If she is really a lesbian or even just bi you need to decide what your thoughts are on it. Are you someone who is against it and will not want any part of your wife being with someone else whether it's the same sex or not? Or if it means keeping your wife happy are you willing to to work out some sort of agreement to allow her to have this other side of her? If she is really Bi and wanting to have sex with a woman, if she knew you were ok with it that could change her idea of sex towards you, maybe she's afraid of having sex with you because she's afraid you would somehow know about her relationship with her friend but you have led her to believe that is not ok, so she needs to do what she can to hide it.
There are so many different scenarios as to what the truth could be, as well as so many different solutions. As a married couple though you need to work together on it.
I hope my opinion came out as I meant it to, I in no way am trying to fault either you or your wife. I do have one concern though, if you have issues with what your wife might be doing, you don't even know that she is for sure, why are you on here without her knowing? And I'm assuming that she doesn't since you are discussing her. I'm on here but my husband knows and is ok with me being on stuff like this because he knows I am not looking for guys, as long as I'm only looking for women he's good with that, because he knows I like women and he is ok with that(encourages me in fact). But I would never come on a sex site without him knowing and I would be right livid if he came on any without me knowing as well.
