How do I tell my wife I’m bisexual?

[KinkStevens]

Honesty

Ok, thats fine. Doesn’t make sense to me, but thats fine too. I view honesty in this setting as a response. If she ASK you, and you want to be honest, then tell her the truth. But volunteering something that you do not plan on doing, that may cause more problems than solutions just seems silly. Seems like its eating you up to tell her. Idk you, but it still seems like you want some action to follow. Why not tell her you’re attracted to every beautiful woman you pass? “Honey, you’re enough, and I’m not going to fuck her, but I’m really attracted to that woman’s tits and ass” Are you willing to do that to?

 

[KinkStevens]

I’m convinced, you want her to say “Oh honey, go out and suck dick until your little gay heart is content”

Be honest with yourself first then reconsider if it makes sense to tell her.

You have a hope or expectations of her response

 

[leftwantingmore]

I have had my honesty be accepted and understood, only to have that knowledge used to degrade, demean and humiliate me by her. I have also had my honesty accepted, understood and my feelings respected. And never any pain inflicted.
It takes two to be kind and respectful to each other.
If you have that, please cherish it.

 

[leftwantingmore]

Ok, thats fine. Doesn’t make sense to me, but thats fine too. I view honesty in this setting as a response. If she ASK you, and you want to be honest, then tell her the truth. But volunteering something that you do not plan on doing, that may cause more problems than solutions just seems silly. Seems like its eating you up to tell her. Idk you, but it still seems like you want some action to follow. Why not tell her you’re attracted to every beautiful woman you pass? “Honey, you’re enough, and I’m not going to fuck her, but I’m really attracted to that woman’s tits and ass” Are you willing to do that to?

Exactly....
Like I said. Honesty has risks. You take your chances.

 

[KinkStevens]

Exactly....
Like I said. Honesty has risks. You take your chances.

Yup. Its tough wanting to get fucked and drink cum and that meddling wife wouldn’t approve. Drats.

 

[Fistboy]

I’m convinced, you want her to say “Oh honey, go out and suck dick until your little gay heart is content”

Be honest with yourself first then reconsider if it makes sense to tell her.

You have a hope or expectations of her response

You’re right, you don’t know me, how about you leave the analysis until we meet.

 

[Burstplayer]

It's tough to process for most women and loving wives. I'm glad I told mine, when she asked, cause she started to know, (the enthusiasm during pegging was the dead giveaway), but don't expect miracles or even understanding if you do tell her. The best case might be that she doesn't flip out and leave you, which I was afraid of, and thankfully didn't happen. Let her process it and slowly find the ground rules for play that she's comfortable with. In my case , it's just pegging, no guys, which really doesn't work for me..., but I now know the limitations and where she's at with it and that's better than the closet...

 

[KinkStevens]

You’re right, you don’t know me, how about you leave the analysis until we meet.

Hey you posted. If you don’t want engagement then don’t. I hope you’re HONEST later when you post about her letting you out to play.

 

[Fistboy]

Hey you posted. If you don’t want engagement then don’t. I hope you’re HONEST later when you post about her letting you out to play.

You were being judgmental about what YOU THINK I want, not being honest. As I said, you don’t know me, stop projecting.

 

[Rob_Royale]

"Hey babe? Remember that tall guy from the company picnic?"
"Not really. There were a lot of people there."
"Okay, well that was Don, the west coast sales guy. He told me yesterday that he came out as bi-sexual to his wife. Apparently she didn't take it well."

This sort of approach might feel her out on how she might respond. Because she's going to instinctively put herself in Don's wife's shoes.

 

[Fistboy]

"Hey babe? Remember that tall guy from the company picnic?"
"Not really. There were a lot of people there."
"Okay, well that was Don, the west coast sales guy. He told me yesterday that he came out as bi-sexual to his wife. Apparently she didn't take it well."

This sort of approach might feel her out on how she might respond. Because she's going to instinctively put herself in Don's wife's shoes.

Should’ve tried that.

 

[TallOne]

I just can't imagine hiding that part of yourself from your partner in life. Should be able to discuss fantasies even if never acted on and be accepted for who you are. If she thinks the mere idea is disgusting and would leave you over it, she's obviously not the right partner for you.

 

[leftwantingmore]

I just can't imagine hiding that part of yourself from your partner in life. Should be able to discuss fantasies even if never acted on and be accepted for who you are. If she thinks the mere idea is disgusting and would leave you over it, she's obviously not the right partner for you.

Absolutely! This is 100%. This a reflection of where your relationship really is. How respectful and stable your relationship is. Well stated.

 

[TallOne]

Absolutely! This is 100%. This a reflection of where your relationship really is. How respectful and stable your relationship is. Well stated.

Yeah, ideally something that you figure out before marriage. But certainly understand life isn't ideal. But if there's some attribute of yours that your spouse is disgusted by to the point they would leave...would just cross that bridge sooner rather than later. Certainly better off coming in an honest conversation or pillow talk than her finding your porn, online activity like posts here, cheating or what not.

 

[leftwantingmore]

It is the honest exchange of questions and answers that make and keep a good solid relationship.
I consider that common sense. But, let us be honest. You can not teach common sense. Anything is better than "the closet ilfe". That will eat you up from the inside out.

 

[Rob_Royale]

Thank you for your feedback. For various reasons I feel very lost at the moment, and during a conversation about it she asked me a question that made it easier to tell her im bisexual, or at least think I am. She took it a lot better than I thought she would, and even said she'd "known" for years, longer than me. I told her I don't want to act on it and she asked me to be honest if that changes. I told her I'm curious what it would be like but that's as far as it goes ATM.

Honestly, that's about as good a responce as you could have expected. Congrats on getting it out in the open. That must be a weight off your shoulders.

 

[Britva415]

Honesty is good.

But it seems like there was more at stake - didn't you say that the two of you talked about you actually finding a guy to play with? And that after you two talked about that, her attitude toward sex with you changed (no more pegging, for example)?

That's beyond just coming out for honesty's sake.

So, regarding the other poster who was talking about this whole thing in terms of "is she enough" - how did it go from simply coming out of the closet to talking about extramarital sex?

 

[Fistboy]

Honesty is good.

But it seems like there was more at stake - didn't you say that the two of you talked about you actually finding a guy to play with? And that after you two talked about that, her attitude toward sex with you changed (no more pegging, for example)?

That's beyond just coming out for honesty's sake.

So, regarding the other poster who was talking about this whole thing in terms of "is she enough" - how did it go from simply coming out of the closet to talking about extramarital sex?

That wasn’t me

 

[charlie069]

It's tough to process for most women and loving wives. I'm glad I told mine, when she asked, cause she started to know, (the enthusiasm during pegging was the dead giveaway), but don't expect miracles or even understanding if you do tell her. The best case might be that she doesn't flip out and leave you, which I was afraid of, and thankfully didn't happen. Let her process it and slowly find the ground rules for play that she's comfortable with. In my case , it's just pegging, no guys, which really doesn't work for me..., but I now know the limitations and where she's at with it and that's better than the closet...

I envy you. I would love to be able to tell my wife. We don't even have sex anymore and the last few years she has become less accepting of even watching TV /films with sexual content. Porn is a complete no no. As for pegging gtfooh.

 

[bisissyhusband1]

Try watching porn together. Start with straight MF porn then maybe add MFM where the F is pleasured by the Ms, and see how she reacts. Pegging porn is a good way to introduce some feminisation. Then slip in MMF and let her see how turned on you are by the M on M aspect

 

[dingdongditchding]

A. Before talking to your wife, here are a few questions to ask yourself:

1. What do you want your wife to understand? (e.g., “I’m bisexual, but my commitment hasn’t changed.”)

2. What isn’t changing?
(e.g., You don't plan to cheat, seek an open marriage, or reduce your commitment.)

3. Why is it important to share this now? (e.g., honesty, wanting deeper trust, not hiding a part of yourself anymore.)

Having clarity youtself, will help you to communicate calmly instead of sounding like you're dropping a bombshell, and obliterating your entire marriage.


B. I urge you to lead with reassurance:

1. First and foremost - affirm your love and commitment to her.
2. Be clear with her that's it’s about honesty, NOT change
3. Remain Open and Invite her feelings. Remember, if this is the first time you have broached this topic with her, it will be a shock to her system, and a lot to process. Create a safe space, not just for you to have full disclosure, but for her to be open about her own feelings.

C. Brace Yourself and PREPARE for her reactions!

1. She WILL BE shocked. She may feel confused, or even hurt at first. Just remember her reaction is valid, and she may need time to process all this.
2. I suggest you remain patient, and avoid being defensive. You'll want to reinforce that your bisexuality doesn’t diminish how much she means to you.

My Advice:

Lead with reassurance, be honest but gentle, and let her know this doesn’t mean you want to change your marriage. It means you don’t want to hide from her. Give her space to process, and be open to talking more than once. And if it feels too heavy for either one of you, don’t be afraid to bring a therapist into the conversation. An independent 3rd party can give both sides clarity and perspective.

Good luck!

- A Former Wife

looking back I should have kept it to myself

 

[jassybb]

You're married for 27 years, just be honest and tell her the truth. She probably has an inkling already, if i have to make a guess. Us females are good at sensing these things haha

Also, respect her opinion and point of view on the matter too.

 

[Fistboy]

You're married for 27 years, just be honest and tell her the truth. She probably has an inkling already, if i have to make a guess. Us females are good at sensing these things haha

Also, respect her opinion and point of view on the matter too.

I did, a few months ago now.

 

[jassybb]

I did, a few months ago now.

oh sorry, i did not read all the comments haha. I hope it worked out for you.

 

[Fistboy]

oh sorry, i did not read all the comments haha. I hope it worked out for you.

It did, she knows now and didnt leave, so that's a win.