Need advice: elusive O

[RoseLeaf]

can only get there alone - advice? even if on chat with someone, can't have O easily cuz i know they are waiting. married, 50 yrs old, get very hot and bothered, love fantasies of bdsm, taboo, forced, dirty words, movies, stories, walk by a cute guy (or even better an older man that has authority.... ) but only alone can I achieve O .

Suggestions?

 

[paisleyavenger]

Uhm. No expert here. But something that helped me was to relax. Stop thinking about what's going on in his head, and focus on you. I'm willing to guess that you can get off alone bc you aren't distracted as much by your partner.
This was really difficult for me, I always thought I was being selfish. So it's not a magic bullet or anything.
Foreplay with the guy I'm seeing is kinda interesting. When it's my turn, it's my turn - I'm to lay back and enjoy what he can make me feel. And I don't hesitate with a 'harder' or 'more please' when appropriate. My point being is that communication helps a lot, too. It can be awkward. but I know that communication made me a better bj giver. Also, I'm willing to guess (without evidence or much experience) that guys would rather wait a lil longer for a real o than get a fake one promptly.
Anyway, g'luck!!

 

[NippleMuncher]

Uhm. No expert here. But something that helped me was to relax. Stop thinking about what's going on in his head, and focus on you. I'm willing to guess that you can get off alone bc you aren't distracted as much by your partner.
This was really difficult for me, I always thought I was being selfish. So it's not a magic bullet or anything.
Foreplay with the guy I'm seeing is kinda interesting. When it's my turn, it's my turn - I'm to lay back and enjoy what he can make me feel. And I don't hesitate with a 'harder' or 'more please' when appropriate. My point being is that communication helps a lot, too. It can be awkward. but I know that communication made me a better bj giver. Also, I'm willing to guess (without evidence or much experience) that guys would rather wait a lil longer for a real o than get a fake one promptly.
Anyway, g'luck!!

All good tips. You have to be able to tell your partner what you need. It doesn't matter how experienced either of you are, you need what you need and you've got to be able to communicate that to your partner.

Aside from logistics and technique, I suspect you've got a fair amount of issues when it comes to bedroom shenanigans. That is not a judgment, only a perception. If this is true, then you're tensing up when you are playing with friends, which is blocking your ability to reach the O of which you seek. You've got to learn to relax and allow your partner to not only show you what he's got, but with your tutelage give you what you need. The biggest thing is being able to clear your mind and only be in the moment, then and only then will you be able to relax and enjoy your partner's musings.

 

[RoseLeaf]

He is very passionate, lots of foreplay which is all good, and I'm nearly there, but something shuts down ... everything is flowing, but then something happens ... it happens with all men, 24 yrs of marriage or just met here on PM. Maybe they can't live up to my fantasy's (another post) or I'm destined to a life alone ... could be a trust thing, yes? Need more kink? Definitely possible and willing to accept help here on that ... any takers? (PM is ok)

Thanks for the responses so far.

Roseleaf

 

[Tryharder62]

I just don't trust anymore that is why I don't orgasm with my H. I hope you can share with your partner. I just wondered what you were saying to yourself at those moments when you are so close. Negative thoughts can kill it every time. For me orgasm is the most vulnerable time when you let yourself go completely. I just don't want myself to get that vulnerable anymore. In my instance it hurts too much. Share yourself with you partner if you feel safe to do so. You don't have to be alone the rest of your life. Good luck. You do deserve it you know.

 

[RoseLeaf]

Never mind

done ...