Need advice-New to being bi

[catalina_francisco]

I don't mind having some side fun with some girl, but I don't like the idea of my unimportance being thrown in my face while having fun.

Netz, I find it difficult to imagine anyone could ever view you as unimportant.

Catalina

 

[ecstaticsub]

What I don't get is that I'm SO not like "let me bring my hot TG partner and my man thing into it!" I think most people have never actually had 3 ways and don't realize that the logistics often get in the way of the hotness.

Anyway, derailment over. I'm sure you'll do fine ES. I'd urge you to stick with pervy girls though, because I can easily adopt the vanilla viewpoint where if I discover you have any kind of "restriction" or "obligation" on your behavior within MY relationship with you imposed by some guy I don't have anything to do with, I will NOT be pleased and not want to get it on. Either pervy girls or a zipped lip, which is hard to do when you start enjoying those lowered girlfriend boundaries.

That's not vanilla, particularly. That's... um, maybe your ego not wanting to be someone's allowance, pr a bone to be fought over in someone else's relationship. I don't want to invest a lot of emotion in an "I am allowed" woman either, because what happens to me if one day she isn't allowed anymore -- I have to take care of my own needs, and I need to not be dumped on account of some dude I don't give two shits changing his mind, or punishing my girlfriend for something that has nothing to do with me.

Yes, agreed. I guess I was looking for a shorthand way of saying "not going to get into the restricted idea" If the relationship is NSA enough, I maintain that I don't think there has to be a disclosure. I'd be fine personally NOT knowing about it, would prefer not to. "I'm married" is like, oh tell me more, "I have a Master" is like instant dry zone in the panties, I can handle the fact, but I really really do not want the details.

ETA: I think I have a stronger dose of male-ego-brain than a lot of women do, though, and submissive women may be totally turned on by things I'm not. I don't mind having some side fun with some girl, but I don't like the idea of my unimportance being thrown in my face while having fun.

This is what I was afraid of. It's completely understandable. I have the same hesitation about getting involved with someone who is a submissive or is owned.

I do think I need to keep away from vanilla girls, kinky girls who at least understand BDSM would at least understand my relationships. I also know even if I tell a woman I am free to do as I please I just can't bottom or obey you (which are more or less my restrictions) I wouldn't be surprised if there were a bit of hesitation.

I'm not sure I could be in a relationship without full disclosure. I'll have to give that some thought.

Thanks both Netzach and Stella for your comments.

 

[Netzach]

This is what I was afraid of. It's completely understandable. I have the same hesitation about getting involved with someone who is a submissive or is owned.

I do think I need to keep away from vanilla girls, kinky girls who at least understand BDSM would at least understand my relationships. I also know even if I tell a woman I am free to do as I please I just can't bottom or obey you (which are more or less my restrictions) I wouldn't be surprised if there were a bit of hesitation.

I'm not sure I could be in a relationship without full disclosure. I'll have to give that some thought.

Thanks both Netzach and Stella for your comments.

And on the other hand, it's allllll variable. At another point in my life when I was fluid and frisky I might have loved the idea of being "middle" in the chain of command with two people and yadda, and/or been completely amenable to whatever the parameters were to get with a particular person - there's someone out there where it will work out with what you want. A lid for every pot, and an ass for every seat. I hope you get some good action and a good friend out of it!

 

[Stella_Omega]

Yeah, there would be SO MUCH hesitation. Since for so many of us kinky women, BDSM is our sex and our relationships. And you're talking about a relationship, right, not just a one night stand.

I have heard women say this, and to my ears it always sounds like "Women aren't good enough to submit to, not like those Lordly Male Doms."

I'm prickly that way.

 

[BiBunny]

Yeah, there would be SO MUCH hesitation. Since for so many of us kinky women, BDSM is our sex and our relationships. And you're talking about a relationship, right, not just a one night stand.

I have heard women say this, and to my ears it always sounds like "Women aren't good enough to submit to, not like those Lordly Male Doms."

I'm prickly that way.

Kinda like "I can't love you because you don't have a penis"?

Yeah. Totally been told that before.

 

[Netzach]

I've been told that. I was crushed.
Then she fell in love with me. THEN I fell in love with someone with a penis.
Then I was an asshole.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Shit gets real complicated for sure

 

[ecstaticsub]

And on the other hand, it's allllll variable. At another point in my life when I was fluid and frisky I might have loved the idea of being "middle" in the chain of command with two people and yadda, and/or been completely amenable to whatever the parameters were to get with a particular person - there's someone out there where it will work out with what you want. A lid for every pot, and an ass for every seat. I hope you get some good action and a good friend out of it!

Thanks for this ray of hope. I'm in no rush. I found both my husband and dominant by simply serendipity so I will just go with the flow and see what happens.

Yeah, there would be SO MUCH hesitation. Since for so many of us kinky women, BDSM is our sex and our relationships. And you're talking about a relationship, right, not just a one night stand.

I have heard women say this, and to my ears it always sounds like "Women aren't good enough to submit to, not like those Lordly Male Doms."

I'm prickly that way.

Correct, I am looking for a relationship. I get what you are saying but I don't want another D/s relationship (one is hard enough and I sure couldn't handle having two dominants) I have no interest in bottoming to anyone else male or female. I figure one can still have kinky, adventurous sex without the power exchange or even topping/bottoming.

 

[njlauren]

I think Bibunny gave great advice, you prob would be better with another married bi woman or maybe a bi women with a BF even who is looking for a relationship in conjunction with their primary one. I don't think all or many lesbians would hate you for being what you are, but on the other hand, they generally are looking for someone to have a primary relationship with (obviously there are 'players' in the lesbian community who wouldn't mind an NSA with a bi women in a marriage, for example or ones just having sex, as there are in the straight community).

I also agree that the key is honesty, that before doing this both your husband and you dominant should know what you are looking for (in a sense, it is a another leg in a poly relationship with three different elements...husband, master and (girlfriend? Second spouse? Whatever.

I have to admit being in a plain old relationship it fascinates me how people navigate for example being married and having a dominant outside the marriage and how that works..I think if you are able to handle that, what you are seeking should be possible. In terms of how to find another women like yourself, I know they exist, and it is simply is a matter of being honest about what you are seeking, that you aren't looking for one shot NSA sex but a relationship, that it is one on one and not about some outside guy, etc......most obvious idea is personal ads, online, in a weekly paper, etc....

 

[rida]

Just way way too far ...

I believe you are not the only woman that had gone through such path, as proved also by our Bandit58. So finding another woman with a similar background is not impossible.

Good luck! I know you'll be fair and sweet

 

[ecstaticsub]

Just way way too far ...

I believe you are not the only woman that had gone through such path, as proved also by our Bandit58. So finding another woman with a similar background is not impossible.

Good luck! I know you'll be fair and sweet

This gave me a much needed smile today.