Need to be more dominant

[HornyNJGeek]

So my girlfriend has been complaining that I am not dominant enough when it comes to sex. not tie her up and whip her dominant, i just don't initiate the sex.

Basically she has been my only partner, so I have no other experience to draw on for this.

I'm basically a shy guy and she is too shy to show/tell me how she wants me to act or what she wants me to do.

I feel bad because I am always aroused by her, and my arousal is more evident physically, so how do I gage her level of interest? I am always interested and I don't want to be pushing myself on her.

I have no moves, can some one tell a shy geek how to get moves?

 

[RozieMozie]

im sure others will have better advice than mine but i'll still make a suggestion or two

first communication is the key to all relationships ... it sounds like she's gotta be up front and open with what she wants ... esp. when it comes to u being dom ... there r different levels, and not everyone is comfortable with all levels ... i myself like to be pushed and ordered around, but im not into pain or humiliation ... u've gotta find out what her limits r before u start!

second to get some ideas on what do to ... read some stories, im sure there is lots on Lit tht'll give u an idea or two ... and watch some porn ... in fact do both with ur GF ... it will not only help u to get ideas, but she may find it easier to talk to u about what she is and is not comfortable

but i can not stress enough the need for communication!
best of luck to you guys!

 

[ero_dream]

http://www.roadkilltshirts.com/images/products/COLORED/SHE-SAID_RK.gif

 

[subwannabe]

she wants you to push yourself on her.

 

[kimbernee]

Confidence is good and the good news is that it can be faked. Picture what some movie stud would be doing and then act it out. Don't worry about looking stupid or it not being what she wanted. You can always have a good laugh or a sincere apology if you were way off but if she's worth the effort, she'll appreciate the effort.

 

[emap]

If she wants you to iniate sex, I'm confused here. No seriously, why are you not simply saying to her look you gave me a tent just being here want to help me get rid of it?

If all she wants is you to say your sexy I want your body right now why are you not simply saying it? Your girlfriend is not some goddess you have to have the perfect line for, she is a person just like you she only wants to feel special to you. Having to always go up to you and saying I want your body on mine is annoying and a self esteem killer, simply tell her you want her. Doesn't much matter when your saying it, just that you are. She will do one of three things, say yes, say no and say later we're at dinner.

 

[HornyNJGeek]

Yeah, i'm pretty sure I just need to go ahead and act and stop worrying about it.

i've just always been the "nice guy" so its hard to act against my nature in that way. thanks for the advice!

 

[baronvonschtupp]

SNJG: I'm not the worlds leading authority on women, but the mere fact that I've sucked air on this planet better than 50 years have given me a lot of experience with women by learning from my mistakes.

I've learned that the most important requirement of being a good lover is being an astute observer of your mate.

Have that conversation with them..... away from the bedroom. "What do you want/Here's what I want." Learn and know what motivates your mate. Soon you'll pick up on when to and not to initiate lovemaking. Pick your moment and go for it.

For the most part, women are tactile. They want and need touch. Your touch should be confident, sensual, sometimes a little rough in the right circumstance, and communicative of your intentions. Take her hand when you are watching TV. For no reason at all, kiss her on her neck and tell her that you love her. Touch doesn't always need to be a prelude to sex. But is needed to reinforce your bond with her. If she declines, don't take it personal. There are a lot of reasons. If there is really something wrong it will rear it's ugly hear long before you get to that point.

Make breakfast in bed for her. Women need romance. (So do men) The dinner at her favorite place on special occasions does wonders. Leave her a note in the morning telling her you can't wait to come home so you can be with her tonight. A card with a single rose or her favorite flower to cheer her up when she's down. They also need to be wanted. Call her if you can at least once during the day to tell her you love her and want her. And for Pete's sakes, DON'T forget those special days. Missing a birthday or anniversary is a BIG no-no!

Let your woman know not by only telling her that you love her, but in your actions as well. TNT. Tact. Naturalness. Thoughtfulness. They go a long way to cementing a good relationship in all areas. Do the dishes once in a while. Give her a day off by helping around where you live. Massage her feet when she's had a hard day. Bring home Chinese or other take out at least once a week. (Doms, listen up... by doing this you are not any less of a Dom. Everybody needs to climb out of the rut now and again.)

Most men are visually aroused. So know what makes you horny and deal with it. Just because your woman is walking around in a towel doesn't necessarily man she wants to have sex.

In the bedroom take control. Foreplay. Most guys move to the main event way too soon. (He's finished long before she gets her motor up to operating temperature.) I have a general rule for myself in that I get my mate off before I do to make sure she's satisfied. Whatever that takes. Knowing that she has gotten off makes me even hornier.

Remember, women can achieve multiple orgasms and still keep going. So you need to learn how to pace yourself and not run out of gas too soon. I have reached that delicate age of man where it takes me all night to do what I once did all night. Adapt. Improvise. Overcome. Learn her body. Every woman has hot and cold zones. They are not always the same for every woman. Make sure you know what she likes and doesn't like. Try taking her to the brink and back off a little. Do that several times. Make it last. But when she asks for it give it to her. When she does cum it will definitely rock your you world.

So you've made a mess of the bed with your mate, and the dogs and cats are nervous from the free for all. Now what?

Guy's don't roll over and pass out. Women like to bask in the afterglow. Caress her. Hold her. Talk to her. Let it wind down.

So it's not all about sex. It about the relationship. Sex is just icing on th cake.

 

[CheekyBoots]

Well she may not want to be tied up and whipped (or perhaps she does....? Ok, ok, one step at a time! ) but I bet you could learn a lot by perusing the BDSM threads here. There are some really good discussions concerning dominant attitudes and what girls want from dominant guys. So even if you shy away from kink or D/s relationships or whatever, the general attitude and perspective could help you both out a lot!

The best of luck to you!!!

 

[Duvet_Thief]

You seem to think that being a nice guy and wanting sex don't go together!
But they do!

If your GF got aroused by being with you, would it make you feel good or bad?

If SHE initiated sex, would you consider it to be "pushing herself on you"?

Why should a nice guy not want to have sex?

Wouldn't a "nice guy" tell his gf she's sexy and that she makes him horny?


It sounds as if you need to get a bit more confidence: realize that it's perfectly valid to want to have sex. A lot.
How to get the confidence? Start telling her when you're horny... Even do it if it's at an inconvenient time. If you're in a store and think she looks beautiful/sexy, TELL her. Just that: "You're so sexy. I feel incredibly horny." It'll make her feel good. It'll make YOU feel good.
And if it's a convenient time, so much the better.

Really, I don't think this is a major problem - just say what's on your mind. It's very rewarding...

 

[TBKahuna123]

The best way for the shy guy to become more "dominant" is to just release your inner passion. Confidence and intensity, that's the key. You have to think alpha wolf, let the animal instincts take over a little bit. Eye contact,, firm but gentle body contact, both of these are signs of dominance.

You don't have to tie her up or even order her to do things, think of it as contacting those primal instincts. It's all about passion, and being confident in that passion.

As far as initiating you have to get over two fears. First the fear of pushing her. If she doesn't want to, she can simly say no. Two if she says no, don't feel rejected. She's still into you, she's just not in the mood. Once you get over those two fears, then initiating sex is cakewalk. It's already been said but it's true: it is just learning to communicate.

 

[bakedbeams]

For me .. I love to get a text during the day just saying I'm thinking of you and I'm horny. Hey you can be as shy as you like and do that!!

The other thing that makes me melt is when he puts his hand in my hair, eases my head back and just kisses me.

Both those things will initiate sex, and hopefully wont take you out of your comfort zone.

Nice guys do like sex too. Shy guys do like sex too. Being shy and nice does not stop you from taking her in your arms and kissing her. This is the lady you are getting naked with and having sex with, just kiss her when she least expects it.

 

[Mr.G]

If You've Read Down This Far

THEN GO BACK AND READ baronvonschtupp's post again.

 

[kimbernee]

Yeah baronvonschtupp's post was good one.

A move I like is when the guy puts his hands on my hips and pulls me into him, not fast and hard but slowly and irresistibly, like he can steer me at will.

 

[Jack_Slade]

I'm basically a shy guy and she is too shy to show/tell me how she wants me to act or what she wants me to do.

I feel bad because I am always aroused by her, and my arousal is more evident physically, so how do I gage her level of interest? I am always interested and I don't want to be pushing myself on her.

This is a very interesting thread. Everything boil's down to communication. You HAVE to be able to communicate your desires to each other. Be open and honest with each other.

As far as initating sex, it's obvious that you want to have sex, as your "always interested" so the real problem is gauging her interest. When she has initiated sex in the past, how did she behave? You need to be able to read the "sign's" and act accordingly. Or, you can always pull an Austin Power's on her and just ask "Are you horny baby?" (Oh Yeah!!)

If worst comes to worst, you two can always agree to a "Sex Night" that way all the pressure is off, and you two can just enjoy each other, and not worry about things.

Everyone has said it before, you just need some confidence in yourself.

If your worried about what she wants to do in bed, and she's to shy to ask you for it, try to have her write down a secret fantasy, and then act it out. You might be surprized at what happens. Your shy girlfriend may hiding some kinky fantasys deep inside. You should write down your fantasy's too, and share them with her.

Communicate!!

 

[HornyNJGeek]

all wonderful advice, thanks

 

[cati]

one question for the baron.."are you taken"?