Need to vent a little here...

[HedonArtist]

Okay, I need some help understanding something, something that is causing me considerable frustration and annoyance. I understand that there are plenty of men here on Lit that don't know how to introduce themselves, and tend to be overly blunt/rude/pushy/insensitive when it comes to making the acquaintance of their female forum-mates. Believe me, I am aware of the social limitations of many members of my gender, but I do try my best to rise above them. And no, I am not trying to paint all other men on Lit with a broad brush, and I am willing to be there are others who have my same dilemma.

Ladies, even if you are not interested in someone who has sent you a PM, even if they repulse you to the Nth degree, is it too much to ask for you to reply with a polite "no thank you" or words to that effect? Yes, I know it is much easier to just block us or ignore us, possibly because you think any other action is delaying the inevitable. And if people can't take the hint, or think you're playing "hard to get" or some such nonsense, and keep pestering you, then yes, toss them into the blockage abyss. But please, don't make that your knee-jerk response.

Forums and chatrooms and venues of that nature have made it easy for us to banish those folks we don't wish to engage with. And I know that harassment happens. And I know that there are plenty of folks out there who don't read profiles, or ignore what they read, and don't understand that "no means no". But I think all of this has cost us some common courtesy, and I am distressed. Maybe you think you're saving us from having to deal with rejection, but you're not. I'm not saying that there aren't people whose PMs don't call for instant banishment. But please, if a guy sends you a politely-worded, respectful, cordial PM, an appropriately polite "thanks but no thanks" would be awfully kind of you.

I'm just sayin'....

 

[koalabear]

Okay, I need some help understanding something, something that is causing me considerable frustration and annoyance. I understand that there are plenty of men here on Lit that don't know how to introduce themselves, and tend to be overly blunt/rude/pushy/insensitive when it comes to making the acquaintance of their female forum-mates. Believe me, I am aware of the social limitations of many members of my gender, but I do try my best to rise above them. And no, I am not trying to paint all other men on Lit with a broad brush, and I am willing to be there are others who have my same dilemma.

Ladies, even if you are not interested in someone who has sent you a PM, even if they repulse you to the Nth degree, is it too much to ask for you to reply with a polite "no thank you" or words to that effect? Yes, I know it is much easier to just block us or ignore us, possibly because you think any other action is delaying the inevitable. And if people can't take the hint, or think you're playing "hard to get" or some such nonsense, and keep pestering you, then yes, toss them into the blockage abyss. But please, don't make that your knee-jerk response.

Forums and chatrooms and venues of that nature have made it easy for us to banish those folks we don't wish to engage with. And I know that harassment happens. And I know that there are plenty of folks out there who don't read profiles, or ignore what they read, and don't understand that "no means no". But I think all of this has cost us some common courtesy, and I am distressed. Maybe you think you're saving us from having to deal with rejection, but you're not. I'm not saying that there aren't people whose PMs don't call for instant banishment. But please, if a guy sends you a politely-worded, respectful, cordial PM, an appropriately polite "thanks but no thanks" would be awfully kind of you.

I'm just sayin'....

Try getting to know them in the threads first........just saying......

 

[jcricks]

Try getting to know them in the threads first........just saying......

Agreed, this has been the usual best method for me. Actually taking the time to "get to know" someone in the "public" venue of the threads especially the females seems to be a big thing. And Im sure its not just you, you may have been unlucky to be the 5millionth person to pm a girl....and Im sure it gets to be a bit much and patience can run a bit thin at that point. But anywho, I would say Koala has a fantastic point here, rather than opening with a pm....explore the threads and play around here

 

[fire_breeze]

Polite PMs will get a polite response.

Crude PMs will get a rude response, or ignored altogether. Most women, I believe, are like that.

 

[call_me_Melody]

Okay, I need some help understanding something, something that is causing me considerable frustration and annoyance. I understand that there are plenty of men here on Lit that don't know how to introduce themselves, and tend to be overly blunt/rude/pushy/insensitive when it comes to making the acquaintance of their female forum-mates. I'm not saying that there aren't people whose PMs don't call for instant banishment. But please, if a guy sends you a politely-worded, respectful, cordial PM, an appropriately polite "thanks but no thanks" would be awfully kind of you.

I'm just sayin'....

Ok.. I'll bite...
Hi, My name is Melody and I am a Crazy PM receiver. You can ask almost anyone. If you send me a nice, polite PM I will usually reply in kind, particularly if you are just looking to talk about something I posted or want to say something nice or whatever. If you start telling me about the size of your, well you know, and you get all wonky and weird, I'm going to still most likely respond and say, gee thanks for the offer I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm really not interested. If you then bombard me with more I'm going to ignore them.
Now.. if you say something vile or disgusting I'm going to post on the crazy pm thread, scream, curse and tell everyone I know.
This makes me insane.
Now, you may ask, why do we not respond or go into Knee jerk reaction mode over PMs?
Sometimes it's a lot...
and I mean a LOT of PMs.
Right now I have 432 PMs in my inbox. Many are just ones from friends I haven't gotten around to deleting.
Over 100 are from people I don't know who PMed me when I wasn't here.
53 are from the same asshole who keeps changing his LIT name cause he thinks I don't know it's the same person.. um... hello? fuckhead? are you that clueless? I'm saving them in case I need them to get someone banned.
sorry I digress again...
Anyway, what happens is sometimes you are nice and then people turn into real sleazeballs.. and it can be frightening.
I've had several show up in my inbox that were as someone put it "almost like eye rape" (not trying to minimize the trauma of rape but the PMs really were viciously bad)
Idont' know if that made any sense.. I guess what I am trying to say is that being nice is good.
Being really nice is better.
Telling us you aren't crazy might work too. Bestest of luck to you in your endeavors I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for.

 

[jcricks]

Ok.. I'll bite...
Hi, My name is Melody and I am a Crazy PM receiver. You can ask almost anyone. If you send me a nice, polite PM I will usually reply in kind, particularly if you are just looking to talk about something I posted or want to say something nice or whatever. If you start telling me about the size of your, well you know, and you get all wonky and weird, I'm going to still most likely respond and say, gee thanks for the offer I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm really not interested. If you then bombard me with more I'm going to ignore them.
Now.. if you say something vile or disgusting I'm going to post on the crazy pm thread, scream, curse and tell everyone I know.
This makes me insane.
Now, you may ask, why do we not respond or go into Knee jerk reaction mode over PMs?
Sometimes it's a lot...
and I mean a LOT of PMs.
Right now I have 432 PMs in my inbox. Many are just ones from friends I haven't gotten around to deleting.
Over 100 are from people I don't know who PMed me when I wasn't here.
53 are from the same asshole who keeps changing his LIT name cause he thinks I don't know it's the same person.. um... hello? fuckhead? are you that clueless? I'm saving them in case I need them to get someone banned.
sorry I digress again...
Anyway, what happens is sometimes you are nice and then people turn into real sleazeballs.. and it can be frightening.
I've had several show up in my inbox that were as someone put it "almost like eye rape" (not trying to minimize the trauma of rape but the PMs really were viciously bad)
Idont' know if that made any sense.. I guess what I am trying to say is that being nice is good.
Being really nice is better.
Telling us you aren't crazy might work too. Bestest of luck to you in your endeavors I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for.

Here it is, a fantastic look into the female side of things . Thanks Melody, This is fantastic!

 

[RyanBlack]

Polite PMs will get a polite response.

Crude PMs will get a rude response, or ignored altogether. Most women, I believe, are like that.

no wonder the yummy men never respond to my pm's . . .

 

[chargergirl]

Polite PMs will get a polite response.

Crude PMs will get a rude response, or ignored altogether. Most women, I believe, are like that.

Yep, that's the drill. ^^^

I've been here too long to handle it any other way.

 

[sereneone4u]

Try getting to know them in the threads first........just saying......

*applause*

 

[sereneone4u]

Ok.. I'll bite...
Hi, My name is Melody and I am a Crazy PM receiver. You can ask almost anyone. If you send me a nice, polite PM I will usually reply in kind, particularly if you are just looking to talk about something I posted or want to say something nice or whatever. If you start telling me about the size of your, well you know, and you get all wonky and weird, I'm going to still most likely respond and say, gee thanks for the offer I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm really not interested. If you then bombard me with more I'm going to ignore them.
Now.. if you say something vile or disgusting I'm going to post on the crazy pm thread, scream, curse and tell everyone I know.
This makes me insane.
Now, you may ask, why do we not respond or go into Knee jerk reaction mode over PMs?
Sometimes it's a lot...
and I mean a LOT of PMs.
Right now I have 432 PMs in my inbox. Many are just ones from friends I haven't gotten around to deleting.
Over 100 are from people I don't know who PMed me when I wasn't here.
53 are from the same asshole who keeps changing his LIT name cause he thinks I don't know it's the same person.. um... hello? fuckhead? are you that clueless? I'm saving them in case I need them to get someone banned.
sorry I digress again...
Anyway, what happens is sometimes you are nice and then people turn into real sleazeballs.. and it can be frightening.
I've had several show up in my inbox that were as someone put it "almost like eye rape" (not trying to minimize the trauma of rape but the PMs really were viciously bad)
Idont' know if that made any sense.. I guess what I am trying to say is that being nice is good.
Being really nice is better.
Telling us you aren't crazy might work too. Bestest of luck to you in your endeavors I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for.

Exactly!

 

[RyanBlack]

but then what do I do with all the naked pics of me ???? sheesh

men, in my experience run from "overtly forward" and crude contact extremly dramatically---I know this because it a personal hobby to replicate the behavior and attitude I see in many of them---except i direct it back at men--though I almost exclusively pick men who can handle it (mostly) I find it hilarious to watch some jerk back peddle and run---when he is treated and talked to in the way they behave towards women.

 

[alisonwunderlnd]

Polite PMs will get a polite response.

Crude PMs will get a rude response, or ignored altogether. Most women, I believe, are like that.

i agree 100 %
for me.,...if the PM was ok and Im just NOT interested..then yes,,,I will reply as such
for a crude,untowards PM...I most likely dont bother to reply.It does happen quite often and I don't really understand the nature of some of the ones I have gotten

 

[koalabear]

Polite PMs will get a polite response.

Crude PMs will get a rude response, or ignored altogether. Most women, I believe, are like that.

you've always answered mine.......http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn233/koalabear_photo/giggle.gif

*applause*

http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn233/koalabear_photo/bowblue.gif​

 

[fire_breeze]

you've always answered mine.......http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn233/koalabear_photo/giggle.gif

You, dear fuzzvert, are the exception to every rule

 

[ZipBlockBloodie]

Yeah before I PM someone of if I do at all, I try and get to know the person. Usually most Women on here are married or are just here for fun not anything serious. Personally I try and read profiles and if it says something like "I don't do PMs" or something like that I leave that persona alone.

Zipblock....Out.

 

[Kylan]

Polite PMs will get a polite response.

Crude PMs will get a rude response, or ignored altogether. Most women, I believe, are like that.

I, too, believe you ...

Yes, there is indeed an art to the gradual destruction and extermination of the female species ... such things must be studiously orchestrated. Indeed, with the advent of the Internet, the superior male must be sensitive to every surrendered confidence and to each small, imperceptible nuance of her every word, period ...

... and comma.

Unless, of course, she's a slut with big udders.

And, of course, sluthood does exist to one degree or another in all women (well, at least in most fuckable women ... as do udders. Hence the saying 'pull the udder one) and when the filthy snakes-in-the-grass are encouraged via PM it's amazing just what photographic proof you can get out of the aristocratic beauties to prove their abject humiliation.

[Allegedly]

 

[NattyBumppo]

but then what do I do with all the naked pics of me ???? sheesh

men, in my experience run from "overtly forward" and crude contact extremly dramatically---I know this because it a personal hobby to replicate the behavior and attitude I see in many of them---except i direct it back at men--though I almost exclusively pick men who can handle it (mostly) I find it hilarious to watch some jerk back peddle and run---when he is treated and talked to in the way they behave towards women.

So now I learn why you stalk me the way you do, eh?

Hedon, as to what's been said there's very little I can add that's new. Melody, FB, samanthamom...and probably every other woman here can tell you her own tale of horror. Kendra reads me some of the PM's she still gets -- despite the fact that her profile and signature are very clearly marked -- and it really calls into question both mens' reading comprehension skills and their definition of respect.

Unfortunately, it's the jerks like these that spoil it for guys like you. The best you can do is follow the wise advice already dispensed -- disregard RyanBlack's advice, trust me... -- and just try to show the women that you are a gentleman first and foremost. Get to know them on the threads. Eventually, you may wind up having a meaningful relationship or just a deep and abiding friendship with a wonderful woman.

Good luck.

 

[call_me_Melody]

So now I learn why you stalk me the way you do, eh?

Hedon, as to what's been said there's very little I can add that's new. Melody, FB, samanthamom...and probably every other woman here can tell you her own tale of horror. Kendra reads me some of the PM's she still gets -- despite the fact that her profile and signature are very clearly marked -- and it really calls into question both mens' reading comprehension skills and their definition of respect.

Unfortunately, it's the jerks like these that spoil it for guys like you. The best you can do is follow the wise advice already dispensed -- disregard RyanBlack's advice, trust me... -- and just try to show the women that you are a gentleman first and foremost. Get to know them on the threads. Eventually, you may wind up having a meaningful relationship or just a deep and abiding friendship with a wonderful woman.

Good luck.

what he said

 

[Malcom_Kambell]

My advice would to pretend to be a woman for awhile. It is pretty easy to do here.

And the women arn't alone in being solicited by men here. I have gotten a few pretty graphic invites to partake in homoerotic play online.

Men are pigs. Some of us are nicer than the wild hogs that go running around putting their dicks in peoples mailboxes, but not very many.

 

[Guest]

Hedon,
I always send a very polite PM to the gals to ask if I may connect on IM.....even if they have listed their IM ID in the profile.
And .... I always read the profile first.
If is not clear what she is interested in I read some more posts and can usually figure it out.
I have messed up a couple times but I am always apologetic if that happens and we both move on. So far so good..
It takes some work to get aquainted with a responsive woman but it is always worth it and everyone I chat with is a friend 1st.

90% of the folks here are great, 9% are full of themselves and 1% totally suck.

Best of luck,
Findmeinnh