Needing Help To Understand Her New Sexual Needs

[gentle_touch]

My wife and I have been married for quite some time and did have some problems 5 years ago but we worked through them and things had been very good sexually ever since. However lately she doesn't seem to be responding quite the same to what she always loved before sexually, and she seems to want me to treat her more roughly and even asked me to slap her face, breasts, and ass a couple of weeks ago. I just could not bring myself to treat her like that.

I've always loved and respected my wife so greatly and I was shocked to hear her asking me to treat her in that manner and I just could not bring myself to doing those kind of things to her. She seemed very disappointed with me and we talked about it later and she just said that she wants me to be rougher with her and treat her like a slut sometimes when we are making love. She says that it will help her to really let herself go and explore all of these dark fantasies she has been having.

I didn't know how to respond to her. The more I think about it the more worried I am about disappointing her and having her turn to someone else to have these new and very unexpected sexual needs of hers met since I have not been able to bring myself to treat her that way.

I have seen men and women behaving like this in porn movies but that's just acting so I'm now wondering if there are women here on Lit who actually want their husbands to be very rough with them, slap them, and treat them so badly. I need to understand how this kind of sex can possibly bring pleasure to a woman?

Are there any other husbands out there who have faced this same problem in their marriages? Please tell me how you handled this with your wife. How do you control yourself and not hurt her?

I've been around Lit for quite a while and seen the members provide help and guidance to others, and now I'm asking for your help too. I really need to understand why she needs this kind of treatment. I love her so much and really want to give her what she wants but just don't know how I am going to bring myself to do it.

 

[Tony_Stark]

Never experienced this personally, but I think you will find with enough exploring on Lit that there are many different fettishes and situations that arouse or stimulate people. Everyone is different. Some things may seem extreme to you or I, but maybe not to others.

I think your wife's requests are pretty tame and common. Some people (women) epecially take some time to come out of their shell. Maybe she feels it's strange too and has been to afraid or ashamed to confess these desires to you?

Maybe she has seen it as well in a porn movie and wanted to try it. If you're getting a positive reaction out of it, why question it?

As for the control part... I am guessing she is going to let you know one way or another if you're being too rough or taking it too far. Just the same I think she will let you know if you're being too gentle.

The most important thing in all of this is communication. If you're really bothered by it, talk to her about. See where this came from and what it is about the rough-play that floats her boat. I wouldn't sweat it too much though. Good luck!

 

[Ravenwind]

Gentle Touch, believe it or not, it's more common than you think... your story is so familiar to me, so much so that I'm tempted to ask "do I know you?". lol

There's a lot of reasons why she might want it... maybe to come to grips with the "virgin/whore" (or in more modern terms, "the ever-loving and faithful wife/the sorority slut") dichotomy within her, so she can feel whole and complete... or maybe she needs you to be (and don't take this the wrong way) A MANLY MAN!: not just the "white knight in shining armor", showing chivalry and heroism and opening the door for her, but also the "evil villain who wants to kidnap her away", showing some testosterone, ambition, and yes, some selfishness... or maybe she's just a thrill-seeker, and needs the adrenaline rush, the same way some people take up skydiving, race car driving, or extreme underwater basket weaving, or whatever. Good many reasons as to "why". It all boils down to, though... she wants to see you show some cajones- not literally (well, maybe literally ^_^), but metaphorically.

Do women really get off on that? Certainly. I have a good many 'demons' of my own to face, none of which I can reveal and deal with in my public everyday life... but when the lights go out, there is nothing quite like... well... being treated the way I want to be treated: I see my Husband as more of a man for doing it... there's a raw, primal, "caveman-like" lust to it- 'this woman is mine, and I will fight off anyone and everything that tries to change that... and she knows it, too'.

Think about it from a woman's perspective... who is hotter? Ben Stein and Steve Urkel? or Iron Man and The Terminator? The wet noodle, who passively accepts things, and doesn't use force to get his way... or the action hero who goes above and beyond the call of duty, and rocks the heroine's whole world, come hell or high water? Same concept. ...Every girl loves a "bad boy", but every girl needs a "good boy", just as every man's eye instinctively turns to the hottie on the street, but his heart is with the woman who holds his hand. With men, it's the physical response to physical beauty; with women like us, it's the mental response to physical and mental power.

And trust me, your wife... is very... very... tame... from the sounds of it. A slap here or there isn't that weird.

Speaking on behalf of my Husband, he has dealt with it by indulging me. It helps him with his own similar desires, same as it does for me. We've spent a number of years, on and off, talking about it, exploring, finding our limits and seeing just how "firm" those limits actually are or aren't. Communication is key, and it's helped us learn more about ourselves, and learn to better embrace who we are, both as individuals and as a couple.

As to prevention of harm, we know each other very well, so known reactions like "ow, waitwaitwait hold up that really hurts" is recognized to be "genuinely stop now", as opposed to "no, please, not that!", which is still "play". Same with more risky things like choking... "trying to pull the hand away" means "go ahead" while "clawing my nails into his wrist" means "stop now, or I will make you stop". But that's just us, as we've known each other that long- others here may suggest you to use a safeword.

As for self-control... we roughhouse a lot, and over the years have fine-tuned how hard to hit, pinch, etc., so a lot of it is already known from all the accidental bumped noses, bruised arms and legs, and elbows in the eyes. But when we're trying something new, we give a lot of leeway- it was better for him to 'severely underchoke' me, barely putting any pressure on my neck, allowing me to guide the pressure on his hand and encouraging him to squeeze harder (all while playing up the mood and acted like I was struggling), than it would have been for him to 'a little overchoke' me and something bad happen. Just use common sense... think about how much it would take for it to hurt you, and compare that with her known pain tolerances... if she cries from a stubbed toe, I'd suggest starting *really* lightly. ^_^

(oh, and sometimes... lack of control on your part is a *good* thing ^_~).

 

[Jackotheshadows]

Good advice all around, but keep one thing in mind. I applaud you for looking at ways to understand, and perhaps accommodate her needs. Just be sure she understands that you indeed have needs, also. And that you may not be comfortable with the level of physical response she's looking for. And, sadly, you may never be. It's a difficult change of mental gears for some people, to deliver pain, as pleasurable as their partner may find it, particularly if you've never been exposed to it, or have some personal reasons for not wanting that in a relationship (former abuse, whatever). It's not wrong, it just is.

Everyone has limits to what they can accept, and good partners talk through what they both can accept, which sometimes means compromises. It will do no good for you to agree to what she wants, but in your heart cringe every time your hand lands on her (or whatever), because you will eventually resent it, and her. Not good.

Lots of discussion. There is no right or wrong, but definitely make sure you and she are as open as you can be about what you both want, what you both don't want, and what each of you are willing to give ground on, to make the other happy.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Yes, there are women and men who like these things.

You might want to read this:
http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdniceguy.html

Then make sure that you talk about what it is she wants and what you might be willing to try.

 

[gentle_touch]

Thank You

Friends thank you so very much for your posts and references to more very helpful information on this subject. It sure has been eye opening for me to read your comments and my wife and I will definitely be talking about this subject over the weekend.

I hope that others who find this thread will continue to add their experiences with this subject so I can learn more and so that I can communicate better with wife about what she is feeling.

 

[NomadLady]

This is not so uncommon and I can certainly understand your hesitance at this new request. I have been seeing someone for several months and even though my interests in BDSM were expressed when we first met it has and still is a long slow process to get him to be comfortable doing the things that I enjoy. His reasons are much like yours as he was raised to treat women with respect, gently and softly.
I've explained and we've discussed that this isn't about lack of respect etc but it's about those deep, dark desires that we all have that you just don't discuss at the dinner table.

You might not ever be comfortable with everything she wants to try...do your best, please share with her any secret desires that you might have and I'd be willing to bet that in time you both will be able to meet each other's needs in some new and special ways. Sometimes these things take more time than others and it's always fun to learn more about one another through exploration.

 

[Sidney_1]

This might be a good question to pose in the BDSM cafe/talk forum. I'm sure they could offer some additional advice and insight.

I'd be a bit alarmed if my partner's sexual preferences changed dramatically, too. I hate to ask this, but do you suspect she is having/has had an affair? After 5 years, it seems sort of out of left field to me. . .but, I could be wrong.

 

[mrtomthumb]

my thought..send her to me!

although that is a joke I think you could be right in your worry that she would find someone more than willing to give her what she wants.

it is very obvious from your post that you love and respect her..so love and respect her by treating her the way she wants in the bedroom.

she is your wife and has had plenty of your gentle touch...now give her what she wants.

it sounds very tame actually so dint be worried.

have fun...be the plundering pirate or the rough roman warrior.

 

[SweetErika]

This might be a good question to pose in the BDSM cafe/talk forum. I'm sure they could offer some additional advice and insight.

I'd be a bit alarmed if my partner's sexual preferences changed dramatically, too. I hate to ask this, but do you suspect she is having/has had an affair? After 5 years, it seems sort of out of left field to me. . .but, I could be wrong.

My guess is that she's always had these desires, but has just recently summoned up the courage to share them with her husband. That's a good thing.

What's not good is her desires/fantasies being met with confusion and contempt. The lady is asking for some relatively tame impact play, not scat, sex with animals, permanent damage, a gangbang with every guy in the neighborhood, broken bones, etc. What she's asking for is extremely common and fairly mild outside of Vanilla Sex World.

Gentle_touch, my suggestion is to view her requests as positive (after all, she's asking YOU to fulfill them, rather than going directly to someone else, even though that might be easier for her), study up on how to slap her and such safely, choose a safe word and signal together, then go to town getting her all hot and bothered with the rougher play. How cool is it that she trusts you enough to play rougher with you and she sees you as THAT guy who can fulfill her needs?

 

[faulknerlovr]

I would like to start off by saying that you are a lucky man in that your wife is sharing what is missing in her opinion in your sex life. She believes that you are ready and able to fulfill her needs and that she is willing to take the time to wait for you to get used to her needs and giving you time to learn how to satisfy them.

Also, I would also like to commend you for coming here in trying to solve her needs. Now onto the advice part

Basically, I can tell you that you are certainly not the first guy to ever have these feelings or situation. I have had this situation occur myself and I'll tell you what I ended up figuring. Particularly in the world in which we live, we have been taught to treat women gently, with respect, and NOT as sexual objects. "Beauty is skin deep, blah blah..." What is contradictory in this situation (and what I got hung up on for a long time) is that women sometimes LOVE to be treated as sexual objects (not all the time, mind you), especially if it is by someone they love and trust in a safe environment. That's why they dress up to the nines for dates with us. That's why they ask us how they look--they want to know that they are desired. The awesome thing for you is that you have a wife who is telling you exactly what she wants--just think, some guys don't even get ANY direction in that area because the communication is just not there. You have the ingredients. It's up to you to change your thinking about this or decide that you really can't satisfy her the way she wants to be satisfied. The key here is (I think) as someone stated above: Show her that you love her and respect her by satisfying her needs the way she wants them to be satisfied--by treating her like a sexy, hot, irresistible sex object.

But if you are going to try this, I would suggest coming up with a safe word (in case you're actually worried about hurting her). I don't have nearly the experience of some people in this forum, but that was my experience with how to reconcile my liberal, suburban, gender equality upbringing with my partner's needs to be treated at times like a sex object. Best of luck!

 

[Mr.G]

Smaaaack

I'm gonna wade in on this too. I'll 2nd (or third) the motion that you are VERY lucky that she loves and trusts you enough to ask for this. With a little communication you can likely fulfill her fantasies and turn her on like crazy.

When I was young a couple of my g/f's wanted a good spanking and I was too stunned to do it. Later in life I never knew a women who didn't like a little of that - sometimes a lot. I describe a spanking thing around pg.6 of my TRY THIS thread. That scene has worked for me a few times in a way we could only describe as spectacular. It is so much fun to take a woman not just to where she thinks she wants to go but well beyond what she ever imagined.

Just be aware that for her it is still a FANTASY so take it easy. As she gets turned on her pain threshold will, in some cases, TRIPLE so remember that what would hurt or sting like hell if you walked up to her while she was dressing and whacked her, she won't even feeel (not as pain) when you do it during increasingly physical sex. This is something she has likely played over and over in her mind. It is up to you to meet or exceed HER fantasy without going too far. If she wants to go there then so be it. You can still respect her despite your love and respect for her now. Don't forget SHE is the one who wants this. If you try some OTK stuff or breast smacking during sex and she lets you know that she wants / needs MORE then get a nice heavy bath brush and smack that butt until she's crying. She may for whatever reason feel she needs that release. You can discuss that with her or leave it in the realm of her private thoughts - just up to you to meet her physical needs with this.

Again, from experience, after a good OTK use a nice cold cream (Aloe) on her bum. Spread it slowly and lovingly. Let her come down off her high in a loving way and NEVER make her feel like a freak for wanting that. It is SOOO common but most would never have the guts even to mention it to their wives/husbands so ... as you do pleasuring her "normally" , learn to pleasure her like this on occasion. She won't want it all the time but when she does do a good job and she'll reward you. Part of that has just been sharing it with you.

 

[wahoo33]

Threads like this one, and the wonderful, intelligent and well thought out replies they receive, restore my faith in my fellow humans! The good people of Lit are truly amazing. Hats off and thanks to all of you.

 

[gentle_touch]

I Can't Thank All Of You Enough

After reading all of your kind replies I want to thank everyone again for putting so much time and thought into your posts and providing very useful information on this subject. As I'm slowly becoming better educated I will be ready to have a very meaningful and loving talk with my wife this weekend and perhaps even be ready to give it a try.

I do understand that my wife is giving me a very special gift by allowing me to care for her and provide the pleasure she desires and I'm determined to make the best of this opportunity to show her in a very different way how much I truly love her.

 

[fuckmeat]

My wife and I have been married for quite some time and did have some problems 5 years ago but we worked through them and things had been very good sexually ever since. However lately she doesn't seem to be responding quite the same to what she always loved before sexually, and she seems to want me to treat her more roughly and even asked me to slap her face, breasts, and ass a couple of weeks ago. I just could not bring myself to treat her like that.

I've always loved and respected my wife so greatly and I was shocked to hear her asking me to treat her in that manner and I just could not bring myself to doing those kind of things to her. She seemed very disappointed with me and we talked about it later and she just said that she wants me to be rougher with her and treat her like a slut sometimes when we are making love. She says that it will help her to really let herself go and explore all of these dark fantasies she has been having.

Keep in mind that it's taken her no small amount of time to accept that she genuinely wants to be taken roughly and then muster the courage to bring those fantasies to you. I'm sure this has been a total curveball for you but for your wife it's something that has been latent within her for quite a while. Women who fantasise about spanking and such often feel very guilty and ashamed of those feelings, as though they are personally spitting in the face of every women's right's activist ever born. The truth however is that nobody can help how their body is wired and what gives them the most sexual pleasure. You should be very careful not to make her feel guilty or overly demanding.

Women admire physical strength in men. In a fluffy, politically correct world that strength is protective, something a woman can depend on. Men in western civilisation have been (rightly) prevented from using their strength to unfair advantage, to discriminate in the workplace because women are physically weaker and have the burden of childbearing. The concept of a man as dominant has been systematically undermined in the pursuit of gender equality. That is the correct way for a civilised society to behave but it has no impact on how some women are wired in the bedroom. Why do you think they all swoon over action heros who strut around saving the world before sweeping some breathless damsel off her feet? It's the same mentality that gives many women an ardent desire to see that untamed side of a man's nature during sex. Sometimes a woman doesn't want to be treated as though she's made of porcelain, sometimes she wants to be thrown down and taken... used even. There's also something powerful in seeing a man get lost in sex, to stop holding himself back for fear of causing her pain and let his inner caveman out to play.

I didn't know how to respond to her. The more I think about it the more worried I am about disappointing her and having her turn to someone else to have these new and very unexpected sexual needs of hers met since I have not been able to bring myself to treat her that way.

I'm sure she realises that this is going to take you a while to assimilate and become comfortable with. If she's waited this long to tell you about her fantasies, she can certainly wait a bit longer until you feel prepared enough to try rough play with her. She doesn't want some other guy, she wants you to be her action hero.

I have seen men and women behaving like this in porn movies but that's just acting so I'm now wondering if there are women here on Lit who actually want their husbands to be very rough with them, slap them, and treat them so badly. I need to understand how this kind of sex can possibly bring pleasure to a woman?

There are, I'm one of them. I enjoy play much darker and rougher than you're contemplating too.

Why do people watch horror/thriller movies? They watch because they want to be scared shitless, while knowing they're safe in a cinema seat. That's basically how rough play with someone you love and trust works. She wants to see the animalistic side of you, to be called a slut and slapped around, safe in the knowledge that you love her to pieces and would never cause her harm. Pain and 'fear' release adrenaline, which is a heady cocktail when mixed with the endorphins released during sexual arousal/stimulation.

Are there any other husbands out there who have faced this same problem in their marriages? Please tell me how you handled this with your wife. How do you control yourself and not hurt her?

Not something I can comment on.

I've been around Lit for quite a while and seen the members provide help and guidance to others, and now I'm asking for your help too. I really need to understand why she needs this kind of treatment. I love her so much and really want to give her what she wants but just don't know how I am going to bring myself to do it.

As others have said, you need to agree a safeword. This is a word unrelated to sex such as 'red' which will stop play. This allows her to express 'fear,' pain and even 'reluctance' without you getting confused about what she's actually enjoying and consenting to.

On a basic level, you start off by taking charge. Don't suggest things, just do them. Physically put her on her knees in front of your cock and then into whatever other positions you may favour. Hair pulling can be very effective. Nipples will respond well to pinches, twists and bites as well as slaps. Even her labia and clit can be gently slapped, pinched and played with. It won't take you long to figure out what kind of pain arouses her and what doesn't.

Warm up her asscheeks gradually, with slaps that vary in pace and strength. Be capricious, mocking and unpredictable. Be critical of her performance, tell her to try harder to please you. You can make sure she's enjoying herself without breaking character; 'you like that don't you?' or 'want some more?' or 'had enough yet?' will keep you in control while assessing how far you can push her. Tell her to beg for things you know are pure pleasure, like your cock inside her, then be rougher with it than you usually would and dare her to beg for mercy.

The undercurrent at all times should be that she's a dirty little slut who loves being teased and treated like a cheap whore. She's your plaything and your victim.

Ok, that should get you started.

fans self

 

[subwannabe]

I'm going to add my two cents even though I might be repeating what others have already said. A lot of good advice too, I might add.

I agree that she has probably had these feelings for a very long time but was probably afraid to bring them out. Since somewhere along the line you appear to have started communicating better than you had in the past, she decided to come out of the closet, so to speak. You are lucky that you have both decided to communicate more instead of the other alternatives. I am also going to ad that this is not uncommon at all. In fact, I believe it is actually quite common.

Someone may bash me for this but I truly believe that we all carry a certain amount of "cave man genes". Cave men supposedly grabbed a woman by the hair and dragged them into a cave and fucked them. Since then males have been more dominant and still are to some extent today. I believe most women are "hard-wired" from cave man days to want to be dominated, drug into the cave, and fucked. In today's day and age I see no problem with that if the woman so chooses to want to be treated in this fashion, at least to some degree anyway. Many actually crave it, and it really doesn't matter what kind of person she is in "real life". She could actually be a feminist or the head of a major corporation. One thing I noticed from your original post was that you said "How do you control yourself and not hurt her?". I think you are overlooking her point, which is she wants you to hurt her. If she wants to be slapped then she wants it to sting. You don't have to do it so hard it brings out welts, but she does want it to sting. I commend you for trying to help fulfill her needs instead of just blowing off her wishes because you can't bring yourself to do it. In a way it is a matter of acting or a frame of mind. Treat her like a queen and a loving wife when she wants but don't be afraid to turn into an alternate personality for short periods of time when she wants it.

 

[davion2308]

It IS acting

YOu answered your own question. In porn, it's acting. In the bedroom, you're acting it out, too. Slap her a little, call her names, whatever. It's a charade, an act, meant to excite and entice. You're not really slapping her or calling her a slut, you're only pretending like it.

Go for it. The trick is get comfortable with it outside the bedroom. People get really shy and uncomfortable when sex is on the line, even married. Practice by yourself, calling things names. Look at the tree and say, "You slut!" and laugh. Do it again, and again. It's like when women take self-defense classes and practice shouthing "NO!" Get used to saying it outloud, not just in your mind. Then, try it on your wife, talk and walk through what sex she wants. Say, "So, I call you names?" and then follow up with slut, or bitch, or whore, or whatever. Then, you'll get used to that.

It gets easier and more fun. The progression takes work but do it.

Good luck!

 

[MsDeanne]

If you are looking for some ideas...advice I suggest fetlife.com
My hubby and I have grown...learning alot..slowly granted..but I tend to let my wants and desires run away with me.

And you may be able to glean some knowledge..and perhaps even in your own area of the world..
Hope you check it out and it helps..
~MsD

 

[gentle_touch]

WOW What An Amazing Experience

After receiving so much helpful advice and talking with my wife in depth about what she wanted we roleplayed last weekend and that made it easier for me to be rough with her and treat her the way she wanted and her response to this new form of lovemaking was amazing. In all the years we have been married I've never seen her this hot or able to climax so intensely.

All week long I thought about how hot it had been and was really looking forward to this weekend. Well last night we played again and I really got into being rough with slapping, spanking, biting, calling her dirty names, and treating her like a slut and taking her and using her hard. She came hard three times which has NEVER happened before and it also resulted in me having having two climaxes which I've never done before.

I feel so liberated and happy now and just wanted all the great people who responded to my thread to know how very much I appreciated everything that they did for me and my marriage.

 

[TBKahuna123]

OK I'm coming late to the party here, but it sounds to me like you just handled this situation perfectly. Talk about it openly and honestly, understand it, and come to an understanding.

Also, I want to say that while everyone here was very focused on making sure you don't persecute your wife for her desires, I don't think anyone really told you that your feelings weren't irrelevant. I've been there in the same situation. At the time I was too young to understand her request, and she framed the request by asking me to rape her, and I totaly freaked. I couldn't even fathom doing what she was asking for because I had to much lvoe and respect for her. If that kind of thing happened now, I'd know to take a deep breath and discuss the situation so I understood what she was asking for, but that first reaction would still be there. We want to respect and protect those we love, so that kind of request can set off the protective instinct and make us balk.

So kudos for handling this perfectly. Now go forth and enjoy the benefits of proper marital communication!

 

[mrtomthumb]

After receiving so much helpful advice and talking with my wife in depth about what she wanted we roleplayed last weekend and that made it easier for me to be rough with her and treat her the way she wanted and her response to this new form of lovemaking was amazing. In all the years we have been married I've never seen her this hot or able to climax so intensely.

All week long I thought about how hot it had been and was really looking forward to this weekend. Well last night we played again and I really got into being rough with slapping, spanking, biting, calling her dirty names, and treating her like a slut and taking her and using her hard. She came hard three times which has NEVER happened before and it also resulted in me having having two climaxes which I've never done before.

I feel so liberated and happy now and just wanted all the great people who responded to my thread to know how very much I appreciated everything that they did for me and my marriage.

congrats!!!


now give her a nice hard spanking for all of us!!!!!

 

[Emerald_Lilly]

Congrats G_T! Your wife is lucky to have you. Your efforts to understand her needs and to try to meet them are wonderful. It sounds like you are venturing into new and wonderful places. Now, could you please talk to my husband and persuade him to follow your lead?

 

[faulknerlovr]

After receiving so much helpful advice and talking with my wife in depth about what she wanted we roleplayed last weekend and that made it easier for me to be rough with her and treat her the way she wanted and her response to this new form of lovemaking was amazing. In all the years we have been married I've never seen her this hot or able to climax so intensely.

All week long I thought about how hot it had been and was really looking forward to this weekend. Well last night we played again and I really got into being rough with slapping, spanking, biting, calling her dirty names, and treating her like a slut and taking her and using her hard. She came hard three times which has NEVER happened before and it also resulted in me having having two climaxes which I've never done before.

I feel so liberated and happy now and just wanted all the great people who responded to my thread to know how very much I appreciated everything that they did for me and my marriage.

This is such great news!! Congratulations, gentle touch! May you have many more years of happiness with your wife.

 

[subwannabe]

Congratulations! I'm jealous. You may have to think about changing your username. I don't know if you have talked to her about coming on here for advice or not, but if you have, I really like the suggestion of giving her a spanking for each and every one of us, literally. It would probably exite her to know we were involved and taking part, so to speak - but only if she knows about us already. Enjoy your new life!

 

[groovytay]

Saaaawweeeeeet! Glad to hear that she and you have talked and that you have enjoyed some new found sexual pleasure together. From the female perspective I do get the whole desire to have rougher sex. As I have become more comfortable in my own skin I have wanted him to treat me rougher, etc. I think part of it is that I want it all. I want the slow and sweet and love making sessions that last for hours on end, but I also want to be in the kitchen doing dishes and him come up from behind me and take me. That just lets me know that I am desired and wanted.

Again, so glad to hear that you have found some common ground. Communication is vital.